Love and Its Effects on the Art of War
by GlambertGleeSA
Summary: There's something about Sebastian Smythe that is so empty. Blaine can't place his finger on it. Perhaps it is something the other boy can't control. Those Sebastian meets despise him. Yet he grows to understand the meaning of love, even if it is useless to him. Seblaine, mentions of Klaine and Huntbastian. AU. Read author's note for warnings.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I plan on making this fic very long, so bear with me. It will be split into (at least) 3 "parts" which will be further broken down into books. Seasons 2, 3, and 4 up to 4x15 (possibly past) are canon.

Some elements of this story may be disturbing to some readers. It will deal with Antisocial Personality Disorder, non-violent sociopathy, some elements of PTSD, as well as nongraphic (or graphic) depictions of sex and may include references to rape. Unhealthy relationships and depression are also mentioned.

This story takes place over a span of about five and half to six years (with gratuitous time skips.) The depictions of characters with disorders listed above are in no way written based on my opinions, but are purely a work of fiction.

I obviously own nothing (except the few OCs that show up throughout the story.) I have no idea how often this will be updated. Stay tuned!

The rating will change from T to M later on

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 1: Sebastian**

_Book 1: It's Time to Begin_

_I_

WELCOME TO DALTON ACADEMY, ENJOY YOUR STAY read the sign hanging at the entrance. It looked like a good school. Of course it was. His father wouldn't be sending him there if it wasn't a Good School. Blaine sighed, adjusting his arm in the sling. He hadn't been outside since the accident, let alone in an area full of teenagers. His mother insisted he go, claiming it would make him more comfortable to see where he would be attending school. He wouldn't be attending yet, it was only March. Homeschooling has been an oddly rigorous course Blaine chose instead of repeating the year. "There's nothing wrong with it," the guidance counselor had said, but he (and his father) would be damned if he didn't graduate on time. Blaine stepped out onto the curb and shivered violently, despite the unseasonably warm weather. He waited for his mother at the sidewalk before following Mr. Anderson into the building.

Dalton Academy of Westerville resembled a castle closer than it did a school. Full with facades and flying buttresses, the school paid homage to the castles of Holy Roman Empiric Germany and Austria. Ranked #4 in the nation for academics and second in the Midwest, the Academy took only the most elite (or wealthy) students. Blaine was apprehensive about attending, though its zero-tolerance bullying policy was promising. He couldn't attend another public school. _Never again. _ The receptionist at the door smiled warmly and gave him his name tag and welcome packet.

"Your guide will meet you in the West Corridor," she said, pointing in the direction they were to be headed. Blaine walked slowly behind his mother, feeling small from the larger-than-life surroundings. Tapestries hung over doorways and archways, each embroidered with the Dalton _D. _Each celebrated a different part of Dalton heritage, whether it was its academics, athletics, or art programs. The names of various alumni and benefactors were engraved on golden plaques on the marble walls, being thanked for their donations and endorsements of the school. ESTABLISHED 1829 ran along the arch leading into the West Corridor. Trophy cases housing sports successes for over 150 years shined in the light entering through the window. Blaine was overwhelmed, yet still felt a sense of security. He was talking through real-life Hogwarts. How could he not feel comfortable?

When the Andersons reached the West Corridor there was already another family sitting down. The woman was seated on one of the elegant couches, the red-brown hair pulled back into a loose bun. She stared around nervously and gave Mrs. Anderson a polite smile. Her husband sat next to her with a hauntingly stern glare. Blaine's own father tended to be strict, but Blaine could sense he was no match for the stranger on the couch. A boy, assumingly their son, sat in an adjacent chair with his head in his hands. He appeared to be about Blaine's height with similar black hair. He was dressed in a navy blue suit, causing Blaine to wonder if that was the school uniform.

"Duval," a calm voice called from the room's other exit. The man and woman darted out of their seats with the boy looked up slowly, blink his eyes. "Your tour's this way," the woman said cheerily, leading the Duvals out into the main hallway. The boy gave Blaine a small smile before reluctantly following his parents out into the main hall.

The wait passed incessantly by, the cool March air blowing in through a cracked window. A bell rang during their wait to signal a class change. The bell was quiet, somewhat like a canary, Blaine thought. Soon he got up to use the restroom- which warranted a "do you need help?" and a "no Dad, I'm fine." Ever since the accident his movements were slow and simple functions could not be performed independently. The only physical malady he seemed to have suffered was the broken arm, but perhaps not all scars are visible.

_II_

The walk to the closest bathroom was like a hike through the Amazon in the dark. Classes were in session so there were no hall-wanderers to ask for directions. Feeling pathetic, Blaine sat on a couch, hoping for someone to pass. Not long after he stopped, a shouting voice could be heard.

"I told you, I'm going home!" The responding voice was significantly deeper and colder. Blaine couldn't make out what it said. The first voice, a boy's, responded again and Blaine heard the slap of skin. Startled, he stood up and followed the voices. Thankfully enough he managed to find the restroom- that's where the voices came from. He slowly pushed the heavy door open with his good shoulder. A cold air not caused by a vent washed over him as he entered. The room was much like the bathrooms at some Macy's stores- complete with couches and Dalton embroidered blue pillows. Doors at the south side of the room led to the bathroom. Blaine stayed put, silently listening to the fight. He would have been content eavesdropping, but he really did have to pee. Opening the door nervously, a man pushed passed him angrily and left out into the main school. Blaine froze and braced himself, expecting to be hit on his injured arm, but was relieved when no hit came.

After making sure the man wouldn't return, he entered. Standing in front of the mirror was a boy, taller than Blaine and lean. The collar of his light blue polo was popped on one side and the pocket of his dark jeans was pulled out. Blaine went to the urinal, avoiding looking at or acknowledging the other boy. He was no genius but did understand when to stay quiet. He approached the row of sinks to wash his hands- well, hand- when the other finally turned from his own reflection. The tall boy had styled brown hair which flipped upwards above his right eye. "_A boy playing man," _Blaine's father would have described him. The faint yellow of the light bounced off the boy's face and Blaine could see what he had been looking at. A handprint, red and bruising, graced his left cheek. _Well that's what the slapping noise was._

"You go here?" He asked Blaine sharply. His voice was gravelly, as if he had been crying.

"Uh, no. Just touring," Blaine managed to stutter out. The way the other was looking at him made his stomach turn. It wasn't quite a sexual look, but rather a judgmental one. Blaine looked down from the boy's eyes, nervous. There was something so obviously attractive about the boy, but Blaine couldn't place it. He couldn't be more than fourteen but held the air of a much older person. Traces of past baby-fat, which Blaine had not lost yet- could be seen on the boy's cheekbones. The muscles in his upper arms pushed against the tight fabric of his shirt. He wasn't exactly _muscular_ but held a strong countenance. Blaine looked away from him and continued to apply soap to his injured hand.

"Same here. Place blows doesn't it?" He asked, still rubbing his face.

"I think it's pretty cool."

"Ha! You obviously haven't seen _real _life," the other responded flatly. He turned and smiled, well Blaine called it a smile. It was more of a lopsided smirk. Blaine got the impression that this boy didn't smile often. He didn't know how to respond, so instead he walked over to the paper towel dispenser. This was by far his strangest bathroom encounter. Just as he turned to leave he felt a hand on his shoulder. The grip was firm but did not cause him to jump like most simple touches did.

"Sebastian Smythe," the boy said coolly, taking his hand off Blaine and extending it for him to shake.

"B-Blaine Anderson," he stammered. The room suddenly felt very hot. Sebastian shook his hand longer than necessary before winking and saying, "See ya 'round freshie."

By the time he returned his parents had already toured the dorm wing of the school and had returned to wait for him.

"It's okay, you're still getting used to it," his mom said when he returned looking embarrassed. _No mom I'm not blushing because I took forever for a bodily function. It's cause I met a gorgeous boy who made me feel stupid. _His face flashed red at the thought

_III_

The remainder of the tour passed uninterrupted. The guide woman was friendly, nearing the point of fake. Dalton was by no means simple; Blaine found it majestic. The hallways lasted forever, but it was the marble white staircase that caught his attention. It spiraled down from the astronomy wing to the bottom floor. The railing was engraved with the Dalton motto "Solum fortissimum serpens mordere caput primum avis." (Which translates to "Only the strongest serpent can bite the head of the first bird" from Latin.) Blaine found the statement daunting, but then again the school was founded by the most elite of Ohioan aristocrats. It reminded him of his father and the man from the bathroom: both too interested in the success of their families than the happiness of their children. _If only I had asked a girl like the normal boys, _Blaine thought, a wave of memories returning. He shook his head to bring himself out of his reverie.

The tour lady was talking about extracurriculars, none of which interesting him until the phrase "show choir" was uttered. Blaine's head snapped up.

"You guys have show choir?" he asked too eagerly. His father grimaced while his mother smiled. _It was nice to see him interested in life again, _she thought. He'd been so dull lately.

"Yes we do," the woman said excitedly, searching through her folder for a flier. The paper was heavy in Blaine's hand. He knew this would be important to him. THE PRESTIGIOUS DALTON ACADEMY WARBLERS titled the small booklet. On the cover was a photograph of a group of around sixteen boys, all clad in matching navy blue blazers with grey pants. The spotlights glistened off their styled hair and each held a serious glaze. Blaine was filled with respect for the boys. He eagerly browsed the packet, resting the left side of the book on his cast.

They continued to wander the school as the guide spoke of financial deals. "Money's not a problem," Mr. Anderson had responded harshly when financial aid came up. Mrs. Anderson elbowed her husband in the ribs before giving the other woman an apologetic look. Blaine was sure she was used to that kind of behavior.

The booklet explained that the Warblers were an all-male a cappella show choir group that was ranked second in Ohio, only behind Carmel High School's Vocal Adrenaline. Blaine knew all about Carmel. He would attend their functions just to hear their lead, Jesse St. James, sing. The boy was truly a star and Blaine hoped he could one day be as talented as him. One could say Blaine hero-worshipped St. James the same way his older brother Cooper worshipped James Dean. ("The actor! NOT the porn star!" Cooper would assert, though Blaine thought Cooper appreciated both man's talents.)

"Try-outs for the Warblers are a week before school begins," the guide informed him as they filled out an application in the main foyer.

"Can I do it?" Blaine asked his parents excitedly.

"We'll see," said Mr. Anderson coldly. Blaine knew better than to continue with the topic. The shuffling of feet could be heard entering the foyer. Blaine turned to find the family from earlier heading to the front desk.

"I'll talk to your mother about it Sebastian," the man said. Blaine recognized the voice. It was the man from the bathroom! He was the same man that sat in the waiting room with the woman and other boy. The woman and her son entered behind the other two. Blaine averted his gaze before he met Sebastian's eyes. There was something about Sebastian Smythe that intrigued him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Some elements of this story may be disturbing to some readers. It will deal with Antisocial Personality Disorder, non-violent sociopathy, some elements of PTSD, as well as nongraphic (or graphic) depictions of sex and may include references to rape. Unhealthy relationships and depression are also mentioned.**

**This story takes place over a span of about five and half to six years (with gratuitous time skips.) The depictions of characters with disorders listed above are in no way written based on my opinions, but are purely a work of fiction. **

**I obviously own nothing (except the few OCs that show up throughout the story.) I have no idea how often this will be updated. Stay tuned!**

**The rating will change from T to M later on**

**A/N: The events of this book occur during Glee Season 1. (And the song choices are on purpose ****)**

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 1: Sebastian**

_Book 2: Setting Up_

_I_

Passing the entrance test into Dalton was a piece of cake for Blaine. He knew the other kids would have a slight advantage over him- having been to private school their entire lives. It was no surprise that Mr. Leander, guidance counselor, had suggested he take all College Prep classes.

"We don't get many from public schools, but the ones we go get tend to easily fall behind," Leander said on orientation day. After much debate Mr. and Mrs. Anderson were able to get Blaine signed into the Honors track. Blaine smiled nervously as he looked through his schedule: Biology I Honors, Creative Writing, World History Honors, Geometry Honors, English II Honors, French II Honors, and Global Finance. Only two CP classes. His father would be proud, even if it scared Blaine witless.

He didn't know anyone he would be going to school with, but he was unfazed by this. After the dance he doubted he would be able to trust anyone. Being alone was preferable. School started promptly at the beginning of September, but he had to move into his dorm two weeks before. The idea of having a roommate made Blaine more anxious than the idea of school itself. Freshmen, as a rule, could not have single rooms. Those were reserved for seniors (or alumni's children, which wasn't supposed to be talked about). He got a letter in the mail saying his roommate would be fellow freshman Jeff Sterling. "He has the right kind of name," his father commented upon receiving the letter.

_II_

Cooper, the oldest Anderson, came home from California in mid-August. His visits were usually scarce, and brief when they did occur. Five years older than Blaine, he had graduated two years previously. Nineteen but looking twenty-five helped him in his dream of being an actor. Blaine adored his older brother and was often the only one to defend him when members of the Anderson family insulted his career choice. The brothers didn't see eye-to-eye on much but Blaine wasn't going to allow a few minor discrepancies separate him from the only constant person in his life. "Tall, dark, and handsome" described Cooper on the single fan blog dedicated to him. He was known for his cameos in two popular TV shows, though they were few and often nonsensical. Despite loving him, Blaine had to admit his brother was not a talented actor. If he had just listened to him and attended college for acting, he would have a much more promising future.

"Heya squirt!" Cooper exclaimed as he walked into Blaine's room the night before he was to move into his Dalton dorm. Blaine's arm had since healed but his left thigh still harbored stitches and his mind still required therapy. He jumped when Cooper entered before scowling.

"Don't call me that," he hissed, throwing a book into his already full suitcase.

"Sorry Blainey," Cooper laughed, setting himself down on the cluttered bed. Blaine's room was decorated with posters and fliers from the various places the family had visited over the years. An acoustic guitar hung on the longest wall, the lightning-bolt strap Cooper bought him flowing behind it.

Blaine stared at it longingly as he stroked the light wood. He sighed. The guitar was the only material possession eh would miss. It got him through his transgressions in the previous months. Before the Sadie Hawkins dance he held a slight fondness for music, but it was to no extent to how he viewed the art the months before his freshman year. He'd taken to song writing as an escape. Perhaps that's why the "prestigious Dalton Academy Warblers" excited him.

"Are you brooding?" Cooper joked playfully, pulling his brother out of his own mind. "Blainey you're gonna be fine." Cooper's voice dropped to serious tone, all joking forgotten.

"I know. I always am, Coop," he replied distantly. The moon could be faintly seen behind the clouds. Blaine shut the window and say on the white window sill like he did as a child. A few dead flies rested by his socked feet. He remembered when they used to fly into this room on warm fall afternoons. That was before his dad sprayed the room for insects. In a way he missed them. Their constant buzzing and liveliness oddly soothed him. It was nice to know lives continued naively despite the pain around them. He wanted to be a fly.

"Look buddy, I might not know what you're going through, but I know what it feels like to hurt. I know the constant jabbing at your mind that makes you wish you'd never tried in the first place." Blaine turned away from his brother, an angry feeling welling in his stomach. He knew Coop was just trying to help, but he couldn't help but wonder if he was making up the pain sentiment. The hardest thing his brother ever had to do was charm the pants off of Los Angeles college girls. "Okay, you don't have to answer," Cooper said, getting up off the bed and heading to the door. "I know it sucks and I know you're scared but don't let it stop you from being you." With that he exited, leaving Blaine alone with the window.

_III_

The Andersons lived between Westerville and the nearby city of Lima. This put his morning commute at about thirty-five minutes. He could live at home but his father insisted he live in the school's dorms. On the first day he was due, his mother drove him in an SUV that would soon be his. When arriving in the massive parking lot of Dalton, Blaine was overwhelmed at the amount of kids wandering in the grounds. It was seven A.M., why were they there? Though school didn't officially begin for another two weeks, freshmen and transfers were due by seven-thirty to settle into the school and get a head start on schoolwork. That in itself terrified Blaine. How much work would he have if it took two weeks to prepare for it?

"Do you want me to come in?" Mrs. Anderson asked when they parked. She was a good woman, probably the kindest person in Blaine's life. She was short like her son with thick, curly brown hair and soft eyes. Her touch always comforted Blaine from the time he was a child, and he only just realized how much he would miss her. She'd been nothing but supportive since the accident, and even offered to pick him up every day if he wasn't comfortable sleeping at school.

"No it's okay," he sighed as he pulled his stuffed bag into his lap. He got out of the car and grabbed his suitcase. Then he went to the driver's window and saw his mother with tears in her eyes. He had to chuckle; she was crying on his first day of high school. She reached her hand through the opened window, running it down Blaine's face lovingly.

"I'll see you Friday for the doctor," she said. Blaine had to visit his therapist after school. As he walked from his mother toward his new school, his new life, he found himself longing for the doctor's appointment.

"Hey freshman!" He heard yelled at him from the group playing soccer. One friendly boy waved at him unlike the others, who laughed at his frenzied state. He used all his control to not look back at his mother and head straight into the school.

As soon as he entered those castle doors, Blaine was instantly filled with the fear that plagued him since March. The halls were crowded with students and smelled of hair gel and sweat. He sat on a yellow-white couch, stuffing his bags on his lap. He felt out of place. The boys were all bigger than him, causing him to feel like a child. After the bell rang at 7:30 Mr. Leander, guidance counselor, stood in front of the large group of boys, holding a microphone and demanding silence.

"Welcome gentlemen of tomorrow!" His deep voice boomed out of the sound system. The boys took this as his warning to sit down and shut up. A short Asian boy came to sit next to Blaine, and next to him sat a taller, slightly chubby boy with black hair. They gave Blaine smiles, which he returned. The Asian whispered something about being lost. Blaine sighed in relief, glad he wasn't the only one. "Welcome to the first day of your two week stay!" Leander said cheerily. "You're probably wondering why you are required to be here two weeks early." The group nodded as a whole. "Since real initiation processes have sadly been banned we do it like this!" Blaine snuck a look at the two next to him, worried. "Don't fret!" Leander said when the boys began to look around nervously. "I promise no one will be hurt. We figure since you all will be living together for the next four years, you might want to know each other before the schoolwork sticks in."

Just as he was about to continue, two boys came in through the front doors. The room fell silent as a hundred heads turned their way. The first was short with black hair with a red blush across his face. He gripped a bag hanging of his shoulder and pulled a rolling suitcase behind him. The other Blaine remembered all too well. The tall, brown-haired boy stood in the threshold smirking and waving to the boys seated as if he owned the place. _He probably has enough money to_, Blaine thought. The boy didn't seem to mind that he was making a scene.

"Ah, Misters Duval and Smythe, it's nice for you to join us," Leander said with a condescending smile. The short boy apologized while the other simply chuckled to himself. Eyes followed them until they took a seat on the opposite side of the room from Blaine.

Leander continued by explaining what would happen over the next two weeks. Sports training would begin for fall and all-year sports would begin, as well as auditions and signups for other clubs. Freshmen would attend study classes and would take basic tests to see what they had learned in middle school.

"Your grades on these assessments will not affect your schedules unless you fail so badly we have to rethink your acceptance here," Leander joked. But everyone in the room knew the stakes. If you finished a semester with lower than a C+ average you were asked to leave. The number of students in freshman year decreased by nearly a half when they reached sophomore year. They all knew the person next to them may not be there when January came.

After the introduction Leander split the room into freshmen and transfers, assigning staff members to bring groups to their dorms. When Blaine's group was called, Freshmen A-N, he and the Asian boy stood to follow the college advisor, Mrs. Erickson. They said a "see ya," to the boy they left behind and grabbed their things to leave.

"I'm Tyung Nyguen," the other boy said to Blaine as he held his hand out.

"Blaine Anderson," he replied, moving his bag to his left hand to shake it.

"Where do you commute from?" He asked almost robotically.

"Outside Westerville. You?"

"My mother is a prominent citizen in the grand city of Beijing. That is how I am fortune enough to attend this majestic school," Tyung responded with perfect diction. Blaine was a bit taken aback by the other's formality.

"So you're a permanent boarder?"

"Yes. I'm the first of my family to reach the Americas. I miss my mother much but I must not be selfish. She makes sacrifices for me to live in this country." Blaine was surprised that the boy seemed to have no accent though he just moved. He seemed like a nice enough kid.

"So Blaine Anderson," Tyung asked as they waited in line to get their dorm keys, "what do you plan to do for your electives?" Blaine took this to mean extracurriculars because they had just spoken of their schedules.

"I'm not sure yet. I don't play sports but I am looking into the show choir group." His new friend nodded.

"Ah yes, I've heard of the Warblers. I hear they're like rock stars." Blaine giggled at the way Tyung said the last word in his robotic voice.

"Rock stars…sounds good."

Mrs. Erickson had spoken about extracurriculars but didn't mention the Warblers. Blaine wondered if perhaps they didn't take freshmen. He sighed, removing the thought from his head. _Think happy thoughts. _He repeated Cooper's morning text to him. He would be fine. He and Tyung did not receive their keys until 9:30. Blaine's was small with a gold H2BZ etched on it. The H meant he lived in the Heissenburger wing. Tyung was also on the H wing. His room was two hallways from Blaine's. The paperwork gave him basic rules and verified the name of his roommate. Jeff Riley Sterling, also a freshman, would be his roommate for the next four years unless they requested otherwise. Blaine hoped they would be friends because he knew how hard it was to live with someone he couldn't stand.

The third bell rang, signaling them to head to their rooms. Blaine said goodbye to Tyung and promised to meet him for lunch. When he reached H2BZ the room was empty. The dorm was surprisingly large for a dorm. There were two twin beds about ten feet apart against the farthest wall. In between them sat a mahogany nightstand with two alarm clocks and a school phone. Blaine wondered if the drawers held the Bible and the Book of Mormon. Across from the beds was a dresser with a flat screen TV and DVD player. Colored cords for installing game systems hung loosely from the top. A large table was to Blaine's immediate left. Behind it on the wall protruded a microwave and mini refrigerator. There was no oven or stove, but it didn't bother him. Like he could cook anyway. A couch and coffee table sat between the bed and kitchen areas, and a bookshelf and desk were set against the opposite wall.

To his right was a small doorway which led to the bathroom and closet area. Inside the closet hung four pairs of pants, six white shirts, two ties, and two blazers. Blaine excitedly pulled the blazer labeled SMALL off its hanger and put it on. It fit perfectly. He was home.

_IV_

Jeff Sterling was five-feet-nine-inches of pure blonde energy. Around a half hour after Blaine found the room the other boy burst in. "ARE YOU BLAINE DEVON ANDERSON, AGE 14, FRESHMAN?" Jeff screamed, earning a "SHUT UP!" from the neighbors. Blaine nodded that, yes, he was Blaine Anderson. Jeff beamed and began to hurriedly unpack, throwing his things in a whirlwind. Blaine intently watched his roommate, becoming annoyed at his disorganization. He was no "neat freak" himself but hoped to not begin his first year living away from home in a pigsty. Jeff soon began installing an Xbox 360, plugging in the colored wires and talking a mile a minute about some new game he bought. Blaine was indifferent to video games. He found them to be a waste of sixty dollars when he could use his money on longer lasting items.

"Since we're gonna be shacking for an indefinite time, let's get to know each other," he said as he threw himself next to Blaine on the couch. "I'll ask you your favorite of something. You respond, and then I do." Blaine nodded; glad he wasn't the one asking the questions. "Book?"

"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," he answered without hesitation.

"The Hunt for Red October," Jeff responded intensely. "Movie?"

"Fight Club."

"The Dark Knight. Color?"

"Yellow."

"Red." The two were speaking at such a rapid pace their words no longer resembled English. "Musical?"

"Phantom."

"Rent." They continued their game for quite some time; both boys felt themselves relaxing in the presence of a stranger. Announcements were called over the intercom, calling groups to the commons or other areas. Blaine and Jeff were never called, for Jeff didn't play a fall sport and Blaine didn't play one at all. The boys passed the hours before lunch playing Jeff's Xbox and acting like childhood friends.

_V_

Eating lunch at a new school usually brought on bouts of anxiety for teenagers as they look around for a socially acceptable place to eat. The lunch area (which was also the breakfast, dinner, and assembly area) would easily be compared to the Great Hall of Hogwarts. There were six long tables set parallel to each other. The right wall was covered with Gothic style windows that looked out onto the grounds. Blaine could see the soccer and Ultimate Frisbee from his spot next to Jeff in the fourth table from the left. Dark mahogany wood made up the tables and connected benches. At the head of hall, named The Connors, was the food buffet. Similar to a lunch line in a normal high school, though it was an 'all-you-can-eat.' That detail was the best thing Jeff had heard all day. Each day was to host a different main course, and holidays had a 'mandatory attendance' rule for those remaining at school. Everything about Dalton Academy was magical, and the school year hadn't even started yet.

The first few days of Initiation passed slowly. Blaine found himself attached to Jeff, Tyung, and Jeff's best friend Nick Duval. Nick was the boy Blaine saw during his tour in March and who entered late with Sebastian the first day. Blaine wasn't sure of Nick's relationship with Sebastian, but since it was never mentioned, he never asked. Jeff was the life of their group of four (which would later be deemed The Four Musketeers). He always had something to say and lacked a filter like most people with that trait. He laughed like a hyena and had already played a prank on an unsuspecting neighbor in the first four days. Tyung stayed close to Blaine and often had questions about American culture. He was starting to adapt well to the new environment, having already signed up for two clubs. He tried to persuade Blaine to join as well, but he only had eyes for the Warblers. The group had still not been brought up, and by the fifth day Blaine became anxious. Staff members came by room H2BZ handing fliers out, but Blaine always threw them on Jeff's unkempt bed, uninterested.

Nick Duval was a quiet boy. He had met Jeff at summer camp in 6th grade and the two had been inseparable despite their living in different states. Jeff lived in Chicago while Nick lived in Westerville. Nick was artistic in the way that Tyung was analytical. Whenever he wasn't organizing school supplies he was working on some art form. Blaine noticed his new friend's purple notebook was littered with scribble in all colors, set up in play format. He wanted to ask what it was but refrained from doing so.

If Jeff was the life, Tyung the brain, and Nick the heart of the group, then Blaine was the soul. Over the fourteen days prior to school he found himself opening up in ways he had not in years. He was a sporadic speaker: talking more than Nick but significantly less than the other two. He kept the group on top of things, making sure they were on time to study classes and club events. At mealtimes he often sat in the same position: to Tyung's left and across from Nick and Jeff. The spot gave him a clear sight to the Ultimate Frisbee course which was usually empty, given the season wouldn't start until the spring. To his far left at the end of the table, every day, sat Sebastian. He was usually alone, occasionally accompanied by another boy across him. Blaine often wondered what Sebastian was thinking. He always looked deep in pensive thought. Blaine hadn't spoken to him at all since they arrived at Dalton, out of both nervousness and indifference. He periodically noticed Nick staring at Sebastian as well and couldn't help but wonder how they were acquainted.

The Initiation weeks came to an abrupt end, and for the first time since he arrived, Blaine wished to be home. Both Fridays he was picked up and taken to his therapist at 3 P.M. sharp. None of his new friends knew where he went, and he hoped to keep it that way. Despite being used to the building and some of his peers Blaine was still rattled when Monday came. He woke up a full hour before Jeff in order to get ready.

Blaine stared at his reflection in the mirror. He almost didn't recognize the face looking back. It had the same black hair that needed to be gelled, yellow-hazel eyes, and slight stubble that had begun to show over the last few months. However, this reflection, this New Blaine, had a glow to his cheeks that had been absent for so long. The bags around his eyes began to recede and he now walked with his back straightened rather than slightly hunched. New school, new boy.

_VI_

The Dalton Academy blazer was one of the most iconic symbols in the show choir world. The Warblers were immensely talented, but were criticized for their lack of females or traditional performance dress. Though the latter was brought up every competition season, the council still voted to keep their uniforms. The school supported a costume change, but to get ride of the blazer would be to create a new team.

Wesley Montgomery, junior council member of the 2009-2010 Warblers, stood in the East Corridor an hour before school was to begin. Being his first year on the council, it was his job to recruit new boys. He had asked permission to scout during Initiation but the faculty refused. "It's not wise to bombard new students so soon after the scandal, Mr. Montgomery," the headmaster said to him. Wes thought _scandal _was a bit harsh of a word. Dean Lindsey wasn't even supposed to perform that night. He'd gone out with his cousin and drank a bit too much than was warranted. The Warblers were vehemently trying to make the show choir world forget the acts of Mr. Lindsey, and Wes knew the only way to do that was to find the most talented the school had to offer.

Soon the breakfast bell rang, but Wes stayed put. By standing at the corner of the busiest hallways he would be able to intercept the most students. Familiar faces passed, some greeting him and other saying "Not this year, man." At 7:30, fifteen minutes past the bell, he finally got his first recruit. The boy was short, coming up to Wes's shoulder. He had a shoulder bag thrown over his right side which caused his blazer to pull up over the bottom of his stomach. Wes smiled, remembering days he could practically swim in the huge jacket.

"Try-outs are Friday, are you interested?" He asked the boy, handing him a flier. They were supposed to be the Friday before term began but the entire council had been out of town. The boy looked up, frazzled, as he nodded.

"Um, sure. I'll be there." He took the flier and turned to leave.

"What's your name?"

"Tyung," he responded as he raced off.

_VII_

"Look what I got!" Jeff pushed the door to H2BZ open, his arms full of books. Blaine looked up from the book he was currently buried in. The first day of school had taken its toll on the freshman. He had to write an essay due Thursday, begin _To Kill A Mockingbird_, write procedures for a biology lab, and label a world map, as well as call his mother to bring up supplies. Those study classes weren't exaggerating.

"What is it?" he asked. Jeff put his books on his bed and thrust the flier in Blaine's face. "Some Asian junior gave it to me. It seems cool!" Despite the two inches he had to read it because of Jeff's proximity, Blaine could still read it. The yellow bird in the corner and the embroidered W stood out. Excitement welled inside him as he recognized the symbol.

"Dude, that's the Warblers!" Blaine stood up, his history book flying off his lap and slamming onto the floor. At least they were on the first floor. Blaine snatched the paper from his friends and eagerly read it. "Try-outs are Friday, we gotta go!" Jeff chuckled.

"Nick's doing it, too. It should be interesting enough." Blaine beamed and texted his mother 'Can't do Dr. on Fri, got tryouts!'

Friday seemed an eternity away as Blaine lay on his bed Thursday night. His essay was turned in, his lab was finished, and he only had 176 days left of freshman year. He'd been running his audition song in his head as the clock ticked to 1:39 A.M. Jeff slept soundlessly in the bed next to his. He was jealous. Blaine's song choice, "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely" by the Backstreet Boys, earned criticism from Jeff. "Dude, you gotta do something big! Something exciting and memorable!" It was odd because the other boy wasn't going to choose his song until just before his audition. How punctual.

Unexpected help came in the form of Nick Duval. His family was known for having a history of performers. His great-uncle would have had the fame of Frank Sinatra if he hadn't chosen the military instead.

"I see it this way," he told Blaine in French, "you have two options to make you memorable. You go for fast, showy, and upbeat, or for slow and powerful." Blaine nodded, enthralled. "Both have their problems though. Fast songs can come across as cheesy and may not show off your voice. Slow songs can get boring, but if you're good, they'll remember your voice." Blaine hadn't heard either of his friends sing before, but based on their knowledge, they seemed to be talented. When the clock hit 3:45 Blaine swore under his breath and prayed for sleep.

_VIII_

The hallways were always crowded on Fridays. Those who lived close usually went home and the non-resident teachers were trying to get out as quick as possible. Classrooms emptied quickly, leaving the main school quiet. One room that wasn't quiet, however, was the Warbler Commons. One of the oldest rooms in the building, it was often photographed in ads. The Warbler council, made up of junior and senior members voted best fit to lead the group, sat at the mahogany table in front of their team, who were seated on couches. The current team sat on the three couches near the window. New prospects were seated near the door.

Wes took his seat at the table, still not comfortable with the idea of choosing who would stay and who would go. Freshmen and other newbies fidgeted in their seats and pulled at their blazers. Wes remembered his audition day. He'd chosen a Beatles song, "Let it Be", and performed it mediocrely. He figured the only reason he'd gotten in was to make even numbers. That and that he was better than the kid who shot milk out of his nose. That was an interesting day for the Warbler council two years previously. His voice had gotten better over the years; one of the many reasons he was seated where he was.

A tall blonde stood behind the middle couch, twirling in place and mouthing lyrics. In front of him were two short black-haired boys and a shaggy haired brunette. The three sat in silence as they prepared. The third couch held another black-haired boy, taller and older looking. Wes recognized him as Trent Nixon, a transfer sophomore. Three others sat by him, reading their sheet music. Wes absentmindedly wondered where the Asian boy he gave the paper to on the first day was. Usually everyone who showed interest showed up.

As the thought crossed his mind a final prospect opened the wood doors. Tall with brown hair; he looked like a Dalton boy. He greeted the two boys at the door before throwing himself in a chair. The seated boys all turned to look at the newcomer with shocked expressions. No one ever showed up late. He shrugged at their looks.

"I found the flier on my bed and thought 'why the hell not?'"

"Where did you get it?" Wes asked, speaking for the first time.

"Roommate left it. Doubt he was interested." Wes didn't miss how one of the boys on the middle couch turned and focused his attention on the boy.

"Who was he?"

"Some Asian kid. Haven't bothered to learn his name," the boy said indifferently, "total brain," he added. _So that's why he's not here_.

"Fair enough. Sign your name and take a seat." The boy walked – strutted- to the table and signed a name with two large S's and smirked. Wes hoped this first impression wasn't all he was. He couldn't deal with another inflated ego.

_IX_

Blaine felt Nick freeze next to him when Sebastian entered. His friend seemed angry, almost nervous. What had Sebastian done to him? They pulled numbers for who would go in what order. Blaine was relieved when he pulled next to last: just before Sebastian.

Jeff chose an upbeat, dance-fueled song Blaine didn't recognize. He could tell dance was the blonde's strong point. His voice wasn't huge, but he did stay on pitch the entire time. That had to help. Blaine peaked through the curtain in the back of the room behind which they were all seated. Trent performed warm-ups while the rest looked around, panicked. The only two who were calm were the shaggy-haired one, Jared, and, of course, Sebastian. Jared made sure to inform the group that he had taken seven various pills to calm his mood. Blaine was sure that was illegal. Sebastian lay across the large and only chair in the room, throwing insulting around.

"You singing a lady song?" He taunted towards one of the…more conventionally feminine of the boys. His target simply rolled his eyes.

"That's not necessary," Nick said with bated breath. He had been the only one to speak to Sebastian.

"Oh big brother, you hurt me." He dramatically threw his hands over his heart before lying back against the chair, silent.

The auditions passed in agony for Blaine. His hands sweated and heat rose up the back of his neck. He tried not to analyze too much, but he couldn't help commenting "okay "or "that was painful," in his head after each performance. Nick sang "Uptown Girl" and was the best so far. Jared was good as well. Deep voice. Memorable. Soon Blaine and Sebastian were the only ones left behind the curtain. He felt as if he should say something; the silence was uncomfortable, much unlike the ones he could share with Tyung or his brother.

"Big brother?" Blaine asked, voice cracking slightly.

"Stepbrother," the other responded. He sounded bored. "Dad married Duval's mom after my parents," he paused, "separated. I'm not sure if they were even married to begin with." Blaine was taken aback at how indifferently he said this. He found it odd that he wouldn't know if his parents were ever marred. "Mom moved to Europe. Didn't want me. I moved in with Nicky, Dad, and the lady. He even hated me so much he changed his last name from Smythe to Duval." Sebastian's voice was choppy and monotone yet had a quality to it that would make most people want to listen to him talk forever. He pulled at the fabric on the chair and crossed his ankles over the arm. "You don't have to respond," he said when he noticed Blaine's uncertainty. Blaine was filled with pity for the boy across him. In the few short times they'd met he'd been cold; not quite mean, but separate. It was as if there was a wall between Sebastian and everyone else. "It's your turn, hobbit," Sebastian said when the chirping bell sounded. Blaine half-smiled nervously. When other people called him that, mainly Cooper, it annoyed him. But for some reason he wasn't offended when it came out of Sebastian's mouth.

Blaine felt his audition went well. The council members held enthralled looks throughout the song. That eased Blaine's worry, but he still felt the shake of anxiety reach his limbs. He remembered the advice he'd read on the Internet: project your voice. Get louder without going higher in pitch. Show emotion but not to the point of melodramatic. Avoid touching yourself and don't stare at one spot.

"_There's something missing in my heart_," he sang out, head tilting up and eyes closing subtly. All pressure was gone. He forgot the council, he forgot the boys probably spying on him (his competition), he forgot the boy sitting alone behind the curtain who was probably laughing at his song choice. He was home.

When the song ended two of the members, the black boy and the Asian he remembered from the flier, stood up. Aghast, Blaine beamed. No one else had gotten this reaction. One of them whispered something to the other and they both smiled.

"Thanks, we will let you know," said the leader sternly. Blaine didn't miss the angry look he gave those who'd given him a standing ovation.

"You were great!" An enthusiastic Jeff pulled him into a bear hug. Blaine humbly thanked him, but he knew he had been the best of the day. Jared suggested they take a bus to get pizza in the city but Blaine said no. He wanted to watch Sebastian. After saying he'd meet them in ten, he snuck back into the curtained room to spy.

Sebastian was, there was no other way to say it, fantastic. Jealously and awe filled Blaine as he watched the boy perform. He wouldn't say he was leaps and bounds above himself. They were probably equal in skill but Sebastian had an air of confidence in his performance that Blaine would lack for some years.

"I'm Sebastian A. Smythe, fourteen, freshman," he introduced himself. "This is a little something I put together. Hope you enjoy the show," he added with a wink before backing up to begin. The song fit his voice perfectly. Well no one could perfectly cover Freddie Mercury, but he did a damn good job. "Don't Stop Me Now"'s instrumental played on the recording. Some boys chose to play the piano or guitar during their performance, but Sebastian had done the right thing in just allowing the council to notice his voice. When he hit the final "_All!_" all four judges stood up. The lead one even clapped. Jealously once again filled Blaine. This guy was his biggest competition. "I hope you had fun, good luck this season," Sebastian said as he turned to leave.

"Good luck?" The lead asked.

"Yeah. I ain't joining you. Just thought it would be fun to show off a little," he said over his shoulder. Sebastian then turned to the curtain in front of Blaine and smiled knowingly. Blaine snuck back from his peep hole in the curtain, embarrassed. Sebastian knew he was there. Sebastian then left the room, leaving the council with anxious looks.

_X_

The staff at Gigorio's watched on, horrified, as four teenage boys in uniforms scarfed down their pizza. The shop was small with the potential to be large, but the owner refused to "sell out". Jared's older brother, Leo, worked at Gigorio's and was able to get the Warbler-hopefuls discounts.

"You mean he just decided not to do it?" Jeff asked, mouth full of garlic sticks.

"It doesn't surprise me," Nick commented quietly. "The only things he ever sticks with are lacrosse and dissembling." Blaine chuckled at the last comment. Now that he knew the nature of Nick and Sebastian's relationship, the tenseness Nick always had around his stepbrother made sense. The two were forced to be in each other's lives. Two completely different people thrust together by Nature's forces. Blaine would find it cruel if he didn't believe there was something else to Sebastian. The way he'd spoken of his parents and how he wouldn't meet Blaine's eye confused him. There had to be something there; no one is that apathetic about things.

"Well no more about him. Let's enjoy and celebrate! One week done!" Jared stood and motioned for the rest to. The four boys clinked their cokes together in toast. The boys went on to discuss how they were going to find some girls at the mall the next day. Blaine just nodded along. It wasn't time to inform them that girls weren't his thing. He was free for once and no desire to change that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Some elements of this story may be disturbing to some readers. It will deal with Antisocial Personality Disorder, non-violent sociopathy, some elements of PTSD, as well as nongraphic (or graphic) depictions of sex and may include references to rape. Unhealthy relationships and depression are also mentioned.**

**This story takes place over a span of about five and half to six years (with gratuitous time skips.) The depictions of characters with disorders listed above are in no way written based on my opinions, but are purely a work of fiction. **

**I obviously own nothing (except the few OCs that show up throughout the story.) I have no idea how often this will be updated. Stay tuned!**

**The rating will change from T to M later on**

**A/N: The warnings for this chapter are for violence, hate crimes, bits of PTSD and blatantly inexcusable homophobia. I'm hoping to finish up part 1 soon**

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 1: Sebastian**

_Book 3: The Warblers Are Like…Rock Stars!_

_I_

Two weeks passed before Blaine heard anything from the Warblers. September was nearing its end. The leaves were changing and Blaine felt a similar change inside himself. Each Friday he still met with Dr. Minerva for one-hour sessions. Some days he felt himself improving and yet other times he still jumped with Jared or Nick yelled his name from across the hall. Tyung's shoulder touches brought back unpleasant memories. He still felt uncomfortable spending the night over the weekends. Most teachers left, leaving him uneasy with the idea of staying the night in a huge castle with just teenage boys.

He had promised Dr. Minerva he would come out to his friends at school. She hadn't pressured him, but did tell him he would feel better with a support group. He knew she was right but had no idea how to do so. Each day his thoughts swam. He saw his new friends and wondered which of them would leave him when he spoke the truth. Tyung, he thought, wouldn't really care; he'd still be his friend. However, Jeff was from an extremely conservative family, which scared Blaine. Easily his closest friend, he couldn't lose him.

Coming out to his mother had been easy. He was sure she had probably already known. Telling Cooper was a breeze as well. He'd simply patted Blaine on the back and said, "At least you won't get anyone pregnant." He could always count on his brother to give him some twisted comment in support. His father had been a different story. Anger was not the correct word used to describe his reaction. Disappointment was more accurate. Blaine didn't miss the odd looks his father would give him in the week following his coming out. Mrs. Anderson was disappointed with her husband but made no attempt to call him out on his behavior. Blaine wondered if that's what being in love was about: keeping your mouth shut as to not anger the other. If so, he wanted no part in it.

Only a few friends knew about his sexuality, one being the boy he'd shared trauma with. But Blaine could no longer call Lucas a friend. His mother had picked up the family and moved them to Alabama, hoping the south would "fix" her son. The two hadn't spoken since. The other two Blaine had told, Lisa and Naomi, were supporting but also slightly put off. They were never rude to his face but he could sense that the girls wanted nothing to do with him. Though he had done it before, the idea of rejection from the Dalton boys terrified him. He had grown to need them like a second skin in the short time they had been acquainted. He hoped the rest of the year would bring them closer.

_II_

On the Thursday of the third week of school, two letters reached H2BZ that would change the lives of the room's inhabitants. Blaine was passed out, head in his Biology book when the mail came. Usually Jeff would barge in loudly to announce their letters' arrival. (Security had almost been called when Blaine's mother sent him an ice cream cake. Needless to say, the administration was quickly becoming unhappy with Mr. Sterling.) However, when he saw the ornate _W _inscribed on the ivory envelope he knew what it was. It was no doubt from the Warblers. He only hoped what lay inside was good news. Gently prodding Blaine with the edge of the card, he woke him. Blaine groggily pushed the matted hair out of his eyes. He reminded himself to add more gel the next morning. Seeing the _W _caused a stir within him. He felt the familiar warmth of nervousness climb his back and his tired limbs began to shake in anxiety.

"Together?" He asked, looking up at his roommate from his spot on the couch. Jeff nodded.

"One, two, three," they counted together. On "three" they ripped the sealed envelope open on each of their letters and quickly scanned the text. Blaine's hands shook has he read, his legs bouncing against the brown carpet. _"__Mr. Anderson, The Dalton Academy Warblers cordially invite you…"_read the title in perfect calligraphy. He froze in excitement, and judging by the look of Jeff's face, he had gotten in as well.

"We did it, man," Jeff said, more to himself than to Blaine. Blaine stood up and smiled, pulling Jeff into a bro-hug. He finally had his first success.

The Warblers ended up cutting most of those who auditioned. Luckily all Blaine's friends were accepted: Jeff, Nick, and Jared. Their first practice was scheduled for the next day. When Blaine went to take a picture of the letter a small folded paper fell out. It was covered in sloppy cursive. "_Mr. Anderson- We'd like to meet you to discuss some matters. Come tonight at 11 to room T13. Come alone.- KA." _ Clearly Jeff had not received a similar note, which worried Blaine. What possibly could this KA person want? T13 was one of the senior dorms. When one reached senior year they could rent a type of suite room that could be shared with up to four people. He assumed that's where the council lived. He was interested in whatever it was he was needed for.

"Lights out" was 10 p.m. Basically that meant all students needed to be in their dorms and all visitors were required to leave. (With the amount of perfume Blaine smelled in the hallway, he doubted any of the boys' girlfriends had left.) He wasn't too thrilled to be breaking the rules so soon into the year, but he also knew the consequences if he didn't show to the Warbler meeting. Jeff usually stayed up late, especially on Thursday nights. "Tomorrow's Friday, why try?" was his philosophy. But somehow the gods of sneaking out were looking out for Blaine that night. Jeff had four tests the following day and decided it good to go to sleep early. Blaine fell into bed wearing jeans and a sweater that could pass for pajamas in case Jeff asked. As soon as he was sure Jeff was out he would leave. When a steady snore could be heard in the bed next to his he quietly rose from his bed and out the door.

Finding room T13 was an obstacle he hadn't anticipated. The halls all looked the same at dark; the only light came from Tyung and Sebastian's room. Blaine doubted the Asian was the one up at 10:30. Making his way out of the Heissenberger wing, he almost ran into none other than the headmaster himself. The old man, Professor Jameston, had short, iron-gray hair littered with wisps of white. He had a kind face but a stern countenance. He wasn't someone to cross. Blaine rushed behind the woolen tapestry to his left and hoisted himself upon a marble ledge. He hoped the marble could hold his weight. He pulled his knees to his chin, ankles crossed at the end of the ledge. He held his breath, exhaling slowly as to stay unnoticed. Jameston slowly walked around the entrance to the wing before exiting down the teachers' corridor.

When his footsteps were no longer audible, Blaine lowered himself from the ledge and toward the T wing. He only had ten minutes. The T wing was on the third floor, only reached by the staircase Blaine had seen on his visiting day. Given the time no one should have been traveling the stairs. The stairs led from the astronomy wing, two floors about the T wing, all the way down to the main school. If he were quiet he'd be unseen. Luckily he was correct and no one was traveling the stairs. He ascended to the dorm halls as quickly as possible without being found. He even contemplated taking his shoes off to stay silent.

A thin yellow light could be seen under the crack of a door. That had to be T13. No other room was lit. He approached the door silently. A tiny golden _13 _was etched into the navy blue wood. His watch read 10:59. Just on time. He knocked three times before the door was opened by a boy he knew was on the Warbler council, though he couldn't remember his name. This was really it.

_III_

"Come in, Anderson," a deep voice said, coming from the far side of the suite. The one at the door gave him a small smile before shutting the door behind him. Room T13 was far larger than his and Jeff's room. The living space alone was at least three times larger than their whole dorm. A fireplace was at the far right of the room near the window. _Where does the smoke go? _he wondered, seeing no chimney. "You're just on time. Didn't keep me waiting. I'm proud," the same deep voice said in a patronizing tone. Not knowing how to respond, Blaine slowly entered the room, taking in his surroundings. The brown carpet was the same as the carpet in H2BZ, though stretched over a wider expanse. Two blue couches stood parallel to each other near the window and a large table, most likely moved, was in the middle. "Take a seat," the voice said, its owner with his back to Blaine. Blaine slowly walked in. Hesitating, he sat in a tall brown chair that made him feel like a child. It engulfed him, the head of the chair high above his own. _Fake it 'til you make it, _Cooper used to say. Taking the old advice, he stretched his back to reach his full height. He may be short but wouldn't be walked on.

"What do you need?" he asked briskly.

"Attitude. I like it. I was right, wasn't I, Montgomery?" The Asian boy who had stood for Blaine nodded. "Okay let's make this short and sweet so you can get back to the first floor or wherever you live. I don't need to be put on probation again because of a freshman. My name is Kane Adams," the boy said, turning his chair around to face his visitor. Blaine recognized him as the lead council member. His hair was dark blonde and in a crew cut. He was one of the few Dalton boys who didn't use copious amounts of hair gel. "And I need you," he finished.

"Well you've got me."

"Do I?" The air of the room turned hostile, almost as if a fight was happening. The other council members gave each other confused looks. "I'm not sure if you're aware, but the Warblers went through a scandal last year." Blaine shook his head; he didn't know. "Well, last year we reached Nationals." There was something in the way Kane spoke that made Blaine feel uncomfortable. He was arrogant, but that wasn't what bothered Blaine. "Again," he added. "But it didn't go how we planned. We were shoe-ins to win, or at least place just behind Carmel High School. However, we had a slacking member who almost ruined us." He looked to his teammates, as if hoping they would back him up.

"What did he do?"

"Dean Lindsey. Eighteen. Senior. Not a soloist, but was still important," Kane said to himself, not answering Blaine's question. "He was on academic probation so we had to leave him behind when we left. But he followed us. The night before he got drunk and depressed. When it was our turn to perform he thought it a good idea to come on stage and drunkenly perform." Kane sighed, fingering the wood on his chair. "It was the first time the Warblers went to Nationals and didn't place."

"What does this have to do with me?" Blaine asked, getting anxious to leave.

"Everything. You see, Lindsey caused us quite some problems. We have to win this year; if we don't at least place, we may be done. And I'm sure as hell not losing my senior year." The fire crackled in agreement. "We need to best we can get. And you're it."

"So you called me here to compliment me?" Blaine asked skeptically. He hid the pride in his voice. It was nice to be appreciated.

"Yes and no. We need you, but you're not enough on your own. We need you to find us someone." Blaine assumed he meant non-high schoolers to fill in. His first thought went to Cooper. He was still young enough to be in high school, though he was uncomfortable with the illegality of it.

"You want me to go find some guy on the street and hope he can sing?"

"Clever. No, we know who we want. He was perfect at auditions. Find us Sebastian Smythe." Blaine audibly groaned. He'd rather have the kid who attempted to sing Simple Plan than have to get Sebastian to join the group. He didn't necessarily hate the guy, but he really could do without him.

"Why can't you do it yourself?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You see, Sebastian has, what will you call it, an authority complex. He won't do anything if someone in charge asks him to. Someone else, someone he's interested in has to do it."

"And you think that's me?"

"Definitely. We all saw how he was staring at you. He probably sees you as his competition. And people like him will do anything to one-up the competition." Blaine nodded; he couldn't disagree with that.

"So you want me to talk him into joining the Warblers so you can win Nationals," Blaine said as more of a statement than a question.

"We, Blaine, _we._ It's our team." He didn't miss how Kane used his first name for the first time. "You want to win, right?" He nodded. "Then get Sebastian. But remember, never let on that we need him. Act like he needs us way more than we need him." Kane held his eyes, a new intensity burning in the brown irises.

"But that's not true," Blaine said frankly. He didn't want to admit it, but they were right. But he also wasn't going to be their paper boy.

"Maybe, maybe not. But we need more than one soloist."

"Who's the other one?" Kane sighed.

"You. Why else do you think we got you into this?" He'd already suspected he landed the spot, but he wanted to hear Kane say it. To hear him say that he needed Blaine, whether he would get Sebastian or not. "Okay. You have until next Friday to get Smythe. Practice tomorrow after class; you may be dismissed." With that Kane turned back to the fire and motioned for the others to show Blaine out. The Asian, Wes, opened the door and patted Blaine on the back.

"Don't let him get to you," he whispered as Blaine exited. Getting back to the Heissenberger wing was easier than leaving it. Blaine was a mix of emotions: happy because he was a soloist, angry that he was doing Kane Adams's dirty work; jealous because they seemed to think Sebastian was better than him. He snuck back into his dorm without waking Jeff and passed out on the bed.

_IV_

The first Warbler practice was more of a workout than any of the boys had prepared for. To their surprise, Kane was not a strict leader. He kept them on task but wasn't harsh. Blaine wondered if that was for complacency or incompetency. As they were leaving, Kane told Blaine to not speak of their plan. Blaine wasn't sure why, but then again, Sebastian wasn't the most likeable of guys. He felt that he would be betraying his friends by keeping the secret.

They continued to have practice every day, each becoming both easier and harder to get through. Blaine felt Kane's eyes on his back as he danced in front of the group. He wanted to fail, to do horrible, as to anger Kane. They would win without Sebastian. Soon Thursday came and he still hadn't done his task. He was nervous about it; they had spoken a few times in the French class they shared, but not enough to make him comfortable. Luckily Blaine had something to keep his mind off the task.

Meetings with Dr. Minerva were moved to Thursdays after Warbler practices, which were cut short those days due to football practices. Mrs. Anderson pulled into the parking lot as her son exited the building. As much as she hated him having to go to therapy, it gave her a chance to see him during the week. He smiled brighter than he had in months. Seeing her child smile was the greatest triumph of a mother. She often worried about him, alone in that big school. He was such an open person; perhaps that's what got him attacked the first time.

Blaine had come out to his family in the eighth grade. "I know I'm young, but I also know this is who I am," he had said over dinner, sweaty hands folded on his lap. "I feel that you two should be the first to know." His mother had been proud of how he handled himself. She had suspected his orientation but never spoke of it. His father had not been as supporting as she. He didn't yell, or even scoff, but kept a straight, almost angry face. But that didn't stop him from doing anything to "straighten" his son.

Mrs. Anderson remembered the night Blaine went to the eighth grade Sade Hawkins dance. He had not mentioned the dance until the night before, probably out of fear of his father.

"No girls are going to ask me. Not even the ones who think I'm straight. I don't see why going, as friends, with Lucas is a problem," he had told her. She knew it would be risky, given that his whole school knew Lucas was gay, but she also knew keeping Blaine from doing something he wanted out of fear would be the wrong decision.

Soon the night came, a cool mid-January evening. Blaine was dressed in a suit that used to be Cooper's with a blue tie and white shirt. Lucas's dad, much more supportive than Blaine's father, picked him up and brought the boys to the dance.

"It shouldn't be a problem, loads of kids go without a date," his friend's father reassured them. Blaine nodded, knowing he was correct. However, he couldn't have been more wrong. They were left alone for the majority of the dance up until they were to leave.

"Anderson! Orin!" voices had yelled. They seemed friendly enough, though they still made Blaine's bones shake. Popular football players, high schoolers who shouldn't have been there, didn't yell Blaine's name in a friendly way. Blaine's memories were scattered one what happened after that. A hand was on his shoulder, and then a fist was aimed at the back of his neck. The bigger guy was attacking him; his friend on Lucas. Blaine grabbed Number One's forearm, trying to push him off. It worked at first. He was taken aback, giving time for Blaine to help his friend.

The most primal instinct told him to run, to save himself. But he knew he couldn't live with himself if he returned to find Lucas fatally injured. Blaine drove his shoulder into Number Two's side but was met with a stiff arm to his face. His nose burned and his eyes watered. Number One grabbed him from around the neck and slung him to the ground before returning his attention to Lucas. Blaine's arm snapped when he hit the ground, the rough concrete splitting his pants at the knees and scraping his skin. He let out a soft cry in hopes of being heard. Lucas was worse off, arms pulled behind his back by one while the other pounded on his face.

He sprang up, arm dangling at his side and blood pouring from his knees. His brand new dress shoes were ripping at the soles. He snuck quietly into the shadows as to stay hidden. From his spot he could calculate which of the boys to attack first. He knew there was no way he would put up a fight against them; he was too short, too inexperienced. He wished he could call for help, but yelling would draw attention, and his cell phone was lying face down on the other side of the parking lot. They were on their own.

The throbbing in his arm and neck ceased when he found an opportunity. Granted, it was a risk, but one he would have to take. Unthinking, Blaine ran from his hiding spot, gripping the injured arm to his side. If he kicked the one holding Lucas behind his knees, he would falter and possibly free Lucas. He drove his right foot hard into the joint, bending his shoe, but instead of stopping the attacker, it only encouraged him. When Number Two saw Blaine, he threw Lucas to his friend before jumping Blaine.

"You fag," he hissed, throwing a punch to Blaine's kidney. Bone and flesh felt like cement when they connected with Blaine's stomach. He tried to fight back but pain overwhelmed him. _C'mon Blainey, you can do better than that. _He heard his brother's voice in his head. He turned his head upwards to face his attacker. He wasn't going down pathetically. His arm was broken, probably his nose as well. Blood gushed from a split lip and his right eye was pulsing. Cooper's old suit was littered with tears. The only sound Blaine would hear was the steady thumping of his dying heart…

_V_

Blaine spoke slowly as he recounted that night to Dr. Minerva. A woman in her mid-forties, his therapist was kind and understanding.

"Blaine, you do realize you don't have to retell the event every time we meet," she said when he finished. Coming from anyone else the comment would have been sarcastic, but coming from her it was not.

"I know. I don't know why I do. Maybe I can't move past it." Dr. Minerva's room was small. It was on the fourth floor of an office building overlooking Lima, Ohio. A fish tank was to Blaine's left, filled with free fish. He wondered if the fish knew how troubled some of the people they saw each day were.

"And why do you think that is" _A common shrink response. Always asking, never telling._

"I tend to split my life into pre-Sadie Hawkins and post-Sadie Hawkins. Sometimes I can't remember how I felt before that night, though it wasn't that long ago. I know it's dumb, getting so upset over a fight."

"It's not stupid Blaine," _another shrink response, _"you experienced a traumatic event and should feel no shame in the aftermath of that trauma."

"I guess I'm just afraid to be _me _anymore," he said, not entirely sure what that meant. "I mean, it's not that I'm scared someone's going to punch me in a dark alley. I think I'm scared to be free." He looked down at his feet, bouncing them to the rhythm of a song from Warbler practice. This was the most talkative he had been in any of his meetings with Dr. Minerva. Before, he came because his mother made him, because the pills were supposed to make him "better". They were supposed to make him feel something again. But it wasn't the pills that made him want to talk. It was the room full of uniformed boys singing their hearts out, all connected by the simplicity of music. There was something honest in performing, in music, and he couldn't, in good conscience, perform with those boys when he wasn't 100 percent Blaine Anderson.

"And what do you mean by that?" _Isn't that what you're supposed to tell me? _

"That night, and all the days up to it, I was comfortable in my skin. Sure, I might be short or like weird clothes, but never once did I feel apart from other people. I wasn't just like them, but it never bothered me. Even when I knew I was gay, I didn't think I was inferior or different from everyone else." He paused, running his hand over his knee. "I wouldn't have walked up to someone and said 'Hey I like men!' but I also wouldn't have denied it if I were asked." Blaine leaned back into the cushioned chair. He always thought therapists had fluffy chairs to make their patients fell somewhat better about themselves. (Unless they were paranoid about pillows attacking them. He was sure the doctors _loved _that.)

"So you're saying you fell that what happened to you robbed you of your independence and confidence." She did that tapping thing with her pen that Blaine hated. It always made him feel rushed.

"Exactly. Like if my life that's happening right now was happening without the past, I would be totally okay with telling Jeff and the guys about my sexuality. But the fight instilled this fear in me."

"A fear of being open," she said, continuing to tap her pen.

"Yes. And I hate it. I used to be such an open person but now…" he trailed off. Dr. Minerva nodded sympathetically.

"Jeff is your roommate?" She asked in an attempt to change the subject.

"And my best friend," he added, "I wish I could be like him."

"Why is that?"

"I like to think of myself as an optimistic person, but I'm nowhere near Jeff. He wears everything on his sleeve, and a smile from him will make your day," he said with a smile of his own. "I mean that in a 100 percent platonic way," he added quickly. The doctor smiled. "And then there's Nick. He's quiet but not the shy kind of quiet. He doesn't have much to say, but he's not afraid to when he does. And Tyung. He just moved here from China!" Blaine said too loudly. "But he's so involved in things and is sociable and a genius. How does someone who's never seen a hamburger before adapt better than me?"

"Calm down, you're okay," Minerva said when she heard his voice speed up. She hoped it was just excitement and he wasn't having a panic attack.

"And Jared. Well, I don't really want to be like him. He's…odd. But he's so likeable and excited and I used to be like that. And even freaking Sebastian is better than me." Blaine's hand shook. He had no idea where this was coming from.

"Sebastian?"

"This kid in my grade. He's kind of a douchebag, but I don't hate him. Weird, right? He tried out for the Warblers but then decided not to do it. Basically out of pride. And then when I got in, the leader called me to a secret meeting just to tell me to recruit Sebastian. It's like they don't even want me anymore." Anger swept over him as he said thoughts he hadn't dared to think.

"I think you're looking too much into this. If they didn't want you, they wouldn't have taken you." Blaine rolled his eyes at the stereotypical "mom" answer. "Didn't you say you're a soloist?" He nodded, calming down. "Then don't second guess yourself."

Blaine didn't remember the rest of the meeting. He probably talked about his brother or the fact that he saw a guy at the mall in Lima that was so obviously gay and it made him feel good. He felt better that he wasn't the only one. Pills with instructions were handed to him and the next thing he knew he was sitting on his bed in an empty dorm.

The session gave him a calmer state of mind; they usually did. He lay down on the bed, head on the pillow. He ran through everything he had to do. There was a literature test the next day he hadn't studied for, a permit test he'd have to take in two months. Warbler sectionals were approaching… And he still had to speak to Sebastian. The clock said it was only six: first dinner was going on. If he were quick he could find Sebastian, assuming he was eating. _Don't second guess yourself. _He would get it done.

Blaine sighed as he entered the Connors. This was going to be done. The meeting with Dr. Minerva opened his eyes: if the Warblers trusted him then he could trust them. The Connors was relatively empty for dinner time. Most of the upperclassmen were taking the PSATs in the assembly room. The setting sun soaked through the glass windows. He could see the Frisbee team practicing. It was the first time the field was occupied.

He quickly spotted Sebastian seated alone at the end of the fourth table. Blaine adjusted his shoulder bag before sitting down in front of the other boy.

"Yes?" Sebastian asked without looking up from his book. He was wearing a lacrosse T-shirt and his hair was as ridiculously styled as always.

"I need to talk to you," Blaine responded forcefully. He was running the show.

"If it's about that French project you can be my partner." Blaine sighed. He'd already finished it.

"It's about the Warblers," Blaine said, moving his bag to sit on the table, making a sort of barrier between the two boys.

"If you're going to tell me how I need to join, save it. My lovely stepbrother has already tried." Sebastian still wouldn't look at him.

"You need to join."

"Why?" he asked, looking up for the first time.

"Because you need us," he answered, remembering Kane's advice.

"And how do you figure that?"

"You're well, you're you," he gestured to all of Sebastian, "and you need to do as much as you can." Blaine balanced his elbow atop his bag and sat up a little straighter in his seat. "You're smart, popular, rich. I bet you've got girls all over you." Blaine thought he heard the other boy say something along the lines of _"I wouldn't be sure about that"_, but he ignored it.

"Look I'm glad you're stroking my ego but I don't know what this has to do with your little show choir." Sebastian impatiently tapped his fingers on the table.

"My point is," Blaine said, ignoring him, "that people like you have to win. You don't know what to do if you're not on top." Sebastian snickered at the innuendo, earning a glare. "And, let's face it, there's no way the lacrosse team is going to win anything."

"I resent your doubt in us," Sebastian said, cocking his head to the side. Blaine didn't miss how, even though he refuted it, he was enthralled in Blaine's words.

"Admit it. You're the only one that has some amount of talent. And as a freshman there's no way you can whip them into shape."

"I have to agree on that. Oddly. Remind me what this had to do with you?" Blaine smirked. His plan was working.

"Like I said, you need to win. And the Warblers will give you that. We're heading to Nationals this year." Sebastian scoffed. "How would you feel if the one team you could win with did it without you?" Blaine was surprised at the conviction in his own voice. He would be lying if he said he hadn't practiced this speech in his head over the last two days. Sebastian was fire, and the only way to fight him was with more fire.

"You have a point, Anderson," the other said, "but are you sure you're not saying all these because you need a lead soloist?" Sebastian smirked, setting his chin on his right hand. "Someone to be your star?"

"No, they have me," Blaine shot back without hesitation, eyes baring into Sebastian's.

"I like that attitude. And it's sincere, too. Not the humble one I pinned you for." Sebastian clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, creating a _click _sound. Blaine felt embarrassed but held his eye. He was a bit confused. He hardly knew Sebastian, yet the other boy had already categorized him. Flattering.

"Practice is tomorrow after class. Come in uniform," Blaine said in newfound authority. He grabbed his bag and left without a word. Sebastian watched him exit, smiling. For the first time since he had arrived at Dalton _he had a challenge._

_VI_

Blaine wasn't surprised when Sebastian showed up to practice the following evening. He wasn't sure the other boy's motive- he doubted it was all about winning. He wasn't completely thick; he'd noticed how Sebastian looked at him. It was becoming highly probable that Blaine wasn't the only gay boy at school- at least by his intuition.

The council had no hesitation in accepting Sebastian, much to the annoyance of several members. They complained it wasn't fair for him to take spots of those who were cut. Blaine had to agree but kept his mouth shut. He'd done what Kane had asked. He got them their soloist, and wasn't going to risk his own position as a soloist. But Kane Adams didn't own him. He was free.

Weeks passed, turning September to October, as well as the end of the first quarter. Blaine's grades were stellar, though they required much more studying than they had in the past. All As- a feat which would have easily put him at the top of the class in middle school, but now didn't even put him in the top ten. Nick and Tyung were told their grades gave them Ten spots, but were untold of which ones. The fight for valedictorian was an intense one, one Blaine would watch from afar. He was glad to be doing well but had no aspirations to be the best. He only cared about being the best in show choir.

Sectionals, the first competition of the season, was approaching. Each practice waned farther into the night than the last, exhausting the boys before they even had a change for schoolwork. Jeff was rethinking his decision to play baseball in the spring, unsure if he could keep up with two teams and school. Nick often seemed rushed and quieter than normal. Even Jared, the most laid back of the group, was frazzled when Sectionals approached. The only new Warbler not stressing was Sebastian. His odd behavior came up over a dinner four days before the competition.

"The boy is so calm, it worries me," said Tyung. Being his roommate, he was the one with the most exposure to Sebastian. "I feel it my fault you have to deal with him," he continued, "I was the one who left the flier in our room." Blaine looked down guiltily, knowing it was actually his fault they had to tolerate Sebastian every day. In truth, he didn't find the boy to be all that unbearable. He had a cocky countenance but nothing worse then Kane or any of the upperclassmen. On the contrary, Sebastian was mostly silent. He understood his place on the team, something Blaine was sure he had learned from years of sports.

"That's just him. Nothing bothers him," Nick said, looking across the Connors to make sure his stepbrother was not in sight.

"It's eerie almost. I mean, one day I reminded him of the English project due the next day, and he told me ha wouldn't start it until late that night," Tyung said, perplexed.

"Classic procrastinator, nothing strange," Blaine said, becoming annoyed at how they talked about Sebastian, though he wasn't sure why. Maybe he respected the guy or maybe he pitied him. The way the other boys treated Sebastian like some monster was what annoyed him the most. Often times, even to his face, they would say things that were unwarranted. Blaine had no problem with them retaliating when Sebastian insulted them, but that usually wasn't the case. He wondered if Nick told the others things about his stepbrother.

"But he got a 100 on it," Tyung said. He was obviously vexed by this; he was angry someone who put no hard work into it performed better than he did. Blaine shrugged, returning to his mashed potatoes.

"I get what he's saying. He doesn't try at stuff but is still better than everyone else. And he knows it. That's what we don't like," said Nick. Blaine sensed some sibling rivalry.

"Well he's perfect. New subject." Blaine was thankful for Jared's intervention. When the boys' new conversation began, Blaine looked down the table to find Sebastian watching their laughter with a longing look. Blaine looked at him again as if to invite him over, but Sebastian was gone.

_VII_

The 2009 Midwest Ohio Sectionals for District III was to be held on a Saturday morning in late October. The Warblers switched districts from the previous year, partly because of the Dean Lindsey fiasco and partly because of the introduction of a new school to District I. Technically they weren't 'new'; they had their day back in the 80s. William McKinley High School's New Directions were scheduled for their Sectionals a few weeks later. Wes wasn't worried about them as a potential threat, but was intrigued by them. It was seldom that a public school, especially one with so little arts funding, would rejoin a district twenty years later. He was sure Kane would send him and David to scout the new competition. They were already scheduled to watch Carmel's sectional later that day.

At the end of the summer, the Warblers doubted they could stand a chance against Shelby Corcoran and Jesse St. James's army of performers, but the influx of talented freshmen increased their hope. It had been years, long before any of the existing Warblers came to Dalton, since a freshman had been given a solo. It was even rarer that two of them would be competition soloists. Anderson and Smythe showed promise no one at Dalton had seen in years. The two dominated the stage in ways Wes hadn't seen done by amateurs before. Part of him was jealous it wasn't him leading the crowd. But he knew, years later, he would be proud to tell people he used to go to school with two of the biggest performers of the day. It was early, but he could tell the two held potential. The only faults Wes could find in them were Blaine's occasional insecurities both on and off the stage, and Sebastian's total lack of motivation. Even the latter's arrogance could be overlooked: it was his sheer apathy at everything in his life that scared Wes and the rest of the boys. He wasn't the first bright light they had come across, and they hoped he wouldn't burn out like so many had.

The setlist was chosen prior to the consummation of the new team, but was modified to fit the talent they gained. The District III rules for 2009 required the groups to have one ballad, sang as a duet or solo, and one song from the 1990s. If there was a third song it could be anything. David and William, the fourth council member, suggested the ballad be "Bring Him Home" from _Les Miserables, _but Kane put down the idea. He had no doubt Blaine could sing it, but the Warblers had never done a theater song and they weren't planning on changing tradition. The ballad would be "Love of My Life" by Queen; sung by Blaine. It was no secret that Dalton held a soft spot for Queen. The tough vocals and beautiful harmonies were perfect for an a cappella group. Wes was surprised at the decision for Blaine to take the lead. He had suggested Kane take it; however, the leader refused, saying Blaine had a better range for it. While Sebastian auditioned with Queen, the council doubted his ability to put strong emotion into the performance. He had great stage presence but lacked emotion behind the eyes. That being said, he would share the lead with Kane on the second song, "Everybody" by the Backstreet Boys. It was an upbeat number that would draw the crowd in. Wes found it ironic that the freshmen were singing songs from bands they auditioned with. Perhaps the gods of show choir were looking down on them.

When Saturday came, the job of waking everyone fell to Wes. He wanted to call the dorms, but he knew teenage boys. He would have to physically wake them. Kane provided him with a list of the boys' dorms, which were scattered across the school. Just Wes's luck.

Jared Zilinski was the hardest to wake. Wes had to literally throw him off the bed to initiate some response from the freshman. He began to wonder why he had even joined the council in the first place. All his jobs seemed to be just for serving Kane. At least he would be the lead next year. Fifteen of his twenty-five minutes was spent on Zilinski. He hoped it wouldn't become a pattern.

Room H2BZ, Jeff Sterling and Blaine Anderson, was the easiest to wake. Both were awake and dressed. Blaine was doing vocal warm-ups while Jeff tried not to pass out into his cereal. At least they were taking breakfast seriously. Room H4CQ, Sebastian Smythe's room, was in a fury. Sebastian was nowhere to be seen and the kid's poor roommate, Tyung, was phoning him every few seconds. Nick Duval paced the opposite side of the room, calling as well. Wes heard something about scandals and alcohol; he hoped Nick was joking because if Sebastian really was drinking…He didn't want to deal with that again. Wes took Duval with him, texting Kane to look about for Sebastian. He feared they would have to remake their setlist. This was a horrible time for one of Smythe's antics.

At nine o'clock sharp, all Warblers except Sebastian were piled into the activity bus. Kane kept a cool head about himself as he drove, but the rest were in a panic. No Warbler had ever been late to a competition, let alone totally ditched one. Duval was still calling his stepbrother to no avail. Most of the older boys looked around nervously, secretly hoping a solo would fall to them if the missing boy never arrived. The team member affected the most was Blaine. He sat in the final row between Jeff and Trent, shaking in anxiety. He didn't appear to be the nervous type, at least not to Wes. It dawned on Wes that the boy was probably scared he would have to fill in on "Everybody" when he had only practiced the background vocals. Wes prayed they would find Sebastian.

Wesley Montgomery had been through many competitions, but never before had he entered one with such a strange attitude. He felt both over-confident and nervous. He knew Kane and Blaine would be great and he knew they would compensate for missing Sebastian. Not that it would be preferable. He led the team backstage even though they were second to perform. Kane wanted a pep-talk. He did a quick head count: 15. Good, only Sebastian was missing. The council gave their 'inspirational' speech before heading back to sit in the audience

_VIII_

Blaine shook in his seat, due to both nervousness and the ice cold temperature of the auditorium. He wasn't even sure where he was, but there was no need for an open place to be that damn cold in the middle of October. The boys seated next to him seemed to be perfectly fine. _Maybe their blazers are lined. _Kane handed him the sheet music to "Everybody", telling him to go over the lead. He could sense Kane's annoyance at him. Perhaps he was mad Blaine was successful in recruiting Sebastian, someone who seemed to be unreliable.

Jeff slept in the seat next to Blaine, chest gently rising and falling. Blaine envied his relaxation. Just before the first team was to go, Blaine darted from his seat to the bathroom. An overwhelming urge to be alone enveloped him. He pushed past the women in line for their bathroom. _Why was their line always so long? _The men's bathroom was empty. He pushed open the door and headed to the sink. He threw cold water on his face, hoping to shock himself out of his anxiety.

He breathed slowly, in through his nose and out through his mouth. He could feel his pulse in his fingers, speeding up…speeding up. The heartbeat in his ears pounded like a thousand drums and his felt his knees go week. Blaine put his hands on the porcelain sink to balance himself. He was suddenly in that dark alley again with Lucas. He felt the cold rush of January wind on his back, the laughter of the kids inside the gym. _You're not there. It's over_, he chanted to himself. He looked into the mirror, but all he saw reflected in his honey brown eyes was the personification of fear. He was no longer fretting over the competition; he was reliving his darkest moment.

"Anderson!" he heard from behind him. He whipped around and raised his right arm, expecting an attack. Instead he was welcomed with a familiar face. "As attractive as your moaning is, it is pretty distracting," Sebastian said with a smile. He was fully dressed in his uniform and seated in a plastic chair in the corner. Blaine had somehow missed him.

"Where the hell have you been?" Blaine half-hissed. He lowered his arm, coming down from his mini panic attack.

"I've been here this whole time."

"We've been looking for you all morning!" Blaine's stomach was settling as his demeanor changed from anxious to angry.

"Well obviously ya didn't look in the right place." Blaine rolled his eyes. "Nicky called me," Sebastian said, pulling out his phone, "fifty-seven times." He leaned back against the wall and pulled his knees to his chin. Somehow his whole figure fit into the tiny white chair. Blaine's mother would have yelled at him for wrinkling his pants. "I just needed time to think."

"So you've been here all day and last night?"

"Luckily, no. Last night my father called me home. Then I headed here a few hours ago." Blaine nodded, unsure how to respond. The voices of their competition crossed through the thin bathroom walls. "You know, we met in a bathroom," Sebastian continued. Blaine was glad the guy would look at him when he talked now.

"You remember that?"

"Of course. I remember everything." Blaine had a feeling he wasn't exaggerating. "It was interesting, the way you looked at me. You had just witnessed my father slapping me, yet your eyes held no pity."

"I didn't know what to say," Blaine snapped. He felt uncomfortable looking down at Sebastian. He wished he would stand up.

"I wasn't saying anything bad," he said, raising his hands above his shoulders. "It was nice, in a way. You didn't feel bad for me."

"Why is that good?" Blaine asked, looking around. The singing was getting louder.

"Because it confused me. You see, Blaine Anderson, I don't get you." His green eyes sparkled in the dim light of the bathroom.

"You've already said that." The conversation was taking a weird turn and Blaine was trying to figure a way to get out of it.

"You see, everyone falls into these patterns," he continued, ignoring Blaine. "They never break character." He got up to walk toward Blaine. "Yet you have so many characters inside you." Blaine held his breath as Sebastian approached him. They were now less than an arm's length away. He had to tilt his head up to see Sebastian.

"No one's one-dimensional," he managed to say.

"Sometimes you're cocky, sometimes you're uncertain. Other times you're humble, but then you're jealous," he said, still ignoring Blaine's input. "I could feel your eyes on me when I auditioned." Sebastian's thin lips turned up in a smile, his eyes holding Blaine's.

"I was scouting out the competition," Blaine responded fiercely. He could smell Sebastian's cologne due to their close proximity.

"No you weren't. I intrigue you," Sebastian said, his voice deep and knowing. Blaine didn't respond. He held Sebastian's gaze in a silent battle. They were at war. The two must have stood there for some time because the next thing they both heard was Wes at the bathroom door calling for Blaine.

The two spun around at their teammate's voice. Sebastian grabbed Blaine's wrist and dragged him out of the bathroom, past Wes, and to where the rest of the team was gathered.

"I found him," Blaine stuttered, pulling out of Sebastian's grip. The Warblers looked around, confused. They didn't speak; they were just glad the boys were back. Not long after a confused Wes rejoined them, a voice came over the intercom.

"That's us," Kane said, motioning for the team to follow him. The previous team removed their props ("Very tedious," Sebastian commented), while the Warblers stood behind the curtain. Blaine's earlier doubts had washed away; he was ready. The thumping of his heart returned to his ears, but this time it was of adrenaline rather than panic. He stopped going over the song in his head and let the song become him.

The boys took the stages, curtain still down. Blaine took his spot in front of his team, a spot that would become his own. He felt Kane's eyes on him from the middle of the group.

"Ladies and gentlemen, from Westerville, Ohio, I present you the Dalton Academy Warblers!" the announcer called as the red curtain rose. Blaine snuck a look at Nick, the closest to him. Nick returned the smile, his mouth too small to hold all his teeth. Blaine knew it wouldn't be the final time the two shared a moment. Yes, this was where he belonged.

William let out the first note and Blaine took a step toward the crowd in preparation. The intro was going perfectly. "_Love of my life, you've hurt me_," Blaine began, almost reaching his falsetto. He was glad his voice hadn't dropped completely. "_You've broken my heart and now you leave me._" Jared and Alexander Hamm began the base line with their deep voices. With "_Bring it back, bring it back_," the main line came in. Blaine heard Wes and Nick to his left. They were moving just on pace. "_Because you don't know what it means to me_." Blaine met Sebastian's eye as his side of the formation circled Blaine. Sebastian winked before continuing in his direction.

The song continued until Blaine returned in front of the group for the final note. "Everybody" went well. Sebastian and Kane's voices balanced each other perfectly and the choreography was well executed. Blaine couldn't have been prouder. Except he was when the announcer called them the winner of the 2009 Sectionals thirty minutes later. Kane accepted the trophy with cool arrogance. Nick slapped Blaine on the back in congratulations. He beamed as the light shone on the team. Blaine turned to hug Trent, and as he turned his head, he saw Sebastian. He stood at the end of the back row, smirking and not joining in the celebration.

If any member of the Warblers thought practices would ease up was kidding himself. If anything, they intensified. An ambulance even had to be called one night after a violent faint. Blaine had never been so excited in his life. Any silent animosity between Kane and himself faded after their victory. The leader was still not his favorite person, but he had grown to respect him. He really did understand how to run a team, even if he wasn't the most knowledgeable in music.

Blaine spent most numbers next to Sebastian, singing and dancing. Over the weeks he couldn't help but notice how Sebastian had changed. He was still closed off and occasionally rude, but his face always held a genuine smile. It pleased Blaine to watch him lose himself in the music

_IX_

What didn't please Blaine; however, was how little he had progressed in coming out to his friends. Dr. Minerva always told him that it was his choice, to not feel pressured, but Blaine knew that he had to do it. How could he expect them to be open with him when he couldn't be open with them? He was even more distressed at the fact that Christmas was approaching, meaning the end of the first semester, and he still experienced spontaneous flashbacks of the Sadie Hawkins dance. It was almost a year since the event, yet he couldn't shake it off. Even the depression pills- Dr. Minerva said he showed signs of mild PTSD- weren't making anything better. Perhaps if he told someone, creating a sense of trust, he would be okay.

Even Jeff sensed something was up with his best friend, and that was really saying something. Jeff was not the most acute of people when it came to emotions. Or much of anything. Blaine hated responding with "Nothing," when Jeff asked him what was wrong. But he couldn't help but notice how rapidly his roommate would turn the news off when anything about marriage equality came up. Blaine trusted him, but he didn't trust the environment he had grown up in.

Blaine wasn't scared of his other friends' responses. If Nick could deal with Sebastian, he could handle Blaine being gay. Tyung would probably ask him why he felt it was a secret and Jared would say "Cool, want to go to get pizza?" But he knew he had to tell Jeff first. He knew it seemed silly, but the idea of telling someone else before his own best friend just seemed wrong.

His biggest problem was not knowing how to go about it. He could ask for advice, but he didn't know anyone who was gay. He had his suspicions about Sebastian, but he doubted he was the best to ask for advice from. That left Blaine on his own. Again. He hoped an opportunity would arise soon.

And opportunity did arise.

"Hey man, you going to the winter dance?" Jeff asked Blaine after practice one night. Blaine was lying face down on his bed, reciting word stems in his head. Jeff sat across the room at the table on his laptop.

"What dance?" Blaine asked, his voice muffled from the pillow.

"With Crawford Country Day School. It's like our sister school or some crap like that." Blaine heard one of the teachers mention the dance but thought nothing of it.

"When is it?"

"Saturday. The newsletter said something about rewarding us before exams," Jeff said, throwing the said newsletter across the room. His dress shoe clad feet were on the table, crossed at the ankles. Blaine was glad he wasn't a neat-freak or whatever kids called it these days because there was no way he could deal with Jeff. The newsletter said the dance was Saturday night at Crawford Country Day. They didn't have to go with girls from that school, they could bring their own dates.

"Are you going?" Blaine asked, flipping through the booklet. He had no desire to go.

"Yeah. My girlfriend goes to CC. You should definitely come man."

"But I wouldn't have a date," Blaine said.

"So? We will literally be going to a building with just chicks in it. You'll find one to ruffle your feathers," Jeff laughed.

"I don't know. I might go," Blaine lied. Sadie Hawkins left a bad taste in his mouth about dances, and how was he supposed to explain why he didn't hook up with one of the girls afterwards? Isn't that what teenagers did? Blaine didn't know anymore. He threw himself back down on the bed and fell asleep.

Talk of the dance circulated throughout the school over the next few days. From what Blaine could tell, everybody was going. They were even cancelling Warbler practice for that night. He wasn't sure why the dance was such a huge deal until Tyung explained it to him.

"For years no one at Dalton was allowed to bring girls in. Strictly boys. No dances, no visits, nothing. The whole ordeal was misogynistic at the core. The headmasters thought the girls would corrupt their students," Tyung explained to Blaine as the two sat in the library. Blaine wondered how his friend knew all this information when he wasn't even from America.

"You would think it was the girls who would be corrupted," Blaine commented.

"Well this was the 1950s and teenage sex was pretty taboo. It wasn't until the late 70s that students were allowed to have female visitors. Then the radical headmaster, Andrew Vitiosus allowed the school to host a prom with the sister school."

"But doesn't Vitiosus mean corrupt?" Blaine asked.

"Yes, it's quite ironic," Tyung responded. "Anyway, each headmaster since Vitiosus has tried to abolish or lessen the amount of time Dalton and Crawford Country students spend together. That's why dances are such a huge deal. It's like the one time the boys can be around girls." Tyung spoke in his usual robotic voice. Most people with voices like that became annoying, but Blaine didn't mind Tyung. It fit him.

"Oh," was all Blaine could respond. Most of the boys at Dalton spent their entire lives at all male boarding schools, meaning they had little time to see girls, especially if they were non-commute students.

Blaine went on to find out that everyone he knew was going to the dance. He knew it shouldn't bother him, but it did. He wanted to tell someone why he wasn't going. He wanted them to know he wasn't just ditching them. And, anyway, he hated spending weekends alone. He hadn't been home in weeks, and he didn't really want to spend a Saturday night at home while all his friends were having fun.

His plans changed when he got a call on Friday night. Jeff was at the mall with Nick picking out suits, leaving room H2BZ and Blaine lonely. Blaine was playing Jeff's XBOX (he'd taken a liking to it) when his phone rang. He picked it up and furrowed his brow at the caller ID. The only reason the number was in his phone was for Warbler reasons. He had never called it, nor had it ever contacted him. It sat in between Sandra Anderson and Trent Nixon, two sharp S's. Blaine shrugged and answered it.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Hey Anderson," Sebastian responded. His words ran together, like he was tired. Or drunk. Either could be possible.

"Whatcha need?" Blaine tried to sound friendly. Sebastian might actually need something from him and he didn't want to sound like a jerk, even if the kid scared him sometimes.

"Are you going to that dance tomorrow night?" _Not what I was expecting._

"No. Why?" Blaine held the phone between his chin and shoulder as he reorganized his binder.

"Yeah I didn't think so. Me neither. I guess they wouldn't like it too much if we went together." Sebastian chuckled.

"What are you suggesting?"

"Oh come on, don't think it's a secret," Sebastian teased. Blaine could hear loud noises in the background. "I know you're gay." He didn't say it accusingly or even mockingly. Just as a statement.

"W-what are you talking about?" Blaine wasn't sure why he was trying to deny it, but he didn't trust Sebastian to keep his mouth shut. At least not until Blaine was comfortable with everyone knowing.

"Calm down, I didn't tell anyone. I am too." The ease at which Sebastian admitted this surprised Blaine. He never saw sexuality as something to be ashamed of but it wasn't something he would so blatantly say.

"Confession time," Blaine added sarcastically.

"Cute. But seriously, instead of moping around because all your friends like vaginas, why don't you hang out with me tomorrow night." Sebastian's words were fully comprehendible now. The worst part about it was that he sounded so serious; he wasn't playing a joke on Blaine or setting him up.

"Uh," he stammered, trying to think of an answer. He set his binder down on the floor and crossed his legs.

"It's not like _that,_ if that's what you're worried about," Sebastian said after silence on the other end. Blaine nodded though he knew the other couldn't see him. He was glad Sebastian didn't expect any _action _or anything.

"Sure. Where?"

"Oh, man you're gonna love it," Sebastian said excitedly. Blaine could hear the smile in his voice. "It's this cool place not too far from here."

"Where?" Blaine asked, becoming interested.

"It's called Scandals. I'm sure you've heard of it."

"Nope," Blaine said, shaking his head.

"Oh. It's, it's uh, kind of a gay bar." Blaine wondered what kind of a gay bar meant. "In West Lima. It's pretty cool, I got us fake IDs."

"That's pretty illegal, Sebastian," Blaine said.

"That's the point. It's fun. You don't have to drink if you don't want to," Sebastian said in an attempt to persuade Blaine to go with him. Blaine wondered why he didn't go alone or ask someone else.

"Okay, fine. But how are we going to get there? Neither of us can drive."

"We'll take the bus or a cab or something." There was a bus line that ran by Dalton on weekends to pick up kids and bring them into the city. Once they reached Westerville they could take a cab to West Lima. It would be pricy, given that Lima was over an hour away, but Blaine doubted money was a problem for Sebastian.

"Alright."

"I'll meet you at your dorm at 7. Anyone who sees us will just think we're heading to the dance." Blaine thought Sebastian sounded oddly excited about going to a bar.

"What's the, uh, attire?" Blaine asked, feeling embarrassed at the question. That's something you ask someone you're going on a date with.

"You would," Sebastian laughed, "just wear whatever. See ya then, Anderson." Before Blaine could respond, the line went dead. _Well this is going to be interesting._

_X_

"No, that doesn't match at all." Blaine rolled his eyes as Jeff started picking out ties. Being Dalton students the boys rarely had to choose what outfit they would wear. That made formal events much more difficult. Blaine was glad he didn't have to dress up that night.

"Of course it does!" Jeff argued, slapping Blaine's hand away from his tie. Jeff was wearing a suit with black jacket and pants and a light green shirt. Blaine wouldn't have chosen that color shirt but it wasn't terrible. What made the outfit gaudy to the eyes was the red and orange plaid tie with Donald Duck on it that Jeff was trying to wear. Blaine wasn't sure what red, orange, or plaid had to do with Mickey Mouse's friend, but whoever designed it was obviously colorblind.

"Dude, it looks like a gay pride parade crapped on you," Jared said from across the room, twirling his untied bowtie in his hand. Blaine and Jeff laughed in agreement. "After you're done with blondie, I need your assistance Blaine," he said, showing him the bowtie. Blaine rolled his eyes. He wasn't even sure how he got to be in charge of his friends' outfits.

"So what are you doing tonight?" Nick asked from the table. He was the only one who knew how to tie his own tie, for which Blaine was grateful.

"Just hanging around," he lied. He doubted telling them he was going to a bar with Sebastian would be an appropriate answer. Besides, part of him wanted to keep it a secret. He wasn't sure why.

"If you delete my player profile on Live again, I'm gonna kick your scrawny ass," Jeff said.

"I'm sorry, it's not my fault I'm not learned in the ways of XBOX," Blaine said as tied Jared's tie. Jeff insisted on the Donald Duck tie, and Blaine wished him the best of luck. He didn't know Jeff's girlfriend, but to deal with him he supposed she would get used to Donald Duck and his other strange antics.

"You will be. One year with Jeff Sterling and you'll be-"

"-be what?" Jeff was cut off by Sebastian walking in. Blaine checked the clock. Only 6:30. Not only was he early, but he didn't know how to knock either.

"Hey Sebastian," Blaine said, shooting him an annoyed look. Sebastian shrugged and closed the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?" Nick asked. His voice didn't have a rude tone to it, though the other two boys' faces did.

"I left some French notes in Blaine's binder," he improvised, crossing the room and taking papers that were indeed his out of Blaine's yellow binder. "Nice suit," he said to his stepbrother.

"Shut up," Nick said, looking down at his phone.

"I was being nice," Sebastian said as he reclined on Blaine's bed. Jeff's phone rang, a call from his girlfriend, saying she was ready.

"Adios hermano," Jeff said in a horrible Spanish accent and he, Jared, and Nick left the room, "and Sebastian," he added before shutting the door.

"Good lord, I thought they would never leave," Sebastian sighed, propping his feet up on the end of Blaine's bed.

"You're early," Blaine responded.

"I got bored. So you ready to go?" He took a look around Blaine and Jeff's dorm, picking up whatever was in his reach. Blaine rolled his eyes.

"Sure."

"I do have to warn you though, it's not the most…glamorous of places," Sebastian said as the two walked down the hall.

_And was Sebastian correct,_ Blaine thought as they walked into Scandals. His fake ID said he was 25, which was laughable. At least Sebastian could pass for his supposed 23, given his height. Blaine suspected the man at the front door didn't really care though.

"You're lucky you missed drag queen Wednesday," Sebastian whispered in Blaine's ear as they entered. Blaine was glad indeed. The dance floor, if that's what it was supposed to be, was crowded and tiny. Blaine was sure his living room was larger than the whole club. He stayed close to Sebastian as the other led him to what he thought was the bar, he couldn't really see. Sebastian handed the barman cash and in return received two beers. He gave one to Blaine and opened the other for himself.

"What is this?" Blaine whispered, not wanting to be heard.

"Just Michelob, trust me. The rest of the stuff here is shit," Sebastian said back. Blaine took a sip from his, not enjoying the taste. He and Cooper once drank some of their father's beer when he was away, and Blaine didn't like the taste then either. He didn't say anything though, he didn't want to ruin Sebastian's night.

Blaine expected Sebastian to head to the dance floor or the bathroom or anywhere but Blaine's side and leave him alone all night, but he didn't. Wherever Sebastian went he made sure Blaine came, too. Blaine had never seen so many…exotic looking people as he had that night, at least not in person. An hour after they arrived Sebastian had abandoned his full beer at the counter and dragged Blaine to the dance floor.

"C'mon this is fun," he said, smile stretching across his face. _Sebastian's so much hotter when he smiles, _Blaine thought, but then again that was probably just the beer talking. That's what he told himself anyway. And it was fun. He wouldn't admit it to Sebastian, or even to himself, but Scandals with Sebastian was probably the most fun he'd had in years.

"This is amazing!" he called over the din of the music, leaning away from two older males capturing each other in a sloppy kiss.

"I hope you don't mean the show we're getting," Sebastian said in his ear, pulling Blaine against him by his upper arm. Blaine laughed harder than he should have, throwing his head back against Sebastian's shoulder. The taller boy chuckled and pulled them both off the dance floor and to two bar stools. Blaine threw himself down on the chair and discarded his empty beer bottle. "You're a bit drunk for just one beer," Sebastian joked, nudging Blaine with his elbow. Blaine smiled and folded his hands in his lap. "So proper even in bar," Sebastian said.

"Always." Blaine knew he wasn't really _that _drunk. Just a little tipsy. He knew exactly what was happening around him. The lights were a bit harsher on his eyes and the music was louder. Things seemed to be happening too fast but he could document all the events of the night. That meant he wasn't drunk, right? He turned to look at Sebastian when the other began talking, and couldn't help but notice how his eyes shined brighter in the dark of the club. Or maybe it was just the beer. Probably both.

"So what's up with you?" Sebastian managed to say over the noise.

"What do you mean?" Blaine shifted in his seat as to lean away from a lesbian strip tease taking place next to him.

"You seem so uptight and serious at school. You laugh sometimes but you don't let go. But you are now. And I know it's not the beer." He played with the back of his popped collar as he spoke.

"Some bad stuff happened to me last year," Blaine said without hesitation, "and I guess I just haven't gotten used to being me again." Sebastian nodded.

"I know what you mean. Why don't we get out of here? The big crowd's coming." A large group of scantily clad people entered the club, already drunk from other night's activities. Blaine suddenly felt very small in the presence of the many people surrounding him. He nodded and gripped Sebastian's arm as the two exited.

"How long have you been going there?" He asked as they stepped outside. The raw December air struck the boys, causing them to shiver.

"Since I started going to Dalton. Not long. I'm oddly not the youngest person there," Sebastian answered, throwing his arms around himself.

"And you're only fourteen?" Blaine asked, his head pounding from the noise and alcohol. He hoped there was a bus stop nearby.

"Yup. Fifteen in May," he responded through shaking teeth. "So, why haven't you told any of your friends yet?"

"Told them what?"

"That you're gay," Sebastian said, as if it should be obvious.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just scared of what they'll say."

"Take some advice from me," Sebastian said as he threw an arm over Blaine's shoulders casually. "Don't give a damn about what they say. Just do what you want. Live life; breathe air, all that shit."

"That sounds really easy," Blaine said as he turned to look up at Sebastian. Their faces were so close Blaine could count the freckles on Sebastian's neck. And he really did smell good. Blaine cursed the beer for making these thoughts.

"It is. You'll be fine, man." Blaine nodded in agreement. He pushed himself up against Sebastian's side as Sebastian called for a cab. His phone told him it was thirty-seven degrees. He swore it was colder; his breath was freezing as he inhaled and exhaled. Sebastian's nose was turning bright red from the wind and Blaine felt bad he had nothing to block his face from the cold. Blaine turned into Sebastian's shoulder to keep the wind off his face. It was oddly comfortable.

When the cab finally arrived Sebastian pulled Blaine into the cab, leaving his arm over his shoulders. The driver looked back at them and smirked.

"Where ya headed?" he asked in a monotone voice.

"Westerville," Sebastian answered before Blaine could.

"Alright," the driver said, turning back to the road. They rode in silence, Blaine leaning into Sebastian's side and shaking. Sebastian looked down at him and smiled softly, unsure how he felt of the sensation of being so close to someone.

They arrived in downtown Westerville and Sebastian paid the cab driver, despite Blaine's argument. The two walked to the bus station that would take them to Dalton. The cab couldn't take them to Dalton because it was out of his jurisdiction. Sebastian moved his arm from around Blaine and crossed his arms to keep warm. Standing under the city lights made them slightly warmer, but they both longed for the warmth of their dorms. They rode the bus in silence, Sebastian on his phone and Blaine's head spinning.

They arrived back at Dalton around the same time a lot of the kids from the dance did, making sneaking in easier. Blaine tripped when he entered due to his tipsiness. Sebastian rolled his eyes and pulled the other up by his underarms. The Heissenberger wing was relatively empty when they arrived. _Most of the guys were probably off getting laid_, Blaine thought.

"You know you don't have to walk me to my room, I'm perfectly fine," Blaine said when they entered the H wing, Sebastian still at his side.

"My room's down there," he responded, as if that should be obvious.

Blaine was relieved when he reached H2BZ. He really needed sleep. There was no sock on the door, so Jeff must have been with his girlfriend back at Crawford Country or he was practicing abstinence for the night. Blaine hoped for the latter. He stumbled through his wallet for they key. When he found it he turned to the silent Sebastian.

"You can go now I'm fine."

"I know," Sebastian said, looking down at him with an indescribable look. It was somewhere between annoyance and adoration. He turned, and Blaine thought it was to leave, but it was for something else. Sebastian put a hand on the side of Blaine's face, turned his face down, and kissed him. Blaine didn't know what to do; he'd never kissed anyone before. So he did what he'd seen in movies, without the tongue of course. Sebastian's lips were cold against his, but strong. Blaine turned, placing a hand on Sebastian's chest, and made an attempt to deepen the kiss. Sebastian sucked his upper lip into his mouth and Blaine lost his breath in shock. He was not expecting that. _But damn, did it feel good._ Sebastian then pulled away, causing Blaine to sigh at the loss of warm contact. Sebastian smiled at him, winked, and then turned to leave. "Remember my advice. See ya 'round Blaine." Blaine opened his door, still confused. But he did have to admit, being called Blaine was much better than Anderson.


	4. Chapter 4

Some elements of this story may be disturbing to some readers. It will deal with Antisocial Personality Disorder, non-violent sociopathy, some elements of PTSD, as well as nongraphic (or graphic) depictions of sex and may include references to rape. Unhealthy relationships and depression are also mentioned.

This story takes place over a span of about five and half to six years (with gratuitous time skips.) The depictions of characters with disorders listed above are in no way written based on my opinions, but are purely a work of fiction.

I obviously own nothing (except the few OCs that show up throughout the story.) I have no idea how often this will be updated. Stay tuned!

The rating will change from T to M later on.

**A/N: This will be the final book in part 1: Sebastian. It will be quite long, bear with me.**

**All the events occurring during this part occur concurrently with Glee season 1. (Some dates may be changed, especially competition dates. Sometimes regionals are in May, sometimes in March or February. All events are the same.) Read this story as you would anything that was original (i.e. watch for events, themes, etc because they are important.) Don't believe everything the narrators tell you… This story is essentially a Blaine story and will continue to be. There are no warnings for this chapter.**

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 1: Sebastian**

_Book 4: Blossoming_

_I_

The first snowfall of the winter was a cause for large celebration at Dalton Academy. The Christmas trees (which were still named that. Luckily the politically correct liberals hadn't reached private schools yet) were imported and carried in by seniors. Holiday music played over the loudspeakers and snowball fights became daily occurrences. It was hard to be a Scrooge at Dalton. Even the small Jewish population had menorahs and worship sites designed for their faith. It was quite a sight, mid-December.

The first snowfall also brought about new beginnings. The school year was half over and new students were more or less accustomed to the school. Like all schools of its stature, Dalton had strict traditions, some of which confused Blaine Anderson. He didn't understand the fascination with mistletoe, especially in a school full of guys. He supposed it was all good fun, but it left everyone slightly uncomfortable walking through doorways. The constant singing, oddly enough, also got on his nerves. It wasn't so much the music that bothered him, but the skill of those singing it. Kane Adams had refused, in his fashion, to host any Warbler Christmas caroling for the winter. Most of the team was relieved, but Blaine would have rather popped in to classrooms and sang to people he didn't know than listen to the monstrosity that was everyday singing.

Winter feasts could add a good ten pounds to its consumer after just one meal. Blaine had never seen so much food in one place. In the Anderson household, holidays were a big deal, but his mother never cooked a ham as large as the ones he ate from every night. Ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, yams, pudding, the list could go on. He wondered what Thanksgiving must have looked like. Jeff often snuck food back into their dorm for one of his many "midnight snacks". (Said snacks usually occurred every half-hour from the time they arrived back to their room.) The two were glad security didn't do room searches anymore, because they would surely be upset by the amount of spoiled food they would find under Jeff's bed. Blaine thought eating left-over sweet potatoes at 2 a.m. with his best friend beat any fancy feast the school could put on.

. The final Warbler practices of the term- which infuriatingly coincided with exams- became almost cryptic in nature. Regionals weren't scheduled for another three months, but Kane and the council were cracking down harder than they had the week before Sectionals. Kane always seemed to be hiding something from the rest of the team, something that would give them an extra edge. Blaine wasn't sure if it was intuition or paranoia, but he often had the sense the captain wasn't being honest with them. He waved the feeling off, dismissing it as exam stress, and practiced on.

One thing he couldn't shake off was his night at Scandals with Sebastian the week previously. When the two met again at school the following week, Sebastian was cold as ever, never referencing the night (and the kiss) the two shared. Blaine knew the other boy's behavior was not out-of-character and that he should drop any hope the topic would be brought up between them. He felt oddly pleased at the idea of silence; talking always worried him. Other than a moderate physical attraction, Blaine felt nothing for the other boy. He chalked up their encounter to a story he would tell his grandchildren when they asked how his first kiss was. _Random, confusing, and pretty damn wonderful. _

That being said, he couldn't keep Sebastian's advice out of his head. Being drunk, the advice was one of the few things he vividly remembered from that night. "Live life, breathe air, all that shit," he had said. It wasn't the deepest advice, but Blaine took what he could from it. Sebastian taught him that night to be _free. _To open up, do something illegal every now and then. That it was okay to let go every now and then. To take life by the balls, as said in teenage vernacular. Blaine decided his first plan of action would be to come out. He could do it. He would just pop in "Hey I'm gay!" and leave. His friends weren't like his parents; they didn't require proper etiquette or explanation. They would have to take him at face value. And he was okay with that.

Blaine was sure of one thing: Jeff would have to be the first. During the week following Blaine and Sebastian's trip to Scandals, Blaine meticulously planned out how he would approach Jeff. It was also the final week of semester, meaning exams. Blaine had quite a lot on his plate. He could mention things in passing to Tyung or Nick who paid attention. They would hear him, but understand he didn't want to make a big deal of it. Jeff; however, had to be slowed down. He had to be focused on t he discussion at hand or he was a lost cause. Blaine knew the best way to tell him would be before one of them was leaving to go somewhere. He couldn't be told when they would spend a lot of time together. Blaine expected his friend to require some time to understand.

Warbler practice was cancelled on Friday, the last day of term. Kane said it was to allow out-of-town students to leave, but Blaine suspected it was for Kane's own alcohol reasoning. When one was rich and powerful in a rich and powerful school, he could get away with anything. Jared, excited at the aspect of a free day, scheduled with his brother for a karaoke night and Gigorio's for their group. Even Tyung agreed to go. Blaine knew he couldn't jeopardize his friends' fun by coming out before that. He didn't want there to be an elephant in the room.

The Gigorio's karaoke section turned out to just be a few tables and a microphone with a cheap laptop hidden in the back of the shop. Not glamorous, but it worked. Jared invited some of his friends who attended Westerville High, Carmel, and McKinley, making the group grow to about seventeen. If anyone thought Jared's shaggy hair was unprofessional, they would have had a heart attack if they ever met his friends. Blaine had never seen so many variations of the color black before. Chains and facial piercings were very different from the coiffed hair and pressed clothes of Dalton. The kids were nice despite their exterior, which made Blaine like them more. They were more than their appearance, than what anyone thought of them. He wished he were like that. Nick and Jeff agreed that it was nice to see some girls around.

Karaoke night should have been renamed to Sit Around Awkwardly Night. One of Jared's McKinley friends, Tina, was a member of her school's show choir, the New Directions. She told Blaine of complications surrounding their Sectionals competition. Their setlist was stolen just before the competition, but they were able to remake it on the spot and secure the win. The girl was just shorter than Blaine and stuttered slightly when she talked, though he noticed she fell out of the habit when she talked quickly. Wes had told the Warblers about the New Directions, but did so in an unconcerned manner. He and the council acted as if the new group would be no problem. After hearing Tina's story, Blaine wasn't so sure anymore. The McKinley group may not have the tradition and class of the Warblers, but they obviously knew what they were doing.

Blaine voiced his concerns about McKinley High's New Directions the following evening as they began to pack. Normally he would have just told his friends, but the fear of losing to a new group made him speak to Kane. Kane originally dismissed his worries, but took an interested countenance when Blaine mentioned a name Tina had said: Rachel Berry. Blaine quickly left the leader's quarters and headed back to his to finish his plan.

Jeff was headed to Colorado for Christmas break, a vacation full of skiing and hot chocolate. It was a romantic way to spend the holiday, Blaine thought. His friend stood over his bed, throwing clothes into an already over-stuffed suitcase. Tina had inspired something in Blaine, similar to the way Sebastian had the previous weekend. He was inspired to go out and do what he wanted. He was no longer hindered by fear.

"Jeff," he said as he entered the room, "I have something to tell you." If it had been a less serious atmosphere Blaine would have laughed at his morbid tone.

"I'm getting worried about the New Directions, too, but we can't forget about Carmel. Vocal Adrenaline is easily our biggest competition. I don't see why you're fretting over what the Asian girl said." It was the first time Blaine heard Jeff be so serious about show choir.

"No, it's not that. It's more important."

"Okay, go ahead," Jeff said cheerily, sitting next to his suitcase to face his friend. Blaine thought he would be nervous in the seconds before his coming out, but he felt no different than he usually did.

"I'm not going to make a huge deal of it because this shouldn't change how you see me. But I wanted you to be the first to know," Blaine said slowly, looking straight ahead. "So, here it goes," he chuckled to himself, "I'm gay." He expected some reaction from Jeff, whether it be a nonchalant shrug like Cooper's or a knowing smirk like Sebastian's, or even sheer disappointment like his father's. But Jeff said nothing. His face was unreadable.

"Okay," Jeff said slowly, nodding to himself. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Hey man, I didn't tell you this because I _like _you or anything," Blaine broke the silence, trying to dispel any thoughts his friend may be having. "I just trust you more than anyone and I wanted to tell you."

"Well thanks, it means a lot," Jeff said as he looked at the ground. Blaine could feel some indiscernible tension in the air and he didn't know why. "I'm just trying to process it." Blaine nodded, heading over to his own suitcase as to not make the event significant. He was afraid that if he made too big a deal of his coming out that his friend would as well.

Jeff was silent for a while. He continued to pack but at a much slower pace than he had been previously. Blaine kept his back turned and hoped the silence would break.

"I've never met a gay person before." Jeff's statement cut the air. He didn't say it harshly or judgmentally, but frankly as was his nature. _Sure you have, _Blaine thought, thinking of Sebastian, but decided it wise to not out the other boy, even if he would be mostly nonchalant about it.

"Well here's a living, breathing one right here."

"Don't say it that way," he said, turning to face his friend. "I didn't mean it like that… I didn't mean for it to sound dehumanizing." Blaine didn't take the statement in that way but kept silent. "I just mean that no one's ever trusted me like this." He flipped his blonde hair out his face. "And I don't see you any different, but it's going to take some time for me to get used to the idea." Blaine nodded, accepting his friend's statement. He was expecting worse, given Jeff's right-winged family.

Blaine's sexuality wasn't brought up the rest of the day. Most of the boys left, given that they were leaving for vacation, but Blaine stayed as long as he could. Tyung was also staying in Westerville, given that China was too far to travel for just two weeks. Blaine spent the remainder of Saturday with Tyung, discovering much about his new friend. In talking to him, Blaine realized his own differences from those around him. Nick was quiet and pensive, Jeff loud and joking, Jared painfully sarcastic, and Tyung introverted. But Blaine didn't fit into any of those categories. He liked to think of himself as an amalgam of his friends' qualities. He wasn't a book to be read by someone like Sebastian who held theories that everyone was the same. In realizing this, Blaine felt a weight rise from his chest, one he never knew he was carrying. Ever since the Sadie Hawkins incident, he had only seen a bleak grey in his future, but now he saw a bright light. He heard music and laughter. Dr. Minerva had been correct; things did get better.

_II_

Christmas break brought no special changes to the life of Blaine Anderson. However, the life around him was changing. Kane Adams heeded the freshman's warning, prompting a mandatory council meeting the day before Christmas.

"So what are we going to do about this new threat?" He asked the three boys in front of him. He often wondered why they were voted to lead the team with him. William was the closest to him in character, but lacked conviction. David was just a meager follower, and Wes had too much heart. Kane wished the Warblers would go back to the days of captains.

"We'll do what we always do," Wes said, "win." David nodded, stirring his coffee reluctantly with a black spoon. Kane could sense his disinterest.

"That's easier said than done," Kane continued, "we can't afford to lose. At all. To anyone." His teammates nodded in agreement, though they didn't follow his train of thought. "This meeting isn't just about McKinely."

"Than what's it about?" Wes asked impatiently.

"It's about pride and brotherhood. It's about winning _at all cost._" He emphasized the final words with rough hand gestures. William kept a bored face while the other two shared a worried glance.

"You say we should cheat," Wes accused.

"No. I say we _use our assets._ We know who our main competition is."

"Vocal Adrenaline," said a voice from the doorway. The four boys at the table turned to see the newcomer. Sebastian Smythe stood in the threshold, smirking. Kane nodded, gesturing for him to come over.

"Why is he here?" Wes asked.

"I told you, we're using assets and he's the best we've got." Sebastian took a seat next to Kane before taking David's coffee from its owner's hand. "Like he said we have to worry about Vocal Adrenaline. And we know their best asset."

"Jesse St. James," said Sebastian. Wes had the feeling he was no longer welcome at his own meeting.

"Correct. And we know St. James. He's talented, attractive, motivated." Kane counted the attributes on his fingers. "But he's not smart."

"I heard he's planning on graduating with full honors," William said, uninterested.

"He might be book smart, I don't know, but he doesn't have the kind of smarts we have." Kane looked at the freshman seated next to him.

"And what would that be?" Wes asked, becoming increasingly more uncomfortable.

"Business smarts. We know that St. James is lonely, it's obvious. He's too talented, too perfect for anyone to love."

"Or maybe he's too in love with himself," Sebastian added. Wes thought it ironic coming from Sebastian of all people.

"That too. He's dramatic, and needs someone just as dramatic as he is. We know from scouting New Directions that they have that." Kane ran a hand through his short hair, as if he were anticipating some great revealing.

"Rachel Berry." Sebastian finished the leader's sentence.

"Exactly. She has the theater look, the voice, and definitely the ties we need to win."

"How does she fit into this?" David spoke for the first time, taking his coffee from Sebastian. The lights dimmed, adding to the melodramatic element. Wes thought the whole situation reminded him of the Mafia.

"You see, Rachel Berry is the only thing McKinley has going for them. They can't dance, can't plan, and can hardly sing. If we get their star to cross paths with St. James, then we eliminate both competitions." Sebastian nodded, taking a sip from David's coffee. The rest of the boys stared at the leader in silence, prompting him to continue. "The two are easy to manipulate, most dramatics are. We play on the one thing they share in common, distract them, and take the National title from underneath their noses." Kane rested his elbow on the table and pulled at his blazer sleeve. The fire behind him was getting too hot.

"And how is that _not _cheating?" Wes demanded.

"It never says in the rule book that we can't pull some strings here and there. We won't be stealing their setlist or something equally as stupid."

"Like taking performance enhancing drugs," Sebastian commented.

"And what is this thing that they share?" William asked, interested for the first time.

"Two things, actually," Kane continued, "love and Shelby Corcoran." The boys fell silent at the Broadway star's name. It was no secret amongst the show choir community that she was the only reason Vocal Adrenaline was a known entity. Jesse St. James was talented, but was nothing without direction. "I know nothing about Miss Berry personally, so I'm going to need one of you to keep tabs on her. But I am positive about their connection to Corcoran." The fire crackled behind them. "Corcoran is Berry's mother." Wes and David shared a shocked look. They had no idea the woman had a child, let alone one who attended a rival school.

"She doesn't live with her, if that's what you're wondering," Sebastian interjected to the boys. "She's her biological mother, but Miss Berry has two fathers. All Corcoran did was give birth to her."

"How does he know this?" David asked. Even Kane looked confused at Sebastian's knowledge.

"I've been keeping tabs on her. Facebook is an interesting tool. And so is stalking people at the Lima Bean," Sebastian responded, putting his feet on the table. He was the only one not dressed in the Dalton uniform.

"Dude that's creepy," William said to the ground.

"I'm glad you hopped on the ball, Sebastian. It's nice to see someone who has clear ambition," Kane said, his eyes on Wes the whole time. "Sebastian keep up the good work, I'll talk to some friends of mine and get Berry to meet St. James." With that, Kane and Sebastian rose, heading for the door. "Meeting adjourned," he said, tapping a gavel on the table before leaving. Neither boy noticed the short Asian peering across the hall.

_III_

The first day back from Christmas break was always a slow, yet exciting one. The boys were excited to see each other, but dreaded the onslaught of work they would return to. Teachers were already speaking of final exams. Several boys in Blaine's classes didn't return to Dalton for the second semester due to their grades, but all his friends stayed. The Warblers; however, lost a member. Trent Nixon was no longer attending Dalton Academy, though no one knew why. It wasn't his grades; he had a Top Ten spot in the sophomore class. He never answered any texts or calls from his teammates. This left the group with only fifteen members. It was more than enough to perform, but it messed up their formation. They required a divisible sixteen for their numbers.

When Blaine heard the news of an open spot, he immediately attempted to persuade Tyung to audition. The other boy had often said he felt left out when Blaine, Nick, Jeff, and Jared were part of a club he was not. Blaine knew he could carry a tune, even if he was not the best soloist.

"All we need is someone who can harmonize," he told Tyung the second day back.

"I know, but I don't think I can do it. According to the counselors, I'm ranked number two in the grade and I need to be number one." Blaine thought it an odd excuse. Tyung always had plenty of time to get his schoolwork done, and it was a wonder how someone could have higher grades than him. Just two months ago he had seemed eager to join, but now he didn't. What had changed?

Blaine noticed some changes in those surrounding him. Nick was quieter than usual after the break; Blaine wondered if it had to do with his family relations. He didn't speak much of his stepfather and Sebastian, but they all could sense a strained relationship between them. Blaine's father could be cold to him, but he knew he always loved him. He wondered what it was like to live with someone who may not even care about you. Jeff didn't bring up what Blaine had told him before they left, though he did shy away from conversation involving anything related to gay people. Jared, as usual, was unaffected. He had marvelous tales (mostly untrue) of one night stands and drunken nights he spent before Christmas. Blaine just laughed; he knew his friend spent the break at his ninety-year-old grandmother's house.

Blaine found himself looking for (or at) Sebastian differently and more often than he had before. It must have been the night they spent at the bar or their kiss that caused this change in the way he viewed the other boy. Blaine couldn't help but pity him, though he knew Sebastian was surely not the kind to want to be pitied. There was something wrong, there had to be, with a fourteen-year-old who spent his time at bars rather than with people he knew. He sensed there was something complex, yet so simple, about the other boy, though he dared not ask for fear of what he would discover. Despite it being his first kiss, Blaine was largely unaffected by it. Of course he _liked _it, but felt no need to speak of it to Sebastian, and definitely not his friends. Blaine didn't dwell on the intimacy they shared; he was sure Sebastian was the type to have been kissed a lot.

The Warblers held practices just about everyday, though their Meetings were of more importance. By council tradition, Meetings occurred once a semester, or more if a crisis was faced. Upon losing Trent Nixon, the council decided it a crisis deserving of a Meeting. In true Kane Adams fashion, the group wasn't to meet in the Warbler Commons, but rather in Kane's suite, room T13. He sent out unnecessary invitations and expected them at 6:30.

Blaine and Jeff took the back entrance into the T wing, cutting through the grounds and past the baseball field. The baseball team was holding a charity softball game against the Crawford Country Day softball team. Blaine would have rather watched the game than had a Meeting. Jeff was quieter around Blaine when they were alone than he had previously been. Blaine suspected it was due to his "getting used to" Blaine's being gay, which didn't bother him. He couldn't expect everyone to be as open-minded as he aspired to be. Jeff's Dalton tie was tied tighter than it had been before; it strained against his collar and neck. Blaine wanted to pull on it, to make it looser.

Room T13 was overcrowded: fifteen boys packed into a living room, along with several freshmen Kane kept around to do his duties. Blaine noticed them as boys who had been cut from auditions. He didn't know what was worse: getting cut and doing Kane's bidding or making the team and doing Kane's bidding. He would be glad when this year was over and the leader was graduated. Over the top formalities took place, which were, of course, Warbler Tradition. Blaine wondered if he had joined a singing cult. After being seated by age (William being the oldest, and, oddly enough, Sebastian being the youngest), Kane began the discussion for the night.

"As you all know, we have sadly lost a member," the blonde said, looking out at his teammates. They were seated like the Knights of the Round T able, though Blaine found the rule to be more tyrannical. He loved the Warblers but the way they were run often annoyed him.

"It makes it seem like Trent _died," _Nick whispered to Blaine. They snickered.

"But, with it being so close to Regionals-"

"That's not for another two months," Cameron Michaels, sophomore, interjected.

"In the show choir world, two months is like two seconds," William said in a bored tone. Blaine wondered how he even got on the council.

"Yes," Kane said forcefully, willing his team to stay quiet. "As I was saying, with it being so close to Regionals we don't have time to re-audition. Anyway, those who were cut deserve to be cut." He took a sip from his coffee and looked at the bedroom door behind him. "There's a transfer student I would like to introduce as the Warblers' newest member." The bedroom door creaked open to reveal another boy. His skin was tanned, darker than Blaine's. He had gelled black hair- like most his teammates- and looked about the room nervously. "Thad Harwood, gentlemen," Kane said with a half-smile.

"That's me," Thad added, awkwardly walking over to the table. He sat in between Wes and Alexander Hamm, making Blaine think he was either a junior or a senior. "Junior, seventeen," he said when all eyes turned to him.

"Thad can sing and dance, and holds promise to be a junior council member next year." That caused quite an uproar amongst upperclassmen. Council members were juniors and seniors who were talented, in both music and leadership, and had been on the team for long enough to be able to lead it. Usually council members had been on the Warblers since freshman year, but there were some exceptions.

"Look, so you're saying that he can make the council before I can?" Cameron asked. He was slated to be a junior member the following year. "This is my second year on the team and he just got here. Explain how that's fair!"

"We judge by superiority, not seniority here," Kane responded coolly. Wes and David looked annoyed, but tried not to show it. No use in making Thad feel bad for doing nothing.

"What are you trying to say about me?" Cameron hissed, leaning across the table. He was seated next to Blaine- being the youngest sophomore while Blaine was the oldest freshman.

"He's trying to say you lack conviction, Michaels," a voice from Blaine's left added. Sebastian stuffed his phone in his pocket, sitting up to pay attention.

"You're gonna let him insult me?" Cameron thrust his arm in Sebastian's direction, almost hitting Blaine in the face. "The guy you had to chase to get to join, and who clearly is more bored with us than even William is!"

"It's true," William added flatly.

"I'm bored because how this team is run," Sebastian said.

"And how's that?" Kane asked, turning his head to the boy next to him. _Great now he's offended, _Blaine thought.

"These uniforms try to make us all the same," Sebastian said, gesturing to his blazer, "yet we aren't. No one is the same, like snowflakes or whatever." Blaine thought it odd coming from him, the same boy who had remarked that all people fit into certain categories. "Some are better than others and I don't see the use in pretending they're not."

"Then what do you suggest we do about it?" Wes said loudly across the table. From the first audition, Blaine could sense the council member's annoyance with Sebastian.

"We have a captain. Sports do it. The quarterback, shortstop, guard. The best and most important member makes decisions, and does so without formalities. Kane may be the head of the council but he can't get off his own ass without your approval," he spat back. Blaine looked at Nick, who gave him a somber look. Sebastian seemed uncharacteristically passionate in his statement. He wondered if something was going on behind closed doors.

"We do things the way we do because of-" Kane began.

"-Tradition. I know. And it's a load of horseshit." With that, Sebastian rose, walking around the table to the door. Before he left, he stopped behind Blaine. Blaine turned. "Call me," he whispered in his ear before storming out.

_IV_

Poor Thad Harwood had a tough time adjusting to the remainder of the meeting. Upperclassmen were hostile to him, and he wasn't given a good introduction to the underclassmen- rather, underclassman- he would be leading the next year. Kane continued the meeting, though Blaine had dazed out after Sebastian had left. He wondered why the other boy would want him to call him, and if it had to do with the week before winter exams.

"Because of their wins at their respective Sectionals, Carmel will be competing against McKinley in the upcoming Regionals." Blaine heard the words but paid no attention; he was sure Nick was doing enough for the both of them. Nick sat upright, his full attention on Kane's words. He was always attentive, but never so extreme. Blaine wondered if it was the new coffee he had begun to drink.

"How good is McKinley?" One of the upperclassmen asked.

"They're better than most our competition, save Carmel, but shouldn't be too much of a threat. They easily took District 1 but that's not saying much. They've got a star, a girl-"

"-Berry," William interrupted.

"Yeah, her. She's basically their whole team so I wouldn't worry about them." Kane snuck a look at Wes and David, as if telling them to not speak. Nick looked between the three rapidly. Blaine's phone vibrated loudly in his pocket. He slammed the heel of his palm down on it to silence it. The other boys were too busy arguing to notice. He pulled it out, seeing he had three messages.

**Sebastian Smythe: **Well I see you're staying in there with those animals. Have they said anything about me? Nevermind that, I'm sure they have.

Blaine read the message and did not know how to respond. He turned the brightness down and hid the device under the table. It vibrated loudly again.

**Sebastian Smythe: **That was a pointless text, don't try to answer it. Anyway, I told you to call me because I'm bored.

**Blaine Anderson: **Of what?

Blaine looked around to make sure no one was watching him.

**Sebastian Smythe: **This place. There's like no one worth my time.

**Blaine Anderson: **Thanks.

**Sebastian Smythe: **Other than you, of course, considering that I'm texting you. Believe me, if I found you boring I wouldn't have taken you to Scandals.

_Great. _So that's how it would be brought up. Blaine felt his face go read, though he knew he shouldn't have been embarrassed. The conversation had changed to setlist planning, which he thought was a bit early. Jeff slept two chairs down from him.

**Sebastian Smythe: **That wasn't supposed to make you uncomfortable. It was fun.

He sent the text when Blaine hadn't responded for several minutes.

**Blaine Anderson: **Yeah. It was a nice change of scenery.

**Sebastian Smythe: **Anyway, we should hang out this weekend.

**Sebastian Smythe: **Oh god, I sound like a middle school girl. Disregard that. What I meant was that I have a lacrosse tournament in Columbus this weekend and you should come. I really can't stand my team.

**Blaine Anderson: **You can't stand much of anyone, can you?

Blaine purposely ignored the question. He didn't see the harm in going to Sebastian's tournament, but he doubted he would enjoy it. First of all, he knew nothing about lacrosse, and it wouldn't be much "hanging out" if Sebastian was on the field the whole time.

**Sebastian Smythe: **You pick up quickly. Well if you want to go, you can ride on the bus with me Friday night or get someone to drive you there Saturday morning. It starts at 10 (assuming we win on Friday. If not we start at 7. Beautiful, right?)

Sebastian sent another message with an attachment giving the address of the complex. Blaine had never seen a lacrosse game, not even on television. From what he understood, it was an Ivy League and European sport. Columbus was a big enough city to have such a unique complex, he decided, considering Westerville had only baseball fields of that size. He slipped his phone back into his uniform pants to give the illusion that he was listening to whatever Kane was saying.

The Meeting ended about an hour after Sebastian left, with Kane instructing the boys to be at practice everyday until Regionals or they were kicked off. (Which made no sense, considering they spent half the meeting talking about how they needed sixteen members.) The other remaining time was spent on Kane peptalk, which Jared nicknamed Dean Lindsey Fucked Us Over So Now We Gotsa Win. Blaine found it an accurate title. He wanted to win Nationals just as much as the rest of the team, but for a different reason. Kane's reason was for revenge, redemption, while Blaine wanted to win simply because he knew they could. He'd been watching show choir videos since middle school, and never before had he seen anyone with the discipline and talent as the Warblers; not even Jesse St. James. He walked back to his dorm with a silent Jeff and hoped the storm- or whatever it was- would blow over.

_V_

Dr. Minerva was pleased to hear that Blaine came out, even if to only one person.

"It's good that you have a friend you can trust, and even more you feel will be good candidates for you to tell." She said Friday afternoon. Blaine sat across her, looking out the window onto Lima, Ohio. He saw a school bus passing full of high schoolers. They had to be from either McKinley or Carmel. His competition.

"I'm glad I told him, too. I feel like I can breathe," he said, wishing he could silence the vibrating cell phone in his pocket. He still hadn't made up his mind about going to Columbus.

"What was his reaction?"

"He was pretty quiet. Still is. He doesn't seem to have a problem with me, but seems to have a problem with _it_."

"Elaborate," she said as if she were commanding an animal.

"See, he comes from a really conservative family. Which is fine: to each his own, though I was afraid it would cause a rift between us." The fish in the tank floated along. The gentle hum of the filter started to annoy Blaine. "All he said was 'It's going to take some time for me to get used to the idea'." he said in a perfection impersonation of Jeff's voice.

"Do you think that he feels that your orientation goes against his personal beliefs, or the beliefs of those around him? And perhaps he's at an internal struggle to discover what he feels is right?" Dr. Minerva adjusted her glasses. "He knows that he likes and respects you, but is maybe at a crossroads between realizing that the people his surroundings condemn are people just as he is."

"I thought we were here to psychoanalyze me, not him," Blaine said flatly. His phone had stopped ringing.

"That is what you're paying for, I suppose. But I think by thinking about what could be going on in his mind will help you."

"How?"

"I think you're at a crossroads just like your friend is." Her voice was soft, less shrink-like. Blaine liked her better when she was like this. "You know who you are down to the fundamental level, yet you can't connect with that person and who everyone else thinks you are."

"You say I'm faking?" He asked, confused.

"No. I think you're incredibly genuine, yet don't know how to deal with those that aren't as pure as you. I can tell by the constant vibrations of your cellular device that you're ignoring someone." She winked at him over her glasses.

"But what does that have to do with crossroads?"

"You are still recovering from the trauma you experienced last year, the trauma that for so long defined you. But now you have people to identify with and love. Part of you wants to return to the shell of the boy who first came to me, but the other part wants to answer those calls you keep getting." Blaine looked down at his lap, heeding her words. He had to admit that they sounded true. She had put his feelings into words, something he would never be able to do for himself. He could feel the split in his soul; the split that was still scared of his father's judgment and of being alone, and the other half that was so ready to see the world. That was prepared to be rejected, but wasn't hindered by it.

"You should be an author," Blaine joked, his eyes still looking down.

"I've been told that before," she replied with a smile.

The appointment carried on for over an hour, though it seemed shorter to Blaine. He hated tuning her out; he knew she could help him, but his mind was racing. He didn't see the harm in calling Sebastian and saying he would go to the tournament. It really wasn't that big of a deal. But he knew that small decisions could lead to something larger, something he couldn't fix. Yet he had already made his decision. Dr. Minerva was correct; he was lost in the question that transcends time: Who Am I? He was Blaine Anderson, who wasn't afraid of anything.

_VI_

Only one minor detail had the ability to ruin his decision to go to Sebastian's tournament: he hadn't told his mother. Though he was spending the weekends at school regularly, she would still want to know when he was leaving the city. For some unexplainable reason, he chose not to tell her. Blaine knew she would have no problem with him going- she would probably want to throw a party about it- but he kept quiet. It was almost as if his going was a secret. He didn't even tell Jeff where he was going on Friday as he left to meet Sebastian.

Sebastian and Tyung's room was only a hallway away in the H wing, but Blaine still didn't want to make the walk. He knew Tyung's disapproval of his roommate and hoped to not make a problem of anything. His friends' dislike of Sebastian was made crystal clear. He texted the other boy and they met at a location just between the H wing and the exit: the marble staircase.

"You brought clothes, right?" Sebastian asked as he approached the stairs, eyes on his phone.

"Yeah." Blaine wasn't sure where he would be spending the night. He knew he would be in the hotel Sebastian's team was staying, but did not know if he would have his own room.

"You'll share a room with me and another guy," Sebastian said in reply, as if he could read Blaine's mind. "My team is a bit hard to deal with, but if you can room with Sterling I assume you'll be okay." Blaine wasn't sure if his comment about Jeff was supposed to be insulting or joking. He didn't comment on it either way.

The bus ride to Columbus was much better than Blaine had expected. Sebastian's team was a travel team, rather than the school team. He expected to spend his time crowded in the back of the bus with a bunch of Man Apes and reliving the horrors of middle school. Surprisingly, the boys were much more tolerable than the said Man Apes.

"Who is this?" One of the boys asked no one in particular when Blaine walked up behind Sebastian.

"Blaine Anderson," Sebastian said, grinning. Blaine waved.

"Boyfriend? Cousin? Brother?" The first guy asked.

"None of the above, but I can assure you he's way more tolerable than any of the girls you've brought on the bus, Harrison." He said with a smirk before heading to the back of the bus to help load the equipment. "Go on and get two seats for us," Sebastian said to Blaine. Blaine threw his bag over his shoulder and stepped up onto the bus. The boys already on the bus made no event of Blaine's presence. They asked his name and proceeded to talk to him as if they had known each other for years. It was refreshing, Blaine thought. The pressure he usually felt in large crowds (with the exception of the Warblers) was gone.

Blaine found a seat in the middle of the bus for him and Sebastian. He usually preferred to sit in the front, but Sebastian seemed like the kind of guy to want to sit in the middle. To be the center of attention, naturally.

"Look, he picked my seat!" Sebastian said excitedly to one of the guys as he sat down next to Blaine. Blaine half-smiled, feeling slightly nervous in the other boy's presence. In some ways he felt indescribably _free _in his friend's (were they friends?) company. He felt inspired by his go-with-the-flow attitude and felt his inhibitions leave. Yet other times, Sebastian made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and his hands sweat. Blaine wrote it off as not understanding the other boy, even if Jared would later say _'It's because you LIKE him.' _

"What was your, er, tantrum at the Warblers meeting?" Blaine asked after the bus took off. The vehicle drove quietly, unlike any bus he had ever been on.

"Oh that," Sebastian laughed to himself. "Let's just say Kane and I don't really get along too well." Blaine knew there was more to it than that, even if Sebastian's green eyes gave no hint of lying.

"I don't think anyone gets along with Kane too well."

"Exactly. That's why I say we need a captain."

"And you suggest yourself?" Blaine asked, turning to look at him.

"Yes," he responded frankly. "I know what I'm doing. I could make us win."

"Of course you would," Blaine said sarcastically. He didn't doubt that Sebastian _did _know how to lead a team. Two months previously e would have been turned off by the other boy's careless arrogance, but sitting the big white bus, the pride attracted him even more. _Okay maybe I do like him_.

The rest of the ride was spent on joking and small talk between Blaine, Sebastian, and the rest of the team. Blaine couldn't resist the invisible pull inside him that made his every glance turn towards the other Warbler. Blaine had crushes before, but this was different. This attraction was purely physical. Blaine felt horrible about sounding so shallow, but he did have a defense: he hardly knew anything about Sebastian, and he was hot. He didn't _like _him, he just liked the fact that they kissed.

Weekend trips to Sebastian's tournaments became a thing of habit for Blaine as the months passed on. He felt himself growing closer to the other boy and wanting his attention more than he had wanted anyone else's. He still knew hardly anything about him; Sebastian was very closed off. He came across as an open person but rarely talked about himself or his feelings. ('It's because he doesn't have feelings,' Nick had said. It took Blaine several years to understand that statement.) They may not have been emotionally close, but they made up for the gap between them in their physical relationship. Blaine refused to have sex with him, however. Blaine knew that sex was between two people who loved each other. And he definitely did not love Sebastian. He liked being around him; he gave Blaine almost a high he couldn't crash down from. He liked the way Sebastian's mouth would move against his, the way his hands traced his body, and how the green in his eyes would become almost black in moments of heat. Blaine's mind always raced in those moments. He would remember what Dr. Minerva had told him about being adventurous, about opening up. He knew his activities were not the precise ones his therapist had meant. He knew she meant opening up in terms of emotionally intimate relationships, that he needed to trust and care about people on the barest levels. She didn't mean for him to spend his nights making out with an overly self-aware fourteen-year-old who seemed to have no feeling. But he felt nothing.

That is not to say that Blaine shirked his responsibilities with school and friends. On the other hand, he was far more acute in his interactions. He had come out to Nick, Jared, and Tyung shortly before Regionals.

"I was wondering when you would tell me," Nick joked. He made no further comment on it. He treated Blaine exactly as he had before.

"Was that really something you thought I would judge you for? You Americans make such a big deal about everything," Tyung had said when Blaine told him. He didn't even bother to look up from his book as the two sat in the library. Blaine laughed, feeling silly. He had always known that Tyung would make no event of his sexuality.

"Okay, that's cool, can you lend me five bucks?" Was Jared's response. "I really don't care who you sleep with, but if you're one of those kinky bastards, I don't want to see your whips and chains lying around." How very Jared-like.

Blaine was distressed to find that Jeff was still often silent around him as if there was a wall between them. Jeff acted like he always did when they were around other people, but when they were alone he was reserved. Blaine knew it would be something for him to get used to (_thank God he doesn't know about me and Sebastian _he thought), but he had hoped it wouldn't take him that long. He still held faith that their friendship would return to how it had been before.

He also held high hopes for Regionals. The competition was to be held the final Saturday of March. The setlist was chosen and there was no doubt in Blaine's mind that his team would once again be victorious.

_VII_

"Shit," Sebastian moaned, pulling back from Blaine, "we have to be on the bus in ten minutes, don't we?" The two were hidden away in an empty classroom the morning of Regionals.

"We probably should go to our own competition," Blaine joked, rocking his hips into the other's. Sebastian moaned at the touch.

"Let's not go. Let's just stay here, it's way more fun." He kissed Blaine's neck harshly, grazing his teeth over the skin. Blaine's eyes fell shut and he was tempted to follow Sebastian's remark and stay put.

"But we'll lose," he sighed, tensing his fingers in Sebastian's blazer.

"I don't care."

"I don't think you care about much of anything."

"It makes things easier," Sebastian chuckled, resting his head against the wall behind him. It was often hard for Blaine to believe someone could be so young yet so pessimistic. He wondered what happened to Sebastian to make him that way. Blaine sat in a desk next to him, pulling his collar up over the bruises on his neck. He sufficed it to say that Sebastian liked it _rough. _He had no complaints on this, he liked it as well, but he always forgot to cover up the various hickies left on his skin. When Jeff noticed one the night before, Blaine lied, saying the showerhead fell on his neck. It was a believable lie; their showerhead was unstable.

"Yeah, I'll be right there," Blaine said into his phone when Nick called him. "Overslept," he lied. He'd been up before everyone.

"So I guess we're going," Sebastian said flatly.

"I'm going. You wait here a few minutes and show up to the bus after I do," Blaine said, adjusting his clothes and heading for the door. "We don't want them to guess anything. It'd be suspicious if we were both late."

"We showed up together last time," he said, "leaving a bathroom. There's not much left to the imagination for that one." Blaine blushed.

"Yeah well I'm not giving them any ideas. I'll text you when to arrive."

"I like it when you take control," Sebastian called after him, laughing. Blaine shook his head and darted down the hallway.

No one said anything when Blaine (and later Sebastian) arrived just as the bus was loading. Nick gave Blaine a look from the corner of his eye, as if he knew where his friend had been. Blaine shrugged and hurried onto the bus, leaving Sebastian alone outside.

Regionals was a breeze. Blaine didn't know if it was because of their intense training or their opponents' incompetency. They competed against Crawford Country Day and a correctional high school from Cincinnati. While the Cincinnati school was performing, the Warblers stood backstage eagerly awaiting their second-slot performance.

"Okay boys, remember our motto?" Kane said loudly to the group circled around him.

"Win?" Blaine asked tentatively when no one responded. Kane wasn't the best motivator.

"That's close enough," he said under his breath. "One of the judges here was present at Nationals, and believe me, they remember our little scandal last year."

"Drop it, would you?" Wes said from across the circle. "Not everything is about redemption for Dean Lindsey. No one even remembers that." Blaine knew his friend was wrong; everyone remembered the scandal. It was all over the show choir message boards.

"Yes, actually, they do," Kane spat. "I haven't told you guys this for fear of putting you under pressure," he paused to look at the confused faces of the boys, "but we do have to win. I've spoken to Headmaster, and he says if we don't win Nationals he's cutting us." A thick silence filled the circle. Blaine knew they were required to place, but didn't know winning was the condition. He felt Nick tense next to him; the importance of their victory washed over him. This was bigger than him now; this was bigger than them all. It was their job to uphold the legacy. Blaine looked at the faces of his friends, reading each of them. The council looked unsurprised. William looked bored as usually, while Wes and David looked annoyed. The rest of the team looked either nervous or shocked, bar Sebastian. He was nodding to himself, but otherwise seemed stress-free. "Now you see the gravity of this situation. Anyway, let's do what we do best: win!" The Warblers cheered and threw their hands into the center.

Blaine breathed heavily, forcing himself to calm down. His panic attacks had been few as of late, but the familiar shake of adrenaline still stirred him.

"Dude, clam down. You got this." He turned to find Thad standing behind him. "You'll do great." Blaine smiled in thanks. Thad was a good addition to the team.

The first song was Blaine's solo, "What Kind of Fool". They took the stage with Blaine in the front. Nick and Thad stood behind him. He kept his head down, preparing for the song to begin. When he first picked up singing years before, Cooper told him he lacked emotional depth in his voice. He said he had a great sound, but didn't feel it. As he stood in front of the Warblers, Blaine remembered his brother's criticism. He could feel emotion welling in his core and rising up through his being. Jared started the beat, prompting Blaine to look out into the audience. He saw Jared's brother, Jeff's parents, and his own mother. He supposed his father had no time for singing competitions.

The song went well, though he saw Cameron trip up on one turn. Blaine's body shook with the raw pain emanating from the song.

"Leaving me in pain and sorrow," he belted, head thrown back and eyes closed. The crowd cheered at the last note. The group returned to their original formation, Blaine still at the front, for the ending. The second song was Sebastian's. The theme was acceptance. The first song was a bit of a stretch to fit it, but if the smiles of the judges could be trusted, then it would be no problem. "Music Again" by Adam Lambert was the second song. The upbeat nature fit Sebastian's voice as well as the Warblers' a cappella. The first line "I want your body, mind, soul, et cetera," also fit Sebastian's personality. The song required more physical exertion than the fist, causing Blaine to be out of breath by the end.

"Oh you make me wanna listen to music again," Sebastian sang out, a smile plastered to his face. Blaine stood behind him, sweating from the yellow lights. The crowd was now standing. The third song was as daunting as the first: "Emotionless" by Good Charlotte. The song told the story of a boy writing to his deadbeat father. Kane carried such naked pain in his voice; Blaine wondered if it was a subject close to home. His deep voice wasn't as electrifying as Sebastian's or with such a range as Blaine's, but it did the job.

They finished their performance facing an auditorium-wide standing ovation. The sweat on Blaine's palms began to clear as the high of performing crashed down. Crawford Country Day took the stage last. The girls were good, but held no threat. They would be victorious.

"You were truly fantastic!" Blaine turned to find Tyung standing behind him, holding a program. "Jared's brother picked me up and literally dragged me out of Dalton!" Blaine beamed, hugging his friend. It was good to see him out of school.

"Thanks! Didn't it make you want to try out next year" He asked, pulling the other boy toward the Warblers' seats.

"It looks fun, but it's not for me," he paused, looking around. "I have to warn you of something," Tyung whispered in his structured voice. Blaine nodded for him to continue. "You need to watch out for the leader and Sebastian. I fear they are behaving inappropriately."

"It's Sebastian, of course he's inappropriate," Blaine laughed, dismissing his friend.

"That's not what I meant. I fear they are planning to win by illegal means. I heard them talking one night." Blaine nodded in thought. He held no like for Kane, but doubted he would go as far as to cheat. Anyway, how much cheating could they do? Steal a setlist? Take drugs? No. Tyung was just paranoid.

"Okay, man. Thanks. You wanna sit with us?" Tyung nodded and followed his friend. As he sat down, Sebastian gave him a cold look, almost a warning.

After the –usually incompetent- judges met in a nearby room, the teams took the stage. The Warblers lined up in the middle of the stage. Blaine stood between Jeff and Cameron, both of whom where making heart-eyes at the Crawford girls. Blaine rolled his eyes.

"Ridiculous, aren't they?" Sebastian whispered low in his ear. Blaine whipped around in surprise. "Good thing we aren't as fluffy," he continued, running his hands down Blaine's neck. Blaine flushed red, hoping no one could see them. "Embarrassed of me?" Sebastian taunted, pulling Blaine's collar down to run his fingers over one of the raised bruises on his neck. "You didn't say that last night when my hand was down your pants," he said in a deep voice. Blaine froze, allowing him to continue his ministrations. He allowed this to continue until the chief judge called for their attention.

"The winner of the 2012 Midwest Regional Championship District III is," the man called out, speaking slowly in suspense. Blaine's heart stopped, as did Sebastian's hands. "From Westerville Ohio, the Dalton Academy Warblers!" Blaine exhaled in relief. He saw his mother enthusiastically clapping from the fifth row. Jeff turned and pulled Blaine into a loose hug.

"We did it!" He yelled over the din of celebration. His tie was still too tight. Cameron clapped him on the back. Blaine turned around to face the rest of the team. Kane had a smug look on his face as he stood with his hands in his pockets. Sebastian winked at him.

"Great job, killer."

"Was there ever any doubt?" Blaine responded, holding the other's gaze. Sebastian chuckled, shaking his head. Kane held the trophy high as the rest of the team crowded around him. They were one step closer.

_VIII_

"The after party is going to be intense!" Alexander Hamm yelled to the boys as they exited the auditorium.. Blaine was talking to his mother and introducing her to his friends.

"Where's it gonna be?" One of the boys asked.

"Warbler Commons. Administration will turn an eye," he responded.

Blaine was glad to have his mother meet his friends. In doing so, he felt he was bringing his two worlds together. He even introduced her to Sebastian, who was, of course, charming. How well he could disguise himself. They all piled onto the bus in anticipation of the after party.

"There'll be booze, and lots of it," Jared said excitedly to Blaine, speaking of the party. "Probably some girls, too, though that won't excite ya too much," he joked, clapping a hand on Blaine's leg. Blaine laughed. He wasn't too excited for the party (he didn't agree with alcohol too much), but supposed he'd go.

"We should ditch this party," Sebastian said as they entered the school.

"I'm sure they would castrate us for missing. Something about team pride," Blaine said, stopping momentarily to allow the other boy to catch up with him.

"That's if they can get our pants off. We have higher standards than that," he joked, walking next to Blaine.

"Well what do you suppose we do?" He asked though he suspected the answer.

"Nothing physical," Sebastian said, "for once. My team is holding a monopoly tournament in an hour if you want to come."

"Monopoly?"

"It gets intense," Sebastian contended.

"Sure it does."

"It's intense, I'm serious. You should come." Blaine quickly came to learn it was almost impossible to say no to Sebastian. He decided to go, so the two snuck from the party and took a bus into the city. "Not being able to drive blows," Sebastian whined as they boarded a second bus to the monopoly house.

"Tell me about it."

"You'll be able to drive next year. I have to wait 'til junior year," he complained. His birthday was at the end of May; he wouldn't turn sixteen until the end of sophomore year.

"Youngy," Blaine joked.

"Shorty." Sebastian elbowed him in the side.

Blaine liked his new relationship with Sebastian. They were physically intimate as well as friends. Sebastian wasn't as cold around him, even if he wasn't exactly warm. Blaine hoped to change him.

The members of the Westerville Pacers lacrosse team were ecstatic when Blaine and Sebastian arrived.

"You two make eight. The rest couldn't make it," said the one Blaine remembered as Harrison. "Four teams. You guys are the hat." Blaine nodded as he looked around the large house.

"I wanted the dog you bastard!" Sebastian called after his friend. He grabbed Blaine's arm and pulled him to the gaming spot.

"Whose house is this?" Blaine asked as he sat next to Sebastian at a large table. The house was the largest he'd ever seen. Its size and grandeur rivaled that of Dalton.

"Dick's," Sebastian answered. Dick was the team's captain, a junior with copious amounts of black hair.

"Well it's really…grand."

"That's about the nicest thing you can say. His parents are ridiculous. He goes to school in freaking Tennessee," Sebastian whispered almost bitterly.

"That's a long drive for lacrosse."

"His dad is like richer than God." Blaine didn't miss the veiled jealousy in his voice.

"Okay everyone. Are you prepared?" Harrison (who Sebastian deemed Monopoly Czar) stood at the head of the table. They set up the pieces and began.

Despite being smart, Blaine was no strategist. He ended up buying too many cheap properties- which earned several frustrated grunts from Sebastian. Sebastian wasn't as good as he thought he was, and soon the boys were bankrupt.

"We should have played as the fucking dog," he hissed when they landed on Illinois Avenue, causing them to pay $750 of their remaining $23. Though they were obliterated, the game was still fun. Blaine would have enjoyed a similar game between the Warblers. He wanted to see Nick in his glorious competitiveness.

It came as no surprise when Dick's team came out victorious. Harrison's team was almost as pitiful as Blaine and Sebastian, if that were possible. When the final two teams remained, things got intense. Chips were thrown and sodas were shaken over the heads of the winners. Blaine had never seen such blissful chaos. He scooted his chair to the right so it was touching Sebastian's. He needed to steer clear of the turbulent snack items.

"So what are we going to do to get them back?" One of the boys on a losing team asked as they cleaned up. (Winners' privilege stated the winning team was exempt from clean-up duty.)

"Get them back?" Blaine asked.

"Yeah, it's a tradition. The losing teams always get revenge until next time," the first boy responded as he scraped cheese dip off Dick's parents' china cabinet.

"Well, it wasn't a tradition until Sebastian came along," Harrison finished, winking. Sebastian shrugged.

"No point in competition if there isn't a little war involved," he said, not looking at Blaine.

"Okay," Blaine said thoughtfully, "what kind of revenge do we take?" Because he was not a Pacer, the job of cleaning sticky sofa off the walls and table fell to him. He considered taking up lacrosse as to avoid the responsibility.

"It's usually something stupid, like taking their clothes when they get in the shower, but we can't do that this time," Harrison said. "Dick's smart enough to not take his clothes off in our presence."

"What a shame," Blaine heard Sebastian whisper under his breath.

"We could steal a game piece," Blaine offered.

"The dog right, Seb," one of the boys joked. Sebastian shook his head.

"Boardwalk. It's our fault they had it; we traded it to them. Steal it, show them who's boss," Blaine said, turning around to face the boys. Orange Fanta was almost completely washed off the window. Harrison nodded, putting a hand to his chin in planning.

"That's actually a really good idea," Harrison said, "that way they can't even use the game until we come back next month. Perfect. Who wants to do the honors?" Darius, the biggest guy on the team, volunteered to steal it. He was the least likely to be suspected. He snuck into the game closet and took the piece.

"You two take it, there's no way Dick will find it," Darius said, handing the property card to Sebastian. "He won't know what hit him."

Blaine found the traditions of the Pacers to be quite odd, but he did have to admit it was fun. And it wasn't like the Warblers didn't have strange traditions. The eight stayed at the mansion until eleven PM when Dick's parents pulled in the driveway. Blaine and Sebastian hid in the bushes before running to the nearest bus stop for a ride back to school.

_IX_

When the Dalton boys returned from spring break the third week of April, they were upset to find they had lost a number. Blaine was the first to discover his friend was missing. It had become a thing of habit for him to go straight to Sebastian's dorm after Warbler practice while Tyung was at Model UN. It was the only time the two had in a dorm together, because Jeff never seemed to leave H2BZ.

"Tired?" Sebastian asked as Blaine entered the room, pulling at his tie.

"Exhausted. I blame Dean Lindsey." Despite their landslide win at Regionals, Kane still deemed the group inadequate and pushed them farther than he ever had.

"I hate that kid and I've never even met him." Blaine threw himself face-down on the couch, causing him to inhale the carcasses of bed bugs. He would have been angrier if Kane didn't know what he was doing. The guy pushed them ridiculously hard, but he did have a point. Sebastian's phone rang, and he picked it up, speaking in furious French. Blaine probably would have found it hot if he had any idea what the other boy was saying. He may have gotten into French II Honors, but that didn't mean he could understand an angry teenager. While Sebastian cursed out his cousin in grammatically incorrect French, Blaine took a moment to look around the room. The dorm was slightly bigger than his and Jeff's, but it was probably just the spacing that gave the illusion of it being bigger. Sebastian's bed was pushed against the window that looked about onto the grounds. He could see the lights of the baseball field from there. He usually paid little attention to Tyung's bed. It was always perfectly made and stood across the room from Sebastian's. Blaine pulled himself off the couch to inspect his friend's bed, wondering if his Biology notes were there.

When he peeked under the bed; however, there were no books, or any sign of human life other than Sebastian. He looked around the room for any trace of Tyung. The Asian didn't have much personal paraphernalia decorating the walls, but there was always a picture or two. However, there was none to be seen. The only pictures on the walls were the paintings that came with the room, and a picture of the Warblers at Regionals. No pictures of Beijing could be found.

"Hey, Seb, where's Tyung?" Blaine asked when the boy took a pause from yelling into the phone. Sebastian didn't answer him. "Did he move into another room?" Tyung had been complaining about Sebastian leaving socks on the door and not letting him in. Little did he know it was his own best friend in the room with Sebastian.

"No." Sebastian replied shortly, typing away into his email.

"Then where's his stuff?" He asked, standing up from the empty bed.

"He left."

"Left? As in left Dalton?" Blaine paced the room in worry. _That made no sense. _Tyung had often lectured him on how much he loved the school. He felt he belonged better in America than he had back home. Why would he just up and leave?

"Yup."

"Do you know why?" Blaine was becoming frustrated. He didn't expect Sebastian to care about Tyung's leaving, but he could have been a bit more supporting.

"No. I just got the notice that I was a single dormer for the rest of the year, unless I wanted a roommate." He slammed his laptop shut. "On that topic, do you wanna move in?" He spun the computer chair around. His shirt was open the first few buttons and Blaine had to remind himself to look at his face. "It would give us more time for _bonding._" Blaine blushed.

"No, I'll stay where I am." He had several reasons for refusing. The first being he knew he would get no work done if he slept in the same room as Sebastian. The second being he liked rooming with Jeff. Even if things were strained between them as of late, he was still his best friend.

"Whatever." Sebastian spun back to face his laptop and began texting. Blaine put his tie back on and left the room. Tyung had some explaining to do.

He went straight to Mr. Leander's office after leaving Sebastian's dorm. The other boy hadn't even bothered to go after him. How Sebastian-like. Mr. Leander was surprised to see him, let alone at that time of night.

"What do you need Mr. Anderson?" He asked. Blaine liked Leander; he was always helpful.

"I need to know what happened to Tyung Nyguen," he said resolutely. Mr. Leander sighed and beckoned for Blaine to enter.

"I'm sorry no one has told you. He did say you were his best friend." Leander closed the door behind Blaine and sat at his desk. His office was plainer than Blaine expected. He had a few pictures of his family around the room and his diplomas. According to one of them he had attended Dalton as well.

"Is he okay?" Blaine asked. The guidance counselor's tone scared him.

"Yes, he's fine. But he no longer attends Dalton Academy."

"I realize that," he said, not meaning to come across harsh. "I want to know why. I know it wasn't grades."

"You're correct; it was nothing academic or behavioral." Leander began searching through files. "It appears that Mr. Nyguen was lying to us." Blaine cocked his head in confusion. "His mother described herself as a prominent citizen in Beijing. We did our best background checks, and even we missed it."

"Missed what?"

"Mrs. Nyguen, if that is even her name, has strong ties to the Chinese Triad." Leander still wouldn't look at him. "We were warned by an anonymous source that Mr. Nyguen was attending the school on illegal funds. We searched and did some background checks. As it turns out, the tip was true." He sounded more embarrassed than upset at losing a good student.

"How do you know it was bad money?"

"We traced everything we could. His mother was taken to a prison in the Yellow Sea. He was sent to live with his father in Brussels." Brussels. Tyung was in Belgium. And Blaine would never see him again. Blaine stood still in an attempt to shield his anger and annoyance. No wonder his friend seemed always on edge, but he could hardly blame him. It wasn't his fault his mother was mixed in with the wrong people.

"Well couldn't his father pay for him to go to school?" Tyung never spoke of his father. Blaine had always assumed he was dead or out of the picture.

"He could. Mr. Nyguen is a wealthy man, but we can't allow such people to attend our school." His voice was cold and dismissive. Blaine was reminded of his father in the weeks following his coming out. He wanted to hide.

"It's not Tyung's fault. He can't choose who his mother his," Blaine spat. Any other teacher witnessing the conversation would be appalled. Blaine was always respectful, even to a fault.

"But he did deliberately lie to us. If it were to get out that Dalton Academy has the child of a Triad woman living and attending here, things would be disastrous. We keep our high national ranking for a reason." With that the guidance counselor looked up from his papers. His grey eyes met Blaine's, and he understood. It was time to leave, to be quiet. "And don't speak of this to anyone," he called after the boy as he left.

_He's gone. He's gone. _Blaine pushed open the door to his dorm weakly. Jeff was out but forgot to lock it. Not surprising. He sat on his bed without motivation. He had lost friends before, better friends, but never in this fashion. Someone took his friend from him, and he would figure out whom. His first thought was that it had to be someone from Dalton. _No that doesn't make sense. No one would want Tyung gone, except maybe those wanting his #2 spot in the grade. But no one cares enough to do that kind of research. It had to be an adult, some competitor. _He spent the good part of an hour trying to deduce who or what would have wanted his friend gone. But he found nothing. _Maybe it wasn't malicious. Maybe someone just wanted the school to know._ He fell asleep in his clothes wondering how the weather was in Belgium.

_X_

"I'm telling you, he has something to do with it." Nick sat on a green beanbag chair in Jeff's room.

"No he doesn't," Jeff sighed, throwing Cheetos in his mouth. "You're overreacting."

"No I'm not," he argued. "Tyung was his roommate, and it was no secret the two didn't get along."

"That doesn't mean he'd get him sent to Europe. Besides, I know you're not too fond of your roommate. Would you do something like that?" The May sun shone through Jeff's open window. Nationals were just a week away, but somehow the two managed to get out of Westerville for a weekend. Jeff felt bad leaving Blaine behind, but he was sure he'd find a way to be occupied.

"But I'm not him, Jeff. I'm telling you I've been hearing stuff."

"Might want to get that checked out," Jeff said with a grin. Nick shook his head.

"I live with the guy; I think I would know when he's up to something. If it were Kane, well, I would never know. But Sebastian is always so…bored." Nick looked out the window and furrowed his brow. He was hardly ever this worried. "But now he's always doing something. He hardly ever annoys me anymore. He even called me Nick instead of Duval."

"Maybe Blaine is rubbing off on him."

"Oh I'm _sure _he is," Nick said, stressing the double entendre.

"You don't think?" Jeff sat up.

"I'm not positive, but it seems like it. Blaine talks about him a lot."

"Blaine talks a lot period."

"I'm serious, Jeff. _Something's _going on there. And I don't mean between Blaine and my stepbrother. I seriously believe Sebastian is hiding something." Jeff wasn't used to seeing his best friend so upset. He stopped his joking and listened. "He was on the phone all night last night, talking in French." Jeff shrugged; he knew Sebastian was fluent in both languages. "That's not the weird thing, dude. He was talking to Kane in French."

"Kane knows French?" Jeff asked. He wasn't sure the leader even knew was French was.

"Obviously. But isn't that weird? If he wanted to talk to him, he would use English. He's hiding something." Jeff nodded. He was starting to believe Nick. Something was definitely off.

"I'll ask Blaine."

"No. Blaine likes to think of people in the best of terms. He'd come up with some excuse. We have to do this without him," Nick said regretfully. He hated the idea of leaving their other best friend out of something, but he didn't trust Blaine's objectivity in the operation.

"So what do we do?" Jeff asked.

"You know practical jokes. Think of something we can do to spy on him."

"I think I'm all out of Extendable Ears," he joked, wishing he had the means of the Weasley twins.

"Those would be nice if we spoke French."

"Bug his room?"

"No, he's too smart. He'll figure it out." Footsteps walked up the stairs.

"Is he here?" Jeff hissed across the room. The two froze at the steps. They were too light to be Nick's parents.

"He should be at lacrosse," Nick said when the sound fainted. It must have been the dog.

"Well _he _blew off practice to go to Scandals." Sebastian peeked his head in the room. "Don't tell Dad or you're dead," he said to Nick before walking to his own room.

"Does he always do that?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah. One of these days I'll rat him out." They dropped the conversation at that, but Nick's mind kept going back to ways of figuring out what his stepbrother was up to.

_XI_

Nick Duval didn't have to try incredibly hard to figure out what exactly his stepbrother was up to. Two nights before they were to leave for Nationals, the group met at Gigorio's for an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet. Nick wondered how Jared's brother was able to keep his job after allowing so many teenagers to consume free pizza. Some of Jared's McKinley friends came as well, and Nick struck up a conversation with an Asian girl named Tina Cohen-Chang.

"Where's the one I talked to last time?" She asked Nick. "Blaine?"

"He couldn't come tonight," he answered. He has his suspicions about where Blaine was. Ever since Tyung left, Sebastian hadn't been out of his dorm much. The rest of the boys didn't realize it, but Nick did.

"Oh. Tell him I said hi!" Nick said that he would, though he doubted Blaine would remember her.

"Are you on the New Directions?" He asked Tina later in the night while Jeff sang a bad rendition of "American Pie".

"Y-yeah," she stuttered. He noticed she only stuttered at times. "But we lost Regionals." Nick had known they lost to Vocal Adrenaline, which shouldn't have been a surprise. He couldn't help but feel sorry for the girl. Maybe her team would have their chance after VA graduated some people.

"I'm sorry."

"It was all Jesse St. James's fault," she sighed.

"Because he sang "Bohemian Rhapsody"?" Vocal Adrenaline's cover of the classic song had spread like wildfire across YouTube. The Warblers didn't need a scout to know they had tough competition.

"That, too, I guess. I meant the way he treated us."

"He is kind of an ass."

"He was a member of the New Directions for a few months, and right before Regionals he transferred back." She fiddled with the fabric on her sleeve.

"Why'd he go to McKinley?" Nick asked, intrigued. The council usually kept tabs on the competition, and no one had mentioned St. James's absence from his team.

"Rachel." That was a name Nick recognized. "They were together for a while and he switched schools to be with her." The bitterness in her voice was strong. "But he tricked her, got her to be vulnerable. Her head wasn't in it at Regionals, so we lost." Nick nodded in thought. He didn't know much about St. James but it did seem odd he would switch from his powerhouse team for a girl.

"Where did they meet?" He asked with a new urgency in his voice.

"At a library or something," Tina responded. "Rachel told me all about it. It's weird, almost like he was waiting for her there." Nick's head spun. It was all falling into place. _Of course he was waiting for her there. It was all planned. _

"Do you know if he had contact with anyone from the show choir world outside of your school and his?" Nick heard his voice rise with excitement. He was reminded of the days he would watch mystery shows and the excitement that came with figuring out who did the crime.

"I don't know for sure," Tina said, clearly confused by Nick's eagerness, "but Rachel told me he would make weird comments at times."

"What kind of weird?"

"He would say stuff like 'He was right' or something. I don't know." Tina refused to answer any more of his questions, but that didn't stop him. He knew something was up. He could feel it. Sebastian, or at least Kane, had something to do with this. It was all too odd.

_XII_

Blaine woke up the morning of Nationals on the floor at the foot of his bed. He tried to remember where he had been the night before. He was with Sebastian until the early morning, when he realized he needed sleep. He snuck back into his dorm and collapsed before he reached the bed. He was sure Jeff was laughing at him.

He ate a quick breakfast of butter-less toast in the Connors before heading to the bus. The competition was in Columbus, a bummer for the boys who wanted to travel far, but that meant less spending for hotel rooms. Blaine didn't mind if Nationals was held in his backyard; he couldn't wait.

Most of the boys slept on the bus, even if it was only a half-hour drive at best. Blaine was wide awake, staring out the window at the morning commuters. Both his parents were driving up for the competition, and he'd heard whispers that Cooper was coming as well. The only other one awake other than Kane, the driver, was Sebastian who was sitting in an aisle by himself. He had his back to the window as he read _Paradise Lost_. Nothing like reading an epic poem about Satan before a competition.

The Veterans Memorial Auditorium, where Nationals was held, was teeming with people when they arrived. Kane parked the bus in the back parking lot, giving the boys a long walk to the entrance. Blaine was sure it was part of his plan to wake them all up. Blaine hadn't seen so many people in one place since he visited New York three years previously. The lines to get in were so dense that he would have gotten lost if it wasn't for the matching Dalton blazers of his friends. They pushed their way to the teams' entrance and almost weren't let in because the woman at the front didn't allow "gay schools" in her facility. "None of us are gay!" Kane had said, causing Sebastian to wink across the group at Blaine. Jeff said nothing. After putting away his homophobic worker, the manager on duty led them to a dressing room in the back with a huge DALTON ACADEMY OF WESTERVILLE sign hanging on it. Their room was adjacent to Vocal Adrenaline's. Blaine could hear them warming up.

"Okay guys, remember what we talked about last night," Kane said. The group dispersed around the large dressing room. Jared and Cameron were playing with the wigs. "Breathe, perform, and hope all goes according to plan." Kane snuck a look at Sebastian who gave him a small nod.

"Ya ready?" Jeff asked Blaine as they took their seats in the stands. They would perform twenty-third. It was a long way off but they were still shaking.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess," he replied, looking around the theater for his family.

The theme for the competition was Classic, which many of the groups took literal. Blaine didn't think he could listen to any more opera or Mozart with added words. The Warblers had taken a more liberal approach to their song selection. The theme just said "Classic", so they decided to go with classic rock. It was an atypical choice for an a cappella group but Kane hoped it would attract the judges. The first song, Blaine's was "Let it Be" by the Beatles. Nice and soft with plenty of emotion; it was perfect. The second was a group number that Blaine, Sebastian, Kane, and Wes all took leads on: "Renegade" by Styx. Blaine always loved the song and was shocked at how well it turned out a cappella. The third was sung by Kane and Sebastian (mostly Kane). It was "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses. Kane's voice fit the grunge sound of the song, even without music, surprising Blaine. He knew the leader had a good voice but didn't know he was _that _good. When the twenty-first school finished, Wes motioned for them to follow him backstage. Blaine took one last look around the auditorium, but to no avail. His family hadn't come.

Group 22 was a joke. They sang a traditional Russian lullaby while wearing lederhosen. Blaine was glad he wasn't the only one to notice the dissonance between the Russian song and German clothing. He wondered if they were trying to be ironic with the statement, but doubted it.

"Well that was the strangest six minutes of my life!" Called the host, some minor celebrity Blaine didn't recognize. "Ladies and gentlemen," he called as the Warblers took the stage, "from the whopping twenty-one minutes away, from Dalton Academy of Westerville, the WARBLERS!" The crowd stood to their feet. Blaine wondered if any of them knew what happened at the previous year's competition. The red curtain raised and Blaine felt his stomach drop. He felt like a deer in headlights. Everything was so bright, the people so faceless. William and Alexander began the tune and Blaine closed his eyes, allowing the song to wash over him. He felt Nick's eyes on him from behind.

"When I find myself in times of trouble," he sang, taking a step forward. They were reverting to their stool-choir habits for the song. "Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom," he continued nervously, "let it be." He sang the three words in a calm tone he didn't know he possessed in the situation. He continued with the "let it be"'s, his team backing his vocals. He continued into the second verse, but he was no longer in the auditorium. Blaine was miles away in his own head. He remembered the horror of the Sadie Hawkins dance, his visiting Dalton, meeting Sebastian… "And when the broken hearted living in the world agree." His next memory was Jeff running into their dorm asking if he was BLAINE ANDERSON AGE 14. He smiled as he sang, and for the first time since the dance he felt as full of life as he had before.

"There will be an answer, let it be," he finished facing the crowd. He could make out the shine of his mother's purse and Cooper's wild clapping. They had come. He turned around to get a look at his team before "Renegade" began. He'd never seen a more welcoming sight.

"Oh mama, I'm in fear for my life from the long arm of the law," the Warblers began in unison. Blaine stepped back into the formation between Thad and Nick. "Law man has put an end to my running and I'm so far from my home." The upper row of the formation took the last two lines of the intro while the lower ones separated.

"The jig is up the news is out, they finally found me," Sebastian sang as he left the formation.

"The renegade who had it made retrieved for a bounty," Wes continued.

Blaine took the following line, while Kane started the next verse. Their voices meshed perfectly, their energy carrying out into the audience. The crowd hadn't been this excited yet.

"Hangman is coming down from the gallows and I don't have very long," Blaine and Sebastian sang, standing back to back. Blaine knew it looked ridiculous with their height difference, but he was beyond caring. He was in the moment.

"And I don't want to go." The group ended the song back in their original formation. Blaine was sweating but didn't notice it. Cooper was now videotaping them. Great.

"Sweet Child O' Mine" was slowed down in a way that would be comical if it wasn't the Warblers doing it. The crowd was still on their feet.

"She's got a smile that it seems to me," Kane began in his deep voice.

"Reminds me of childhood memories." Sebastian finished the rest of the line. Kane sang most of it, with Sebastian filling in a line here or there.

"And if I stared too long, I'd probably break down and cry," Kane and Sebastian sang together. Blaine met Sebastian's eye as he sang the line, but quickly turned away. The audience sang the chorus along with them. (Quietly of course, it was show choir, not a rock concert.) The same positive energy from "Renegade" filled Blaine in their final song. He no longer cared about win or lose, about Jesse St. James and his liking for all things Queen, or the fact that one of his best friends was in Belgium. All he cared was for the song and the friends he shared it with.

They finished the final number under the heat of the spotlights. The competition was televised. The cameramen stood at the edges of the room. They hustled off the stage as the next team took it: Vocal Adrenaline.

"Dude, I have to tell you something," Jeff said to Blaine, putting his hands on his shoulders.

"No time we gotta watch them. Tell me later." Blaine pulled his friend back to their seats to watch their biggest competition.

Vocal Adrenaline was good, no they were great. Shelby Corcoran had the same idea for theme in mind as the Warblers. They sang "Killer Queen" by Queen, naturally, "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and "All That's Known" from _Spring Awakening. _Blaine thought calling the musical a classic was going a bit far, but no one seemed to care when Jesse began to sing. Blaine was confident they would place high, but Carmel and the school from South Carolina posed big threats. They watched the rest of the performances before the judges went to talk.

The judges posted a list of the teams that made the top ten, in no particular order. Those teams would then be brought to the stage to call the winner. The Warblers, Vocal Adrenaline, and the South Carolina team were all on the list. The Warblers celebrated until Kane broke them up.

"I'm just as happy as you all, but calm down. It's just the top ten. We don't know if we even won yet."

"What a downer," Jared called after him. "I'll be glad he's graduating this year." Blaine and the other boys agreed. It would be hard without his good leadership, but they would definitely not miss his attitude.

"Would the top ten please take the stage," the host called. The boys looked at each other nervously before taking the stage next to a Puerto Rican school.

"THAT'S MY BLAINEY!" Came a yell from the audience. Blaine saw his brother jumping and pointing. He laughed, not even bothering to be embarrassed.

The host called tenth through fifth place, none of which the Warblers were. They scooted toward the center of the stage and held their breath.

"Fourth place goes to," the host called from his card, "from Lima, Ohio, the Carmel High School Vocal Adrenaline!" The crowd fell silent. Blaine wanted to jump. Jesse angrily took the small trophy as his team left the stage. Kane gave him a cocky smirk. The Warblers stood between the other remaining teams: the South Carolina and Nevada schools.

"Second runner-up," the host called, "from West Sierra High, the Toners!" The Nevada school celebrated their third-place finish, and the Warblers looked across the stage at their remaining competition. "And now, the moment we've all been waiting for!" The crowd was silent and Blaine could feel their anxiety. "The winner of the 2010 National Show Choir Championship is," he paused for suspense. Nick grabbed Blaine's elbow to steady his shaking. Cooper was biting his nails in the audience. Blaine knew whatever the host said would change their fate. If they lost, they were no more. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly. His heart pounded in his ears, and suddenly the Earth turned slower. The host opened the card in slow motion. "From Westerville, Ohio, the Dalton Academy WAAARRBBLLEEERRRSSS!" He threw the card in the air and confetti rained down from the ceiling.

The earth sped up as their name was called. Sweaty, blazer-clad bodies jumped on each other as the crowd stood to their feet. Blaine was suffocated under his friends' embraces. Even Sebastian was joining in on the celebration. Once they calmed down, the host carried a large trophy with the letters 2010 carved in gold on it. Kane stepped forward to accept the trophy. The other council members came up behind him and the four raised the trophy high in the air. It was probably taller than Blaine.

There was confetti in his eye and the gel from his hair was leaking down his back, yet Blaine had never felt better. They left the stage to meet with families for refreshments before heading back. He didn't miss the angry and betrayed face of Jesse St. James in the audience.

"You bastard!" The Vocal Adrenaline lead yelled at Kane as they passed. The Warbler shrugged his shoulders and winked.

Cooper Anderson would have been a good Olympic prospect based on how fast he ran to congratulate his little brother. He pushed past old ladies and almost ran into the cake.

"YOU DID IT!" He yelled in Blaine's ear, pulling him into a hug. The boys' parents stood a few feet back, smiling as well. Mr. Anderson lacked the usual coldness he had around his youngest son. Blaine was elated.

The cake lasted exactly four minutes eighteen seconds before the sixteen victors devoured it. It was red velvet with white icing. Blaine thought it tasted like heaven. The boys piled into the bus, trophy in the middle, to make the short drive home. A parade of Westerville citizens followed behind them, red and blue banners flying from their windows. The celebration was forced to be alcohol-free, on account of such a large competition. When they arrived back at the school, a large group of students were hanging a banner that read HOME OF THE 2010 NATIONAL SHOW CHOIR CHAMPIONS: THE DALTON ACADEMY WARBLERS. When they entered the grand doors more confetti fell upon them. They were knights returning from battle.

"What were you gonna tell me?" Blaine asked Jeff as they paraded through the school.

"I want to say I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I was a dick to you half the year and I feel like shit for it," Jeff said, slowing down for the rest of the team to walk in front of them.

"No you weren't," Blaine responded.

"Yes. Yes I was. I didn't realize it at first but I see now how cold I've been." He pulled at the top of his tie, loosening it. "You're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You're my best friend, too." Blaine smiled.

"No man, you don't get it. Things have been hard the last few years 'cause of my brother and it's always been hard to get close to people." Jeff had a younger autistic brother he had to help take care of. His parents were glad to send him to Dalton, but it was hard on them without the extra help. "And you didn't even care about that stuff. You and Nick. And I almost lost you and I was stupid." He hugged Blaine, who hugged back. "Bros?"

"Bros."

"Lovely display of affection," Sebastian said to Blaine in the Commons, referencing his and Jeff's embrace.

"He's my best friend."

"I know. Anyway, you staying for the party?"

"Yeah."

"Well I'll be heading out to Sc-" Sebastian began, turning from the room.

"-No you won't!" Blaine grabbed his hand and pulled him to the middle of the group. "You're one of us, and you're staying." Sebastian scoffed, but agreed to stay. Blaine wanted everyone he cared about to stay with him that night.

_XIII_

"I am pleased to introduce the 2009-2010 National Champions, the Warblers!" The headmaster announced at graduation weeks later. Blaine stood behind the curtain covering the stage in the auditorium. The whole team was standing with him, bar the seniors. Kane, William, and Brett sat with the rest of the seniors in their blue and red graduation cap and gown.

"Seniors Kane Adams, Brett Jacobs, and William Jefferson." Leander called the names as the boys lined up in alphabetical order. "Juniors Alexander Hamm, Wesley Montgomery, David Thompson, and Garrett Turner." The juniors stood next to the seniors, high-fiving one another. "Sophomores Thad Harwood, Cameron Michaels, Peter Peese, and Jehvon Philips." The audience of students and parents clapped. "And freshmen Blaine Anderson, Nicholas Duval, Sebastian Smythe, Jeffrey Sterling, and Jared Zilinski." Nick and Jeff groaned at the usage of their full names. Blaine stood between Jehvon and Nick, looking out at the audience. He still wasn't used to all the attention he'd been getting lately.

The rest of the ceremony passed monotonously, and was topped off with the valedictorian's speech.

"You know, I remember the first day I walked into Dalton," the valedictorian began. He was tall with long sandy blonde hair; a baseball player. "I was so scared. I saw everyone as competition. I thought my world was this war I was constantly fighting." Blaine reflected on his words. "But I came to realize it wasn't. These boys surrounding me," he gestured to his fellow seniors, "weren't my enemies. They were my friends, my brothers. And I don't know what I would have done without them." The crowd clapped. "So for all you sitting out there, I want to give a piece of advice. Don't get caught up in all this." He pointed to the medal on his chest saying he was valedictorian. "It feels great, and it's good to have goals, but remember, ten years from now it won't matter if you got an A in Greenway's class. What will matter is the friends you made and how they changed you. Goodbye." Everyone clapped as he left the podium.

_XIV_

"So where you doing for the summer?" Blaine stood in Sebastian's dorm the night before school was officially over and they were required to leave campus. He was already packed.

"Not sure," Sebastian answered.

"Me neither. So what'd you think about the year?" He sat on Sebastian's unmade bed, sinking down into the mattress.

"It was alright, I guess. Better than I thought." Sebastian was doing something on his computer. Blaine thought the website dealt with plane tickets. "Winning was nice."

"True," he agreed.

"You know, I keep thinking about the night we played in that monopoly tournament," Sebastian said, turning around in the computer chair.

"It was fun."

"I still have that Boardwalk piece." He pulled it out of a drawer. "Guess they won't be playing for a while."

"I guess not. You're coming to eat with us in the morning before we have to go." Blaine wanted Sebastian to be around his friends for once.

"Maybe I will, I don't know."

"Okay." Blaine turned to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," Sebastian lied through his teeth. He stayed at the computer chair motionless for a long time after Blaine left. He finished packing and lay on his made bed. He thought of his next adventure and remembered the night he was changed forever.

The Nationals high had not worn off yet and Sebastian had a tendency to walk the halls as if he owned them. (Nevermind that he _could_ have owned them if his father used his money.) He had been home twice the week after their win, and he noticed a change in Nick's behavior. His stepbrother was quieter than usual and seemed nervous. Sebastian thought nothing of it. One night; however, he was required to think of it.

"I need to talk to you," Nick said as he entered Sebastian's room. He would have spoken to him earlier, but preferred to do so at home rather than at school.

"Continue," Sebastian answered with his back to the door.

"I know you're behind it all. I figured it out." Nick spoke slowly to keep his voice from shaking. He'd spent too long researching and pondering the other's actions.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Sebastian still hadn't turned around. He was fiddling on his phone and spoke indifferently.

"All of it. You _cheated _to help us win. I'm sure you weren't the mastermind behind it, you don't care enough." Nick wished he would turn around; he didn't like talking to nothing. "Maybe it was Kane, it probably was. You did something behind the scenes."

"Yeah," his stepbrother consented. He turned around. "I did do something to secure our win."

"It had to do with Vocal Adrenaline, didn't it?" Nick asked, more of a statement than a question.

"It wasn't my idea." He moved across the room to stand in front of his accuser. "Kane realized we had no chance if they had a powerhouse vocalist. We have three soloists, but the judges would rather have one star. He thought if we were able to distract him, we would have a better chance of winning." Nick stood frozen in the threshold. He wasn't expecting a confession. "So he told me and William to do some peeking around, see what would affect him. Then Blaine came in."

"What did Blaine do?" Nick interrupted, praying his friend had nothing to do with Kane's dealings.

"Nothing that he knows of. He warned us of New Directions. Kane was scared at the idea of having two clubs to worry about." Sebastian's face was blank and staring as he spoke. "But when I realized ND and VA were in the same district, I figured out a way to kill two birds with one stone."

"And that was to introduce Rachel Berry and Jesse St. James," Nick finished the sentence. Thanks to Tina of McKinley, he'd been able to put the pieces together.

"Smart. I did. I did some sneaking around- which I don't recommend because public schools suck," he continued. "I discovered the two were so dramatic and into themselves that it would both make and destroy them to fall in love with each other."

"So you played them. Got them together and then broke them up." Tina told Nick about the horrible break-up between Rachel and Jesse. Jesse transferred back to his old school, and with his teammates, egged her in a parking lot.

"Actually that wasn't my fault," Sebastian corrected. "I didn't plan on the transfer or the break-up. Those were just perfect coincidences."

"So what was your plan?"

"For them to fall in love, like teenagers tend to do, and since they are leads, they would be more interested in each other than winning. It's simple, almost instinctual. Distract the enemy; sneak in and win," he said matter-of-factly.

"So you did cheat," Nick said.

"No. There's nothing in the rule book that says you can't manipulate people," he shrugged. Nick was appalled at his lack of remorse, or even realization of what he had done.

"How did you introduce them?" That was the one part he hadn't figured out yet.

"Well, when I found out St. James had a scholarship to UCLA- which is in Los Angeles. He would tell you that." Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I did some looking into with community theater he participated in. They told me I'd find him at the library or bookstore, or wherever the hell I was, most days after school. I pulled some strings at McKinley and got Rachel to be there at the same time. It was no surprise they found each other. They even sang a Lionel Richie song," Sebastian said in disgust. Nick nodded, the pieces matching in his mind. "I guess Jesse later found out Kane had something to do with it. That's why he was so mad at Nationals."

"What did Kane do? It seems like you were the only one pulling strings."

"He found out Shelby Corcoran was Rachel Berry's biological mother," Sebastian said with a grin, pride in his voice. Nick wanted to leave. "And that was the icing on the cake. It totally destroyed both of them, and we walked away with a National championship." Nick shook his head in anger.

"You know," he said, anger filling his voice, "I knew you probably did something. I knew you weren't the best person. But I wanted to think you weren't that low." Nick's jaw tightened as he faced his stepbrother, their eyes ignited. "I can't believe I was part of a cheating team. I'm disgusted."

"It's not cheating. We still sang our songs better than they did," Sebastian justified.

"Well if St. James's head was in it rather than on Rachel, we may not have been so lucky," he spat. "That's not the only thing you did, either," Nick stated after a moment of silence.

"I've done a lot of things," Sebastian responded with a wink, suggestiveness in his tone.

"What did you do to get Tyung gone?" Nick demanded, ignoring the joke. Blaine kept his word to Leander and didn't tell any of his friends the true reason why Tyung was forced to leave.

"Why do you think I was part of it?" He asked, ignoring the question.

"Because wherever you go, trouble follows. What did you do?"

"Fine," he sighed. "Tyung knew what me and Kane were up to. He knew we were planning something." Sebastian put his hands in his pockets. He looked a little nervous, something Nick had never seen. "I told him if he spilled our secret, I'd spill his."

"And what was his?"

"That's the funny thing; I just made that part up. But when I said that, he froze. He looked so terrified. So I decided to figure out what he didn't want me to know." _What kind of person does that_ Nick thought. "I thought it would be something stupid, like he got caught wacking off to gay porn at school. So I did some intense research, albeit mostly illegal, but I trust you won't tell anyone that."

"Why would you trust that?"

"Because you're too good." He said it as an insult. "Anyway, I found out his mother had some ties to the Triad. I gave an anonymous tip to administration, and sure enough, they found out."

"So you got him _expelled?_" Nick's mind skipped over the Triad part in his mind. He didn't care what Tyung's mom may have done; Sebastian had no right to snoop.

"In my defense, I didn't know they would actually get the FBI involved," Sebastian said, as if that excused his actions.

"You're despicable," Nick hissed, venom in his voice. "For so long I wanted to think you were good, that there was something behind those eyes, but there's obviously not." Sebastian stood expressionless. "I don't even know what Blaine sees in you."

"You're going to tell him, aren't you?" He asked nervously.

"No. But he's not who you have to worry about."

"Why won't you tell him?" Sebastian asked eagerly.

"It's not for you. Blaine is one of those people that needs to think those around him are good. So, for his sake, I won't tell."

"But there's a condition."

"Always." Nick smirked at having the upper hand. He was no Sebastian, he didn't play with people for his own pleasure, but he did believe in justice.

"What is it? I quit the Warblers or you tell Blaine?" Nick shook his head. He knew Blaine and Sebastian had some weird relationship, but he also knew neither mattered to the other too much. They would both go on fine without each other. "You'll tell the headmaster?" He shook his head again. "I don't know then, what is it?"

"I told Dad," Nick said with satisfaction. Sebastian froze and Nick thought he could see fear in his green eyes.

"What did he say?"

"He's sending you to your mom." Sebastian breathed out in relief. Nick knew it was no punishment to his stepbrother, to send him to France, but he'd told more out of spite. In doing this, he kept the Warblers' name clean, and hopefully helped Blaine in the future.

"So you won't tell Blaine?" Sebastian spoke nothing of his sending away. It was as if he didn't care that he was punished.

"No, I won't. But don't think us friends."

"I never did," Sebastian called after Nick as he left.

Sebastian stared at the ceiling, wondering why he was so adamant that Blaine not know what he had done. It wasn't like he cared for the boy in any special way. He resigned that it must be because Blaine was the only interesting person in his life. He made sure all his things were packed for his early morning flight and fell asleep for the last time in Dalton Academy for some time.

_XV_

The late May air wafted into room H2BZ as Blaine performed a quick reconnaissance to make sure all loose items were accounted for. Jeff packed his bag tiredly across the room. Blaine was glad the rift between them had cleared after Nationals; he really had missed his best friend. He held no hard feelings toward him, but was pleased to know what he had been thinking during those months. He breathed in the familiar scent of the room and said a silent goodbye. He would return to it in the fall, but was sure he'd return a different person.

"You coming down for breakfast?" Jeff asked him when they finished packing.

"Yeah, go on ahead. I'll be right down." Jeff left with Nick to meet the rest of the boys. Dalton always held a going away breakfast the last morning of school. It was a huge event, waffles and pancakes, all-you-can-eat (even more than usual.) Blaine's stomach jumped at the invitation to eat a summer's worth of breakfast food.

He dragged his bags into the hallway next to Jeff's before heading down the wing. As he walked to Sebastian's dorm he reflected on the previous year. Usually when a school year ended, he wanted to throw a party. He never stopped to think on how he had grown. But grown he had. Appointments with Dr. Minerva had all but stopped. He knew the Sadie Hawkins dance would always haunt him, but there was no reason for him to be so affected by it anymore; he wasn't scared to open up. Blaine wasn't positive his home life would be better than it had been before he came to Dalton, but he did hold hope things would approve. Cooper had a fight with their father before he left for California two weeks before. Blaine didn't know what the fight was about, but from what he gathered from his brother, it dealt with him.

Blaine also reflected on the relationships he made over the year. He had always had friends, but memories of them faded over the years. In meeting his team he found a home. Jeff, Nick, Jared, and Tyung accepted him and let him _live. _He desperately missed the latter and hoped his email still worked in Europe. Being the second person he met at Dalton, he wouldn't know what to do if he lost contact with him.

The first person he met, Sebastian, was a different story. They weren't quite friends, but it wasn't due to a dislike of one another. Blaine doubted Sebastian ever had friends. He could be rude and sharp and was the first to state his opinion. Yet Blaine wasn't thrown off by him. Sebastian was the first person to ever take a physical interest in him, causing something to awaken in Blaine. He couldn't place his finger on what changed inside him. Perhaps it was a prideful sensation of being wanted, or maybe it was simply the freedom to live. That being said, he wasn't in love with Sebastian. He didn't know what love was; he was far too young for that. But he was naturally drawn to him like the poles of a magnet. He was drawn to the beautiful boy with empty eyes and callous apathy. The boy was free, was pure.

Blaine knocked on Sebastian's door twice before entering. The room was in the same perfect shape it had been the night before, except vacant. He looked around the room for any sign of its inhabitant, but found none. Confused, he called Sebastian, just for the call to reach voicemail. He then called Nick to ask him if he'd seen his stepbrother. Nick said that, no he hadn't. He thought he may have already left. Blaine's heart fell. He was looking forward to at least saying goodbye to him. He called and texted more, but still no answer- which was odd because Sebastian always texted back right away. He frowned and turned to leave the room. Before he reached the door something caught his eye. Lying on the table was a square card with writing and a navy blue heading. It wasn't there the night before; it had been planted, he was sure. He picked it up and examined it, recognizing it quickly.

The Boardwalk monopoly piece.


	5. Chapter 5

Some elements of this story may be disturbing to some readers. It will deal with Antisocial Personality Disorder, non-violent sociopathy, some elements of PTSD, as well as nongraphic (or graphic) depictions of sex and may include references to rape. Unhealthy relationships and depression are also mentioned.

This story takes place over a span of about five and half to six years (with gratuitous time skips.) The depictions of characters with disorders listed above are in no way written based on my opinions, but are purely a work of fiction.

I obviously own nothing (except the few OCs that show up throughout the story.) I have no idea how often this will be updated. Stay tuned!

The rating will change from T to M later on.

**A/N: This chapter has gratuitous manipulation of time. (Partly because I held no desire to write Klaine.)**

**All the events occurring during this part occur concurrently with Glee seasons 2 & 3. This part will take place over the course of two full years, but with many time skips. **

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 2: Blaine**

_Book 1: Family Ties_

_I_

Sebastian sighed as he stepped off the platform at the Charles de Gaulle Airport. The bright October sun shined off his white Ray Bans as he looked around for his driver. His vacation had been satisfactory, but somehow made him long to return home. Paris in October was just as Paris was at any other time of the year: beautiful. Since moving across the ocean, he fell into hobbies he would have found mundane the year before. Many nights Sebastian would sneak -that's a loose term, considering his mother didn't really mind where he went- out of his apartment to roam the streets at night. Some nights he would be approached by the urchins of the streets, but most nights he was left to his own mind. Paris at night reminded him of his own mind- scattered, wild, and yet inherently peaceful. It was beautiful.

The people were beautiful as well. He found himself staring at both the men and women more often and for longer periods than he had before. Perhaps it was the beauty of his countrymen, or maybe it was the stigma of being fifteen. Not old, truly just a child, but a man in his own mind. He carried himself with a grace unseen in any boy his age. If it wasn't for the childish glow to his cheeks, it would be easy to mistake him for a man. The height, beauty, intelligence, and immorality that came with Sebastian was too dark, too mature for a child but too naïve and self-centered for a man. Sebastian lived under the illusion that he had already seen everything the world could throw at him.

That being said, he still found Paris to be an enigma. _La Ville-Lumière, _the City of Light, was too dark for him. He witnessed events in back alleys and even in broad daylight that he wished to not recall. But he couldn't help but fall in love with the city. The shallow, airless quality in Gatsby's New York was the same in Sebastian's Paris. Not once did he think nostalgically back to his days at Dalton Academy.

When he first discovered his father was sending him back to Paris, he was relieved. America didn't work for him. There he was part of a broken family and a show choir who only wanted him for his voice. Not that he blamed them; there wasn't much personality for them to take to. His father hated having him around and his stepmother was smothering in her ways to try to "bond" with her new son. It made him sick. So when Nick told him he would be returning, he was glad. He would much rather live with his hedonistic mother in the greatest city on Earth.

Aceline Smythe was every bit her son's mother. Promiscuous, guileless, and wild, she was hardly an example for a growing teenager. Yet, in her heart she held a deep love for her son. Her many lovers called it her greatest flaw, though it was the one thing that made her strong.

Sebastian searched for his mother's paid worker while he mentally prepared himself to return to the city. He spent a week at their vacation house in Normandy, all but forgetting about school. He was in his second year of secondary school-the equivalent of the American tenth grade. School was different but good. He was glad to be back. The hired help, dressed in a limo driver's outfit, held up a sign with Sebastian's name on it. He climbed into the limo's backseat and watched out the window at the approaching city. Life couldn't get better than this.

_II_

Like most teenagers of his age, Blaine Anderson's memory and attention span were short. By the time he returned to Dalton Academy in September, he had all but forgotten the reason he enrolled in the boarding school in the first place. The Sadie Hawkins dance of eighth grade was a faded scene in his mind, as if he had merely witnessed it rather than taken place in it. His sophomore year began and soon he finally began to live the free life he had longed for.

The first day back at school brought a strange surprise. When he reached his first class he was bombarded by an old friend.

"Blaine!" He turned around, surprised. He thought it was another freshman who wanted details on the Warblers. Ever since their win at Nationals the previous year the club had become what Blaine was once told they were: rockstars. Instead of a younger boy, he was faced with a familiar one.

"Trent!" He hugged the other boy. After Trent's strange disappearance just before Regionals he hadn't been heard from. "What are you doing back?"

"Well," Trent said, "first I should probably tell you why I left." He went on to tell Blaine he had to leave due to his mother's cancer. She was diagnosed with a mild form of lung cancer, and due to chemotherapy Mr. Nixon could not pay for Trent's Dalton tuition. "My dad had to take an extra job, and so did I. I couldn't go to school for most of the year," he said. "But my mom is in remission, so I'm back!" Blaine was stunned to hear the news. He'd never met someone affected by cancer before. "I sadly have to redo sophomore year, but the school understands."

"So you're coming back to the Warblers right?" Blaine inquired, the two still standing outside first period.

"Definitely! Wes said I don't have to audition again, but I am. I thought I'd make the new kids scared." He winked and entered the classroom.

The atmosphere of the Warbler Commons during auditions was quite different from how it had been the year before. The tension and nervousness that came with competing was evident, but not to the extreme as it had been. The council was combined of four members as usual- Wesley Montgomery, David Thompson, Thad Harwood, and Cameron Michaels. Two juniors and two seniors. Blaine knew he was a shoe-in for a council spot for the next year.

The influx of new prospects shocked the group. They lost four Warblers from the previous year- Kane Adams, William Jefferson, Brett Jacobs, and Sebastian Smythe. They needed four new members with at least one of them being a competition soloist. They already counted Trent as the thirteenth member, meaning they needed to find three more.

"The guy was a real douchebag, but we really are going to miss him, aren't we?" Blaine heard Cameron ask his fellow council members. When Blaine entered Sebastian's dorm the last day of freshman year and was met with only a loose Monopoly property card, he knew the boy had left. When he told his friends that Sebastian was gone, they believed him to have simply left for home earlier. But Blaine knew he was gone for good. He may not have been too incredibly close to the other boy, but he knew his style. It was like him to leave a small item behind, one with significance. Sebastian may not have been a sentimental person but Blaine knew what the piece meant. It was a goodbye as well as a reminder of a great day they shared together. Blaine took the piece and kept it with him. The past was too often forgotten easily and he wished to hold on to some part of it.

At the end of the week the Warblers once again had sixteen members: the returning twelve, Trent, and three more boys. They were all freshmen, but at this point none were soloists. It looked like Blaine would be carrying the burden on his own. He had a passing yearbook student snap a picture of the 2010-2011 team. He got it printed two weeks later and kept it on his night stand. Across stood Wes, David, Alexander, Garrett, Thad, Cameron, Peter, Jehvon, Blaine, Nick, Jeff, Jared, Trent, Ryan, Cory, and Jason. It looked good standing next to the Nationals picture from the last year. He noticed one difference: the boys in the new picture looked happier, more at ease, than the ones in the first. He was ready to make a difference in the new year.

_III_

The first time Sebastian saw a therapist was shortly after he was arrested for stealing a red Bentley.

"It wasn't _my _fault," he argued, "If he didn't want it stolen he shouldn't have left in the middle of the goddamn street." The therapist went on to tell him that the car was exactly where it was supposed to be, and it was indeed his fault for stealing it.

"I'm not sure how things worked for you over in America, but we Parisians will have none of it," she said harshly in French, giving a heavy accent on _America. _

"I actually never got arrested back there." Sebastian preferred to speak in French at all times, even if most of the citizens spoke English as well. Using the other language allowed him to talk faster and gave him a sense of belonging. If he spoke like them and looked like them, there was no way they would ever suspect he wasn't one of them.

"Then maybe the change of atmosphere is causing you to want to act out." She scribbled something down on her board. They were in a grey-walled room inside the _national gendarmerie _building. It was quite different from anything he'd seen on American police television. He sat in the metal chair while the therapist made notes on him. "You will be seeing me once a week, _mercredi, _for evaluation. Sign here." She handed him a pen chained to the table. He skimmed the contract, which more or less dictated that he was at the service of his _thérapeute _until mental evaluation was complete. In short, she held his future on a tight leash.

"I don't see why you have to perform mental tests. I stole a car, not committed genocide," he said, venom filling his voice. He set the pen back on the table. "I'm not signing."

"It's not due to your crime," she said. "Repeat offenders don't have to do this."

"Then why do I?" He pulled at the hood of his school jacket. It fit much better than the Dalton blazer.

"Some things in your file from your American physician warn of minor offenses in the past. Those along with your sheer indifference and capability to offend again cause us to do this."

"That's retarded," he hissed. He scribbled his loopy signature and left. There was no way he was visiting some shrink.

Sebastian managed to delete his mother's voicemails that notified her of his school absences. He hardly showed up for classes yet still held the highest average in his grade. It was a mystery his teachers-especially ones who tried to fail him- would never understand.

He changed clothes and took a few bottles of alcohol from his mother's cabinet before leaving the apartment and heading out for the night. His hang-out spot, an abandoned warehouse off the Rue de Saint-Denis, was hidden well enough to allow him to carry the items in broad daylight. He pushed the steel door open with a grunt and threw himself on a ripped beanbag chair.

"What's got you all pissy?" asked a male voice from across the room. Étienne, an unemployed druggie Sebastian had somehow taken a liking to, ate chips by a badly made fire.

"Cops caught me," he groaned.

"'Bout time, I thought I would have to turn you in myself," Claire joked. She was two years older than Sebastian, the equivalent of an American high school senior. She was a head taller than Sebastian, which was quite a feat, with white blonde hair and an act for dissembling.

"You think he would have been smarter than to steal a fucking _red _Bentley," said Abélard, the third boy in their group. Sebastian wasn't sure how old he and Étienne were, though he supposed they were in their early twenties, even if they acted like ten-year-olds. Étienne was short with a receding hairline and a permanent confused look on his face. Abélard was the classic womanizer, though was much nicer than Sebastian anticipated him to be. The fifth and final member of their group was Damiana. She was quite younger, probably only about thirteen or so, and rarely talked. Claire only liked having her around to perform errands. Sebastian would have been easily annoyed by that, but Damiana seemed to actually enjoy it.

"Hey, it was initiation, right?" Sebastian joked and he opened the cognac in his hand. It wasn't long before his friends were bombarding him for a swig. "Anyway, have you any of you guys gotten a shrink after gettin' caught?" He asked later once the brandy started affecting him.

"Not at all," one of the boys responded. He couldn't remember which. When he got drunk they all blended together. "Why'd they give you one?"

"S'mt'hn about not caring or coldness or criminal behavior. Honestly I wund't listenin'," he slurred. He liked getting drunk but couldn't do it too often. Many times he would wake up without clothes.

"How'd you pass the drug test? I know you haven't been clean since you came home?" Damiana asked from the corner. She rarely approached the others. Her black hair hid her face.

"Add'd wat'r to the piss," he said. "They can't wa't me piss so I figgered I'd tamper it."

"How'd you make sure it was enough to pass?" She asked.

"I dunno. Just guessed." He smiled and Damiana hid her face. He knew he charmed her; his being gay must have distressed her. He didn't care one way or another.

"Well, Sebastian," Claire said, cocking her head, "I found a video of you." Sebastian froze. Only some of her words were reaching him, but he could read lips. _Who made a sex tape? _"It's you and that American show choir." He sighed.

"Oh yeah, we were badass weren't we?"

"You were good but too rigid. Not free. Not like us." She smiled and took the cognac from his hands.

"Not like us," he nodded in agreement. "Well I'm here to stay!" He tried to stand up but tripped over air, landing face first into the concrete floor. His friends erupted in laughter and he joined them.

_IV_

While Sebastian was being psychoanalyzed, Blaine was falling in love. He wanted to laugh at himself for how desperate he had become. Yet he couldn't because he knew it was true. No poems or ballads could describe the emotion in his chest.

The boy was obviously a spy; he had no skill for blending in. Blaine saw him descending the marble staircase and felt it; the pull that told him _stay, talk to him. _It was a pull he had only read about. He followed it, grabbing the boy's hand and directing him to the Warblers.

"The Warblers are like rock stars!" He told the other boy excitedly, remembering when Tyung told him the same thing a year before. But he was no longer the same person who joined the Warblers. He was a year older and bounds different. He was no longer one of the youngest Warblers; he was the single soloist and easily the only reason the team performed well. He hated thinking that way; it wasn't like him to sound so cocky. But it was true.

They sang Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" with Blaine in the front and Wes and the others behind him. It felt _right _to sing that song. It fit his circumstances with Dalton (_"things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life") _as well as the emotion that was flowering inside him. He used to laugh at those who believed in love at first sight, but now he realized they were no fools. It was very possible to see your other half and just _know. _

He found out the boy's name was Kurt. Kurt Hummel. Age 17, junior at William McKinley High School. And he was the most radiant creature Blaine had ever seen. Kurt told him of problems he was having with bullying and harassment at his school. Blaine gave him advice and his phone number. He hoped it was the start of something new.

And something new it was. Kurt transferred to Dalton just weeks after visiting. He moved into the dorm down the hall from H2BZ, and soon it became known as Kurt's Dorm in Blaine's mind rather than Sebastian's Dorm, as it had been up until then. Blaine felt guilty never thinking of Sebastian. He would cross his mind occasionally in passing moments of thought. He would remember the flatness to Sebastian's usual voice, and the way he taught himself to animate it. He was the perfect actor. Blaine remembered the way he would move against him silently. He never spoke during their moments of intimacy- one of the reasons Blaine refused to have full-out sex with him. If Sebastian couldn't look him in the eye and realize he was a person with feelings, then he didn't get to be part of Blaine's most intimate human experience.

But Sebastian was just a memory to Blaine now, like a breeze of wind that would cross his face in the fall. Sebastian was just another person he met; a person who left his mind as quickly as he had entered it. The room down the hall was Kurt's, just as Blaine was Kurt's. But the Warblers weren't. The Warblers were the one thing in his life that would always be _his. _They had been his last year, even if Kane and Sebastian had more influence than he. His teammates looked to Blaine for help and friendship, and that was the best kind of ownership he wished to have on them. Kurt was a good addition to the Warblers, even if Blaine knew he never felt at home in the society of the Warblers. He was too different, too unique to wear the blazer convincingly. Blaine knew it the moment he saw him. But that didn't stop him from persuading the other boy to join. Blaine was tired of being alone, and wished to share what was his with the one he loved.

It took a while for Blaine and Kurt to get together, though it was more reason of circumstance than by any fault of their own. After tying the New Directions at Sectionals (an odd fate, one Blaine hadn't seen in all his years of show choir message boards. Cooper even called him to make sure the ruling was correct), Blaine realized they had a chance. When he left his final meeting with Dr. Minerva after the school year began, she looked him in the eye and said, "Promise me to love as much as you can." He said that he would and left without a thought.

When he sat in the Warbler Commons listening to Kurt sing "Blackbird" about the late Pavarotti, he couldn't help but remember Dr. Minerva's words. Jeff sat behind him and nudged his shoulder. He turned around to see his best friend gesture in Kurt's direction. Though wordlessly, he understood what Jeff meant. He knew it, Nick knew it, and the whole team knew it: Blaine was in love. He felt the love in his core when he kissed Kurt before Regionals. He felt the love when he fell asleep listening to Jeff's gentle breathing and the light rain outside. He wasn't just in love with Kurt; he was in love with life. Everything seemed beautiful to him in a way it never had before. His whole state was love, and there was no returning from it. His eyes were opened like a blind man's and he saw the world for how it was.

For too long he spent time around those who believed only in themselves or nothing at all. But in meeting and loving Kurt (and even in losing Regionals), Blaine learned to believe again. He learned to believe in the future and in taking chances. He learned to be free in a way that even Sebastian Smythe's kisses after a night at Scandals could teach him. Sebastian was free in the reckless, callow sense; the self-absorbed sense. But Blaine was free in that he lived outside himself. He lived for the laughs of his friends and the closeness of Kurt's heart against his own. He lived for the structured rhythm of song and the meter of poetry. He lived to love and to create, while Sebastian, an ocean away, lived to destroy and to hate.

Blaine loved the Warblers and Dalton and the person he was when he was with them, but couldn't help but envy Kurt and his atmosphere. The previous year he never took time to understand who the New Directions were. To him they were simply competition, another school to beat. But when he attended their prom and saw how they supported Kurt, even when he was humiliated in front of everyone, Blaine knew that was where he belonged. He was driven, ambitious, and talented: the consummate Dalton boy. But being a Dalton boy also came with the compulsive need to win at all costs. It had been their tradition for years. Blaine held no hard feelings against his friends or his team, but he couldn't compete anymore. He had won and saw no need to continue to live in a competitive environment.

So once junior year started and Kurt suggested he transfer to McKinley, Blaine hardly hesitated in agreeing.

_V_

Sebastian soon realized the word "friend", _ami, _was a loose term among his group. He didn't join them for emotional closeness- mostly out of loneliness- but still found himself hurt by some of the things they did. He tried to turn an eye to Damiana's attack, but once he saw the fragile ghost of his friend hiding in the streets alone, he knew there was something he had to do.

He was never very close to Damiana, like most people, but her big, wet blue eyes made him want to hurt whoever hurt her. She was thirteen, just a child. How could someone do this? He was surprised by his own disgust. It wasn't the first time he'd seen a victim similar to the girl. They were everywhere in the streets if you looked hard enough. But in seeing her asking for his help, Sebastian opened his door and proved himself wrong.

She never told him in so many words but he was able to figure out who had hurt her. The finger marks on her shoulder and thighs matched the ones Sebastian often found on his own wrists after a stupid fight. Abélard had a notorious violent streak, one that usually landed his friends in the _national gendarmerie _headquarters. But not this time, no. Sebastian was tired of the other boy, practically a man, getting away with his crimes. Not when he did something as horrible as rape a young girl. Sebastian performed his own detective work secretly, collecting DNA samples and comparing bruises. He questioned Abélard in a veiled way; trying to see where he could have been the night Damiana was attacked. It all added up. His "friend" was even stupider than he thought. He all but admitted what he did. Sebastian was disgusted by the way Claire and Étienne turned their heads. When he first met Abélard, he thought the other was kind and gentle compared to his reputation. But by stepping back and observing his friends like an outsider, he was able to see how wrong he was.

Abélard was arrested, put on trial, and proved guilty of the rape of Damiana Julien. Sebastian all but set off firecrackers at the verdict. Needless to say, the others shunned Sebastian and Damiana after they realized they were the ones behind Abélard's arrest. Sebastian didn't mind. He would rather be on his own.

He never saw Damiana again after the trial and never bothered to look for her. He had done his job. If she wanted him, she would find him. After leaving the group his school attendance increased and arrest record decreased. Aceline was glad to see her son behaving. However, that didn't last for long.

During the months he spent separated from Claire and Étienne the two spent devising a plan. Individually they were not very intelligent, but they were conniving. Sebastian was hit with a small burst of pride when he discovered what they had done; he'd chosen his group well.

He was once again arrested for conspiracy in a large drug bust case. He wasn't even in the country at the time, but Claire and Étienne crafted a story so perfect no jury would ever call him innocent. When his case reached court, Aceline hired the best lawyers to represent him.

Sebastian was rather indifferent to the whole manner. He was angry at his old friends for betraying him, but at the same time he realized he would have done the same thing. He figured jail would have better meals than the ones he was scraping by on in his mother's frequent absences. His therapist was working overtime to help him.

"Why am I visiting you when I should be talking to lawyers?" He asked her one Friday night in March. He was due for trial in three weeks and those supporting him were doing everything they could to help him. The French legal system was different than the American one, but not in ways that Sebastian couldn't understand.

"We're trying to find anyway that would make sure you are innocent if the evidence doesn't agree." She was flipping through folders and handed Sebastian a paper. The heading was in elegant English and read **Hare Psychopathy Checklist- Revised. **"An American creation, but efficient nonetheless," she added. Sebastian browsed the paper.

"This says I should be at least eighteen to be tested," he said without looking up. He'd seen similar tests like this online, though most fraudulent.

"Or have a criminal record or reason to suspect," the woman added harshly. She handed Sebastian a pen and told him to fill out the answers honestly. He shrugged and finished it. When done, he handed the packet to his therapist and left without being dismissed.

A few days before his trial, Sebastian sat in his lawyer's office along with the therapist. (Whose name was Madame Joly.) They were discussing strategies for defending Sebastian, as well as contriving evidence to prove he was in Edinburgh the night of the bust, and that he knew none of the people involved.

"I see it this way, you have two choices if things don't work out your way," the lawyer said, a German man Sebastian's mother had spent several nights with.

"Plead guilty to get less time," Sebastian monotonously repeated, "or plead insane." The lawyer nodded, looking down at his clipboard. "But I'm not insane."

"Your PCL-R results suggest otherwise," Mme. Joly said. Her wispy grey hair was pulled into a tight bun and her glasses were perched perfectly on her nose. Sebastian thought she looked like a cranky librarian.

"I'm not insane," he reiterated. "At least not in the legal sense." The lawyer nodded silently. "The legal insanity means you aren't in control of your actions, or your mental state has left you not fully functioning." He slouched farther in the chair and fingered the cigarette in his pocket. He'd taken up the habit shortly after his arrest, even if he found it disgusting. It kept his mind off things. "I know exactly what I'm doing all the time."

"If you say it like that, the jury may believe you were indeed part of it."

"Fuck the jury," Sebastian cursed. "I'm not pleading crazy. Now if you'd find the goddamn evidence we wouldn't be having this discussion." He rose and left, exiting into the cool Paris night. He closed his eyes and breathed in the cool air.

One of his favorite places to go alone was the Seine River. He would walk the man-made sidewalks and contemplate his surroundings. Despite arguments to shut them off, the Paris lights still ignited at night. He could see the Eiffel Tower and Arc de Triomphe from where he stood. He'd spent the day touring the Sacré Cœur and Notre Dame Cathedral. He didn't know why he visited them; he wasn't religious in any way, and had seen them countless times. Perhaps it was the act of people watching, he thought, that made the visits worthwhile. How poetic that the boy who despised people would get the most from watching them act. Sebastian watched people like one would watch animals in captivity. There was a dissonance between the way he viewed and treated others. He did all he could to continue to be _normal_, but in himself he knew they were nothing. That he was nothing. That everything was nothing. He felt these feelings back at Dalton, but at Dalton he had a drive. A drive to win, to be the best. But in Paris he was goalless, guileless. He needed a reason to be, _un_ _raison d'être. _Doing whatever he wanted became pointless. He needed direction.

Sebastian stared into the clear waters of the Seine and listened to the rattle of the city around him. The city was beautiful but the people weren't. He'd never felt so strongly in his life. All thoughts of the impending trial evaded him, leaving his mind a void. He flicked a Euro into the water, watching it ripple until it finally sunk. He looked up once more at the city lights. From where he stood stars were still visible. Sebastian sighed and watched the lights of planes mix with the twinkle of the stars. He could feel a pull inside him, a pull telling him there was nothing left for him.

_I think my mask of sanity is about to slip._

_VI_

Nick Duval took the call quietly. He feared Blaine would notice the caller ID and demand to talk, or at least ask questions. His stepfather had spoken of a trial and a possibility of his stepbrother's return. Nick stayed silent when him asked his opinion. _It was your decision to send him off_, he wanted to say. But instead, Nick stayed silent as he always had.

In reality, having Sebastian back at Dalton would not have been a disaster. In fact, it would probably help morale. Ever since both he and Tyung left the school, academic competition had died down. Getting the number one and two spots was easy. The Warbler competitive nature also died completely. He still held the utmost respect for his friends on the council, but he couldn't help but notice how slacking the team had gotten in his second year. They weren't terrible, or even bad, but a Sectionals tie and a Regionals loss were unacceptable. They were a team made to win, not come in short. If Sebastian returned, the old spirit of the Warblers may return with him.

Rumors of Blaine's transfer started the day Kurt returned to McKinley. One of the freshmen started it, causing it to circulate throughout the school. Jeff fought to dispel the said rumors, but Nick stayed silent. He knew it was probable that Blaine would switch, and wished to not think of it.

"Nothing's final, but there is a huge chance he's moving back in with us, Nick," Mr. Duval said into the phone. Nick sat in the corner of Wes's dorm, where the Warbler party was taking place.

"Why? Doesn't his mother know how much trouble he's caused us?" Nick hissed at his stepfather.

"I'm sure she does," Mr. Duval responded with a sigh. Nick felt guilty hearing him say that.

"You still love her don't you?" He asked. Though the man was not his true father, he always felt close to him.

"Aceline Smythe isn't someone you stop loving," he answered. A silence followed the statement. Though they were on the phone, Nick could sense his expression.

"I'm sorry," he said pensively.

"Don't worry about it, son. Just be ready for Sebastian to come back." Nick hung up a few moments later and looked about the room. The very atmosphere was different than it had been the previous year. He could feel the lightheartedness and happiness in the room. Blaine was at the center of the room, as always. He was always their center and Nick feared what would happen if he left. He was the linchpin. Nick knew he was the guide himself. He was always the logical one, even if at times his morality failed. But this year he realized they lacked a chief. Wes was the obvious leader of the council, but he lacked the charisma and structure to convincingly lead a group. Nick feared what Sebastian's return would bring.

_VII_

"So you're telling me I took all those goddamn tests just for you all to find the evidence?" Sebastian walked out of the court room with his lawyer and Madame Joly. He was proven innocent, naturally. Somehow some "friends" in Scotland proved he was in Edinburgh the night of the raid. He was free to go. His mother wasn't waiting for him.

"Basically. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, but we had to be sure." The lawyer said as he called for a cab. The three climbed in and gave the driver Sebastian's address.

"Still stupid," he responded flatly. Mme. Joly was silently reviewing paperwork. "So I can go home now and never deal with you all again?" The adults shared a look and nodded.

When they reached the Smythe apartment, Sebastian hurried inside. The adults spoke with the hired help before leaving. Sebastian never saw them again.

August rolled around and Sebastian was packing to return to America. Paris had been good, great, but he couldn't stay. It was a city full of beautiful people and he wasn't beautiful. Not inside, not really. He couldn't hide amongst the normal in France, but in America no one would ask. He would have to return. He needed to win, to succeed. And only with the Dalton Academy Warblers could he do that.

He couldn't start school until mid-September due to transfer issues, but could stay at Dalton. He moved into his old dorm though he was rarely there. One night, just weeks after school started (he was allowed to room at the school even if he couldn't start classes for a few weeks) he heard voices.

"It's official," a familiar voice said, "he's leaving." Sighs could be heard after Nick spoke. Nick was the only one of his old acquaintances that knew he was back. It had been kept a secret from the rest of the Warblers for undisclosed reasons. "Stay in the dorm and don't let anyone, _anyone_ know you're here," Nick had warned him when he arrived. Not wanting to cause a scene, he stayed put.

"Why?" Another asked, probably Jeff. Sebastian had forgotten most of their names.

"He's the love of my life," came another voice, one _very _familiar to Sebastian. He sat up in the bed and listened. "That's all you need to know." Blaine's voice was deeper than it had been the previous year. Sebastian had no idea as to what he was referring to, and honestly didn't care. It was oddly nice to hear Blaine's voice again. So smooth, so full of life. He heard footsteps walk away and peeked out his door. There was no one there. Was he going crazy?


	6. Chapter 6

Some elements of this story may be disturbing to some readers. It will deal with Antisocial Personality Disorder, non-violent sociopathy, some elements of PTSD, as well as nongraphic (or graphic) depictions of sex and may include references to rape. Unhealthy relationships and depression are also mentioned.

This story takes place over a span of about five and half to six years (with gratuitous time skips.) The depictions of characters with disorders listed above are in no way written based on my opinions, but are purely a work of fiction.

I obviously own nothing (except the few OCs that show up throughout the story.) I have no idea how often this will be updated. Stay tuned!

The rating will change from T to M later on.

**A/N: All events occurring in Glee season 3 dealing with Sebastian are canon. This fic simply adds things I wish could have happened, as well as those coinciding with the themes of this fic. Dates may be different than those used in the show.**

**Season Four is canon up to episode 4x8 Thanksgiving. I am aborting the cheating arc as well as a few others.**

**All the events occurring during this part occur concurrently with Glee seasons 3 & 4. **

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 2: Blaine**

_Book 2: Wait A Second…I Know That Hair!_

_I_

"He's back," was a common whisper to be heard around Dalton Academy in mid-September. The administration had done its best to keep the news hidden from the student body. They knew the boy's return would cause some upset among the students and had no wish to stress them more than necessary.

However, when Blaine Anderson left for McKinley early in the year, they had no choice but to tell the students they were receiving an old student. The Warblers were devastated with Blaine gone; there was no way they could compete. They lost six members from the pervious year's high of seventeen: Wesley Montgomery, David Thompson, Alexander Hamm, Garrett Turner, Kurt Hummel, and Blaine Anderson. When their first practice of the year came along, they looked in horrible shape.

"What are we gonna do?" Trent asked. He was a junior council member along with Nick. The seniors were Cameron and Thad.

"I honestly don't know," Cameron sighed. He was given the leadership spot. He twirled Wes's favorite gavel in his hand as he contemplated what they could do. "We have people who can sing, but not enough to reach Nationals." His teammates nodded. They were left with only eleven returning members, and took the only three freshmen that could carry a tune. Trent feared the Warblers were dying out. In Dalton, tradition was a huge thing. That's one of the reasons they weren't cut directly after the Dean Lindsey scandal. But with tradition comes winning, and when the Warblers did not win the previous year, much interest in them died. They were hardly spoken about on message boards. Everyone said to look out for Carmel's Vocal Adrenaline and McKinley's New Directions, as well as the South Carolina school that came in second in the 2010 Nationals. _"The Dalton Academy Warblers are a thing of the past," _read a title of a thread on a message board. Trent felt his heart sink. He would do anything to win.

"How many do we have now?" Trent asked.

"Me, Thad, Peter, Jehvon, Nick, You, Jeff, Jared, Cory, Ryan, Jason, Jon, Thom, Charlie, and Bart."

"Only fifteen."

"Only fifteen," Cameron sighed in agreement. If they had to they could use Cameron's cousin who could somewhat move in rhythm. But they needed talent.

"Well here's number sixteen," said a familiar voice standing in the doorway. All heads turned to see Sebastian Smythe standing in the doorway. Now sixteen and witness to things the other boys would have never dreamed of, he had a different countenance. The cocky attitude was still there, but it wasn't everything. They could sense he had changed.

"Welcome back," Nick said through clenched teeth. He knew this stepbrother would make an appearance eventually, though he liked to think he would stay in his dorm the rest of the year.

"Good to be back, bro," he joked. The freshmen and sophomores who had not known Sebastian looked at him with expressions of awe. A few were probably attraction as well. Sebastian had grown another two inches, putting him at a good 6'2, and lost the remaining baby fat of childhood from his face. His cheekbones were prominent and his hair was styled in a way that wavered between ridiculous and ridiculously attractive.

"Are you here to try out?" Cameron asked, all formalities. He made no secret of his dislike for the younger boy two years previously.

"No I'm here to admire the bird," Sebastian said sarcastically, crossing the room to stand in front of the birdcage that usually held a little yellow warbler. "Where's the bird?" He asked, looking around. The boys shared looks.

"He, um, died," Jeff responded, remembering the way Kurt sang "Blackbird". He wasn't sure what to make of Sebastian's return yet.

"Oh." He shrugged and walked to stand in front of the council table once more. Last time he stood in front of it to sign his name, it seemed much bigger. In reality, he was the one who had grown. All the boys had grown. _Maybe outgrown a council, _he thought as he looked at the four seated at it. "Well then, yes I am." He signed a loopy _Sebastian Smythe _before standing in front of the group.

"Whatcha gonna sing?" Jared called across the room. He was the only upperclassman not affected by the other boy's return.

"It's not my usual style, but it fits."

"Go on," Cameron demanded. Sebastian took a breath and began.

"_Well, I see that once again the responsibility to corrupt my fellow students falls to me. Fortunately I'm up for the task."_ he half-spoke. He looked at Nick and winked. _"The trouble with schools is." _He half-spoke again, looking about the room. _"They always try to teach the wrong lesson. Believe me, I've been kicked out of enough of them to know,"_ he began to sing. The Warblers watched on, noting the relevance. _"They want you to become less callow, less shallow," _he sang, walking up to Bart whose eyes were glued to him. _"But I say 'why invite stress in'? Stop studying strife and learn to live the unexamined life." _ He slowed the end of the line, projecting it to the boys around him. The Warblers sat on the couches and chairs to allow him to sing. This would be the only audition in the history of the group to be witnessed by anyone other than the council. (That they know of. Blaine _did _spy on Sebastian freshman year.)

"_Dancing through life," _he continued, an airless quality in his voice. He looked calmly serene, something Nick had never seen on his face. "_Skimming the surface, gliding where turf is smooth." _He did just that: glided across the floor and entrancing the team. _"Life is painless for the brainless," _he nodded to Jared which granted a chuckle from the team. "_Why think too hard when it's so soothing? Dancing through life, no need to tough it when you can stuff it off as I do," _his voice gained volume with the line before adding, "_nothing matters, but knowing nothing matters. It's just life, so keep dancing through." _Sebastian finished the stanza softly before turning on his heel to dance around the room. Nick snuck a look at Jeff, who shrugged.

"_Dancing through life, swaying and sweeping and always keeping cool." _He all but flirted with the crowd. His stage presence had improved immensely since freshman year. He owned his audience and portrayed emotion convincingly. _Maybe because this song is about not caring, _Nick thought. "_Life is fraughtless when you're thoughtless. Those who don't try never look foolish." _Sebastian gave Nick a sharp look at that line, almost an insult. _"Dancing through life, mindless and careless, make sure you're where less trouble is rife." _ He stood on the council table, like Blaine often had in the past. _"Woes are fleeting, blows are glancing when you're dancing through life!" _He hit the high note with his eyes closed and head thrown back.

He got off the table and sat in a chair, following the song's content. _"So, what's the most swankified place in town?" _He spoke, not changing anything from the original musical.

"_That would be the Ozdust Ballroom," _one of the freshmen said in Galinda's spot.

"_Sounds perfect!" _Sebastian said excitedly as he stood up. _"Let's go down to the Ozdust Ballroom, we'll meet there later tonight," _he sang as he glided across the Commons. _"We can dance 'til it's light. Find the prettiest girl, give her a whirl." _He spun as if ballroom dancing. _"Right on down to the Ozdust Ballroom, come on follow me," _he held his hand out to the Warblers. _"You'll be happy to be there."_

"_Dancing through life down at the Ozdust," _the boys sang in harmony with him. Nick hadn't seen them so transfixed even when Blaine was still there.

_"If only because dust is what we come to," _he sang above the chorus.

"_Nothing matters but knowing nothing matters," _they joined in. _"It's just life."_

"_So keep dancing through," _Sebastian finished smoothly, facing the group once more. Nick was wary to say, but he did have to admit that his stepbrother was spectacular in a way he hadn't been before.

After the applause ended, Sebastian took a faux bow and spoke to the group.

"I'll see you all tomorrow for practice." He winked and exited, leaving the team to glance around, confused. The upperclassmen remembered what he had said the first time he tried out, and hoped he wasn't messing with them. They really did need Sebastian Smythe.

_II_

Blaine Anderson's first day in public high school got off to a bad start. He wasn't used to going to school while living at home. Due to this, his alarm was set for 6:30 p.m. rather than 6:30 a.m. He finally awoke at 7:45, just fifteen minutes before school started. He managed to get there on time, though he knew he looked like an idiot.

Choosing clothing was also another obstacle for him to face. For two years he'd worn the Dalton blazer every day. Weekend clothing was usually just pajamas or other not-school-appropriate wear. Finding an outfit for everyday usage was harder than he thought. He was envious of his friends back at Dalton. He decided to go with a black polo shirt, yellow pants, and a signature bowtie- and don't forget the pink Wayfarers. _It was perfect._

Surprising Kurt was the best part of the day. Somehow he was able to avoid his boyfriend most of the day. They had two classes together and lunch, but being short had its advantages. It was hard for him to stay silent, but was worth it when Kurt's face lit up in surprise. They hugged in the hallway and Blaine knew he had made the correct choice.

Except every day he questioned his choice. His classes were all repeats of ninth and tenth grade, the teacher's were all but incompetent, and he'd never seen such atrocious discipline. Even the glee club couldn't make him feel better. Finn had something against him, probably jealousy, that wouldn't die away. He was used to people being jealous of him, but Dalton boys handled their jealousy differently. They did get angry or put the other down; they got better. He wished the worth ethic of the Warblers was the same in New Directions. They weren't planning on picking their setlist until _a week before Sectionals. _He was disgusted. At least there was the school play.

_West Side Story _was a classic, one of Blaine's favorites. He had no hesitation to audition for Tony, and was surprised when Kurt seemed hurt that he had. He didn't understand; shouldn't Kurt be happy for him? He pushed it out of his mind and continued. That's what he always had done, and that's what he would always do. When they received tickets to the show he decided it best to invite the Warblers. They were his friends after all.

The secretary let him in without signing in.

"Blaine Anderson! Have you returned?" She asked excitedly. She was the same one who'd helped him visit the school nearly three years before.

"Sadly, no. I'm here to visit the Warblers," he answered. She frowned.

"Okay, go ahead. No need to sign in." He smiled in thanks and headed to the Commons. He walked down the familiar staircase, filling with nostalgia. It had been just a few months since he'd last been there, but it felt like a lifetime.

He walked slowly down the hall, and with each step his friends' singing got louder. He recognized the song right away: "Uptown Girl". The song Nick used to audition two years previously. _He must be the new lead_, he thought. Blaine approached the room and stood in the doorway out of their sight.

He smiled watching his best friend sing and wanted nothing more than to join it. But he couldn't; it was their time to shine. His eyes moved to the piano where a familiar face sat. His heart welled in his chest when he realized who it was. _Sebastian, _he almost said aloud. His old friend had changed immensely since they last spoke.

Blaine tried to ignore the way Sebastian looked at him, as well as the way it made him feel. _Kurt, _he thought, _Kurt. Don't let Sebastian affect you this way. _But he couldn't. The other boy was all smiles and didn't hesitate to take Blaine's hand and drag him to the group. _Where he belonged. _

He took the spot next to Nick, who was ecstatic to see him again. There were new faces he didn't recognize. The group moved together flawlessly and Blaine felt himself fall in love all over again. They sang to the French teacher outside the Commons. Blaine stood beside Sebastian and couldn't keep his eyes off him. He'd filled in, become more muscular. He could tell through the blazer. There was a lofty quality to singing with the Warblers; one he knew would never accompany New Directions' performances. For three minutes Blaine felt in heaven. He wished he could have stayed.

"Is this your triumphant return to Dalton?" Trent asked eagerly when they finished singing. Blaine said that no, it wasn't and explained why he was there.

"We'll be there," Sebastian said, his voice deeper than Blaine remembered. "Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, right?" Blaine nodded without meeting his eye. He felt like the eighth grader in the bathroom again. Something about Sebastian always made him flustered. The underclassmen looked between the two of them, probably wondering how they knew each other. "Sebastian Smythe." He held his hand out. "Blaine Anderson," he said with a smile. Blaine shook his hand out of formality and stared up at the other boy. He felt the group's eyes on them.

"Hi, your voice gave me chills!" He said in a joking manner, though he meant it. "Are you a freshman?" He joked again. Sebastian smirked.

"Do I look like a freshman?" Nick and Jeff watched on keenly. They knew Sebastian was flirting, hell everything Sebastian did was flirting. Nick only hoped Blaine didn't get swept up in him again and hurt Kurt or himself.

The two talked outside at a circular table as students walked by. Blaine didn't know half of them.

"They won't shut up about you," Sebastian said. "I mean, I figured you had changed but wow. Half the time I was like 'I don't know who this Blaine guy is, but I hear he's sex on a stick and sings like a dream." His voice was smoother than Blaine remembered. He felt the old shake in the pit of his stomach that always accompanied speaking to Sebastian. They talked for a while, about old times and what they had been up to over the last year. Blaine never brought Kurt up once.

_III_

The second time Blaine went to Scandals, the gay bar in West Lima, he was accompanied by two beautiful boys and didn't know which one to look at. He was in love with Kurt, _always, _but couldn't keep away from Sebastian. Maybe it was nostalgia, maybe he was just transfixed by how his old friend had changed. Or maybe he didn't know what he wanted. He was sure it was a mixture of both.

Being with Sebastian in the bar, where he had his first kiss, awoke something inside him that had lay dormant too long. With Kurt he was careful and never went too far. He stayed the polite and perfect boy Kurt met. He was never wild- not that he had been before, though he was more adventurous. He never spoke of his own needs and always put his boyfriend first. _That's what love is, isn't it?_ Sebastian, who was wearing his collar popped like he had when they first met. (Though it looked much better the second time. Eighth grade Sebastian looked like a boy playing man while this Sebastian looked so grown up.) Dancing with him on the dirty and crowded dance floor freed Blaine of his inhibitions- or maybe that was the beer. He wanted to live, to love, and was met with the strangest need to _fix _Sebastian, though he knew the other boy wasn't broken.

"I'm sorry I wanted to be spontaneous and fun!" He yelled at Kurt after their brief argument in the parking lot. Somewhere in the back of his mind where sober thoughts lived, Blaine knew he was in the wrong. He _should _have waited to have sex. Isn't that why he didn't do it with Sebastian two years before? He didn't know anymore; the other boy's return sparked something wild in him.

He continued to talk and meet with Sebastian religiously, which he kept from Kurt. He didn't know why; their meetings were always innocent. (Well, nothing was innocent with Sebastian.) He would always jokingly flirt with Blaine, who wrote it off as teasing. But part of him secretly enjoyed the attention. Jeff had yelled at him before he left, telling him being in a relationship had changed him. He argued that it had made him better, though he was worried it had. But in the way he and Sebastian fell back into their old routine cleared his head. He hadn't changed, not at all.

Whenever he would speak of or to Sebastian, Kurt would act jealous. He didn't know why; there was nothing to be jealous of. He was devoted to Kurt in every way. No old friend could change that. (Though he hadn't actually told Kurt he had known Sebastian before November. Something about telling your boyfriend that you used to make out with the guy he hates didn't feel right to Blaine.) Sebastian showed up for _West Side Story _as well as Sectionals and cheered him on harder than most the McKinley kids ever would. He made up with Finn but it still didn't feel right. The New Directions was Kurt's in every way the Warblers used to be his, though it didn't seem that way as of late. He was lost, and dangerously so.

_IV_

Sebastian didn't know what was happening. He was glad to see Blaine again, but was wildly frustrated in his devotion to Kurt. He wasn't sure why. He could have anyone he wanted, and yet he chose Blaine.

He wasn't sure what Blaine meant to him. Maybe he reminded him of better days, days before he witnessed terrible things. Days before he sold himself out. Could that be it? No, he wasn't a sellout. He did what he did to win, right? And as far as Sebastian knew, Nick hadn't told him what he'd done freshman year. His stepbrother hadn't told Blaine that Sebastian was a key player in manipulating two people, one of which was his friend, so that their team could win. Sebastian was still clean? Wasn't he?

Months passed and Sebastian was getting desperate. He had no grand plan on how to win Regionals. (They'd easily won Sectionals.) He spent more and more time with Blaine, all of which was kept from the other boy's boyfriend. Sebastian noticed the way Blaine looked at him. It wasn't the same as before; it was deeper. It set him on edge, made him feel that Blaine could see into his dark and empty soul.

"What are you looking at?" He asked Blaine one night. They were in his dorm, like old times- but not fully. There was no touching other than the necessary handing over of food. Jeff was still in the habit of stealing food from the kitchen, and Sebastian made sure to steal some of his whenever he could. Jeff had a new roommate, and seemed to have no problem in his taking over of Blaine's spot.

Sebastian noticed how Blaine acted around the rest of the Warblers. There was a rift between them which had never been there before. He assumed it was due to Blaine's leaving for a boy. The only one who seemed to not be mad about it was Jared. Blaine never spoke of his feelings about his friends and Sebastian never pried. It wasn't out of sensitivity; he simply didn't care. Blaine was- partially- his and he didn't want to share.

The existence of Kurt annoyed him. Usually he didn't out rightly hate someone; he was usually indifferent to them. But he could not stand Kurt. Everything about him made Sebastian's stomach turn. From his condescending tone to how he looked at Blaine like an object to his annoying voice. Sebastian despised him and made no secret of it.

"I just wonder what happened to you," Blaine responded. He was staring longingly out the window at the practicing track team.

"Nothing. I haven't changed," he answered. He was stretched out on his bed, wearing sweatpants and a lacrosse t-shirt. Blaine, however, was dressed in his usual dapper attire. It annoyed Sebastian how formal he was around him.

"Yeah you have. There's something different there. It's like you're acting."

"Why would I be acting?" Sebastian asked, feigning confusion. Inside he was panicking. _He figured it out. I've been so good at masking it. _ He stayed calm on the exterior.

"I know how you feel about me." Blaine turned from the window and looked Sebastian in the eye. It set Sebastian's skin on fire. He could usually anticipate what someone was going to say, but he was at a loss.

"Yeah, you need to use less gel. Your hair was better freshman year."

"Funny," Blaine said in a way that showed he found the comment very _unfunny. _"That's not what I meant." He crossed the room to sit at the foot of the other boy's bed. Sebastian jerked up and sat upright. His hands were sweating. "I know you're still into me."

"I think anyone with a brain is," Sebastian joked, breathing in relief. _Okay, it's not _that _conversation. _This one was much easier to deal with.

"Thanks, I think." Blaine rubbed his hands together and looked at the door. "I know you probably want to pick up where we…left off. But I'm with Kurt now."

"Doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you," Sebastian quickly responded just as he had at the Lima Bean months previously. He felt the mask slip back on and sat up straighter.

"Sebastian I'm in love with him."

"Why do you say it like you're guilty?" Blaine looked at his lap and bit his lip. Other than finding it ridiculously hot, he couldn't read what Blaine meant. _What's wrong with you Sebastian? _He could always read people, especially Blaine who was so open.

"I'm not," Blaine said defensively.

"Yeah you are. You're still 'into me'," Sebastian said, imitating Blaine. "I know it."

"No, I'm not," he half-hissed in response. Sebastian chuckled at his adamancy.

"Are too. I make you nervous." He scooted closer to the other boy, so close their faces almost touched. He felt Blaine tense on the bed.

"Maybe because you're giving me no personal space," Blaine said slowly. Sebastian could feel his breath on his face.

"Nope. I can see it in your eyes. They're almost all black. You should probably call Kurt to cool you off," he joked, leaning away from Blaine to his old position. Blaine glared at him insincerely and began to smooth out his sweater though it wasn't wrinkled.

"Do you have to do that?"

"Do what?"

"Insult Kurt like that."

"I wasn't insulting him," Sebastian said with a shrug. "I know you two have that whole vanilla thing going on, and if that's what gets you off, then go ahead." He put his arms above his head and against the pillow, causing his shirt to pull up. "Just know you could have more." Blaine stared at the Warbler toe to head, like one would look at a porn star. _Sizing up his options, _Sebastian thought. Blaine met his eye and looked away quickly. Sebastian smirked slowly, a sad quality to it.

"I should probably leave," Blaine said quietly, almost a whisper. He stood up and grabbed his phone, heading to the door.

"You don't have to," Sebastian said. "It could be like old times." They both knew he wasn't talking about leaving for the day.

"I've changed, Sebastian. So have you."

"People never change," he scoffed.

"Yeah they do." He was at the door now, hand on the knob but head still turned to the room. He hesitated between walking out and staying; he hesitated between the passion of Sebastian and the love of Kurt.

"Fine. If you really have changed, don't talk to me after this." Sebastian got off the bed and approached him at the door. Blaine looked up at him silently, loosening his grip on the knob. Sebastian bent down; farther than he had to before, and placed his lips to Blaine's. It was a soft kiss unlike the ones they shared before. Blaine felt a desperation in Sebastian's kiss, a kind he didn't know the other boy had. He wanted to pull away, to slap him and never speak to him again. But he was right; people never change. He wasn't thinking about Kurt and his soft eyes and quiet courage and so full of life. No, he was thinking about Sebastian, and old friend who always vexed him, who only cared about himself and was full of _emptiness_, if that wasn't a contradiction. Blaine didn't move except to kiss back. When Sebastian pulled away, he left Dalton without another word. He would never return in a friendly manner again.

_V_

In truth, Sebastian was hysterical. As Regionals approached he had no idea what the team would do. He was no leader; he was a follower. _Perhaps doing away with the council was a bad idea. _He'd somehow, in the midst of being confused over Blaine, gotten the Warblers wrapped around his finger. Then again, it couldn't have been that hard to get a desperate group of boys to cling onto their one hope of winning again.

In early January he stood in front of the council and gave a speech he should have regretted.

"I come here today not to bury our hopes of winning, but to praise them." He hoped they got his _Julius Caesar _reference. "I respect everything this council has done for the Warblers, but I think it's time for it to go." Shock waved over the Warblers as they listened to his speech. Cameron was fuming behind the council table. "We've all seen how well it has worked," he continued sarcastically.

"The council is tradition," Trent interjected from the council table, "you can't get rid of it."

"Of course I can." He looked around the room. "As I was saying, having a true council has not worked out for us in years. The only time we've won Nationals in the last ten years was two years ago."

"We had a council then," Nick said.

"Yes, but Kane Adams did most of the running, didn't he?" Those who had been there two years previously nodded. "And what is it that Einstein said?" He asked rhetorically. "'_Insanity_: _doing the same thing_ over and over again and expecting different results.' Yes. That's what it would be to continue with the council. Insane." His voice was sharp and convincing and everyone knew he would get his way. People like Sebastian always got their way.

"Then what do you suggest we do?" Cameron asked.

"What I suggested two years ago. We go back to the day of captains. They're proven to work. Why do you think the lacrosse team is doing so well this year?"

"Because you're captain," said Bart, one of the freshmen. Sebastian winked at him, causing the younger boy obvious embarrassment.

"Exactly. We need leadership that will make us win." He pointed to the 2010 Nationals trophy. "Not make us _feel good._" He nodded in the direction of the previous year's group picture. The boys were his now, all wrapped up in him. No need to tell them he had no plan.

"So you suggest you be the captain?" Nick implored. He looked torn, as if part of him wanted to resist his stepbrother's offer while the other knew he was right. That effect was Sebastian's favorite to give. He loved making resolute people question themselves. It was a game, a beautiful game. Nick looked across the council table and then to Jeff in the crowd. Jeff gave him a grave look followed by a nod. Sebastian held back a smirk: he'd won.

But that's when he lost it all.

_VI_

"I'm captain of the Warblers now and I'm tired of playing nice," he had said to Blaine and his friends at the Lima Bean the day he threatened to steal the Michael Jackson setlist. His even considering stealing just proved how lost he was. It wasn't the type of lost that defined Blaine, however. Blaine was confused on love and feelings, while Sebastian suffered a loss of motive. Before everything had been so structured, so set. He knew his path and would do anything to stay on it. But ever since returning from Paris, he had lost all direction. Winning sounded good to him, but he wasn't obsessed with it. Sex was great, but he wasn't consumed with lust. Even Blaine couldn't keep his attention, as proved by his later actions.

Blaine, Rachel, Santana, Artie, and Kurt- Sebastian never figured out why Kurt tagged along- came to Dalton to speak with the Warblers about Michael, though they never got that far. They performed the only Jackson song Sebastian had any taste for- "I Want You Back". He hoped Blaine got the message, and was pleased when he seemed to. Kurt was full of hot anger the entire time and Sebastian never felt more alive.

"None of that was classy," Blaine had hissed in his face, but they both knew he wasn't speaking of the performance. The performance wasn't anything raunchier than the boys were used to; Blaine meant the kiss. Sebastian could almost hear him in his head. _"You kiss me and take advantage of our friendship. I'd hoped you had changed." _But Sebastian didn't care. Blaine didn't want him, it shouldn't have hurt. He wanted Kurt, not Sebastian. He shouldn't have been upset.

Things hit a peak of excitement (also rock bottom for Sebastian and Blaine's relationship) with the slushy. Sebastian had put rock salt in it, just as he told the Latino girl, but wasn't aiming for Blaine's eye. No, it was supposed to hit Kurt's goddamn clothes. He thought it would be rather poetic. _Why'd you leave, Blaine? The blazer is so much more durable. _But Blaine had to go and be a saint and take the hit. Sebastian cursed under his breath as he left.

Everything began to fall apart. The Warblers didn't trust Sebastian (though he didn't blame them), and Sebastian couldn't sleep at night. He often woke up in a cold sweat and in a constant state of shaking. He would throw himself in bed and curl against the sheets, wondering what it would be like for another person to be next to him. He often wiped those thoughts from his head and fell back against his pillow into a dreamless sleep.

A week after the slushy incident, he decided he was going insane. Instead of going to school like a regular upstanding, straight-A student, Sebastian took a trip to Lima General Hospital. He cursed at his fellow drivers to get out of his _motherfucking goddamn shitty-ass way _as he drove through the streets of Lima. He stopped at a local florist to pick up flowers. He thought Blaine would be a sucker for that kind of stuff.

Finding Blaine's room wasn't hard. When he entered, a nurse at the front waved him over. "You must be the one he keeps asking about, follow me," she'd said. Sebastian followed. _Blaine's been asking for me? _As it turns out, he'd actually been asking about Kurt and was less than excited when it was Sebastian the nurse brought.

"What are you doing here?" Blaine seethed. One of his eyes was covered by a patch and medical tape. Sebastian would have laughed if the other boy didn't look so angry.

"I brought this." He held up the flower and put it in a vase next to the others.

"You got me an ugly yellow flower," he responded flatly.

"Come on, I thought you'd get my symbolism. Get it? It's a rue, the flower of regret." Sebastian was proud of himself for thinking that one up.

"Save it."

"But-"

"I don't care. I know it wasn't aimed for me but that doesn't make a difference. You corrupted my friends." His healthy eye kept Sebastian's.

"No, I didn't," Sebastian argued. He knew this would come up. So he would tell the truth, he had to. "That happened long before I came back."

"What are you talking about?" Blaine tried to sit up but the IV in his arm kept him reclined.

"Have you ever wondered why Jesse St. James looked so angry after Nationals freshman year?" He took a seat across the room.

"'Cause we won?"

"That and something else."

"What else?"

"I promised Nick I wouldn't tell you…" Sebastian's voice trailed off as he thought of a way to break the news. "But let's just say his and Rachel Berry's relationship was haphazard."

"You're not saying…"

"Indeed I am." Sebastian wrung his hands together. He hadn't thought of his actions in so long.

"What did you do?" Blaine gave him an unreadable look. Sebastian was losing his skills.

"It wasn't all me," he sighed. "It was Kane's idea. He said if we got them to meet they would be so distracted from the competition that there was no way we wouldn't win." A foreign feeling filled Sebastian, one he would associate with regret. He'd never felt it before.

"So you manipulated them?" Blaine's voice was rather soft compared to what Sebastian had expected. Sebastian rocked his head on his shoulders as he searched for an acceptable answer.

"In short, yes." Blaine didn't look at him, but just shook his head.

"You know, I used to think the Warblers were something sacred. Apparently, I was wrong." His voice was venomous and shot daggers into Sebastian.

"It wasn't cheating," the other responded, as if that cleared his actions.

"It might as well have been. You _used _someone to get what you want." He tried to shift in the hospital bed to no avail.

"Well, you know what they say, '_Solum fortissimum serpens mordere caput primum avis'_," Sebastian said in broken Latin. His eyes traced the room.

"Only the strongest serpent can bite the head of the first bird." Blaine finished the sentence with his good eye looking at his feet. Dalton's motto always seemed daunting to him, but only in the hospital bed did he realize its relevance.

"Exactly." Sebastian stood in the middle of the room with his arms at his side. He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket; probably one of the Warblers wanting him.

"You look like there's something else you want to say."

"There is." He paced the room as he decided how to word his confession. Something was telling him he needed to confess the reason Tyung Nyguen was expelled from Dalton two years previously. He made no plans to tell anyone, save Nick, but the way Blaine was looking at him prompted him to. "Remember Tyung, right?" He asked rhetorically. _Of course he remembers him. _Upon hearing the news of Sebastian and Kane's manipulation of the competition, Blaine's face fell. He looked crushed, as if everything he trusted was false. Contradicting his nature, Sebastian felt guilty in telling what he did to Tyung. It would only make Blaine hate him more. But told him he did.

"So he left because of _you?" _Blaine bit his bottom lip in rage. Sebastian was always fascinated in how the other boy composed himself. Sometimes he was so open and others he was closed. Sebastian used to be able to read him perfectly, but as he grew, he lost the ability to. He knew Blaine was mad, _hell, he was pissed, _but there was something that made Sebastian think he wasn't angry at him.

"Uh, yeah I guess you could say that." He fiddled with a string in his pocket.

"You bastard." Blaine's honey brown eye bared into the Warbler's. Sebastian felt like a child being admonished. Yet he didn't hang his head. _Stay strong, Smythe. _He'd stood by his decision and would continue to. He was many things, but regretful he was not. He took it as a cue to leave and headed for the door. Blaine said nothing, but kept staring at him.

"I'm sorry about your eye," Sebastian added as he turned the knob. He surprisingly meant it. His sleepless nights were often spent rethinking what he had done. It was the first time in his life he ever felt remorse.

"I know." Blaine's voice was cold as ice. He said nothing more. Sebastian opened the door and exited into the busy hospital hallway.

_VII_

Regionals came and went- bringing a Warbler loss- but Sebastian was unaffected. He didn't speak to Blaine after the hospital until they met at the Lima Bean just before the competition.

Sebastian was oddly affected by the Dave Karofsky scandal, even if he knew it wasn't _his _fault the boy tried to kill himself. It wasn't he who told Karosky's friends he was gay, nor was it he who roped the noose. Yet the simple comment he'd made, _"Just stay in the closet, buddy", _haunted him. He thought nothing of it when he said it, but after hearing the news he couldn't help but blame himself.

He remembered the first time he'd ever told anyone he was gay. It was eighth grade, just like Blaine- though he didn't know that. Young Sebastian had always known two things about himself- 1) he was different, and 2) he didn't care that he was. As a child he found his knowledge empowering, but as he grew older he saw how isolated it made him. He wasn't sure the first time his psyche broke out to whisper _I like men_, but he did remember its consequences.

It was not too long after his mother married Nick Duval's mother and he had come to live in America. (He'd spent sixth and seventh grades in London.) Coming out wasn't something he held much esteem for- he found it pointless. _Why bother telling them? _He thought, knowing what his new family's reaction would be. It wasn't that he cared if they would yell at him, but he did fear homelessness. There were a few things he could be practical about. Surprisingly, it wasn't his father that got angry when he found out. And it wasn't from Sebastian, either.

It was some girl, a friend of Nick's, who brought it up as they were working on a project at the Duval house. She'd mentioned seeing Sebastian kiss a boy in passing and Nick made no deal of it. He'd known about his stepbrother's sexuality and made no event of it. Part of him wanted to tell his mother, wanted the other boy sent back to Europe, but he kept quiet. He was not a naturally spiteful person, even if the lines between right and wrong blurred. When his mother heard the girl speak of Sebastian she lost it.

"What do you mean he's gay?" Sebastian remembered her hissing to his father. It was over the large dinner table, and she acted as if he weren't sitting there. That was the first time he realized he couldn't live in that house anymore. He couldn't allow himself to be dehumanized, even if he did it to others.

"Gay is usually a colloquial term for homosexual, meaning attraction to the same sex," Sebastian's father replied sarcastically. It was no secret where his son learned his skill for it.

"I know what it means, Robert!" She hissed. Sebastian remembered seeing his father's face fall slightly when she said his name. He knew the man missed the way Aceline would say his name: the French _Ro-bear._ He'd always been aware of his father's depression over losing his mother but said nothing. "I mean why are you allowing him to live in this house?"

"Because _he's my son." _He spat each word harshly across the table. Sebastian watched on, leaving his food untouched. Arguments always intrigued him. It confused him how others got so passionate. Nick, on the other hand, ate his food with his head down.

"Well this is my house!" She yelled. _No it's not. Dad actually bought it… _The argument continued throughout the rest of the night. Just before he went to bed, Sebastian headed into his father's room like he would as a child.

"Dad, is everything okay?" Fear filled him; he was afraid of being left on the streets. He was callous in his behavior and careless to who saw it, and was suddenly afraid what that would bring him.

"I don't know," Robert said. He sat at his desk in his pajamas, running his hand over a photo album. Sebastian recognized it as the one containing his parents' wedding and his first steps.

"What should I do?" He asked, his thirteen-year-old voice filled with anxiety.

"Just," his father said slowly, fighting himself, "just stay in the closet buddy." Sebastian left without another word.

The next day he toured Dalton Academy and met Blaine Anderson.

Sebastian hadn't realized he'd told Karofksy the same thing his father told him three years before. It was so ingrained in his skull- the final thing that tore him from his family. He never thought much of it, but when he heard what Dave had done, he wondered _what if that had been me? What if Dad's words made me do that? _From that day on he was forever changed.

"I'm sorry about your eye," he said again to Blaine. He sat alone at the Lima Bean table, faced by Santana, Brittany, Blaine, and his trusty annoying-as-hell sidekick, Kurt. Brittany looked confused and Santana bored. She didn't care what he said to Karofsky. She was just mad at him for blackmailing Rachel. _Okay, maybe that went a little too far. _Kurt gave him a disgusted look and Blaine looked torn. His hair was gelled more than usual.

"That means nothing to me," Blaine responded in an icy voice. Sebastian knew he wasn't speaking about the slushy. Blaine didn't care about the eye surgery; he wasn't forgiving Sebastian for what he and the Warblers did. He was angry about the lying and the scheming. He walked away with his friends, having had his final conversation with Sebastian for months.

_VIII_

"Have you talked to Blaine lately?" Sebastian sat on a beach chair outside a large outdoor pool. He reclined, orange soda in hand, with his head facing the sky. His shirt was off, causing his skin to burn in the June sun. His birthday was the week before, and he was celebrating in style.

"No," Nick answered from the pool. He wasn't keen on spending time with his stepbrother, and hoped he would leave for Europe for the summer soon. He was swimming his laps routinely.

"Probably off partying with his boyfriend after winning Nationals." Nationals was the last time he had spoken to Blaine; the other boy called him excitedly after New Directions was announced the winner of the 2012 Nationals. Sebastian envied him, remembering the high that accompanied their win. Blaine spoke to him with ease as if nothing happened between them.

"I suppose," Nick added. Sebastian played with the Ray Bans he got in France the year before.

"I wonder why he hasn't called you or Jeff. Sorta odd."

"Well he isn't the biggest fan of the Warblers now, thanks to you." Nick treaded water in the deep end.

"It wasn't all me."

"You're the one who threw the slushy."

"Yeah but you guys didn't have to go along with me." Nick didn't respond. He returned to his laps and pretended the other boy wasn't there. Sebastian sipped his soda in thought. At first he found it strange how Blaine wouldn't talk to the other Warblers; they were his friends. Well, they used to be. He thought about the first time they met, in the bathroom, and Blaine's sling. Not long after Sebastian returned to Dalton Blaine told him what happened. He told him about the boys who attacked him and why he came to Dalton; something he'd only shared with Kurt. Then it all clicked in Sebastian's head.

Dalton, more specifically the Warblers, saved Blaine's life. They took him in and made him a better person. Then he slowly discovered the kind of people they were. He learned the secrets they kept and the lies he told. He learned that nothing was sacred. His faith was lost. Those he trusted and respected betrayed him. Sebastian felt a slight amount of guilt for playing a role in that erosion. But he knew he was simply the figurehead, someone to pin the blame on. _Scapegoat Sebastian, _he laughed at the name.

"What are you thinking about?" Nick asked minutes later as he stepped out of the pool. He shook the water out of his hair as he stepped onto the concrete.

"How funny it is."

"What is?"

"How we fell." Sebastian sat up in the chair and brought his skinny legs to his chest, resting his chin atop his knees. "We used to be so structured, so good. We won everything."

"Things change," Nick said.

"See the pattern?" He continued, ignoring his interruption. "As soon as we start to care, we lose." Nick thought he was talking about more than competitions. "Last year you guys were all about love and stuff, and you lost because of it." He paused to drink again. Nick stood on the edge of the pool, his full attention on his stepbrother. "And this year… Well I don't know exactly. You guys were hurt, thinking Blaine left you," he continued. "And a bit desperate, so you followed me. You all hated me, yet you followed in your hopelessness. You lost faith in yourselves when Blaine left."

"You say 'you' like you aren't one of us."

"Oh, but I am not," Sebastian responded quickly. "I never have been. You made that clear." He stood up and paced the cement, not flinching when his bare feet hit the scorching pavement. "I am but a ghost. I travel around and get used and pretend I like it." He wasn't talking to Nick now, but rather his reflection in the crystal clear water. It showed a reflection no cursed mirror ever could. "I'm not one of you." Nick watched on silently, feeling intrusive. He began to walk away but stopped when Sebastian tensed. "If you really cared about him," Sebastian said flatly, "you would have told him yourself." Nick remembered their final conversation before Sebastian left for Paris in which he promised not to tell what the Warblers had done. He left with no response.

Sebastian forgot about his stepbrother as soon as he left. He brought his gaze back to the water. He saw the ripples and how his face was portrayed in them. The water was clear, taking out any features in a reflection. His eyes were not the emerald green they usually were; they were empty and colorless. His hair was no longer the chocolate brown, but grey. He touched the water with his big toe and watched circles ripple out to the other side. As he watched the ripples he was hit with the realization that if he were to somehow become one of them, miniaturize himself into a water molecule and cease to live, that no one would miss him. No one would even notice he was gone, not even Blaine. The fear his father instilled in him at the ripe age of thirteen resurfaced. _Just stay in the closet, buddy. _The insinuation that being himself was hazardous. He found it ironic that being gay was the least of the hazardous things about him. He was, in essence, nothing. He'd known this for years, but only when he gazed at his shadowy reflection did he realize what a shame it was. If it were another life and he another person, he could have loved. A true love, not the devouring and temporary love he would feel for people and things. He could have been with Blaine; he would have been the kind to jump in front of an oncoming slushy, not the one throwing it. He had been so sure of himself that he never took a chance to look back and see what he had become. Blaine had changed him, but not enough. Just in existing the black-haired boy with too much hair gel taught him the right lesson. He taught him to be "less callow, less shallow", as the song put it. The boy opened his eyes to all things he'd been asleep in for seventeen years. But it was too late. Some people can't be saved. Sebastian began to feel less for Blaine as he thought about him longer. The longer he thought, the less things meant. He was the victim of a slow, purposeful erasure. One that ate at his insides and tore away any hope of recovering. He may have been something once, to his parents or teammates or Blaine, but not now. He was gone, Sebastian was no more. Everything was nothing.


	7. Chapter 7

Some elements of this story may be disturbing to some readers. It will deal with Antisocial Personality Disorder, non-violent sociopathy, some elements of PTSD, as well as nongraphic (or graphic) depictions of sex and may include references to rape. Unhealthy relationships and depression are also mentioned.

This story takes place over a span of about five and half to six years (with gratuitous time skips.) The depictions of characters with disorders listed above are in no way written based on my opinions, but are purely a work of fiction.

I obviously own nothing (except the few OCs that show up throughout the story.) I have no idea how often this will be updated. Stay tuned!

The rating may change from T to M later on.

**A/N: Season Four is canon up to episode 4x8 Thanksgiving. I am aborting the Warbler cheating arc as well as a few others. The story will begin to deviate from canon at this point. This 'book' will probably be very short, because it ties together seasons 3 and 4. **

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 2: Blaine**

_Book 3: Being Nice Sucks_

_I_

During the summer before his senior year, Blaine Anderson learned the art of becoming silent. He kept silent as to not reveal the ache he felt anytime Kurt or Rachel mentioned New York. Rachel was already in the city living in the NYADA dorms and attending summer classes. She often Skyped the boys with news of her Broadway dreams and how she wished for them to join her. Blaine knew Kurt would be headed to the Big Apple in the fall despite not making into his dream school. Thus, Blaine suffered in silence. He wanted his boyfriend to "take the world by the balls" and did not want to hinder that.

That didn't stop him from wallowing in self-pity, however. He would spend the few days he wasn't with Kurt looking through old yearbooks and photos. The mini trophies he received from his two Nationals wins sat in the corner of his dresser, the older one collecting dust while the newest was in pristine condition. He was a generally sentimental person, and often tears filled his eyes when he looked at old pictures. For months following Regionals he refused to look at any of his Warbler memorabilia, but as the summer waned on and Kurt became farther away, he was forced to remember good times before he fell in love.

The Chandler fiasco put a rift between Blaine and Kurt, even if it wasn't always noticeable. They promised to not search each other's phones and to respect privacy, but it irked Blaine. Kurt always had to point out how _supportive _he was being by not searching Blaine's social media. Blaine found it redundant and frankly annoying. He wished for the days he spent sharing a room with Jeff and singing in unison, even if he wouldn't admit it.

The first day he realized he wasn't truly a member of the New Directions, not fully, was the day Rachel left for New York. Besides Kurt she was the closest person to him. She was the only one to take any interest in him beyond what he could do for the team. Maybe McKinley wasn't too different from Dalton after all. He really would miss Rachel, she was fun, yet ambitious; the kind of ambitious he used to be. He envied her. Blaine stood alongside Kurt and waved to her, like always. He always stood apart or only with Kurt when the team would congregate. Only until the year ended did he realize his separation. Any suggestion or offer of help he gave was turned down. Mr. Schue often chastised him for wanting things to be like the Warblers. He heard people whisper "private school brat" behind his back. It didn't faze him, not until he realized maybe it wasn't an insult.

Blaine felt stupid and childish for asking Kurt for reassurance about how their relationship would stand the next year. Who was he to put himself about Kurt's dreams? He may have not made NYADA, but he still had the world at his feet. And who was Blaine? The tag-along boyfriend with no real aspiration. Any chance he had of wonderful scholarships dissipated when he left Dalton. It was no secret that public school education was nowhere on par to private schooling. Blaine's whole year of McKinley had been repeats of what he'd already learned, and that was with him taking senior classes. If it wasn't for Kurt, he would have left. That scared him. Was is only tie to everything in his life his boyfriend? All the seniors were making plans and Blaine knew he would be lost when his time came.

He and Kurt were inseparable after graduation, even if they seemed far apart in emotion. Blaine couldn't remember a day he spent alone. It was nice but also suffocating. His logic told him to let go, to ease off Kurt, but his heart wanted to latch onto the only thing he had left. What a shell he had become. Once so full of life and ambition, and now lost in the troubles of teenage love. Anyone who stopped to look at him would realize what happened. He gave up his life, his friends, and himself for someone who would never do the same. He'd given up the essential for something so unessential.

_II_

"We'll be fine," Kurt Hummel assured his boyfriend one July night. They were at a Fourth of July celebration with the New Directions. Everyone but Rachel was there. Kurt and Artie's fathers cooked hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill. It was the first (and only) all family get together the club had. Blaine thought it fitting for it was the first and final time he ever felt the group was a family.

"Are you sure?" He asked as they sat together under Artie's sister's tree house. They sat away from the rest of the group, per usual. Everyone was gathered around the pool, ping pong tables, and the large television broadcasting the MLB All-Star game. Finn was the only one besides the couple that sat apart. He was miserable after Rachel left, even though he was the one who told her to leave and helped arranged for her to do so. Blaine thought it was strong of him, but then again he'd rather not think of it; that would be him soon, he could feel it. "You're not in high school anymore, Kurt; do you really think we can do this?"

"It will be just like old times when I was at McKinley and you at Dalton," Kurt responded without looking at Blaine. "Except you're where you belong," he added with a smile and nudged Blaine's shoulder playfully. Blaine half-smiled and wondered if it really was where he belonged.

He wasn't quite miserable, no the New Directions were great, but just like Kurt with the Warblers, he never felt fully in the society of the New Directions. They'd known each other for years and made strange bonds between each other that still confused Blaine. Half the time they hated each other, cheated on each other, and humiliated each other, yet they still all liked to act as if they were one big dysfunctional family; Blaine couldn't deal with it. Family was about camaraderie and trust; he'd learned that much from Cooper. After winning Nationals freshman year he hardly saw his brother. He never fully knew why, but sensed it was due to a feud between him and his parents. When Cooper surprised him and showed up at McKinley after Regionals, he was both shocked and angry.

He was angry that Cooper had barely talked to him for almost two years yet had the gall to show up at his school without warning. He continually tried to outshine him and gave his team stupid advice. Blaine knew how to deal with his brother, usually, but something about his return caused him to boil. Maybe it was helplessness or even embarrassment. When he had been a Warbler, he always wanted Cooper to show up at school. He wanted him to see how successful he was and how he belonged. But when he showed up at McKinley, he felt self-conscious and on-the-edge. He didn't want Cooper to see him there, see him in an environment he didn't have control of and in which he was only in for a boyfriend.

"You say that, and it's easy to say because you're not the one getting left behind." His voice was sharp and uncharacteristic. Blaine never spoke to anyone like that, let alone Kurt.

"I won't leave you behind," his boyfriend said softly, turning to face him. Kurt put a hand on the side of Blaine's neck affectionately. "I promise I'll call you every day and it will be just like I'm here. Then you can come next year and we'll be reunited." He'd said the same thing after the Chandler incident and before graduation, and Blaine didn't believe him again. He _wanted _to, but he knew he couldn't. Just like he knew he couldn't regain contact with his old friends or paraglide off the Empire State Building. Some things he longed for and would never get.

"Ok," he replied with his head down. "I love you," he added which Kurt reciprocated. He pushed rough thoughts from his mind and chose to live in bliss for the remaining months.

_III_

Singing "It's Time" in front of the population of McKinley's second lunch was more enjoyable than Blaine anticipated. The song was full of hope and about staying true to oneself, and he chose it to sing just before telling Kurt to go.

He could tell that every inch of Kurt longed to be in New York. The way he walked, talked, stared out of windows, and spoke to Rachel for hours about her and this new Brody Weston character. Everything about him didn't belong in Ohio, and who was Blaine to keep him behind?

"_I'm just the same as I was, don't you understand? I'm never changing who I am_," he sang with a smile on his face, preparing himself for the worst. In song he pledged to never change, but inside he felt a shift. A shift similar to the one he felt as a younger boy who when through trauma. He'd been confused, hurt, and rejected (Jeremiah) since, but he never truly felt the same pain as he felt singing the Imagine Dragons song. The feeling of confusion, despair, and transparency that filled him in his first months of Dalton returned with the end of the song. He persuaded Kurt to leave for New York, and in doing so killed himself inside.

Blaine knew it sounded horribly selfish to think in that way but he couldn't help it. He'd played the selfless boyfriend too long; he was tired of it. He'd asked for reassurance a million times but he and Kurt never sat down to fully discuss what their relationship would come to once they were separated. Blaine still kept in contact with Wes Montgomery, so he knew how life after high school changed people. Would Kurt even be himself in four months?

He pushed it from his mind and kissed him goodbye. The kiss was slow but felt foreign. It was as if he didn't even recognize the lips against his. He pulled away with tears in his eyes and headed home to an empty house.

_IV_

While Blaine spent his summer holding on to Kurt and the idea of love, Sebastian Smythe spent his traveling. He hadn't left the country, or even Ohio, since returning from Paris for junior year. He was no homebody and longed to leave.

He spent a few weeks with his mother in Paris. The city hardly changed since he left. It was still bright and dark, beautiful and ugly. Unlike the last time he spent there, he sent existential thoughts from his mind and enjoyed the hedonistic nature that came with turning seventeen years old.

Sebastian spent the remaining summer wandering throughout Italy and exploring areas he'd never been. Even Vatican City fascinated him with his non-religious nature. The beauty of the Sistine Chapel surpassed any he had ever seen. The uniformity of the Swiss Guard reminded him of the Warblers on steroids.

In Vatican City he had a revelation. Rome, considered one of the biggest cities of love, brought about thoughts of his own love life. He was in no way starved for physical love, but he still felt lonely. He couldn't connect with anyone he met in that way, it just wasn't possible. The only one that came close to being emotionally close to him was Blaine, and that was by a long shot. Blaine surely hated him now for everything he had done. He hated him for the slushy, the manipulation, the "cheating", the blackmailing, bullying, and assault. He was a lost cause to Blaine, and strangely enough it affected him.

He watched a wedding in Vatican City and pondered on it. He always found marriage fruitless. Every one he had been exposed to failed or was fake. _Like me, _Sebastian thought. But in seeing the man and woman pledge their undying love to each other, he felt a stir. It was a longing he never experienced. It was the longing for companionship. But he would never have it. Sebastian knew from the time he was a small child that he would never have love. It wasn't an epiphany or even a huge event; it was just a feeling he always had. He simply _knew _he couldn't love like others could. Up until that moment Sebastian had been okay with the idea of being alone and promiscuous. But he was changing.

He hated being alone, but also hated the company of others. Even Blaine annoyed him, the one person he wanted to be around. He couldn't explain his infatuation with the boy, if that's what it was. Blaine was so _real_ while he was fake. He would never be real; he was just an aberration. He was non-contingent in the same way that Blaine was pure. They could never share real love, but Sebastian was an expert in faking. He decided to be different the following year, maybe even better.

_V_

"Was it because I didn't look like my profile picture?" Asked the stranger. No one. That's who Eli was, and that's how Blaine felt. He felt like no one, like nothing. He couldn't even feel like shit, for all ability to feel escaped him. He made the worst decision of his life and there was no way to move on from it. _There was no way to go on._

He left Eli's house as soon as he could and slept on a park bench. He couldn't go home, a place where Blaine Anderson lived, when he was a monster. That's what he was. He got lonely and hurt the only person who ever loved him. The pain and guilt ate at him until he was a walking carcass.

No one realized it at first, he hadn't expected them to. No one really noticed him anymore unless it was to lead a number they were practicing for Sectionals. He may have been voted the "New Rachel", but was as expendable as she was central.

Sam and Tina paid attention to him; in fact they were the only friends he had. Yet he still felt guilty, _dirty _around them. They knew Kurt before he did, everyone at McKinley did. He was just an intruder who broke their friend's heart.

When he reached New York to surprise Kurt, he felt impure. Every inch of him was crawling with a filth no shower could wash off. He smiled and held flowers and kissed Kurt in return. He was being the perfect little actor. That was, until, the "Teenage Dream" performance.

"Teenage Dream" was _theirs. _No other song came close. It was how they fell in love. It was also how they fell apart.

"_No regrets, just love_," he sang, but every bit of him was full of regret. He slowed the song down and sang with more emotion than he ever had. He was breaking down and no one noticed. It was a horrible feeling, he decided, to be breaking around one you fixed. Kurt smiled until the end, until the tears began to flow. Then he knew something was wrong.

"I was with someone," he confessed angrily outside. Finn and Rachel were having their own problems, but he wasn't concerned with them. In truth, Eli was not the first person Blaine cheated with. He kissed Sebastian-rather Sebastian kissed him first- a year before, but the incident almost left his mind. Perhaps it was out of anger or guilt, but when Kurt hissed "Was it Sebastian?" Blaine knew it was something else. Kissing Sebastian felt natural, like breathing, and he wished to keep it to himself. He was a monster.

"No, it wasn't Sebastian," Blaine responded sharply, as if _Sebastian _of all people was not worth their relationship, as if he were worth nothing. Blaine may have been harsh to the other boy in the years they'd known each other, but in that moment he felt more tarnished than Sebastian ever was.

He left for home with an empty feeling that would never fully go away.

Life went on, as it has a habit of doing, but Blaine was stuck in a permanent lapse that was his guilt. He was guilty for hurting Kurt, for being with Eli (and marginally Sebastian though that guilt was usually looked over), and for even _being. _Everything in his life reminded him of Kurt. So when the news came, news that would change his life, he was ready for anything. _The Nationals trophy was missing. _

_VI_

Sebastian decided to not put much stock in his senior year. He'd lost any hope of it being memorable, and the only goal he held was to be valedictorian. That said, it wasn't much of a goal. He held the spot for the three years he attended Dalton and didn't think anyone could catch up with him.

He weighed his options for life after Dalton, all of which seemed dull. Doctor, lawyer, Indian chief... Nothing exciting. Sebastian lived to be remembered by the masses, for he could not be remembered by a few. Any mundane job a degree could give him held no luster. He had lost hope. Sebastian spent his summer in glorious solitude, thinking of Blaine only sporadically. Senior year would bring a new Sebastian, one who couldn't be defined by his actions and associations of the past.

Upon arriving at Dalton the first week of school, he received a summons to the headmaster's office. He was sure it was to ask him if he had any college prospects. Probably to tell him about the new lacrosse equipment they had ordered. He walked to Professor Jameston's office slowly and without thought. He realized he would need to call a Warbler meeting to discuss try-outs soon. He groaned at the thought. Leading the Warblers was not as glamorous as he'd anticipated, but there was no way he would ever give up the spot to his stepbrother or another damned council. Lacrosse held more promise to help him with scholarships. (Not that he needed scholarships, his father could pay, but it was nice to have other people pay for him.) A Warbler Nationals win would be nice but he held no hope it would be a reality.

Sebastian approached the headmaster's office and paused when he heard voices. He had been so sure what his senior year would be, but was proven wrong when he pushed the door ajar. A boy just shorter than him with brown-blonde hair and clad in the Dalton blazer stood in front of the headmaster's desk. Sebastian didnt make out everything he said, but got most of what was aimed at him. The boy somehow knew he was there, and Sebastian only caught the end of his introduction.

"-ter Clarington and I'm the new captain of the Warblers."

_No_


	8. Chapter 8

Some elements of this story may be disturbing to some readers. It will deal with Antisocial Personality Disorder, non-violent sociopathy, some elements of PTSD, as well as nongraphic (or graphic) depictions of sex and may include references to rape. Unhealthy relationships and depression are also mentioned.

This story takes place over a span of about five and half to six years (with gratuitous time skips.) The depictions of characters with disorders listed above are in no way written based on my opinions, but are purely a work of fiction.

I obviously own nothing (except the few OCs that show up throughout the story.) I have no idea how often this will be updated. Stay tuned!

The rating may change from T to M later on.

**A/N: Season Four is canon up to episode 4x8 Thanksgiving. I am aborting the Warbler cheating arc as well as a few others. The story will begin to deviate from canon at this point. There will be A LOT of Seblaine in the next chapters, don't worry.**

**Some events occurring during this part occur concurrently with Glee season 4. **

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 3: Hunter**

_Book 1: Machiavelli the Prince_

_I_

When he was fifteen years old Hunter Clarington decided the world didn't need him. But instead of doing something drastic he decided to become something more than a man. He chose to become indestructible, which was easy to do for he was already so broken. He decided to become a mountain mover, a kingmaker. He held true to his promise and three years later was met with his greatest challenge.

"What do you mean he's the captain?" The other boy yelled. Hunter smiled; he'd been in his presence for just four minutes and thirty-seven seconds and already he found his weakness.

"After what happened between you and McKinley High's New Directions, specifically between you and Mr. Anderson, we have deemed you incapable of leading the Warblers," the headmaster said sternly. His hair was whiter than it was when Sebastian first arrived at Dalton and he spoke slower.

"That's ridiculous!" Sebastian stood with his back to Hunter and his arms on Jameston's desk. He was fuming, causing a few strands of hair to become ungelled. Hunter thought it hilarious. "I led them well!"

"You lost Regionals," Hunter remarked flatly. He smoothed out his blazer sleeves and looked Sebastian straight in the eye. He'd heard of the old captain before his arrival to Ohio, and his reputation preceded him. When he first received word of his scholarship for his senior year, Hunter did all he could to learn as much about the school as he could. Finding history was easy; being one of the oldest schools in the country, Dalton left quite a legacy. But he wasn't interested in history. He wanted to know what went on behind the scenes, who the boys behind the blazer were. He preferred learning without socializing, but Dalton's exclusivity made that impossible.

"Really, really. You're going to tell me that." Sebastian turned to face Hunter the first time. Hunter looked him over briskly, something the other boy probably took for sexual. Sebastian wasn't physically intimidating, Hunter decided, with his height and lankiness. He probably had some amount of muscle, though Hunter was interested in it. He decided he could easily overtake the old captain physically. It was only psychologically where they were even.

"Just thought you may have forgotten." Hunter felt a tension between him and the other boy like never before. Their eyes locked in a tight battle and he wondered how Sebastian's eyes could be so soft yet so threatening.

"Well I didn't blondie," he hissed. "I still don't see why he has to lead us. You didn't seem keen on getting rid of Blaine Anderson when they lost Regionals," he said to the headmaster. Hunter noticed a slight hesitation in the other's voice when he mentioned Anderson's name. He'd done research on show choirs and Anderson's name was often mentioned. Hunter thought he was talented but nothing special.

"Well Mr. Anderson wasn't the captain of the Warblers now, was he?" The headmaster asked slowly. Despite his age he still held a strong disposition. Hunter knew he was not to be crossed.

"No. But you didn't do much about the council either."

"The council was doing just fine. I don't get involved in the affairs of extracurriculars."

"Then why do you feel the need to bring _him_ here?" He gestured to Hunter in an angry voice. Hunter was taken aback at his briskness toward the headmaster.

"I turned a blind eye to what you did last year, Mr. Smythe, but I will no longer do so. I can't expel you since Mr. Anderson never pressed charges, but I can do what I have to. I fear putting you in a position of power once again may prove bad for the reputation of this school."

"So you think he'll do better?"

"Oh definitely." He winked to Hunter. "Mr. Clarington shows promise and led his military school in Colorado to Nationals last year." Hunter stood up a little straighter.

"Did ya place?" Sebastian asked Hunter.

"No," he responded weakly. He was usually resolute but felt small under Sebastian's glare.

"Brilliant." Sebastian slouched in a chair nearby and sighed. He hadn't looked forward to a new Warbler season already, but losing the captaincy irked him. He held no like for Hunter already. The boy was just shorter than him with brown-blonde hair and blue eyes that kept staring at him. Sebastian loved attention, but this attention left him uneasy. It was as if Hunter could see straight through him. It made him nervous to seem so transparent.

"Well if that's all, you two are dismissed," Professor Jameston said after a long silence. "I hope you two become acquainted well, because it would be nice to have another trophy in there." He smiled and gestured for them to leave.

Sebastian rose from the chair and hurried to the door. Hunter waited for him to exit first, so they could make proper introduction.

"I'm Hunter Clarington," he said, holding his hand out. He wasn't sure how he felt about Sebastian yet.

"Save it," the other said, walking away from him.

"We probably should be friends if we want to win," Hunter called after him down the hall.

"I don't do friends," Sebastian said harshly when Hunter caught up to him. "And I never have. Save yourself the trouble and don't worry about me."

"We'll be spending a lot of time together over the next year. I think it would be best if we got along. It's easier to rule with two," he reiterated. He kept his voice friendly but strong.

"If you're offering me co-captainship I have to decline," Sebastian replied, fishing in his pocket for his dorm key.

"No, no, no," Hunter laughed to himself. "I'm not talking about that. I don't _want_ a co-captain. I just figured we'd be seeing each other a lot."

"Dalton's a big school. We may be fortunate enough to not see each other outside of Warbler practice."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Hunter said with a smile, "isn't your dorm H4CQ?" Sebastian nodded. "Hello roommate." Sebastian groaned. _Shit._

_II_

Hunter felt slightly hurt when Sebastian ignored him their first few days of school. He really did want to become the other boy's friend, even if he was inherently using him. Hunter spent the first four days of senior year getting acquainted with the school and devising plans for controlling it.

The first week of school was one of general elation. Everyone was glad to see their friends again and to enter a routine, and the dread of schoolwork hadn't quite clicked in yet. It was a perfect time for Hunter to figure everyone out.

He spent most nights wandering the castle, studying the architecture and watching the students. He tried out for the football team, which he made as a cornerback, as well as the Ultimate Frisbee squad. He figured belonging to different groups would give him the insight into how people act.

As a child Hunter always sat alone. He played alone, colored alone, and learned his ABCs alone. He used to love being solitary; it gave him time to think and to learn. But as he grew older he went from alone to lonely. He loved football and baseball, but usually had to go two towns over to play in their rec centers. The kids in his own town were terrible to him. He used to think it was because his dad always flew a Confederate flag and the northerners hated it. But when they moved to Georgia when he was seven, the kids still hated him. It seemed it wasn't the Confederate flag anymore. Even after all that time he still never understood why he was tormented as a small child.

He was never ignorant or nerdy. He played sports, did well at school, fixed cars, and played music. All in all, he was the perfect All-American boy. He couldn't understand what was unlikable about him. He didn't bother anyone and was sociable.

Hunter tried not to think about his past as he walked through Dalton just after lights out. Due to his father being in the military, he'd traveled around every two years or so. He never had a home and wished Dalton could give him that.

Due to his constant solitude, Hunter became a kind of watcher. The art of reading people struck him in the eighth grade. He was fourteen and had read every book he owned. Analyzing fictional characters was easy; wouldn't doing the same thing to real people be just as interesting? He supposed it was quite dehumanizing and even rude, but as long as he kept silent he'd be okay. Hunter became good at it and kept himself occupied for future years.

_III_

He supposed the Dalton boys would all be different shades of the same color. However, he was wrong. Each of them was so fascinating to him, though he couldn't show his wonder. The Warblers took a quick dislike of him. The blonde senior, Jeff Sterling, even called him Dictator Clarington. Soon after the season started he realized things would not be different.

He knew he was entering a hostile environment. The Warblers hadn't reached Nationals in three years, and each year brought worse leadership and dying hopes. Taking over should have been easy, but the team proved to be different than he'd anticipated. Hunter never attended private school before entering Dalton. He'd been to public schools for elementary and middle school as well as his freshman year, and military school in Colorado Springs for sophomore and junior years. All he knew about private school kids was from stereotypes and TV shows.

The boys of Dalton shocked him in their diversity. They wore the same clothes and had more or less the same hairstyles, but everything about them individually was so separate, so unique, that he quickly became overwhelmed. A natural leader, Hunter hated disappointing people or giving them the wrong idea about himself. After Sterling's remark he was forced to rethink his entire approach to leading the Warblers. He needed to be their friend, to please them, in order to turn them to do his will.

He ran auditions the first Friday of school, looking for three new members. He declared himself the second soloist along with Sebastian. The Warblers were wary of him but none spoke out yet. He nervously watched the freshmen audition alongside the others he chose to help decide. He sat between Sebastian and Nick at the old council table. There would be no council, but he needed help to choose the new members.

Figuring Sebastian out was easy; he wore everything on his sleeve. That being said, "everything" was indeed nothing. He was careless in the purest way. Hunter knew no amount of intelligence his co-soloist may have could keep him from being used. He was smart but held no regard for himself. It would be like taking candy from a baby. Nick Duval, however, was a different case. He was closed off but not quite introverted. He was serious yet comical. All Hunter could get from him after the first meeting was his dislike of Sebastian and friendship with Jeff.

They decided on Peyton Johnson, Quint Christiansen, and DeAndre Lovell, three freshmen with promise. Sebastian wanted to pick the kid who unironically sang "Gangnam Style" as well as the one who did live acrobatics while whistling the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". Fifteen minutes into auditions and Hunter had already lost his faith in the school.

Once the team was chosen and practices began, the complaints rolled in. The first was, naturally, from Sebastian who disagreed with Hunter's decision to perform at a Norwegian pride parade in downtown Westerville.

"It's stupid and we don't even speak Norwegian," Sebastian complained to him one night in their dorm. Hunter liked the arrangement of the room. It was obvious Sebastian wasn't used to a roommate, especially one who wanted to talk to him. The room was large, yet somehow not large enough for both Sebastian Smythe and Hunter Clarington. (Jeff doubted the world was even large enough.)

"It gets us out there. The Warblers used to perform everywhere, not just competitions. It's tradition."

"Did you read that in one of your books?" The other taunted. Hunter could never figure out where joking and harassing separated when it came to Sebastian. In some ways Sebastian was his best friend, and in others his worst enemy.

"Maybe," Hunter said with his head down. He was angry at how easily Sebastian could read him. He needed more practice. "Anyway, we need to do it. More practice never hurts." Sebastian sat on his bed with his back to Hunter. October had just begun and the leaves were falling from the trees. Football was coming to an end, and Hunter was oddly sad about it. He was good, but not nearly enough to play in college. It was a good hobby while it lasted.

"You know what? I don't care," Sebastian sighed, more to himself. "We'll probably win anyway; the New Directions only has one person of threat."

"Who's that?" He implored. The last months he'd been more occupied in improving the Warblers' work ethic and morale than in the competition. He always thought those who worried about the competition more than themselves were destined to fail. If the Warblers became perfect, than no one would stand a chance.

"Blaine."

"Anderson," Hunter said lowly, nodding to himself. It scared him to hear Sebastian admit that someone else was a threat. His friend was usually so arrogant and self-absorbed that he was scarce to admit others' talents. "I'm sure we'll beat them."

"He was better as a Warbler." Hunter turned to respond but was met with a snoring roommate.

_IV_

The first time Hunter saw a chink in Sebastian's armor was the night of a playoff game held at Dalton. Sebastian rarely attended sports unless he was participating in them. Hunter was surprised to see him in the stands just before the game.

"What are you doing here?" He asked him just before they were to take the field.

"I figured since you're the closest thing I have to a friend that I'd come see you play." He looked off into the visitors' stands. Hunter was flattered at Sebastian's comment, though by the way his friend was staring into the stands he doubted it was true.

"Well thanks I guess." It was a cool night with a light breeze. They were to play the McKinley Titans that night and Hunter was ready. He thought maybe seeing them play would give insight on how they would perform. "You looking for someone?" He asked.

"Yeah," he said with a tight jaw," but he's not here." Sebastian squinted from the sun as he stared into the McKinley stands. Hunter followed his gaze to a group of oddly dressed kids. One was tall with messy blonde hair and was yelling to a cheerleader below. Next to him were an Asian girl and a boy in a wheelchair. Hunter recognized them as Sam Evans, Tina Cohen-Chang, and Artie Abrams from the New Directions. It was no wonder who Sebastian was looking for. "Not surprising." He turned away sharply and looked away from the sun.

"Need sunglasses?" Hunter asked, trying to change the subject. Sebastian nodded. He pulled a pair of purple glasses from his pocket. "They're my sister's, all I've got." Sebastian shrugged and leaned forward to allow Hunter to slide the sunglasses on his face. Hunter found it a strange thing for the other to do; he was usually against physical contact.

"Thanks. Good luck buddy." He ruffled Hunter's hair playfully and pointed to the team waiting for him. Hunter hurried off confused.

The game went well, bringing about a victory for Dalton. Hunter played well also, and collected his third interception of the playoffs. Sebastian waved at him from the crowd, which confused him.

Several members of the New Directions, who were once again competing against them in Sectionals, were on the team. He recognized newbies Ryder Lynn and Jake Puckerman. He wondered where Sam Evans was, for he knew he played two years ago. After they finished celebrating and showering, he headed out to find Sebastian.

He found him standing on the visitors' side, still wearing the purple sunglasses. A group of five kids stood in front of him.

"Sam," Sebastian said in an attempt to be friendly. It sounded accusatory to Hunter.

"Sebastian," the other boy responded coolly. Hunter didn't know if he should approach the group or not. "He's not here if you're looking for him."

"Why not? I thought he was into the whole school spirit thing."

"Well I don't think him and Dalton...mix anymore," said Tina, her eyes on fire as they glared into his. Sebastian smirked but Hunter could tell it was fake. "After everything he's been through here." Sebastian's jaw clenched tightly in an attempt to keep his composure. Hunter had never seen him like that before.

"If only you knew," he responded coldly before turning around and leaving. Hunter circled around to meet him so the other wouldn't know he had spied on him.

"Nice shades," Hunter joked when they met at the gates. Sebastian chuckled and handed them back. "Who were you looking for?" He asked, feigning naïveté. He knew _exactly_ who his friend was looking for.

"Just...someone I used to know. Please don't start singing." They returned to their dorm in silence. As they passed room H2BZ, Hunter saw Sebastian peek through the cracked door as if looking for someone. He made no comment of it.

"What'd you think about practice today?" Hunter asked his roommate once they reached their room.

"It went alright I guess. You're a better leader than I ever was. It's like bootcamp in there."

"Is that bad?" Hunter asked. He was becoming desperate for Sebastian's approval, even if he didn't realize it.

"No. It's nice to see them all working. They've been so lazy lately." Sebastian sat at his computer chair, twirling around in it. Hunter thought he looked like a little kid. He nodded in agreement. "You know," Sebastian said hours later, "I was really pissed when you first got here, but I'm glad you're here. You're a cool guy." Hunter smiled in embarrassment and fell asleep. He tried not to think how happy being called a "cool guy" made him.

_V_

Sam Evans decided it best to not tell Blaine that Sebastian was looking for him. The last thing his friend needed was more stress, and that's all Sebastian Smythe could bring him. Blaine was suffering bouts of what Sam assumed was depression. After returning home from New York where he told Kurt what he had done, he hardly spoke. He refused to audition for _Grease_ and completely stopped returning calls from the few Dalton friends he had left. Sam wondered what the significance of that was; he cheated with someone he didn't even know.

Sam watched Blaine walk through school in a ghostly manner. Everything that was once great about him was gone. He was just a shell. Sam tried not to bring up the Kurt Situation (as Tina called it) around Blaine. He knew he felt guilty, he knew he ached. He just wished he knew some way to make it better.

Despite all his many talents, Sam was never good as consolation. He tended to judge suffering in his mind and often misjudged the pain others could be going through. He remembers the hardships his family faced when his father lost his job, causing him to empathize with his best friend. He felt for him but was unaware of how to ease his pain.

Sam always found solace in the activities he enjoyed, and assumed Blaine would as well. He persuaded his friend to join new groups and be around new people, people that didn't remind him of Kurt.

"Everything reminds me of him," Blaine had said with a crushed expression. "Everything here was his before it was mine, and I can't rightly be part of things when I did something so terrible."

"Than do something that's _yours,"_ Sam suggested.

He didn't realize at the time how far Blaine would go to do that.

_VI_

Hunter didn't start becoming paranoid until a few weeks before Sectionals. He had a habit of doing that, of putting off things until the last minute. It also had a knack for biting him in the ass, but he paid it no attention.

The younger Warblers were easy to control. He even got Peyton, one of the freshmen, to be a sort of servant to him. Peyton did odd jobs for him around campus as well as his Art homework. In no time Hunter would own the school. It was just a matter of time. The older Warblers, however, were more difficult. Nick and Trent were wary of him, and Jeff did whatever his best friend did. Jared wasn't a problem; Hunter was sure he would help him whip the team into shape. Sebastian was the trouble. Hunter couldn't figure him out like he could the other boys. Something was clouding his vision. It had to be Sebastian's knack for being closed off. Or perhaps it was his liking for the boy.

He paced the dorm while running a hand through his hair. Sebastian was out-lacrosse or Scandals, Hunter didn't know. He preferred being alone because it gave him time to think. Sebastian distracted him. Speaking of distractions, his father had called him hours before.

"Hunter I really think you need to start seeing someone," Mr. Clarington told his son. Hunter scoffed. _How appropriate Dad only cares when I'm miles away._

"I see people every day," he responded, feigning naiveté. It was best to play dumb around his dad. Mr. Clarington was often strict and without thought. Not cruel exactly, but tended to forget others had feelings as well.

"I mean in a romantic sense, son," he sighed. Hunter knew this was coming. Ever since seventh grade his father had been on his tail about getting a girlfriend. "It's for your own good," he said as he had many times before. Hunter was tired of it. He didn't know how to explain to his father that dating just didn't interest him. It wasn't like he was _gay _or anything; girls just didn't interest him. He couldn't read them well and they always wore too much make-up.

"Well it's hard to Dad. I am at an all-boys school."

"I'm sure your new friends have girlfriends. Ask them where to meet people." Hunter wanted to laugh. His only friend was Sebastian and he sure as hell wouldn't have a girlfriend.

"Alright Dad," he dismissed.

"No, son, I'm serious. College is going to be completely different from high school and if you don't know how to be around the opposite sex, you're going to be like drowning fish. When you come home for Christmas, I want you to have a girl." His voice was stern, military-like. "Do you understand?"

"Yes sir," Hunter answered meekly into the phone. His father always made him feel smaller. Around other people he could tower over them, rule them, but never in his household. His sister, Melanie, was the star of the family. Hunter was the disappointment. Always.

"Well that's good. Did you try-out for baseball yet?" Hunter said that no, tryouts weren't for another month but he was planning on it. He hung up and sat down on the bed. He was always busy, always doing everything, but still felt as if he were doing nothing.

Signs hung around school informing the students of the upcoming Sectionals held at McKinley. He heard whispers throughout the hallways, people wondering if the Warblers would be victorious this year. "Probably not," he heard one boy say. "They haven't been any good in a few years. I think it's the leadership." Hunter clenched his fists and kept walking. Half the population still thought Sebastian was the captain. Sebastian who let down his team and let himself get carried away. _God he's such an idiot. _Hunter felt strangely angry; he was filled with a need to prove himself, to let people know _he _was the captain. Not Sebastian. Not Nick Duval and his goddamned council. Hunter, and only Hunter.

He saw Peyton standing outside the band room and called him over.

"Johnson," he said, mimicking his father's tone.

"Yes," the boy turned around. He was short for his age, not much over 5'4. Hunter found him both adorable and useable. The best.

"I need you to do something for me." He walked closer to the freshman and lowered his voice, hoping no one would eavesdrop.

"I put the self-portrait on your desk," the boy said in his high voice. "I made sure to lie to Sebastian about why I was there. I don't think he saw me put it down." Hunter nodded in thanks, doubting Sebastian would care if he was having a freshman do his homework. Peyton turned his head to the side and stared at Hunter. "I don't think I drew your eyebrows accurately, though."

"Whatever," Hunter said, slightly disturbed. He hadn't expected the boy to stare at him that long. "Anyway, this is what I need you to do." The boy turned his head up to look at him.

"Whatever you need, I'm here for." He might as well have saluted.

"I need you to go to McKinley High School in Lima and do me a favor." Peyton nodded. "Keep an eye on their glee club. I don't care how you do it, but I want you to watch them, tell me how they act around each other and what they plan to do."

"So, you want me to spy?" Peyton asked, his voice full of hesitation.

"Essentially."

"Get their setlist?" He asked.

"No, no. I don't care about that. I can get that on my own. I need you to see how they behave and what their friendships are." Hunter saw Nick Duval walking toward him. He spoke quickly and pulled away from the freshman. "And don't tell anyone." Peyton nodded and ran off.

"How's it going?" Duval asked, approaching Hunter. Hunter was confused as to why the boy was talking to him. He usually did his best to ignore him.

"Uh, fine. You?"

"Same. Listen, I need to talk to you about something."

"Go on." Hunter suddenly became very nervous. He feared Nick figured him out.

"I want to apologize. I didn't give you a chance this year 'cause I thought you would be just like Sebastian. But you're not, I can tell." Nick looked up at him and spoke slowly, as if picking his words.

"What's wrong with Sebastian?"

"Really?" Nick scoffed. "Anyway, I can tell you really do want us to win and I respect that. Friends?" He held out his hand.

"Friends," Hunter said with a smirk. This could work out well for him.

_VII_

Sebastian came to notice, almost immediately, that being nice did, indeed, suck. It was hard to keep his mouth shut. It was hard to smile and be nice to the younger kids that he secretly wanted to strangle. And nothing was harder than watching Hunter lead his team.

When he first met the captain, he knew with his whole being their relationship would be a strained one. He thought for sure he would hate him and the two would come at odds multiple times. However, this was not the case. They often had opposing opinions or disagreements in the choir room, but everything between them stayed in that room. When they returned to H4CQ, all was forgotten. They were friendly to each other, almost _friends. _Hunter was the only one to not look at Sebastian like he was some monster. Sebastian didn't know what to make of it, but he liked it.

Though being nice was hard, it made his life much easier. He was no longer sent to the headmaster's office or suspended from teams. Even the Warblers were somewhat nicer to him than before, and his father would call on weekends. This new life, this new Sebastian was useful, even if he wasn't quite real.

Now that Sebastian made the decision to clear himself of past offenses, his first action was to find Blaine. He wanted to apologize, again, but truly mean it. Before his apology was said only to gain him something. But now he realized how pivotal it was. If he could get Blaine to forgive him, maybe to even like him, then he would be one step closer to being a tangible human being.

He thought for sure it was a lost cause, there was no way they could ever be friends again. And, oddly, he was okay with that. Not happy, but okay.

_VIII_

Getting Sebastian to bend to his every wish was easy. Once the other boy opened up to him, as much as boys like Sebastian Smythe could, it was no challenge to keep him subservient. Hunter felt guilty taking advantage of him, but of all people he knew Sebastian was the best one to use. He held no feeling, at least no strong one, and while he was intelligent, he could be rather clueless to the feelings and ambitions of others.

It has been said that humans are predisposed to hate what they do not understand, and in the case of Sebastian Smythe, that was just about everything. He lacked not in intelligence or perception; his lost case was that of empathy. His problem was that he felt none.

Hunter learned this quickly after months of watching him. He still cared about the boy, of course he did, and it was probably the only reason he felt okay manipulating him. Now that Sebastian was all but his servant in all things Warbler-related, Hunter found him easy to read. The only time he showed any amount of interest was in affairs dealing with Blaine Anderson.

Blaine came up so many times it became a bit of a gimmick. Hunter had read that Blaine was a bit of a hero amongst Warblers and reality only proved that true. The way his teammates hero-worshipped him made Hunter sick. It was as if they couldn't function, or wouldn't, without him. As Sectionals approached, he discovered the team was not fully his and would never be so unless he could improve morale.

The seniors were the only class to ever win a Nationals trophy, save Hunter, and it was clear in their frustration at the rest of the team. Trent and Nick became annoyed with the leadership and Jeff and Sebastian were irritable toward the underclassmen who showed no work ethic or strive. Jared, by nature, worried about himself and not others. He was the only one Hunter had no issues with, and often wished it was Jared he'd chosen to befriend rather than Sebastian.

"Alright guys, what is our goal?" Hunter asked a seated team one day in early November. Sectionals were just two weeks away and things were getting strained. They were to face McKinley and a Mennonite school.

"Win," they responded. Even the seniors, who mostly thought Hunter a joke, got in on it. It was clear they wanted to win one last time.

"And who's our biggest competition?"

"McKinley," they chanted.

"Blaine Anderson," he and Sebastian corrected in sync. Everyone turned to look at them.

"C'mon, don't put him as the enemy," said Ryan.

"But he is," Hunter said. "He left you and he's _never coming back_. It's time you all stop seeing him as an ally and more as the enemy."

"You never even met him," argued Jeff. The empty bird cage still hung by the window.

"But he's right," Sebastian said, a hint of solemnity in his voice. "Blaine left for good."

"Why did he even leave?" Hunter asked.

"For a boy," Sebastian answered through clenched teeth. The rest of the boys looked at him with various expressions, ranging from confusion to anger. It was clear to Hunter that the boys liked whoever Anderson's boyfriend was.

"Well then we all know his heart wasn't in it," Hunter said, hoping to change the subject.

"Blaine's heart was always in it," Nick said quietly. Hunter didn't know much about him, other than that he was Sebastian's stepbrother. Sebastian looked at Nick and nodded. Hunter scowled.

"The theme for this competition is Foreign. Let's practice the numbers from the top," Hunter ordered. "And Bart, please get out of my way when I do the backflip."

_IX_

Stealing the trophy wasn't actually Hunter's idea. He got it from none other than Brittany Pierce. The ditsy cheerleader confronted him after a basketball game asking if he was "Straight Sebastian." He went on to tell her that, yes he was straight, but was no Sebastian. She excitedly introduced him to her boyfriend Sam, who, not knowing he was the new Warbler captain, bought him soda and watched the game with him. Hunter tried no to be so analytical; Sam was a good guy.

"You know I think Lord Tubbington wants to steal our trophy," Brittany said out of the blue. Hunter looked to Sam, confused.

"Her cat," Sam whispered to him.

"Oh," he responded, "I have a cat, too." Mr. Puss-his sister gave him the name when she was four- was Hunter's best friend. He was as cunning as a cat could be. She stayed in his dorm, to Sebastian's chagrin, and was always at Hunter's side. "What trophy does he want to steal?" Hunter asked, making small talk.

"The Nationals trophy of course. I think he wants to do it to get Blaine to pay attention to him," she continued absent-mindedly. "Blaine hates him."

She continued on about how Lord Tubbington contracted malaria on his last visit to Africa and that it was not helping curb his LSD addiction. Hunter paid her no attention. The only thought in his mind was _stealing the trophy to get Blaine to pay attention to him._

_X_

It had been months since Sebastian last spoke to Blaine, but it felt like lifetimes to him. The realization he had at the beginning of the summer, the one in which he knew he meant nothing, caused him to want to make a mark. But this time he didn't want it to be a scar, though he didn't know why. Blaine was the only thing in his life he called sacred, though he knew he was one of the reasons Blaine's sacred things fell.

He feared his obsession with the other boy was obvious. He would spend hours at home just staring at his Facebook page, hoping Blaine would un-block him. (He knew it wasn't actually Blaine who'd block him. It was Kurt last year.) If anyone knew something of his feelings, it was Nick. Hunter was too oblivious to anything Sebastian may have felt. Perhaps that's why they were good friends.

Sebastian would spend hours typing out texts he would never send. He either found them too sappy, too fake, or even too sincere for Blaine to believe. Anyway, it wouldn't make a difference. Blaine was with Kurt and that would never change. Sebastian returned to his hobby of Scandals to get his mind elsewhere. Hunter never minded when he returned to school drunk, which made his nights last longer. He was still number one in his class and lacrosse captain. But he didn't feel alive. That's why, when Hunter told him what he'd discovered, Sebastian was elated.

"I've been on Facebook today," Hunter had said a week before Sectionals, "and I've found something you might like." Sebastian crawled over to Hunter to take a look at the laptop.

"What?" He asked, not seeing what he was supposed to.

"Blaine Anderson is single," Hunter said with a smirk.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Season Four is canon up to episode 4x8 Thanksgiving. I am aborting the Warbler cheating arc as well as a few others. The story will begin to deviate from canon at this point. Due to my changing of season 4, some events will be moved back, such as the (first) Wemma wedding and the crush on Sam. **

**Some events occurring during this part occur concurrently with Glee season 4. **

**If you want any information (such as face claims for OCs or musings on the fic please visit /tagged/love-and-its-effects-on-the-art-of-war**

**This chapter has warnings for mentions of sex and the beginnings of psychological disorders.**

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 3: Hunter**

_Book 2: My Dark Side_

_I_

The Secret Society of Superheroes Club (that ended up not being so secret) held meetings every Thursday. Blaine Anderson (under the guise of Nightbird) led all meetings and coordinated events. Asian Persuasion, Blonde Chameleon, Tarantula Head, and Sweet and Spicy made up the rest of the group. Their meetings were often nonsensical and focused on minor injustices. But one Thursday in early November brought about a serious issue.

"The trophy is missing," Nightbird said, looking around at his colleagues. The Human Brain, Dr. Y, and Queen Bee were the newest members.

"Do you know who stole it?" asked Dr. Y from his wheelchair. He mainly did intellectual activities in order to fight crime due to his state.

"Yes," said Nightbird gravely. "I know exactly who did it."

"Who?" the rest asked in unison.

"My old…friends-nemeses," he corrected. "And it's my job to get it back." Without another word, Nightbird disappeared, planning to go on this mission in his civilian identity.

Blaine left school in the superhero costume but changed when he got home. The club was silly and childish but he loved it. It gave him a chance to not think so much (and dress up in bright costumes.) The Nightbird costume was too tight and often suffocated him. He pulled it off and took a breath of relief. _Calm down Blaine, you'll be fine, _he reassured himself. He hadn't been to Dalton in almost a year and he shook to his core with nervousness. He wasn't ready to face his friends, especially not the ones who knew Kurt. Could they even be considered his friends anymore?

He drove as slow as he could to his old school, trying not to think about everything that happened there. Part of him wanted to go and stay there, to get away from all the hurt he faced every day. But not this time, no. He wouldn't run away from his fears.

When he reached the receptionist's desk she made no comment about recognizing him like she used to. In fact, no one even seemed to notice he was there. He noticed everyone else though. He took a few detours just to wander the old halls. Nostalgia filled him, the terrifying kind. The kind of nostalgia that makes one want to run away and hide. The kind that is crippling if it builds up too much. Blaine descended the staircase and was met with a familiar face.

"Sebastian," he said, throwing his hands up. "I should have known it was you." There was no anger in his voice. Instead he sounded happy, almost jovial. Everything seemed normal now. Walking down the stairs, Sebastian up to usual mischief, and everyone dressed the same. He immediately fell into an old routine.

"No, no," Sebastian said, a huge smile on his face. "I turned over a new leaf, remember?" Blaine caught up with him and they walked side by side. _Like old times. _"No bullying, blackmail, or assault this year."

"That must be boring for you," Blaine said, turning away to look out the window. Sebastian's full attention was on him, something he never had before, and his behavior was almost playful. It made him uncomfortable.

"Yeah," the other said. "Being nice sucks." _Now he's back. _As they continued to walk to the Commons, Blaine became increasingly uncomfortable. Perhaps because he didn't know how to deal with this Sebastian. He was softer, not flirty or even suggestive. He seemed almost warm, if that were possible. Blaine wanted to get on with it; he needed to know who had the trophy. But when Sebastian turned to face him, he heart still leapt in his chest. He doubted that would ever stop. "Well here ya go," he said. "The guy you're looking for." Sebastian seemed almost sad when he spoke. "The captain of the Warblers." He frowned at Blaine.

"I thought you were captain of the Warblers," Blaine said, confused. Nothing was making sense today. Sebastian gestured to the door and Blaine entered it, leaving an old friend behind.

_II_

Just when Blaine thought things couldn't get any weirder, it turned out that Dalton gave a full scholarship to a military school, cat-loving, Disney Channel movie villain to take over the Warblers. Blaine didn't remember any scholarship kids from his days at Dalton, at least not ones that openly spoke about it.

"I'm Hunter Clarington and I'm the new captain of the Warblers," the boy said, spinning around in his chair. Very Austin Powers. He stroked a white car in his arms. The whole scene made Blaine feel that he was going to be abducted. "And I'm not even remotely bi-curious," he added, as if that was something everyone should know. Blaine didn't miss a scoff coming from behind him, no doubt from Sebastian. "And I want you." _Now this guy is making no sense._

It turned out that, through some twisted Ohio grapevine, that this new guy, Hunter, knew about his breaking up with Kurt. As soon as he mentioned his name, Blaine froze. Hunter stared at him knowingly, as if he could read him. Blaine wished he were talking to Sebastian again. Hunter wanted him to return to Dalton, where he "belonged". He said he would give McKinley the trophy back if Blaine came back to Dalton.

"That's all you are to them," Hunter said, eyes boring into Blaine. "A trophy. Come here, we respect you." Blaine looked around at his old friends, and for the first time since freshman year, he finally believed those words. Not that he would let Hunter know that. He tried to refuse, but when the captain smirked knowingly and gestured to the boys behind him, Blaine knew he couldn't resist. "Present the blazer," he ordered. Sebastian came up behind Blaine and slipped the blazer onto his shoulders. No other article of clothing felt as right.

"You're talented, driven. A Dalton boy," Sebastian said, still smiling. Nick and Jon stood behind him, nodding in agreement. Nick was beaming at seeing his old friend. "And you know what goes perfectly with the blazer. An impromptu song." Blaine shook his head; no he didn't come to sing. He came to get the trophy back. He couldn't stay. But the Warblers, led by Sebastian, were staring at him, prompting him to sing. He had to admit that singing with them sounded amazing. And so he began.

"_There's a place that I know it's not pretty there and few have ever gone." _The Kelly Clarkson song seemed appropriate for the way he'd been feeling lately. _"And if I show it to you now, will it make you run away?" _The Warblers sat on the couches providing the backup vocals. They all looked to Blaine with a great reverence, even the ones who didn't know him. "_Or will you stay?" _he sang, buttoning up the blazer. He felt himself sink into his old persona, the one he liked better. _"Even if it hurts. Even if I try to push you out will you return?" _He circled around the couches and the rest of the Warblers stood up as well. _"And remind me who I really am, please remind me who I really am," _Blaine sang, eyes locked to Sebastian's. The taller boy smiled and flipped his hair off his forehead. Blaine didn't know what to make of his new haircut yet.

"_Everybody's got a dark side, do you love me, can you love mine?" _Blaine continued. He stood at the entrance to the Commons, facing the Warblers (sans Hunter). Sebastian stood at the front of the formation, eyes on Blaine the entire time. Blaine tried to look at the rest of his friends, or even the building itself, but he couldn't. His entire focus was on Sebastian as well. _"Nobody's a picture perfect but we're worth it. You know that we're worth it."_

The song continued and with each note Blaine felt more _whole. _Singing with the New Directions always felt like some battle he would never win. No matter how good he was, he would never be the first option for a solo. Even now, his senior year, he was treated inferior. By all but Sam and Tina. Near the end of the song the Warblers took formation again. This time Hunter joined them, standing beside Sebastian and leaving the front of the formation open. Hunter waved him over and Sebastian held out a hand, letting Blaine take the front spot. Inviting him to join his brothers, join his home.

_III_

"What did I tell you?" Sebastian asked Hunter without looking at him. "Flawless." That's what it was: flawless. Everything seemed so natural, so easy. He doubted the Commons was ever that peaceful. Maybe his freshman year. Blaine looked down, obviously blushing and pulled the blazer off.

"Keep it. It's yours," Hunter said when the other tried to hand it to him. The blazer was indeed the one Blaine wore for two years. Sebastian didn't know about the newly sewn in hidden pocket Hunter had installed. No one knew. Not even Peyton, the one person he felt okay with telling his secrets. Installing the pocket and inserting the bug was a risk Hunter was willing to take. There would be no guarantee the bug would even reach the New Directions' choir room but he didn't care. He would take any insight he could get.

"Alright," Blaine said, clutching the blazer to his chest.

"So are you coming back?" Sebastian asked him as the two exited the Commons. Blaine couldn't stay in there any longer. Hunter made him uncomfortable.

"I don't know Sebastian," Blaine replied without looking at him. He kept the blazer clutched tightly to his chest, as if it were a part of him. "I've got a lot to think about."

"Not really," the other said, his eyes unwavering. "You either choose the people who think of you as a trophy, or you pick the ones who care about you."

"I assume you mean you're the ones who care about me," Blaine said sharply, fire in his voice. Though he appeared angry Sebastian knew he was just confused.

"Yeah I do." Sebastian's voice was serious, all hints of joking or flirting gone. Blaine thought it the most innocent his old friend ever sounded. "I'm trying to do things the right way and for starters I'd like to spend more time with you. What better way than at school?"

"I've run away from my fears too much. I can't do it this time," Blaine contended, looking away from Sebastian. "I have to stay."

"No you don't," the Warbler said, resting a hand on Blaine's shoulder. Blaine turned rapidly at the contact but didn't pull away. "There's nothing wrong with leaving a place you hate." Blaine didn't respond at that continued to walk out of the school in silence. "Let me walk ya out," Sebastian said but received no reply. He walked next to Blaine and hoped to relieve the mood.

"Well here I am," Blaine sighed as he reached his car. He threw the blazer in the backseat before turning to talk to Sebastian. "I know you guys want me back, and in all honesty I would _love _to be back but something's different this time. I can't place it." Sebastian hung on his every word, and when a strand of Blaine's hair curled out of its gel hold, he reached forward and smoothed it back in affectionately. Blaine blushed but didn't turn away.

"Well it's your decision, whatever it is." He watched as the other started his car, not missing the Dalton keychain hanging from the key ring. "You know my number, call me." Sebastian turned and entered the school, knowing he would definitely be hearing from Blaine.

_IV_

The days following Blaine Anderson's visit to Dalton were hectic to Hunter. He still hadn't heard word from him saying whether he would return or not and Sebastian _kept going on and on about him. _Hunter cursed himself for not expecting his friend's constant infatuation with the ex-Warbler, but it was all part of his plan. If he could get Sebastian distracted, by anything, he would lower his resolve in Warbler affairs, leaving Hunter the sole controller and leader of the group. That being said, he wasn't sure if his choices were a good idea anyway.

The bug proved to be slightly helpful, but no more than Peyton Johnson had been. By some stroke of luck the bug managed to fall from Blaine's old blazer pocket into his book bag, where it witnessed everything inside the New Directions' choir room. He only had sound on it; picture viewing cost too much. He was appalled with the lack of setlist-talk that occurred inside the choir room. Most of it was the kids yelling at each other or their temporary leader Finn Hudson.

Hunter knew about Finn Hudson and became increasingly less impressed with him with each bug feed he received. Message boards and columns made Hudson's talent seem unparalleled, but Hunter knew the only reason he got the lead male spot was due to lack of other boys in the group. How he managed to keep it with Anderson in the group the previous year, Hunter would never know. He heard a lot of voices on the bug, most he didn't recognize. Blaine hardly spoke and when he did was usually ignored. Hunter smiled to himself. If he could make Blaine realize how his team viewed him then it would be easy to get him to switch. It was only a matter of time before he called.

Sebastian's phone rang every day at the same time- 3:30- fifteen minutes after McKinley let out. Hunter knew it was Blaine, but never once did Sebastian mention the other boy returning. He wanted to think Sebastian was pulling some cruel joke on him by not letting him know, but as the days continued he doubted that.

Hiding Peyton inside the school was harder than Hunter anticipated. Being a freshman he had a free period at the end of the day, giving him time to head over to Lima. However, now that Blaine had seen his face when he visited Dalton, the task of disguising the younger boy fell to Hunter. He cursed himself for coming up with the idea in the first place. His ideology that no one stood a chance as long as the Warblers were perfect should have stood. No amount of paranoia should have led him to borderline cheating activities. But he was filled with stress and didn't know how to deal with it.

Calls from his father were almost daily events, none of which were good. Each time Mr. Clarington called it was to encourage his son to find a girlfriend. Hunter thought his father was scared he was "turning gay" from being around boys all the time. Hunter found that idea preposterous; he had no problem with gay people- he hung around Sebastian all the time- but hated the way his father viewed other orientations. In reality, Hunter was confused. He held no strong feelings for either sex. He knew he was _supposed _to like girls, and that seemed all good and well but whenever he got around one he wanted to pull his hair out. He held no disgust at the idea of being intimate with another male, but also held no feelings towards one in that respect. Getting desperately annoyed at his father's continued instruction, Hunter headed over to a Crawford Country Day softball game in hopes of talking to _someone _of the opposite sex.

His idea worked great. Apparently to girls his age he was rather attractive (not that Sebastian hadn't pointed that out in a joking manner, but it did feel nice to have strangers stroking his ego.) He got invited to a party at Tracy's Sister's house the Saturday night of Sectionals. He had no idea who Tracy or her Sister were, but apparently they were big names at CC. He agreed to going, and out of habit almost asked if Sebastian could come along. He realized that probably wasn't the best idea, considering most of the girls were looking for hook-ups. Near the end of the game he was approached by a girl not from Tracy's group.

"You're Hunter Clarington, right?" She asked shyly. He couldn't tell how old she was but he put her at fourteen or fifteen.

"That's me," he said, trying to sound friendly. She didn't intimidate him like the other girls did, but he was afraid of scaring her off by being too brash.

"Well I'm Carly and I'm with the musical theatre department."

"Well hello Carly from the musical theatre department," Hunter said, causing the girl to laugh and put her head down. He found her adorable. She reminded him of Peyton. "Whatcha need?"

"This is going to sound really weird," she looked up away from him and spoke, "but we're putting on a musical this year and we have like no guys for it. I was wondering if maybe you or the Warblers could help us out." She looked at him once more when she finished speaking but wouldn't look him in the eye. It was the first time Hunter realized he had an effect on others. "Considering you're the new leader and all."

"How'd you know that?"

"It was huge news over here," she explained, "when it was announced that Sebastian Smythe wasn't your leader anymore. Caused a big stir." Hunter nodded though confused. No one at his own school even seemed to notice he took over the job.

"What musical are you doing?" He asked, considering her request. It could only help the Warblers and she was nice. Helping her group was the least he could do.

"_Les Miserables," _she pronounced correctly. "We already have a Valjean and Javert but we need all the other male parts. Would you guys be interested?" Hunter nodded. Yes, of course they would.

He decided it best not to tell the Warblers of their helping Crawford Country Day until after Sectionals. He didn't know what their response would be-though he could anticipate a few- and didn't want to stress them before the big competition. On Thursday afternoon he walked into the Commons to find the team already there, all but one.

"Where's Sebastian?" He asked. Everyone shrugged. Hunter scowled. He knew exactly where he was. "Well anyway, I think we should start this practice off with a song not typically our style." The boys looked to him with puzzled looks. Sebastian walked in and took a seat away from the rest of the group. Hunter gave him a sharp look but his friend didn't seem to notice. "If you guys have any culture, you'll know what we're doing. Nick, take Combeferre, Bart Feuilly, Jeff Courfeyrac, Ryan Joly, Jared Grantaire, Peyton Gavroche, Cory Jean Prouvaire, Trent Lesgles, Sebastian Marius, and I'll take Enjolras," he commanded to his group. The boys nodded in understanding. Trent scowled at such a minor role and Sebastian rolled his eyes.

"_At Notre Dame the sections are prepared!" _Began Nick excitedly, the rest providing backup.

"_At Rue de Bac they're straining at the leash!" Continued Bart. The boys, bar Sebastian, took positions around the old council table, truly getting into their roles._

"_Students, workers, everyone. There's a river on the run, like the flowing of the tide, Paris coming to our side!" _Sang Jeff, looking around the table at his fellow teammates.

"_The time is near," _started Hunter strongly, taking on the role of the unwavering revolutionary leader. He found the role fitting. _"So near it's stirring the blood in their veins and yet beware don't let the wine go to your brains," _he sang, gesturing to Jared who was playing his drunken character perfectly. "_For the army we fight is a dangerous foe." _Hunter pointed at the New Directions' Nationals trophy that still stood in the glass case. Nothing like using a song to rally his people. _"With the men and the arms that we never could match. It is easy to sit here and swat 'em like flies." _He slammed a palm on the council table to get their attention. "_But the National Guard will be harder to catch. We need a sign to rally the people to call them to arms and to bring them in line!" _Sebastian sauntered over to the group with a distracted expression on his face. It wasn't clear if he was acting or not. _"Marius, you're late," _Hunter said harshly.

"_Marius what's wrong with you today? You look as if you've seen a ghost," _sang Ryan. He laid a hand on Sebastian's shoulder, his dark skin creating a contrast on the material.

"_Some wine and say what's going on?" _Jared sang smoothly, taking on the role of Grantaire. Hunter would have been more pleased with him if he hadn't taken on the _full _role of his character. The constant "heart-eyes" he was giving Hunter's Enjolras made him nervous. Sebastian threw himself in a chair, looking bored.

"_A ghost you say…A ghost maybe. She was just like a ghost to me. One minute there then she was gone," _sang Sebastian in the airy, light quality of Marius. The rest of the boys looked to each other in shock when Sebastian began to sing.

"_I am agog! I am aghast! Is Marius in love at last? I've never seen him ooh and aah!"_ Jeff moved his chair to be directly across Sebastian. He held a huge grin and ran his hands over the water bottle he was pretending was beer. _"You talk of battles to be won, yet here he comes like Don Juan, it's better than an opera!" _He sang to Hunter, standing up in mocking.

"_It is time for us all to decide who are. Do we fight for the right to a night at the opera now?" _Hunter sang. The room fell silent at his command. Even if it was simply acting the feeling made Hunter stronger. _"Have you asked of yourselves what's the price you might pay? Is it simply a game for rich young boys to play?" _He sang to Sebastian in accusation. Hunter hoped his team didn't miss the relevancy of the song. _"The color of the world is changing day by day." _He looked around at his teammates. _"Red- the blood of angry men. Black- the dark of ages past. Red- a world about to dawn. Black- the night that ends at last!" _

"_Had you been there tonight you might know how it feels," _Sebastian began, his voice stronger now, _"to be struck to the bone in a moment of breathless delight. Had you been there tonight you might also have known how your world may be changed in just one burst of light. And what was right seems wrong and what was wrong seems right!" _Sebastian fiddled his hands in his pockets, eyes never leaving Hunter's. Anyone walking in on the song may have thought it an actual call-to-arms.

"_Red," _sang Jared.

"_I feel my soul on fire!" _Sebastian stood up, straightened his chest, and sang. In just six words he displayed more emotion than Hunter ever saw him do before. Either Sebastian was really getting into the role of Marius Pontmercy or something else was going on.

"_Black."_

"_My world if she's not there!"_ Sebastian held Hunter's gaze.

"_Red," _the rest of the boys sang.

"_The color of desire!"_

"_Black."_

"_The color of despair!" _

"_Marius you're no longer a child," _admonished Hunter. _"I do not doubt you mean it well but now there is a higher call." _He gestured to the trophy. _"Who cares about your lonely soul?" _Hunter walked to stand directly in front of Sebastian, their eyes even despite the small height difference. "_We strive towards a larger goal. Our little lives don't count at all!"_

"_Red- the blood of angry men. Black- the dark of ages past. Red- a world about to dawn. Black- the night that ends at last!" _The Warblers, minus Sebastian, sang.

"_Well Courfeyrac do we have all the guns?" _Half-sang Hunter, continuing on with the song. The energy in the room was so overpowering he couldn't stop. _"Feuilly, Combeferre, our time is running short. Grantaire, put that bottle down!" _He threw Jared's water bottle across the room. _"Do we have all the guns we need?" _In response to his question the Warblers sang a note in harmony, as if to let their leader know they were prepared.

"_Give me brandy on my breath and I'll breathe them all to death!" _sang Jared.

"_In St. Antoine they're with us to a man!" _Jeff sang to the team.

"_In Notre Dame they're tearing up the stones!" _continued Nick.

"_Twenty rifles good as new!" _Bart held up extra blazers. Peyton rushed from his position in the back of the Commons, taking on his role of Gavroche.

"_Listen!" _He shouted as he reached the boys.

"_Twenty rounds for every man!" _Ryan sang.

"_Listen to me!" _shouted Peyton to no avail.

"_Double that in Port St. Cloud!" _Cory sang.

"_Listen everybody!__" _

"_Seven guns in St. Martin!" _sang Trent in his single line.

"_General Lamarque is dead!" _shouted Peyton. The Warblers turned to look at him.

"_Lamarque is dead," _sighed Hunter. "_Lamarque! His death is the hour of fate, the people's man. His death is the sign we await! On his funeral day they will honor his name." _Hunter walked throughout the Commons in command. Sebastian looked at him with a distraught expression, one he knew wasn't from acting. He would have to ask him later. "_It's a rallying cry that will reach every ear! In the death of Lamarque, we will kindle the flame. They will see that the day of salvation is near!" _Hunter continued back to the group and Sebastian followed him groggily. "_The time is near let us welcome it gladly with courage and cheer! Let us take to the streets with no doubt in our hearts! With a jubilant shout. They will come one and all, they will come when we call!" _The Warblers sang the final note with him.

"That was actually really cool," Peyton said to Cory, who nodded.

"I hope you all got the relevance in the song. We don't need any…distractions," Hunter said, directed to Sebastian who was texting. When Hunter reached him, he grabbed the sleeve of his blazer and pulled him out onto the balcony. The two looked down at the grounds to see two oddly dressed teenagers running away with the McKinley trophy. The short one was Blaine, it had to be.

Hunter burst through the Commons' doors once more and headed to the trophy case. In its place lay the blazer with a single note: **No thanks. **He cursed. They must have gotten in while they were singing and didn't even notice.

"He's not coming back," he hissed, throwing the blazer across the room. The rest of the boys took it upon themselves to leave. Only Hunter and Sebastian remained. "Goddamnit!" He cursed again, kicking the council table.

"I don't even know why," Sebastian said, his voice sad. He gripped his phone tightly. "All week he was acting like he was coming back. What happened?"

"Oh I know exactly what happened," Hunter said with a tight jaw as the two boys disappeared from his sight. He listened to the bug every day. He heard how Blaine talked to the blonde boy. There was no doubt in Hunter's mind why he stayed. "He played you Sebastian."

_V_

Blaine didn't mean for it to come across that he played Sebastian. Everything he told his old friend was true. He did feel lost at McKinley and returning to Dalton sounded like the best thing he could have done. But he also knew what happened when he tried to trust his old friends before. Maybe Sebastian really was sorry for his actions the previous year, but Blaine couldn't take that chance. He couldn't risk being hurt again.

Chances of being hurt were great at any given level, but still Blaine feared what returning to Dalton would do to him. The days when he would parade around the campus uniform-clad were days of a different Blaine Anderson. That Blaine Anderson was a slightly broken yet determined and driven young boy. The Blaine Anderson of his senior year was entirely different. This Blaine had seen and felt things his younger counterpart would never have dreamed of. This Blaine fell in love and then fell apart. But now it was time for him to serve his penance.

If it weren't for the encouragement and consolation of his best friend, Blaine would have viewed the remainder of his senior year as punishment for cheating on Kurt. But when Sam looked him in the eye and told him he was one of the "good guys" he had to believe him. Sam's friendly encouragement sparked something in Blaine.

Blaine always prided himself on being slow to like someone and even slower to say he loved them. But as the weeks passed it was hard for him to not be infatuated with Sam. A gay man's worst enemy- a crush on a straight man. Blaine pushed it off and repressed it, but his best friend's every touch ignited him. It was becoming harder to hide. So when Sebastian Smythe suggested they "get to know each other" again, he had to say yes. Anything to get him away from Sam and his damn charm.

A week before Sectionals, just two days after he stole the trophy back, Blaine called Sebastian.

"What do you want," Sebastian answered in normal fashion. His behavior at Dalton intimidated Blaine. He was too smiley, too happy. But on the phone he was back to his normal self.

"I wanted to apologize," Blaine said meekly. It had been three years but Sebastian still had an effect on him.

"For leading us on about you coming back and then leaving an asshole note? Well thanks, I'm glad I get a phone call." His voice was sharp and unyielding.

"Yeah, about that…" Blaine flipped a coin between his fingers in nervousness. "I'm sorry that was a total dick move. I should have told you, I should have done it better." He was talking faster with each word. "I shouldn't have listened to Sam, I shouldn't have-"

"Dude!" Sebastian sat up his bed in alarm. "You're scaring me, just breathe." Of everyone he knew, Blaine was the last he would expect to have a minor panic attack over the phone. Though he acted differently, Sebastian was really glad to hear from Blaine. Whenever he felt like being overly cruel Blaine always slowed him down.

"Sorry, just really stressed lately." That was the understatement of the century. Ever since news of his cheating on Kurt got out, the New Directions had given him nothing but hell. He knew he deserved it, but that didn't make the pain any less.

"It's fine, I know the feeling."

"So yeah can you tell the rest of the guys I'm sorry? I don't feel comfortable calling them."

"But you feel comfortable calling me?" Sebastian was usually very adamant about not using the phone, but didn't mind it when it came to Blaine. Most of the time he could never get into a conversation worth his time, but he always had time for the other boy.

"Yeah, oddly enough. You never judge me." Blaine spoke quietly, more to himself than to the boy on the other end.

"I wouldn't be so sure," Sebastian scoffed. "Hey, I have off tomorrow, how 'bout we go to the Lima Bean before school. I'll pick you up."

"Uh," Blaine hesitated, running all possible options in his head, the first being _what would people think? _"Yeah that sounds good," he answered after moment of silence. He smiled to himself, filled with the thought that things were about to change.

_VI_

Hunter cursed under his breath. _This cannot be good. _The bug was still inside Anderson's bookbag, but his bag wasn't in the choir room. Or anywhere near McKinley. In fact, it was in the worst possible place: with Sebastian. Hunter paid no attention to his roommate's early leaving that morning. He was too concerned with perfecting harmonies and creating believable excuses to tell his father about why he was not dating anyone. He had hoped the Les Mis intervention would have gotten his frustrations through to Sebastian. Apparently it hadn't. His friend was just as enamored with Blaine as he was before.

He tried not to listen to their conversations, but curiosity overtook him. From what he gathered, after their coffee date Sebastian was supposed to drive Blaine to school. However, events took another turn and Blaine Anderson was officially skipping school to hang out with a guy who threw a slushy at him. Hunter would never understand the human brain.

All afternoon he paced the dorm, forgetting his school work. Milton would have to wait for later; it was no time for fallen angels when he had Warblers down his back. The team took him better than he had anticipated they would, but there was still some resistance. Trent Nixon, senior, hated him beyond what words could describe. Hunter didn't understand the other boy's strong feelings. He understood why Trent hated Sebastian but he had done nothing to him to warrant that kind of response. The freshmen took to him, not knowing other kinds of leadership. The rest were slow to follow. The biggest argument he received was "If Sebastian doesn't have to do it then why do I?" which usually made his head explode. He liked and respected Sebastian but his friend was often out of line. He wished there were some way to calm him down, to make him think less of himself.

It was then that the thought hit him. If he could get Sebastian distracted, then there would be no one to oppose his rule. Hunter smirked with a nod; everything was falling into place. Perhaps Blaine Anderson could be of more help than he thought.

_VII_

The air inside the William McKinley High School auditorium was with thick with anxiety. The audience took their seats and the New Directions took a pep talk before taking theirs. It was the club's first competition without Mr. Schue having coached them, causing the group to be more nervous than they usually were. They trusted Finn's leadership and knowledge. It was themselves they didn't trust.

"Do you really think doing this song is a good idea?" Marley asked. She stood between Jake and Unique, arms wrapped around herself and shivering though it wasn't cold.

"Yes, it's brilliant. Gives me a solo," Tina snapped, looking at Blaine. He ignored her, staring straight ahead. As optimistic as he wanted to be, he knew they stood no chance. The Warblers had always been good but this year they were great, as great as they had been his freshman year. With poor song choices and choreography, the New Directions could not win. Blaine had faith in himself and his capabilities, but knew he could not take on Sebastian and Hunter on his own.

"I'm just saying," Marley continued, "it's a weird choice. Especially since it's not even in _English." _ Kitty nodded in agreement from across the circle. Blaine wasn't sure what their relationship was.

"You'll do fine." Santana approached the group, waving them over. "You guys might want to take your seats if you actually want to watch the competition. Or you could stay here and insult each other. Either works for me." She turned and headed back to the block of seats reserved for the team. Blaine had to smile at his friend's characteristic behavior. He found her too harsh often but did miss her. Things weren't quite the same in the choir room anymore.

"From Westerville, Ohio, the Dalton Academy Warblers!" called the announcer as the New Directions took their seats. Nostalgia washed over Blaine as he heard the name called out. The feeling was stronger than it had been the year before. It was almost a call.

Hunter stood in the middle of the stage, spotlight shining on him alone.

"I'm Hunter Clarington and we're the Dalton Academy Warblers. I hope you enjoy the show," he said, a cool smirk across his face.

The Warblers took to side of the stage, eight to the right and seven to the left, with Hunter in the middle of the stage. His hands were in his pockets as he approached the front of the stage, a swagger about him that oozed arrogance. Along with the team he began whistling the song's beginning. Blaine laughed out loud when they began, earning looks from his teammates. The song was no doubt Sebastian's choosing, given the innuendo.

"Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby? Let me know," Hunter sang, his teammates providing the music. They stepped down from the stairs and entered their formation, Hunter in the front. _In the position I used to be, _Blaine thought, missing the days when his face was plastered on the Dalton brochures.

"Is that even appropriate?" Sam whispered to Blaine as the song continued. Blaine shrugged and stood up, cheering on his old friends.

The "Whistle" performance was great, there was no denying it. The Warblers brought back the energy that used to define them, getting the crowd on their feet. The choreography was stellar, as it was the year before. They managed to make a trashy song sound almost classy. Almost. The climax of the performance came with Hunter's back flip in the middle of the final chorus. Blaine wasn't expecting that; he soon became worried about his own team's stage presence.

"Here we go," the Warblers finished, returning to their wide formation on the stairs. "Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh," they began, turning around, backs to the audience. Sebastian stood at the top of the stairs facing the audience.

"Hey girl I'm waiting on ya, I'm waitin' on ya, come on and let me sneak you out," he started the song, descending the stairs. On his face was his signature amused smirk, as if the whole ordeal made him laugh. _It probably did, _thought Blaine. Sebastian snuck Hunter a sly look before taking to the front of the formation.

If "Whistle" was engaging then "Live While We're Young" was mind-blowing. The crowd was now clapping, singing, and yelling (not too loudly) along with the Warblers. Any jealousy of being in the stands left Blaine as a sense of pride washed over him. They were his team, his friends, doing so well. It didn't matter that he wasn't one of them anymore. _Once a Warbler, always a Warbler. _

"And live while we're young." Sebastian sang the final line, a huge grin on his face. Blaine stood on his toes to see above the people in front of him, clapping profusely just as Sebastian had done for him the previous year.

"Good luck," Santana whispered in his ear as they headed backstage. They had no time to watch the Mennonite school. _Or whatever it's called. _Blaine hadn't bothered to remember their name. The Warblers took his whole attention.

"We'll need it," he responded low enough so Tina wouldn't hear him. Santana gave him a sad smile as he turned his back to follow Sam.

"We got this, guys," Finn said to the team as they formed a circle backstage. They could hear the music from the stage. If Blaine looked around the curtain at the right angle he could see Nick and Jeff in excited conversation and Sebastian and Hunter sharing a slushy in the stands. Part of him wanted to hide from Sebastian with a slushy while the other part wanted one. Anything to get him out of performing. "Just do what we've always done."

"That's really helpful," said Kitty sarcastically. Blaine wouldn't admit it but she was quickly becoming one of his favorite people on the team. She wasn't particularly nice to him but always seemed to speak what was on his mind.

"Just do your thing and bring home another trophy!" Finn interjected, ignoring Kitty's comment.

They put their hands together in the center and yelled "amazing!" though Blaine doubted that's what they would be.

In short-just as their performance was- they were terrible. Even if Marley hadn't fainted and subsequently caused them to become disqualified, there was no way they would have even come in second. Blaine danced and sung his heart out, hoping he didn't look at ridiculous as he felt. When he slid between Tina's legs in dance, he felt something in his leg snap. _Dammit. _He managed to get up without any struggle but his leg was burning.

He continued to dance through the pain. He turned to make sure everyone behind him was in sync when he saw someone fall. He assumed it was a trip, a mess-up, and hoped no one in the audience saw it. However, when the body never got up, Blaine was filled with fear. He'd read many show choir horror stories about death on stage, most of which were conspiracies surrounding Vocal Adrenaline. Irrationality filled him as he ran over all the possible things that could have happened to the fallen Marley.

The music stopped and the crowd hushed. Mr. Schue and Finn rushed to the stage, carrying Marley off and alerting the judges and announcer what happened. But it didn't matter. They left the stage; they were disqualified. Blaine cursed his decision to stay. If he had made another decision he would be on stage with Nick, Jeff, Sebastian, Hunter, and the rest of his friends receiving his fourth Sectionals trophy in just fifteen minutes time. But he chose to be a martyr and lost his only chance at winning.

_VIII_

"Did you know that was gonna happen?" Peyton asked Hunter as the New Directions' coaches carried the fainted girl off stage.

"I had my hunches," the captain responded. The bug allowed him to listen to the most private conversations the New Directions could offer. It was never said up front, but he assumed the Marley Rose girl had some sort of eating problem. He felt for her; he understood what it was like to hate oneself. But as the competition came closer any sympathy he had for the sophomore disappeared when he realized her troubles could be advantageous to him.

"Did you plan for that to happen?" implored the freshman.

"No I had nothing to do with it," Hunter answered honestly. He hoped she was okay but wouldn't voice his concern in front of his team. He had a reputation to uphold. He supposed he should go down to make sure she was okay, if out of nothing but good sportsmanship, but he stayed put.

"Is she, your friend, okay?" Nick asked as he entered the backstage area. The New Directions were huddled around each other as their coach called an ambulance. Blaine stood outside the group wringing his hands.

"Yeah she should be okay but they're calling an ambulance anyway." Nick didn't miss how his friend said _they _rather than _we._

"Well is there anything you need?" Blaine shook his head as he looked at his team circled around Marley. Nick watched as a member of the New Directions, a blonde boy, approached Blaine and began talking to him in hushed tones. Nick didn't know what to do, so he simply stood and watched.

"I guess I'll just call my mom for a ride then. She, uh, didn't come," Nick heard his friend whisper back. He remembered Mrs. Anderson and her supportive nature. She always came to any event Blaine wanted her to. Maybe things had changed at home.

"Why don't you come sit with us?" asked someone behind Nick. Sebastian stood in the corridor leading to the backstage area. Blaine looked up and gave a half-smile, still occupied in talking to Sam.

"Yeah, we got an extra seat," Nick invited, smiling. It was the first time since the slushy incident that Blaine seemed interested in being around them again. It was relieving.

"That sounds good," Blaine said, walking toward Nick and Sebastian, "call me if anything happens with her," he said to Sam. Sam nodded, his eyes squinted at Sebastian. Sebastian held his gaze.

"Still on for movies tomorrow?" Sam asked as Blaine headed toward the seats. He nodded in agreement and walked in step with his old friends.

"Blaine," Hunter said flatly as he took the seat between Nick and Sebastian.

"Hunter," he replied, trying to be friendly. There was something about the new captain that rubbed him the wrong way but he couldn't quite place it. He was different from Sebastian, more steady. He hadn't done anything to make Blaine dislike him, but he couldn't take to him quite yet.

The judges took what seemed like an hour to make a relatively easy decision. As soon as the New Directions stepped off stage they were disqualified. Only the Warblers and the Mennonites remained, and the latter held no chance at winning. While they waited Blaine caught up with Nick and Jeff. Their conversations weren't the usual 'how've you been?' or 'I can't wait to graduate'. They were real, deep, even. The kind of conversations Blaine missed. The kind he hadn't had in years.

He was so enthralled in the company of his friends that he didn't notice the way Sebastian's knee touched his or how Hunter stared at him like he was an object. He introduced himself to the underclassmen who never met him, each of whom said 'I've heard of you!' Ever since transferring any talk of his celebrity back at Dalton was taboo. He couldn't mention how well known he was, and if anyone else did it was patronizing. He'd learned to keep silent and dim his light.

"Would all teams come to the stage?" The announcer called. The Warblers stood as one and exited the aisle.

"You got this," Blaine encouraged to the boys passing him. Nick gave him a nervous look while Sebastian winked.

"Well, I guess we'll get right down to it since we only have two teams," the announcer said after the teams took their spots. The Mennonites grouped around each other, holding hands. The Warblers stood in perfection formation. Eight in the front, eight in back and staggered so all were visible. "The winner of the 2012 Midwest Ohio District III Sectionals is…" Everyone in the audience knew who would win, and if they didn't they could take one look at Hunter Clarington and all doubt would be erased. The captain stared straight ahead, victorious smirk planted on his face. Sebastian looked around the auditorium, distracted. "THE DALTON ACADEMY WARBLERS!" Confetti rained down as Blaine stood, the only one in his aisle. The other team shrugged, probably saying 'We'll get 'em next year'. The announcer handed Hunter the trophy who accepted it without thanks.

Blaine's freshman year, the only time in recent years that the Warblers won Nationals, the Warblers were always ecstatic when their names were called as winners. Even under Kane Adams's leadership they had soul. Blaine noticed the change in his old team as he watched them celebrate. Even Jeff was subdued. They had lost some of their heart over the years. Blaine wished to restore that.

"Dude you are coming to the after party and you're never leaving!" Jeff came up behind him and jumped on his back in elation. Blaine laughed and tried to support his friend's weight. He was taller than when they met but just the same. It was nice to know that at least one person hadn't changed.

"Did you think I wouldn't come?" He called over the din of excitement.

"Well I didn't know, after all that happened," Jeff replied seriously, climbing off the shorter boy's back. "You didn't come back to Dalton so I thought-"

"That I would completely cut you guys off," Blaine finished.

"Yeah. We all thought that."

"No, I would never do that. I'm sorry that I did that before, but things are clear to me now." He adjusted the suspenders on his costume. "No matter where I'm going to school you guys are still my home." Jeff beamed and threw an arm around Blaine.

"That's more like it."

_IX_

Blaine took the competition bus back to Dalton with the Warblers. The bus hadn't changed much, even if its inhabitants had. It still smelled of Axe spray and minty gum. Somehow the team decided it a good idea to let Jared, of all people, drive the bus back to Westerville, a good hour and a half drive. Blaine squeezed into a seat with Nick and Jeff, Sebastian and Hunter sitting in the row behind them.

"Regretting your decision?" asked Hunter, peaking his head through the gap between the seats. Blaine jumped at hearing a voice coming from his back.

"No," he answered with slight hesitation. Part of him wished he had returned, but he also knew it was right for him to stay at McKinley. He owed them.

"You won't be saying that when we win Nationals." Hunter sat back and stared out the window.

"Hell yeah," Sebastian whispered. He wasn't as obvious in his interest with Blaine as he had been the week before, but Blaine still felt his eyes on him. It would have made him nervous or even angry before, but now it felt good. It felt good to be wanted, to be stared at.

Jeff started some Scandinavian victory chant to pass the time. Blaine laughed and sang along, pretending he was wearing the blazer, too. A light vibration shook his attention away from the celebration.

"Hello?" He asked, hard of hearing.

"Blaine?" asked a female voice.

"Yeah it's me. Sorry it's a bit loud."

"Well, how did it go?" Rachel asked. Despite the rough ending between himself and Kurt, Rachel still stayed his friend.

"We lost," he responded frankly. If it were anyone else he would have sugar coated his answer.

"I'm so sorry, Blaine. And your senior year, too!" Rachel sounded truly upset. "We really miss you."

"Ah, the royal _we._" He knew she was referring to herself and Kurt. Weeks ago he would have jumped at the opportunity to speak to his ex-boyfriend, but now he didn't even want to hear his name.

"He really does miss you, Blaine," Rachel said. "I know things ended badly but I don't think he would be opposed to you working it all out." _Ended badly. What an understatement. _

"Rachel I know you mean well but I don't think that would be a good idea." He scratched the base of his neck, freeing a few of the curls. He pressed a finger to the inside of his free ear in a failed attempt to block out the noise.

"Well whatever you decide," she began, "know that I will always be your friend." Blaine smiled. He went on to tell her about what happened at the competition and why they lost. She then replied with a very Rachel-esque statement. "The first rule of being a performer is accepting your body no matter what you look like. I should fly down there and give that Marley girl advice." Blaine laughed and said goodbye. He needed to return to the friends he was surrounded by.

They pulled into the Dalton parking lot an hour later and were met with signs and students lining the hall in congratulations. No one asked why Blaine was there, a member of the opposing team. Hunter led the group, trophy held high above his head. For the first time since Blaine met him, the boy had a genuine smile on his face. He looked around at all the boys and teachers patting his back and saying "Can't wait 'til LA!" and smiled. Blaine thought that maybe there was good in everyone.

The after party was the best of any Blaine had ever attended. It was miles better than the Nationals after party the year before. There was hardly any alcohol (a few of the juniors dragged some in), but that made the party better. Everyone knew what was going on and was just as crazy as they would be drunk.

"Do you miss it?" Nick asked as he took a seat next to Blaine. Some of the underclassmen opened the balcony doors to get some air into the stuffy room. Jared took it upon himself to bring some girls, making the room more sexual than Blaine was comfortable with. He sat out on the balcony alone, sipping at the generic pineapple sprite punch, wondering if it had been spiked.

"Dalton?" He asked, scooting over to make room for Nick.

"Yeah. And all of…this." Nick gestured to the grounds and the Commons, the Warblers and the Ultimate Frisbee squad practicing below.

"Yeah, I do. I miss it every day. You wouldn't believe it." Blaine took another sip of his punch.

"Then why didn't you come back?" He knew that question would pop up sometime during the night. Sebastian had already asked him forty-five times since the party started. He started to think the punch really was spiked.

"I, just… I feel like I owe it to them to stay. You know what I mean?" Nick nodded. "It's not like I hate it there. Sam and Tina are amazing friends and the rest of the team is fun. The school itself isn't so bad."

"But it's not Dalton."

"No. It's not Dalton." They sat in comfortable silence, listening to the thump of the music. It reminded Blaine of the first time he ever met Nick during the initiation weeks before freshman year. They wouldn't often speak but would sit together in friendly silence. It was a trait he admired in Nick; the ability to be silent and still be heard.

"Hey Nick," Sebastian peeked his head out into the balcony; "we're taking a group picture before Hunter leaves, come on." Nick followed his stepbrother inside, leaving Blaine alone. "Blaine," Sebastian called," you, too!" Blaine shook his head.

"No it's your picture I'm fine out here for a few minutes."

"You're one of us." Sebastian stepped out onto the balcony and looked down at Blaine. "Always." He grabbed Blaine's wrist and pulled him inside. Blaine was struck with a memory of years ago, just after their Nationals win. Sebastian refused to attend the after party. Blaine had taken his wrist in protest and told him "_You're one of us, and you're staying."_ How the times had changed. They both left Dalton, one to return and one to stay away.

The Warblers lined up in their usual formation with Hunter and Sebastian in the front holding the trophy. Blaine took the first few pictures but then handed it to Cory's girlfriend to finish the rest. He was no photographer.

"One more!" Jeff said, pointing to Blaine. "You're in it, too!" Blaine shook his head and snatched the camera. He'd much rather be behind the camera than in front of it. Nick left his spot in the front and dragged Blaine over.

"Say cheese!" Cory's girlfriend joked. Nick threw his arm around Blaine's shoulders and Sebastian put one around Blaine's waist, causing him to jerk at the familiar contact. Hunter held the trophy alone.

"Wait, Hunter, where ya going?" Someone asked him as they broke formation.

"Party," he responded. "Promised I'd go." He shrugged and returned to his dorm to change. No one mentioned his absence as the party continued.

_X_

Blaine woke up alone in Hunter Clarington's bed. He rolled over in the comfortable Dalton sheets and temporarily believed himself to be several years younger and waking up on a Saturday morning. Realizing where he was he jumped up in panic and disgust.

"He's not here, you didn't do anything," Sebastian said in monotone when Blaine began to throw the sheets off his waist, relieved to see he was still wearing pants.

"Then why am I in his bed?"

"Because you were hanging out with his roommate, who happens to be me, and you fell asleep." Sebastian spun around in his computer chair. "You were gonna spend the night in your old dorm with Jeff but he was entertaining a guest last night."

"So you took it upon yourself to help out an old friend," Blaine said, pulling the suspenders off his pants.

"Exactly. See, I told you I'm being nice."

"That's not a nicety, it's common courtesy."

"Well it's a big step for me." Sebastian pulled a shirt over his head. Blaine had been too occupied with making sure he hadn't slept with Hunter Clarington to see the other boy was half-naked. "Last year I would have left you to sleep in the hallway."

"Or in the room with Jeff."

"Now that, my friend, is cruel. No one needs to hear the feral noises coming from our wonderful choreographer." He left the sleeping area and headed to the refrigerator. Blaine cursed himself for sleeping in his costume. Tina would kill him for the wrinkles. "Beer?" Sebastian asked, pulling two out of the small fridge.

"A bit early, isn't it?"

"Five o'clock somewhere, or however the hell the statement goes." He threw Blaine a beer and collapsed on his own bed, pushed against the wall as it always had been. When the room was Kurt's the bed was in the middle of the sleeping area, within distance of everything in the room, not shoved away from everyone. _Kind of like Kurt himself, _Blaine thought.

The two returned to the strained silence that had for so long defined their relationship. Blaine wanted to talk, to ask what exactly was going on between them. With every relationship Blaine ever had, there was some sort of communication involved. Whether it was strong like with Sam, weak with his parents, or broken with Kurt, there was still something. But with Sebastian he never could tell what was going on in his head. He was also afraid to ask.

"So the other day was pretty awesome, right?" Sebastian asked, throwing his beer in the trashcan. Blaine hoped housecleaning wouldn't look through the bag.

"Yeah it was," Blaine smiled, thinking about the day he skipped school. It was a first for him, and with it came an exhilarating feeling; the feeling of breaking everything he ever built. Blaine was notorious for perfect attendance, and broke it by skipping. Much like the point in life he was in. He was so steadfast in his love for Kurt and broke it by taking a chance to be free. He ended up broken in the end, but skipping school was nowhere near as severe as cheating on his boyfriend.

"We should do it again. I'm getting burned out staying here all day." Sebastian leaned back against his pillow, arms above his head and knees bent. Blaine never realized how tall he really was.

"You're always getting burned out," Blaine said. "Have you ever finished anything in your life?" He looked around the small area consisting of Sebastian's things. He saw books with bookmarks sticking out of the center and notebooks lying open half used.

"I doubt it." Sebastian then rolled to his side, facing Blaine. "But I plan to."

"Is that innuendo?" Blaine asked, Sebastian's gaze confusing him. He was better at dealing with the other boy's flirtations than he had been, but sometimes the line between friendly banter and flirting blurred.

"Not yet. I mean it though." He bit his lip, twisting it between his teeth. "I don't think we're done yet."

"Done?"

"Yeah. Do you ever have that feeling that you were meant for more?" Blaine nodded, a little concerned at Sebastian's sudden existentialism. "That's how I feel when I'm around you. I feel like we're meant to be more."

"More than what?" The familiar heat of anxiety and surge of anticipation welled inside Blaine.

"More than strangers. That's all we've ever been. We had something going on before, but it wasn't real, ya know?" Sebastian sat up and stretched to touch his toes, as if speaking emotionally required some physical workout. "And I want to change that."

"I'd like that," Blaine responded, all thought of Kurt and Sam gone. Sebastian always had a habit for awakening dormant areas in Blaine and making him forget everything else. It was beautifully tragic.

"Good."

Blaine decided it best to get himself as washed up as he could so he could head home. His parents were no doubt worried about him, and he was sure he missed the movie he and Sam were supposed to go to. He brushed his teeth with Hunter's extra toothbrush (Sebastian warned him he may not live to see the next day, but he thought he could take the risk). As he was finishing Sebastian approached him.

"I was serious earlier." His face was contorted and fidgety, as if he wasn't used to expressing emotion. "I want to try again."

"I was, too," Blaine said, turning away from the sink and kicking Hunter's cat as it scurried from the shower. "I want to." Sebastian smiled and walked closer. He then did something Blaine wasn't sure he ever had.

He hugged him.

_XI_

For the first time in his life Hunter woke up in bed next to someone he wasn't related to. Tracy's Sister's party was one of the wildest events he ever participated in. Teenage girls had a knack for creating just as much raucous as boys were generally accused with. He thought the party would be a simple social gathering he would have no idea how to behave in, and when it was over he would return home and wonder why he ever ventured out to begin with. His expectations were greatly exceeded.

To the Crawford Country Day girls he was a bit of a celebrity. According to gossip Dalton boys hadn't been giving CC girls as much attention as they usually did. Due to this, Hunter's accepting of their party invitation made him quite talked about over the recent week. He wasn't sure how to take the attention. It was nice to be talked about and stared at, but it also set him on edge. Attention made him uncomfortable. It was as if everyone was watching him through binoculars, waiting to find a flaw in him.

That being said he took no hesitation in joining in the more carnal of partying activities. The party roused latent passion in him, passion for physical closeness. The only person who could be considered physically close to him was Sebastian, and their touching was limited to shoulder taps or accidental run-ins in the early morning hours. Having a girl pressed to his front, side, and back felt _right. _Feeling her small body shoved against his own larger one calmed him. The night waned on and any qualms about losing his virginity disappeared as quickly as his clothes did.

Usually if a boy hadn't lost his virginity by age eighteen he was filled with some emasculating shame. However, Hunter was never affected in this way. He always found people to be too socially intimidating to ever want to sleep with them, at least not at a young age. He preferred to control people behind-the-scenes rather than in person. But when he woke up with Brooke's sweaty body touching his any inhibitions disappeared. He would take charge. He would make his father proud but without mindlessly bowing down to him. He would lead the Warblers to more victories and wouldn't need bugs from Radio Shack. He was Hunter Clarington and he would do whatever he damn well pleased.

_XII_

Saying that Sebastian liked Blaine Anderson would be like saying John Wayne Gacy dressed as a clown to entertain children. Blaine fascinated him in levels no other person had been able to reach. The boy's sheer interest in others perplexed Sebastian. The way his eyes would light up like a child's and his overwhelming passion for all things musical was foreign to Sebastian. He could not fathom how someone like Blaine, someone with such potential and talent, could be so wrapped up in the affairs of others. Didn't he realize he had the world at his feet? Yet he continued to pine after Hummel and the blonde straight boy.

Blaine's pining differed from Sebastian's. Sebastian pined after others to achieve some temporary sense of success while Blaine did the same so others could feel a lasting sense of happiness. Sebastian didn't know the meaning of the word. He could say he felt happy with a full bank account or a hand on his cock or a trophy in his hand, but this happiness, he knew, paled in comparison to the pure elation Blaine Anderson felt on a daily basis.

Perhaps that's why, when Blaine hit his bout of depression, he was so surprised. He was seventeen years old and he'd seen many forms of teenage "depression", most of which came from a break-up. When Hunter told him to "use his charm" to get Blaine back to Dalton he took up the job. "He's depressed over the boyfriend, work your magic," Hunter had said with a smirk. Sebastian doubted Blaine was truly depressed, but one look into those yellow-brown eyes proved his thoughts false. The other boy wouldn't even look at him, let allow himself to be persuaded. Yet on the night of Sectionals he saw something ignite in Blaine, something open him up.

Sebastian feared what was happening inside him. Or, rather, what wasn't happening inside him. He had read enough books and watched enough people to know what they did when they liked someone. He knew they changed their mannerisms and often talked nervously and incessantly. He knew what he was supposed to do. But he couldn't do it. Somehow, something in his pre-birth programming kept him from fully enjoying the elation others got when they had a crush. That being said, he craved Blaine's company. As the weeks passed and November turned to December Sebastian hated being alone. Being alone made him think; it made him realize the fruitlessness of his efforts. He knew somewhere deep down that he was desperate. He was desperate for attention and feeling that he would get it any place he could. And Blaine seemed to be the best place.

He knew Blaine still had a crush on his very straight friend, but knew it would pass with time. Most friendly crushes did. Whenever it did, Blaine would be fully ready to discover the potential of a relationship with Sebastian. No matter how many times Sebastian had whispered "I don't do relationships" in the ears of the people he slept with, the phrase seemed ridiculous and melodramatic to him. Why shouldn't he "do" relationships? Why shouldn't he enjoy the company and affection of another? Every night he fell asleep and dreamed the same dream: the ideal love. He dreamed of a world where he and Blaine could be together just like any other couple could. Nothing stood in their way. No ex-boyfriends or slushies or years spent in France. Everything fell into place in his dreams. But that's all they were. But it couldn't hurt to try.

_XIII_

When he was younger and fantasized about meeting someone he liked late at night, he never thought it would be outside the Westerville branch of the Franklin County Police Department. He stood next to Jared's brother Leo, the only adult he knew that wasn't a parent, as they waited to post Sebastian's bail.

Apparently Sebastian was driving home from a lacrosse game with his travel team when he was arrested. He was on the phone, speeding, and driving "recklessly". "I wasn't reckless, he just wasn't paying any fuckin' attention," he argued through the holding cell. "If he had just gotten outta my way I could've gone right past him. Fuckin' prick." Blaine was impressed by his colorful language.

The official charge was that of going one hundred twelve miles over the speed limit, reckless driving, resisting arrest, and disorderly conduct. Blaine was surprised that's all he was charged with. Leo posted bail and promised Sebastian would be present for his mental evaluation and court date.

"Mental evaluation?" Blaine asked lightheartedly, trying to up the mood. Sebastian was fuming as he walked out of the police station. His lacrosse uniform was grass and soda stained.

"Yeah I got arrested loads of times in Paris so they've got to check me. It's protocol." He spat the last word. "Thanks for bailing me out by the way, Lindsay." Leo didn't bother to correct him.

"I was worried when I got a call from the Westerville Police Department saying I was someone in their custody's call," Blaine said as they headed to his car. "I thought I was going to have to identify a body or something."

"You might have if they made a scratch on my baby," Sebastian laughed, getting in the passenger seat of Blaine's car. His new Porsche (old money, the Smythes) was towed along with his lacrosse equipment and school uniform. "I couldn't think of anyone else to call."

"Not your dad?" It still confused Blaine as to why Sebastian's father took Mrs. Duval's name when they married. Sebastian once explained it saying it was because his father hated him and wanted no one to know their relation. By talking to Nick, Blaine doubted the truthfulness of that statement. He spent the weeks leading up to Sebastian's arrest getting closer to his old friends. He invited Nick, Jeff, Jared, and Trent along to events he would usually just spend with Tina, Sam, and occasionally Brittany. It was nice having a mix of the old and new.

"Nah he would have yelled at me and made me stay the night," Sebastian sighed, leaning back against the seat as Blaine pulled out of the parking lot. "I thought about Hunter but he probably would've done the same thing. Fuckin' prick."

"You like saying that," Blaine responded, eyes on the road.

"It's the truth. Let me put on some music, it's dead in here." He hit play on the radio button and closed his eyes when the music began. Blaine looked over at his passenger when he reached a red light. The dim lights of the streetlamps angled on Sebastian's face, making him look younger- like most sleeping people. Blaine's eyes crossed over the other boy's, taking in his essence. There, sleeping in his car, Sebastian didn't look like the kind of person who could have thrown a nearly-blinding slushy. He looked young, innocent, and naïve, sort of like how he was when the two met. However, Blaine knew Sebastian was never innocent. Even before he had sinned there was something dark inside him, something keeping him from being pure. But Blaine didn't mind. The same darkness dwelled inside himself, though he didn't wear it on his sleeve. He was just learning how to control the plague that was born with him. When he used to regularly attend church he always heard of Original Sin, the sin that humanity inherited due to Adam's first sin. It was something only Baptism could clean, he was told, something only divine intervention could cure. But Blaine learned the flaws in that idealism the hard way. He learned that some people are born with sin, something they can't control. He was born with his quickness to trust others, while Sebastian was born with his callous apathy. Rachel was too arrogant, Kurt too quick to judge, Jeff too excitable, and Nick too pensive; Sam too hard on himself and Hunter too obsessed with victory .What may have seemed a simple personality trait was a burden they each had to live with. It was their Original Sin.

He pulled into the parking lot at Dalton and turned to wake Sebastian up. He waited a moment, wanting to watch one more rise and fall of his chest before interrupting his breathing. He smiled down at the sleeping boy and hummed to himself. _Everybody's got a dark side. _

_XIV_

Sebastian was forced to wear a blazer two times too small for him because his was still locked inside his towed Porsche. He wore the blazer that was originally Blaine's, the one he returned with 'No Thanks' wrote on it. It hugged his shoulders uncomfortably and didn't cover his sides. He walked the halls self-consciously, knowing someone would taunt him. However, no insults came. Maybe they were too afraid of him.

"Alright boys, we did well," Hunter said to the Warblers as they sat in the Commons. It was their last practice before exams and Christmas break. "But we could have done _much _better."

"Dude, we won in a landslide!" protested Quint.

"And only because the competition was disqualified."

"The kid's right. We still would have won," added Sebastian unenthusiastically. He was texting Blaine behind Hunter's back. Blaine seemed worried, more so than he usually was. Sebastian thought his depression over the Kurt Situation brought on bits of anxiety. _Maybe he should be the one mentally evaluated_.

"Hey," Quint argued, clearly angry at being called a kid.

"Well no matter, we still should have been better. We're doing three songs at Regionals. No arguments." Hunter went on to lead the rest of practice, but Sebastian could tell something was wrong with him. He was on edge and snappy. _Very unusual. _Sebastian adjusted the too small blazer and began to help Jeff choreograph the next routine. Hunter could deal with his problems on his own.

_XV_

Hunter, being the only person aged eighteen willing to deal with Sebastian, had the task of bringing his friend to be mentally tested. It was a drag and he wanted it over soon. He dropped Sebastian off and waited outside. He should have just left, but he didn't want to be alone. Not after the rumors circulating Crawford Country.

After twenty minutes of being alone, he reentered the building. He sat in a chair outside the office Sebastian was in. His phone continuously vibrated but he was too scared to look at it. The words the text messages may contain scared him. Never before had he hated himself more than he did then. _You're an idiot, you're an idiot,_ he repeated in his head. Sometimes the voice in his head sounded like his father, his sister, an old roommate at military school, and occasionally Sebastian. He was losing his mind.

Time passed and Hunter soon became impatient. He peeked in through the window and eavesdropped the best he could. From what he understood, Sebastian took some kind of mental test two years before and scored frighteningly. This was brought to the new psychiatrist's attention and action may have to be taken. Sebastian seemed indifferent to all of it. He nodded and answered honestly, causing his doctor to look concerned. Hunter had a skill for reading lips, and applied it to understand what the doctor was saying. Sebastian may have been indifferent to it but it worried Hunter. He could tell what the doctor was saying, though Sebastian didn't seem to understand the meaning. Ten minutes before the appointment was over Hunter turned away from the door and paced the ground in front of the chairs. He knew exactly what was going on in there.

"Oh Sebastian," he whispered, voice shaking. "Do you even know what you are?" As if on cue Sebastian exited the room.

"Hey man, I thought you were in the car?"

"Nah, it, uh, got cold," he lied. Sebastian shrugged and led the way out. Hunter shook his head, telling himself it couldn't be true.

"You may not know, but I do," he said to himself. "I know what you are, Sebastian." He shook his head and trailed behind his friend. "You're charismatic, compelling, and a pathological liar." A twisted smile grace Hunter's face. "You're a psychopath, Sebastian. And the perfect kind."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Well it's that time of year where everything ends and you have no motivation to do anything. By the time this is published I will finally be out of school. I'm not sure how regular updates will be from now on but they will continue.**

**This chapter probably will be as long, if not longer, than the previous one.**

**Never fear, there is major Seblaine coming up. But remember the warnings… Sebastian and Hunter have not gone crazy. My main objective for this fic was to show how mental disorders plague people and how they go on living regular lives, as if nothing is wrong. **

**Anyway, canon past 4x8 is not canon in this fic. Some things will be referenced (the bug references the drugs, etc.) and events of Glee, Actually occur somewhat.**

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 3: Hunter**

_Book 3: I Could Drink A Case of You_

_I_

"That is the worst idea you've ever had," Sebastian said without interest. Several Warblers agreed with him and began to voice their opinions.

"No, actually, it's not," Hunter asserted. He stood between the couched in Warbler Commons while the rest sat. "By doing this we can improve our stage presence and acting. Nothing will be lost by doing this."

"Except maybe my pride," whispered Jason, earning laughs.

"I think what they mean to say," Nick began diplomatically, "is that there's no reason for us to participate. It's almost Christmas and it will distract us from Regionals."

"Of course there is. We need to be able to move a crowd, and what better way to practice than by performing?"

"We got everyone on their feet," Jeff said, "even the McKinley kids."

"That may be true, but it was the energy, not the feeling that moved them." Hunter sighed in frustration. He was losing his touch. "Each of you will audition and if you don't, then say goodbye to Regionals."

"You can't kick us off," Trent argued. "Only administration can do that."

"I wouldn't be so sure," the captain replied slyly. "I almost didn't let you perform at Sectionals, didn't I?" Trent nodded but kept eye contact. "Headmaster put me in charge and you will do as I say. Understood?" The Warblers nodded in fear, even Sebastian. "Meeting dismissed."

"The Warblers haven't called a Meeting since I was a freshman," Sebastian said as he walked next to Hunter. Meetings were called when the council- or captain- had something of dire importance to tell the club. Last time it was to introduce Thad Harwood. "I thought it would be something more important."

"It was important," Hunter said, voice softer than it was in the Commons. "I really think we should do it."

"Whatever," replied Sebastian. "When are auditions?" School was winding down for the first semester. Four days remained for exams, but neither Hunter nor Sebastian had to take any. They exempted them.

"Next Saturday at three." It was Sunday and Dalton was as full as it usually was during the week. Everyone stayed to prepare for exams.

"At CC?" Hunter nodded. "I'll probably be a bit late," Sebastian said," I've got to go to the damn shrink again."

"Yeah, how's that going?" Sebastian shrugged. "Alright, well be there when you can."

Winter time always brought a stir to Dalton. The seniors were rejoicing at being almost finished while the rest of school marveled at the decorations. Hunter marveled as well, earning harassment from his roommate. Christmas had never been a huge event with his family, causing Dalton's festivities to enthrall him. He was leaving for Colorado the following week and still hadn't fulfilled his promise to his father. He hoped the Crawford party would be beneficial to his reputation with the opposite sex, but it had the opposite effect. Rumors began as soon as he left Aria Turner's bedroom. His confidence was severely shattered.

"Hey, Sebastian, any idea where the nearest church is?" Hunter asked when they reached their dorm. The two were hardly in the dorm together, given Sebastian's busy schedule and Hunter's dislike of company.

"What kind?"

"Catholic."

"Um, try downtown. There's a huge one, St. Mary's or something." Sebastian was texting, as he had been lately. Ever since Sectionals he'd been constantly talking to Blaine. "Why do you want to go anyway?"

"'Cause I'm Catholic…" Hunter said, as if it should be obvious.

"Ah. Didn't pin you for the religious type."

"I've been going ever since I was a little kid, and I guess it's the one thing I haven't lost over the years." Hunter never spoke of his religion. It wasn't that he was embarrassed or ashamed of it; he respected it too much to casually mention it. He always believed faith to be a personal thing, not something to wave in people's faces.

"Then you should go to Paris," Sebastian said, looking up from his phone for the first time. "They have _awesome _churches there, dude." He was smiling; something Hunter had only seen him do when looking at his phone. A smiling Sebastian was a nice view, Hunter decided.

_II_

Sebastian hated going to his psychiatrist. On a list of things he never wanted to do it was behind only spontaneous combustion and erotic asphyxiation. She was marginally better than the shrink he had in France, but that margin was shrinking with each passing visit. The first few appointments were spent on 'how was your childhood' and 'how did your parents' divorce affect you', which Sebastian answered 'fine' and 'it didn't' truthfully. He was ready to leave.

His car was _still _at the lot until he paid his fine, so Hunter had to drive him everywhere. Under most circumstances it would be embarrassing, but Mr. Clarington shipped Hunter's car from Colorado and it was _really cool. _It beat the SUV his parents bought Nick. Hunter checked Sebastian in and signed all his papers, being the only person eighteen or older Sebastian trusted. Blaine had just turned eighteen, but Sebastian doubted 'hey, I'm going to a shrink, wanna drive me?' would be an appropriate pick-up line.

"Mr. Smythe," said the receptionist in a friendly voice. She was short, around 5'2, with chin length blonde hair. She handed Sebastian the clip board to sign in.

"Hey," he said, in a flirty manner. "Good to see again, as always Linda." He winked and took the clip board. Hunter rolled his eyes.

"It's actually Lisa," she corrected, but didn't seem to mind. Her eyes were on Sebastian the whole time.

"Dude, you're gay," Hunter said to his friend as they sat in the waiting area.

"And you just realized that?"

"No. But, why were you flirting with her? You do it all the time." The two sat in an empty corner, away from the rest of the patients.

"'Cause it's fun." Sebastian filled out his paperwork. "You should really lighten up buddy. Go take a try." He clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder in encouragement. Hunter shook his head.

"I don't' even know how to deal with you." Sebastian finished with the paperwork and returned it to the desk. He was gone for ten minutes, all of which he spent flirting with the receptionist twice his age.

"You should try it some time," he said as he threw himself in the chair, laughing.

"Sebastian," called another woman, "Dr. Sok is ready to see you."

"Sok. I wonder if his assistant is a shoe," Sebastian joked as he got up. "I'll see ya later." Hunter nodded and slumped further down in the chair.

As always, the appointment was mundane and made Sebastian want to shoot himself more than he had before. If that were possible. For the most part he continued on about his childhood, arrest records, and eating habits. Halfway through he began to make up lavish stories to entertain himself. His personal favorite was the, totally false, time he went to the zoo and let out all the animals. Dr. Sok made a note in his book and Sebastian couldn't help but laugh. Maybe senior year wasn't too bad.

With just fifteen minutes left in his appointment, the doctor handed him a paper. It had twenty –two rows and three columns. It looked oddly familiar.

"I took this two years ago," he said, pushing it back across the table. "Don't you have the scores from that?"

"You were just fifteen then. Anyway, it was the French version and I don't know how it was administered to you." Sebastian groaned and pulled the paper back.

The first read **Glib and Superficial Charm: **_The tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. _Sebastian continued down the list and marked his answers. He wasn't naïve as to what they were testing him on. It didn't make sense though; why would a speeding ticket warrant him this? Other rows included **Shallow Affect: **_Emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness,_ and **Promiscuous Sexual Behavior: **_A variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests. _He marked them both as accurate and continued down the list.

He added up the score of his answers in his head, giving him a thirty. He wondered what that signified.

"I have another question to ask you that isn't on the paper you just filled out," Dr. Sok said, putting the paper in a folder marked **Smythe, Sebastian A. 17 years old. **

"Ask away, Doc."

"Have you ever thought of, fantasized of, or dreamed of the ideal love?"

"The what?" Sebastian was sure he'd heard the term in English class but didn't think it applied to him.

"The ideal love, as in if all hinders were taken away and you could be with someone you considered perfect. Have you ever thought of it?" Sebastian furrowed his brow in thought. He immediately wanted to answer no, that that was for lonely teenage girls. But he supposed that he had thought of what life would be like if he could deal with other people. If whatever kept him from enjoying the company of others was stripped away and he could pursue any love.

"Yeah, actually I have. Not often, but much more so in the previous months." Blaine popped in his head; the one person who made him question himself. "I guess you could say I have thought about love."

_III_

"You're in love with the idea of him," groaned Sam from across the room. Midterm exams would be the death of him.

"What's that even supposed to mean?" Blaine asked as he sorted through the papers he could throw away at the end of the semester.

"You like the idea of a perfect boyfriend who loves you and who you love and can get legally married to and all that jazz." Sam sat on the beanbag chair on the other side of Blaine's room. He was throwing one of Cooper's old basketballs in the air.

"I think everyone does, don't they?" He didn't turn around. "But I really do still care about Kurt."

"I'm not saying you don't, but he hasn't exactly been perfect to you lately, has he?"

"What do you mean?"

"The entire time he was in New York before you guys split, he called you like twice. I don't think that's someone you want to get back together with." Sam threw the basketball again, watching it spin above his head.

"I didn't say I wanted to get back together with him," Blaine defended, throwing a large stack of paper into the trash bin. "I just said I wanted to talk to him. I don't think being together will work right now."

"Well every time you're on your phone you have this stupid look on your face," Sam said, "I guess he still makes you happy."

"I haven't talked to Kurt since _Grease_," Blaine said harshly. Sam nodded.

"Sure ya haven't."

The topic of boyfriends was subsequently dropped. Christmas was nearing and Blaine knew he would have to face Kurt again. Rachel told him they were planning on coming to Lima for the holidays, and Blaine couldn't just avoid her. But seeing Rachel meant seeing Kurt and he wasn't ready for that yet.

After he drove Sebastian back from the police station the night he was arrested, Blaine hadn't gone a day without talking to the other boy. It wasn't a conscious effort; it just happened. Sam thought he was texting Kurt all the time, and Blaine definitely wasn't going to correct him on that. The New Directions made no secret of their dislike of Sebastian, even months after the Regionals scandal. The last thing Blaine needed was his own team mad at him.

With the impending end of the first semester hanging over his head, Blaine had become overly stressed. The end of the semester meant he was halfway through his senior year and he still had no idea what he was going to do. He was plagued with the I'm-graduating-in-five-months-but-have-no-clue-whe re-I'm-going-to-college-or-what-I-want-to-do-with- my-life-kill-me virus that spread about McKinley and all other American high schools every year. Losing Sectionals didn't help to relieve him either. He was left with no extracurricular activities- besides being class president- and his father was all over him about it.

When he was at Dalton, Blaine belonged to just about every group or club he could- minus the sports teams. He had varying amounts of hand-eye coordination but never enough interest to join a team. His father persuaded him to join a new group at McKinley, prompting him to become the Cheerio's only male member. That wasn't exactly what his father had in mind, but it worked. He enjoyed it and he enjoyed the stares he got while wearing the tight pants. Never mind if they were from girls. The attention was still nice.

He and Sam continued to sort through old papers until dinner. At first Mr. Anderson was wary about allowing Sam to stay over for so long, but upon hearing that he was 100 percent, totally, fundamentally straight, he was glad to have him over. Blaine knew his father hoped being around a straight male would "turn" him straight. However, it had the opposite effect. Blaine knew it was stupid but he felt himself growing a more-than-friends affection for Sam. He was damned and that was it.

"We're having a family gathering at Christmas if you would like to come, Sam," Mrs. Anderson invited. "Cooper can't make it so the only non-adults are Blaine and my niece who's two. If you came I'm sure Blaine would be happy to have some company." Blaine turned a light red and looked down at his feet. His mother _so _wasn't helping.

"Thank you I would but I promised I'd be with Brittany's family Christmas night and mine in the morning. I'll call though," Sam said, mouth full of mashed potatoes. Watching Sam Evans eat always marveled Blaine. He was able to eat heaping piles of _everything _without looking like a pig. _Jeff should take lessons from him_, Blaine thought.

"Who's Brittany?"

"My girlfriend." Blaine still didn't understand that relationship.

"Oh," Mr. Anderson said. "Maybe you should go out and see someone Blaine." The patronization in his voice made Blaine shrink in his chair. Ever since he broke up with Kurt his father had been harassing him to date someone. Preferably a female.

"Maybe," Blaine said into his plate. He felt Sam's eyes on him and didn't want to look up.

"Hey man, I'm sorry if I made that awkward back there," Sam said as they returned upstairs.

"No, it's cool. He would have been a lot worse if you weren't there."

"Well that's me. Always there," he said as he headed into the bathroom connected to Blaine's room.

Blaine's phone was vibrating so loudly it was bouncing. He rushed over to it before it broke itself. He looked down at it.

**(7:30) Sebastian Smythe: **Hey, what are you doing? I'm listening to Hunter go on about Regionals strategies. You'd think this was war.

**(7:44) Sebastian Smythe: **Well apparently you're busy. Anyway, you should come up to Dalton. The Christmas trees are up and I'm sure you want to see them one last time before leaving.

**(8:10) Sebastian Smythe: **I'm beginning to think you're ignoring me. Which you probably are. HELP ME HUNTER WON'T SHUT UP. Will that earn your sympathy?

**(8:32) Sebastian Smythe: **YOU ARE SO IGNORING ME THAT IS NOT DALTON TRADITION. Well in the event that you don't totally hate me for blowing up your phone, we should do something over break. I still don't have a car *glares at law enforcement* but I can steal someone's. Write me back before I murder Hunter.

Blaine laughed at his influx of texts. Sebastian seemed warmer as of late. His humor was less dry and held Blaine's interest. He replied back.

**(8:56) Blaine Anderson: **I was eating dinner. I suppose the ridiculously rich don't understand the art of washing dishes. You have my permission to strangle Hunter, if it's any consolation.

**(8:57) Sebastian Smythe: **IT LIVES. I was afraid your public school people buried you alive. (Here at Dalton we would never bury anyone alive. There are not enough shovels in the world to bury everyone I hate.) And thanks for the permission. It means a lot.

**(8:58) Blaine Anderson: **Poisoning is much classier.

**(8:59) Sebastian Smythe: **Are we now discussing the classiness of murder methods? Because if so I'm pretty sure I love you. Well, what do you say about coming up to Dalton or something over break? I'm stuck here this year. No France.

**(9:01) Blaine Anderson: **That sounds good to me. I'm so tired of Lima, gahhh.

Their conversation went on in this manner throughout the night. Blaine was sure he was pissing off Sam who was trying to sleep in the sleeping bag at the foot of Blaine's bed. At least he had the courtesy to turn the vibration off. Blaine couldn't remember the last time he stayed up that late talking to someone. He thought about what his father said, about seeing someone, and for the first time Sam wasn't the one who came to mind. Blaine decided to take a leap of faith and hoped it wouldn't backfire.

**(3:42) Blaine Anderson: **Considering you haven't answered in over thirty minutes I suppose you're asleep, in the bounds of intercourse, or dead. If it's the middle one I DON'T NEED DETAILS. If you want to, meet me at Breadsticks (in Lima. It's like the only restaurant here) on Thursday night. 6:30, I don't care what you wear- but not the Dalton uniform. Night.

Blaine held his breath as he sent the text. He hoped Sebastian would interpret it the right way. He looked out his window at the birds flowing south for winter. Light snow flurries flew and clung to the trees. Sam's steady snoring kept Blaine calm. He shoved his phone under his pillow and faced the ceiling. Everything was going to be okay. He was going to graduate and go to college and be happy and everything with Kurt would be okay and _he just asked Sebastian on a date. _He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

_IV_

Hunter woke up to the incessant vibrations of a cell phone. _Shit, _he cursed. Classes started in ten minutes and both he and Sebastian overslept. _Well there goes breakfast._ Hunter quickly changed into his uniform and shook Sebastian awake.

"Dude not cool," his roommate hissed, pulling the covers back over his head. "It's like Saturday or something."

"No, it's Monday. Get up." Hunter kicked the edge of the bed and threw Sebastian's uniform at him. He still had to wear Blaine's old blazer, but he didn't complain about it anymore. He and Blaine shared something.

"Fuck you, Hunter. Fuck you." Sebastian pulled on his clothes, grabbed his bag, and hurried from the dorm.

Hunter rolled his eyes and picked up the other's phone that was left on the nightstand. He read through the recent texts (he was _not _snooping) to see why his roommate was up so late the previous night. He scanned the messages and was filled with an amalgam of feelings, the most powerful being one of jealousy. Sebastian was never that open with him, never that playful. It wasn't the flirting that hurt Hunter; it was the friendliness in Sebastian's words that he wrote to Blaine. He put the phone down and tied his shoes. He was reminded of his original plan to get Sebastian to date Blaine.

Ever since Sebastian got back in touch with the ex-Warbler he was more restrained-less angry and more light-hearted. He hardly argued in Warbler meetings and apparently lacrosse try-outs had gone without him having a fit. _This can help me. _Hunter finished tying his shoe and followed Sebastian into the main school.

He was sure he would have to call Carly at Crawford and tell her they couldn't help them with _Les Mis. _He felt terrible at having to cancel. Hunter was what most would call a people-pleaser. He hated letting people down; it made him feel like a failure. They would perform.

Most of the Warblers ignored him throughout the day, but that was nothing new. He knew they weren't overly fond of him, even if Nick said he would give him a chance. They saw him as Sebastian 2.0 and there was nothing he could do about it.

The week progressed slowly, each day becoming more of a drag for Hunter. The rumors had stopped as quickly as they started, as rumors had a habit of doing. Baseball tryouts were at the end of the week and he had to find the motivation to return to the field. Each year brought about an increasing lack of interest in the sport, but Hunter couldn't quit it. It was something so fundamentally part of him that to give it up would be to give up part of himself. He dusted off his glove and re-oiled it.

After school on Wednesday he headed over to the church Sebastian told him about. It was twice the size of his usual parish back in Colorado and was adorned with the Stations of the Cross and stained glass windows. It was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. Many people always spoke of marvelous beauty, but Hunter was never a fanatic for castles or decorations. He preferred legacies and monuments. He loved going to Washington D.C. and seeing all the landmarks. He liked knowing he was standing in a place where history occurred. Perhaps that's why he was so adamant to create his own history.

_V_

Thursday at school was hell for Blaine. He was nervous for his date with Sebastian (the other boy enthusiastically responded 'yes') and even more so because he couldn't tell anyone about it. It was nice having his own little secret, but it would be even nicer to share it with someone.

He sat outside during lunch even though the weather was freezing. It gave him time to think. Sam, Tina, Artie, Brittany, Marley, and Jake joined him. _Great, _he thought, _I wanted to be alone. _Usually when the New Directions convened in a large group he was left out of the conversations. They typically revolved around something that happened in one of their classes or other shallow teenage topics. He was taking college and AP classes as a senior and Tina was the only one of his friends he shared any classes with. He missed Dalton where everyone was a high caliber student.

"So have you heard from Kurt lately?" Tina asked from beside him. Sam kicked her under the table, but Blaine didn't look angry. He simply turned to her and gave her a blank stare.

"Was that really necessary?" As the months passed since their breakup, Blaine became more irritable when his ex-boyfriend was mentioned. It wasn't enough for his teammates to let him suffer in silence, he supposed.

"I just wanted to know," she snapped, turning away from him. He wanted to feel bad for making her upset, but he simply couldn't.

"No you didn't," he whispered under his breath. He didn't speak again for the remainder of lunch. Before the bell sounded for fifth period his phone rang. Hoping it was Sebastian, he answered it excitedly.

"Hey!"

"Hey, Blaine." The voice was female. _Rachel._

"Oh, hey, Rach." He hadn't heard from her since Sectionals. He wondered if she and Kurt had a pact that she wasn't allowed to speak to him.

"What's up with you?" She asked excitedly. He could hear voices in the background.

"Oh ya know. Same old, same old. Where are you? I can't hear."

"In the Westerville airport of course!" He could almost see her spin in joy.

"Why are you in Westerville?" He pressed a finger inside his empty ear.

"We flew down here and it was closer than Columbus." She paused. "I can almost see Dalton from here!"

Blaine was glad she was coming. It would be nice to see an old friend. He hoped that meant not seeing Kurt, though. As much as he wanted to run back for forgiveness, he knew he had to move on.

"What's wrong, Blaine? You seem kinda down." Rachel was always good at reading people.

"Just…nervous." Six o'clock was rapidly approaching. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"If you could do something, something you know could really hurt you but is also feels _right, _would you do it?" He was scared to meet Sebastian that night. Every time he gave the boy a chance he ended up hurt.

"If you're talking about a new guy, I would go for it." Any playfulness left her voice. She was full Advice Rachel mode; a mode that could get quite annoying but was also helpful.

"You make it sound dirty that way, oh my God," he laughed into the phone. Everyone was heading towards the school; lunch was about to end.

"It's almost 12:16, lunch is about to end," she said punctually, proud of herself for remembering what time first lunch let out. "But Blaine, do whatever feels right. Don't worry about anyone else says, okay?"

"Okay." He hung up and continued to his next class.

The remaining school hours passed in a blur and Blaine often forgot where he was. He thought about what Rachel said about 'going for it'. It made sense to him. His entire life he'd been so reserved, so scared of being rejected. Well, maybe not his whole life. This reservation started not long after the Sadie Hawkins fiasco. Almost four years later and it still haunted him.

Cheerios practice was as mundane as always. Sue hardly paid attention to them anymore, allowing Blaine to leave early unnoticed. He showered and dressed and sat on his bed in thought. _It doesn't mean anything, _he tried to convince himself, trying to think like Sebastian would. _It doesn't mean anything to Sebastian, right? Don't get your hopes up…_ Picking clothes was an obstacle he hadn't anticipated. The last time he went on a date was with Kurt, and they were so far into their relationship that neither cared what the other looked like. But he had to be perfect for Sebastian. He had to.

Blaine decided to go with stylish casual, as he liked to call it. Dark (ironed) jeans, a light blue polo shirt, and a light sweater would do. No bowties tonight. When he finished dressing he sat upright on his bed. He continuously checked his watch to make sure he left on time. Being a first date, he couldn't be too late _or _too early. It was like unspoken date etiquette or something.

"Blaine, honey, are you going to leave?" His mother called from downstairs. Breadsticks was a thirty-five minute drive and it was approaching six o'clock rapidly. "You don't want to be late!"

"Yeah Mom, I-I'm coming." Blaine grabbed his wallet and keys and headed for the door. _Deep breath Anderson._

_VI_

Breadsticks was moderately crowded, per usual. Blaine grabbed a table for two and sat. He was five minutes early and wasn't worried about Sebastian not being there. After all, Westerville was a bit of a drive and the other boy didn't even have his car back. Soon 6:25 turned to 6:40 and Blaine was still alone. He ordered water for himself and Sprite for Sebastian, telling the waitress his date would be there soon.

Blaine scrunched in the booth and put his feet on the seat across from him. He was _stood up _and definitely didn't want anyone he knew to see him sitting there alone. Pathetic. The waitress came by twice more, and on her second trip Blaine ordered mozzarella sticks to occupy himself. The back of his neck was sweating and he felt like an idiot. He sat up, pulling money out of his wallet as he planned to leave, but felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Did you really think I wasn't gonna come? I'm insulted." Sebastian stood behind him wearing a sly grin.

"Actually I did," responded Blaine, feeling stupid. "It's almost seven."

"I'm sorry about that, but apparently stealing your stepbrother's car isn't moral." He took a seat across from Blaine.

"You could have just gotten someone to drive you."

"That's totally seventh grade." He started flipping through the menu. "I stole Hunter's instead."

"Didn't you just get arrested for car crimes? That's probably the worst thing you could have done." Blaine pulled at his fingers in his lap.

"The big guy won't care," Sebastian said with a shrug, "he'd probably be glad for me to take it. Gives him some attention anyway."

Blaine spent half the time he should have spent looking at the menu staring at Sebastian. The other boy was more at ease. He was wearing a green polo shirt, the same one he wore to Scandals when Kurt and Blaine accompanied him the year before. The collar wasn't popped, to Blaine's relief. Sebastian looked less like Sebastian Smythe: lacrosse captain, lead Warbler, and richer than God and more like himself, whoever that was.

"He's a different one," the waitress whispered to Blaine when she took their orders. She was used to seeing him there with Kurt. Blaine smiled nervously and handed her the menu. He didn't want to make a big deal out of things.

"So, you wanna hear what Hunter's making us do?" Sebastian's voice was excited, interested even, rather than the usual bored monotone.

"Kill puppies?" Blaine didn't know Hunter well, or at all, but from what he gathered from Sebastian, he could tell the captain wasn't the greatest person.

"Not yet, that's probably next competition." Sebastian leaned back in the booth and crossed his legs, one of them kicking Blaine. "Sorry," he said quickly, sitting up straight. "Anyway, he's making us do musical theater."

"I would have killed for that at Dalton," Blaine replied under his breath. The biggest problem with an all-boy school was just that- all boys. Things like musical theater couldn't be done unless everyone was comfortable with things getting a bit awkward- especially in the love scenes.

"We're not even doing it at Dalton," the other complained, his voice returning to its natural tone. "Hunter got laid by some girl at Crawford so now he's making us help them out with their production."

"What musical?"

"_Les Mis," _he answered, "at least it's nothing something totally stupid."

"So who are you trying out for?" Blaine hated himself for not participating in _Grease. _Being Teen Angel was great, but he was born to play Tony, not a minor part.

"I don't know. What's someone who doesn't sing a lot?" Sebastian spun his fork between his fingers.

"One of the barricade guys."

"Then I'll try out for him. I'm doing the least amount of work for Hunter as I can."

"You're always the most inspiring when it comes to work ethic," Blaine said sarcastically. "Don't you think you should try out for a bigger part? For the sake of it being your senior year."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Sebastian said, looking over Blaine's head at the waitress carrying their food. "But I swear to God, I'm not being Marius. The whiniest guy in the play."

"He's not that bad," Blaine said, going unheard as the waitress appeared with their food. Sebastian thanked her and asked for more appetizers. _At least he's nicer to wait staff than Kurt ever was, _Blaine thought. It was the only time his ex-boyfriend entered his mind throughout the whole night.

Once the food came Blaine had a distraction from the way Sebastian's green eyes stayed on him the entire night. He was different than he had been any other time the two of them were in any sort of romantic or close proximity. The sexual hunger that used to lay behind his glare was greatly subdued, making Blaine more comfortable. They stayed until the restaurant closed, and probably would have stayed longer if the manager didn't threaten to call the police. Blaine had a habit of not allowing himself to let go as of late. There was often a small voice in the back of his head telling him to calm down, to remember nothing will last. But that voice was shoved into his subconscious after just one date with Sebastian. He couldn't remember the last time he laughed so much, or felt so happy.

They saw _Silver Linings Playbook _after eating. Blaine didn't know what to expect upon entering the theater. All he knew was that Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper were in it. And something about the Philadelphia Eagles. He and Sebastian chose seats in the back of the stadium-seat theater; only one older couple sat behind them. Blaine wondered if it would be like one of those stereotypical middle school dates where they were both too nervous to touch each other. (Not that Blaine had any of those stereotypical middle school dates, but he was sure the rest of the population could vouch for him.)

To his relief it was not. Sebastian threw an arm over his shoulders as soon as they sat down, and neither made an event of it. It was relaxing, Blaine thought. Once the movie started any _hey I'm on a date _nervousness passed as he was drawn into the world of cinema.

"That was great. It better win an Oscar," Blaine said as they exited the theater. He was truly moved by the film. It had great acting and great storytelling.

"Eh, at least the popcorn was good," Sebastian said, throwing the bag away. Blaine couldn't tell if he was joking or not, but didn't care once he felt Sebastian's hand grab his. _Where's this all coming from? _He thought.

They exited the theater, earning a few stares for their hand-holding, but didn't care. Blaine didn't realize how late it was until he reached his car. It was after midnight. Being eighteen, the curfew didn't apply to him, but if they were stopped there was nothing he could do. Sebastian was still seventeen, after all.

"Well I should be heading home," Blaine said, pulling his hand from Sebastian's and starting the car. It sputtered to life slowly. He cursed Cooper for leaving him the crappy car.

"Yeah, me too. You should just skip school tomorrow. It's your last day, isn't it?"

"No, I still have another week," he sighed. Dalton got out a full week before McKinley did.

"Oh, well I'll see ya…later I guess." Sebastian was lost for words. Blaine had to admit confusion looked good on him.

"Come here you idiot," Blaine said quickly and without thought. He closed the gap between them, stood on his toes, and kissed him on the mouth. He didn't realize how _tall _Sebastian was until he was on his toes, hands on either side of Sebastian's face. "I'll see ya 'round," he said with a smirk as he got in the car and drove away. Sebastian stood in the parking lot, confused. It was a good confusion, he decided. He finally felt something.

_VII_

"_And as things began to fall apart nobody paid much attention,"_ was written on the first page of the book in Hunter's hand. He found the Talking Heads lyric to be of utmost relevance. He didn't technically have to attend classes on the last day of term, but he did anyway. The emptiness of room H4CQ was getting to him. Sebastian left with his care the night before for his date with Blaine and never returned. Hunter didn't mind; he could always press charges if he wanted to.

The last day of the semester always brought about a stressed yet elated feeling to the students. Hunter wanted to be sentimental about it being his last Christmas break but couldn't find the motivation to do so. He was leaving for Colorado the next Sunday, the twenty-third, to spend Christmas with his family. This required him to spend an extra week in Ohio that he wanted no part of. His sister didn't get out of school for another week, like McKinley. He was stuck. At least he had baseball to look forward to the following day.

When Sebastian finally returned with his car around noon, Hunter was about to kill him. He wasn't sure what was wrong with him, but each passing day seemed to bring about a heightened sense of irritation and frustration. Sebastian using his car to go on a date just about topped his problems.

"Next time you want to use something that's mine, you ask," he hissed as Sebastian walked in the room. The other boy was on his phone and paid no attention to his roommate.

"Hey to you, too," he said, putting the phone against his neck as he shut the door behind him.

"I'm seriously tired of your shit." Hunter stood from his spot at the computer and approached his roommate. "I'm tired of driving you everywhere and getting the Warblers off your back and everything else I do for you to take advantage of me."

"Sorry, Dick. I gotta go," Sebastian said into the phone as he hung up. "Maybe you shouldn't make yourself so open to me if you don't want me to do that.'

"That's the point, Sebastian," Hunter hissed, stepping forward so their faces were almost touching. "You don't understand displays of friendship because you're so _full of yourself." _Hunter would later realize how hypocritical his words were, especially coming from him.

"You sound like my shrink. You know, I'm just gonna go. I forgot how much more tolerable Blaine is than you." He slammed the door behind him as he left.

Hunter wasn't sure what made him feel worse- losing the argument or being compared to Blaine Anderson.

_VIII_

Dates with Sebastian became a regular thing over the last week of the term. Blaine didn't go a day without seeing the other boy. Most days he headed over to Dalton right after school, studies forgotten until later in the day. His relationship with Sebastian flourished, as did those with the other Warblers. Jeff's new roommate became annoyed at how often Blaine was hanging out in room H2BZ. Just like old times.

However, unlike old times, Blaine wasn't sure what he was doing. He let go of any monopolizing control he had over his feelings. He was tired of being so strict, so perfect. Blaine decided to take control of his destiny. He would love who he wanted to love, and he'd be damned if anyone tried to tell him otherwise.

Wednesday, his last full day of school, brought about a point of decision. He and Tina were walking out of school when his phone rang. The caller ID gave a familiar number…too familiar.

"Hello?" He said, unsure how to feel at seeing the number on his screen.

"Hey, Blaine," Burt Hummel responded, friendly as ever.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." There was hesitation in Burt's voice. "You know Kurt's in town, right?" Blaine's heart fell. He knew this coming. He was stupid to think ignoring it would make it go away. At least Rachel beat around the bush.

"Yeah, I-I know." Tina headed to her car, completely oblivious to any trouble with Blaine. "I just didn't think he would want to see me." _Lie. _

"Blaine, son, I know things didn't end well, but don't for a second think he doesn't still love you." Blaine always admired Mr. Hummel; he was the father figure Blaine never had in his own life. If his father was distant and cold, then Kurt's father was surely the opposite. Blaine had grown to miss Burt, but was smart enough not to contact him. Everyone knew what a father would do to the person who cheated on their child.

"I miss him a lot," Blaine said honestly. The superhero club, Sam and Tina, and _Sebastian _took his mind off Kurt. Blaine could feel something changing inside him. Usually when he told someone he missed his ex-boyfriend his voice would crack a bit. His eyes would sting and he'd turn away. But now it felt like a statement rather than a feeling. Perhaps his interests were changing. "But I think it would be best for us to stay apart. You know, let time heal things."

He talked to Burt for a few more minutes before hanging up. A sick feeling welled inside him. A month ago he would have jumped at the opportunity to see Kurt, but now it felt like a burden. He wanted to hide.

Kurt called him, as he knew he would. Kurt had a habit of getting others to help him get what he wanted. Rachel and Burt were just the beginning. Blaine was sure he would have called Cooper if he knew his number.

"Hey Blaine," he said, voice so unlike his father's. It wasn't soft like it was before, but also wasn't harsh like after they broke up. Blaine heard a hope in his voice, a hope he couldn't reciprocate.

"Hi Kurt." He sat in his room flipping through AP Calculus notes he didn't need to study. It was the first day he didn't go to Dalton in over a week.

"Well, I'm in town," Kurt said tentatively.

"I know," Blaine replied shortly.

"Do you think we could get coffee or something?" Blaine wanted to say yes. It would be _too _easy to say yes, to fall into an old routine. To fall back in love with the routine. But that was then, and this is now.

"Kurt I think it's best if we don't see each other for a while." The words felt heavy on his tongue, as if saying them released a burden from his soul. They were difficult but necessary. His phone beeped with another incoming call.

"Blaine we can work this out." Kurt sounded upset. "We always have."

"No we haven't," Blaine hissed, sadness turned to anger. "We never talked about _anything. _We just did stuff. And that was okay when we were fifteen, but not now. I'm sorry Kurt." He slammed his finger to the touch screen of his phone, ending the call, ending the ways of old.

Sebastian had called him while he was talking to Kurt but he had no desire to call him back. His hands shook with anger, leading him to the only place he could relieve himself.

_IX_

The passages underneath Dalton Academy of Westerville somehow managed to stay secret despite the school's well known history. Blaine discovered them early in his freshman year and found solace in their secrecy. They were heated and air conditioned along with the main school, but a certain muggy humidity always filled the air. Blaine expected to find stalagmites and stalactites upon entering them, but was sorely disappointed when all he found was miles of endless expanse.

He had doubts about how much the students of Dalton really knew about what lay underneath their school. The entrance to the passages was sealed and located in the kitchen where most students wouldn't be able to get to. Blaine found it the second week of school. He and Jeff were stealing extra food from the kitchen when they heard a teacher coming. Jeff hid in the boiler room and Blaine opened the sealed door, descended the stairs, and was met with the most marvelous of Dalton's eccentricities. It took him an hour to get back to the main door- he was quite the explorer in those days. When Jeff asked what took him so long Blaine lied, saying he went by Tyung's room. He wanted his discovery to stay his and his alone.

When he took up boxing- thanks to Cooper's old friends that stayed in Westerville- the empty rooms gave him perfect practicing places. While his 'fight club' comment to Finn the previous year had been pure sarcasm, he had snuck a few non-Dalton kids down to the passages to box. He forgot their names over the years, but if it weren't for them he would still be the self-conscious boy who got beat up after a school dance.

Returning to his old fortress of solitude years later calmed him. The narrow halls and huge empty rooms were exactly the same. He checked each one meticulously; making sure no one was down there. Getting into the Dalton kitchen was quite the obstacle. But he was short and the kitchen staff never really paid attention anyway. Blaine pushed open the door and smiled at his old home.

He was relieved to find the punching bag still hanging from the ceiling when he reached the old room. He wrapped his hands and took his anger out on the inanimate object. _Failure. _Blaine was no self-deprecating person but the previous months took their toll on him. _Heartbreaker. _The bag swung back in response to his hit. _Pathetic. _The first few rounds he focused on what was wrong with him. He soon moved on to other problems.

_Kurt. Sebastian. College. _Each name was another hit to the bag. His hair was curling under the sweat but he didn't care. _Kurt. _He slammed his fist into the heart of his target, hearing his knuckles crack. He was infuriated. For too long he acted like he was the sole fault for their breakup. Blaine's cheating was the final straw but their problems began long before. Maybe it was when Kurt insulted him for thinking he was bisexual (it was a phase, okay?), or maybe when he begged him to go to prom though he knew Blaine was terrified because of Sadie Hawkins. Maybe it was when Sebastian came back into his life; that was when Blaine noticed the change. It was easy to blame it on Sebastian, with his intoxicating presence and distracting ways. But their relationship wasn't broken or even tarnished by Sebastian. He just revealed it. Blaine drove his full power into the next hit, body wailing under the exertion.

_Sebastian. _God he was frustrating. Blaine's next hit was softer but just as passionate. He didn't know what to make of Sebastian, even after all the years. He was easy yet so hard to hate. Easy, simply because he was an asshole, but hard because Blaine knew he didn't do it on purpose. It was just _who he was_, if that wasn't a too teenage girl response. Every time he gave Sebastian a chance it came back to bite him, but this time it felt better. Different. Like there was something to Sebastian now, some sort of essence that wasn't there before.

_College. _Blaine did well at school, better at McKinley than he did at Dalton, putting him in the top few of his class. Yet no amount of academic training prepared him for the decisions he would have to make. For too long he lived in the world of a child, pretending life would hand him everything. _Slam. _His hand gave when he took his last punch. _Dammit._

"Fancy seeing you here." The voice echoed through the empty halls. Blaine looked up, chest heaving.

"Sebastian," Blaine said, pulling his white tank top down. "You know about these?"

"Of course. Where do you think I spent half my time freshman year?" He was wearing athletic shorts and a swim team t-shirt. Blaine didn't know he was on the swim team.

"Scandals."

"No, that's just what I wanted you all to think." Sebastian entered the room slowly. "I didn't know you boxed."

"For the last three years."

"Well as sexy as that is," he said with a wink, "that's not why I came here." He took a seat in the only chair and took a deep breath. Blaine heard something from the hall and went to look.

"There you are! I've been looking for-"Jeff panted. "BLAINE!" He waved profusely at him. Blaine laughed and waved back. "What are you doing here?"

"I'll ask the same thing," Sebastian said harshly. Jeff shrugged.

"Does everyone know about this?" Blaine asked, unwrapping his hands.

"Yeah, it's not really a secret," called Nick from the next room. Blaine sighed. He thought it had been.

"Well you guys can catch up later," Sebastian said through a tight jaw. He stood and put hands on Jeff's shoulders. "I would appreciate it if you two left now," he whispered authoritatively. He felt like Hunter. Jeff looked from Blaine to Sebastian in understanding. He nodded and ran off. "Now that they're gone," sighed Sebastian.

"What'd you want to say?" Blaine sensed Sebastian had some higher plan other than a friendly hello. He wondered if it was what he both anticipated and feared.

"I'm terrible at this," he warned. "But," he paused. "Oh God I'm an idiot."

"I already know that," Blaine joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Thanks." Sebastian half-smiled and closed his eyes. Blaine didn't expect him to be so nervous. "This is what I want to say: You make me happy, I like being around you, you make me a better person and from what I can tell you seem to like me, too." He was talking a mile a minute, each word a rapid bullet. "We've only got a few months left here and I don't see why we should deny ourselves simple pleasures." He exhaled from the exertion of talking so fast. Blaine stood speechless. _I wasn't expecting that. _"You're gonna laugh at me, but do you think it would be unrealistic for us to make this," he gestured between them, "more serious?"

"No," Blaine said, running a hand through his wet hair. "But I can't commit to anything right now."

"Hummel's in town, isn't he?" Sebastian sounded almost hurt. Almost.

"Yes but that's not why." Blaine closed the distance between them. "For the first time I have no clue what I'm doing."

"That's good isn't it? Just…winging it." The dim lights of the room cast a shadow over Sebastian's face, highlighting his features.

"For you maybe, but not me. I've always had a set path. But now I'm lost." He swallowed and rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck. The rooms didn't used to be _that _muggy. "I can't commit to anyone or anything until I can commit to myself."

"Fair enough." Sebastian nodded slowly, as if he were trying to understand his words. "Any idea how long that will take?"

"No. But you'll be the first to know." He collected his things and threw a shirt over his sweaty tank top, leaving Sebastian in silence. "I should go before my mom thinks I've been abducted." Sebastian nodded without looking at him. Blaine threw his bag over his shoulder and headed for the door. Before he left he stood in front of the other boy and looked up at him like a scientist would inspect an experiment. "I'll call you," Blaine said, pressing his lips to Sebastian's cheek and exiting.

_X_

Blaine Anderson wasn't too bad, Hunter decided. Upon meeting the Dalton legend he created a strong opinion of him. He found him to be talented but over praised, humble but in an arrogant way. But no matter what he personally thought of him, Hunter couldn't deny the effect he had on the Warblers.

From the first day he started coming to Dalton regularly, the morale of his team rose. They weren't meeting anymore, given that school was over, but those who weren't leaving were elated at the old soloist's return, chiefly Sebastian. Part of Hunter wanted to punch Sebastian for being distracted by a boy, but the other part had to admit his friend was much nicer now that Anderson was in his life. Hunter would never admit the jealousy that came with every mention of Blaine Anderson.

Thankfully Sebastian was getting his car back the day Hunter left for Colorado. Auditions for _Les Mis _were the day before he left, giving four days in Colorado. Skiing would be fun but nothing else about the trip interested him. Dalton was mostly empty after exams, leaving just himself, Sebastian, Nick, Peyton, and some students he didn't know. The rest of the Warblers would return for Crawford auditions. Baseball tryouts went well and Hunter was sure he would be starting center fielder. The juniors had nothing on him. It was strange for him to be on team where he was not the captain, but he was okay with it. Tradition stated that the shortstop always took the captaincy, and Hunter had no plans to change tradition.

Sebastian returned to their dorm Wednesday night with a dazed expression. He looked upset, if something could upset him.

"What's wrong man?" Hunter asked as he shredded unneeded school papers.

"Nothing."

"Dude I know you. You're not okay." Sebastian was easy to read. He had one emotion: none. Only in recent weeks had his resolve begun to break. It was no mystery to Hunter as to what was causing it.

"Fine, ya got me." Sebastian pulled his shirt over his head and collapsed on the bed.

"Is that really necessary?"

"Undressing?"

"Yeah."

"You distracted?" Sebastian rolled off his stomach and smirked at Hunter. Hunter turned away, something like a blush creeping onto his face. "Anyway…Yeah I'm not doing too hot."

"Your family again?" Hunter knew how problematic Sebastian's family was. He knew Nick meant well but he was often not the best of stepsiblings.

"No, thank God." His head was in the pillow, making his speech muffled. Sebastian slowly moved his arms above his head, stretching the muscles in his back. Hunter suddenly became jealous of lacrosse players. "It's something else."

"Elaborate." He put a small stack of papers into the shredder, watching them split in twelfths.

"My whole life I thought relationships were stupid," Sebastian said through the pillow, "I always went to Scandals and thought I was so great. But I was wrong." He paused to wipe the spit that was collecting on the pillow. "But just, dammit. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. But he's great and I'm shit."

"No you're not," Hunter said, leaving his papers to shred on their own. "You're my best friend and the only person who's ever given a damn about me." Sebastian sat up to look his friend in the eye. "No matter what you've done before, you're worth it." _You're worth everything._

"You think so? You think I could be with Blaine?" Something about Sebastian's voice was so young, so naïve. He sounded like a child talking about the girl down the street. Hunter found it endearing.

"Yes. And he'd be lucky to have you." Sebastian smiled, a delicate, genuine thing, and fell asleep.

_XI_

"I'm Hunter Clarington and I'll be trying out for the role of Enjolras," he said as he stood on the stage. Surprisingly all the Warblers showed up for auditions, even those most against it. Hunter volunteered to go first- rather he was forced to go first to give his team an example. All anxiety left him when he took the stage. Performing was the only time he didn't feel like a fraud.

"And what will you be singing today?" The woman asked. The Crawford drama department was huge. The judges were the directors and stage crew, all trained in musical theater; making it feel like a true audition rather than a high school play.

"'Someone Else's Skin' from the musical _Catch Me If You Can."_

"You may begin."

Hunter took a deep breath and looked out at the audience in front of him. It consisted of the Warblers, those already given roles in the play, and various Crawford girls who came to see them sing. Sebastian sat next to Jared and angrily stared at his phone. Apparently Blaine hadn't come like he promised to.

"_There's no phone booth, there's no cape," _he began. The beginning of the song was slow and drawn out before it led into the fast-paced chorus and verses. _"There's no Steve McQueen to help me make my great escape. How can I fly like a hero in the sky? Be a shooting star out in the stratosphere?" _He held out the last word, focusing on his pitch. It was a rather high song, but nothing he couldn't manage. _"Where's the shadow? He might know. Where's that searchlight in the sky to point the way to go?" _When searching for songs to audition with, Hunter wanted to find something he could identify with. He found this song to be perfect. _"Through some new cloud to disappear into the crowd. Though the future's dark, there's one thing crystal clear." _He looked out to his teammates, his friends almost, all of whom were engaged in conversation or cell phones. _"That there's no home here."_

At this point in the stage version of the show the main character is interrupted by a judge and his parents as they settle divorce issues. Hunter paused during the speaking parts, allowing the pianist to show off.

"_So many voices telling me to choose. It's like a game where either team I lose. It's like a game where either team I lose."_ Performing had a tendency to bring out all his fears and emotions. Seeing the Warblers sitting there without any interest in him infuriated him. He had to lead them strong to win, but they hated him. If he were softer they wouldn't win. _"This kind of noise just makes me want to shout. I'd like to buy a one-way ticket out."_ At least the judges looked interested.

"_Rules of the road say don't look back, eyes straight ahead, don't jump the track. Try a new game, and pray that I can win," _he sang as the song sped up, reaching his favorite part. His time to shine.

"'_Cause I just don't feel at home in mine, so I'll slip down into someone else's skin." _Hunter finished the first chorus with a smile on his face, back straightened and fears gone. He knew why people spent their lives struggling to perform. It truly brought about a high.

He continued through the song, each line bringing more energy and passion. There was no way Enjolras could go to anyone else.

"Thank you Mr. Clarington," the main judge said expressionless. The other two looked to each other, impressed. "We'll let you know." Hunter left the stage to sit by Sebastian who gave him a high-five. "Next please," she called. "Mr. Smythe." Sebastian stood, shoving his phone his pocket.

"Now or never," he whispered to Hunter as he headed for the stage.

"Information please."

"I'm Sebastian Smythe, senior at Dalton Academy and I will also be trying out for the role of Enjolras." Hunter rolled his eyes. Figures. "And I'll be singing "Make You Feel My Love" by Bob Dylan in the style of Garth Brooks." Hunter was familiar with the song. In a split second decision he raised his phone and began to record.

"Proceed."

"_When the rain is blowing in your face and the whole world is on your case," _Sebastian began in his lower register, earning looks of approval. The Warblers were now paying attention. _"I could offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love."_ Hunter remembered their discussion from the night before. This song definitely had a reason.

"_When the evening shadows and the stars appear and there is no one there to dry your tears. I could hold you for a million years to make you feel my love." _Sebastian brought his hands to the microphone stand, one on the microphone while the other gripped the stand. His voice was smooth, something Hunter would call angelic. He never showed this much emotion at Warbler practices.

"_I know you haven't made your mind up yet but I would never do you wrong." _Sebastian's eyes fell closed as he breathed. _"I've known it from the moment that we met. No doubt in my mind where you belong." _Hunter wondered what was going through his friend's mind. Was he seeing Blaine? Was he thinking of the first time they met, probably at Warbler auditions? Did he see their first kiss? (Assuming they had done as much.) Hunter wondered what it was like to feel for someone, not realizing he already was. The song was much shorter than Hunter's but got the job done.

"_I could make you happy; make your dreams come true."_ Sebastian looked out into the crowd, an expression of adoration on his face that was previously foreign to him. _"Go to the ends of the earth for you. Nothing that I wouldn't do to make you feel my love," _he finished, stepping back from the microphone and doing a half-bow. The audience erupted in applause as Hunter stopped the recording. Before Sebastian returned he sent the video to the first name in his contacts. Blaine Anderson.

"That was awesome," Hunter said when he sat down, clapping him on the back. "How'd it feel?"

"Exhilarating." Sebastian beamed, causing the lights to become jealous.

_XII_

Blaine's phone buzzed with a text message while he sat in the Lima Bean. Everything about going seemed wrong to him, but he went anyway. For closure, or something. Kurt sat across him with a pained expression. It was as if he could see Blaine's disinterest, feel it emanate across the circular table. Coincidentally (or perhaps not…) it was the same table they sat at when Blaine told Kurt he loved him for the first time.

"Who's that?" Kurt asked as Blaine rushed to open the message. The number was a 303 area code, not one he recognized. He slid it open anyway to see it was a video message. It was probably one of those spam things.

"I have no idea," he shrugged, placing it back on the table.

"So were you serious about spending time apart?" Blaine wanted to groan. He already felt guilty enough, no need for Kurt to constantly ask him the same question.

"Yes, I was. I agree to meet you today because I wanted to see my best friend, not my boyfriend." The words felt cold leaving his lips but they had to be said. He couldn't placate people anymore.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kurt took a sip of his, now cold, coffee.

"Kurt you mean a lot to me, you know that, right?" Kurt nodded. "You opened my eyes to a lot of things back in sophomore year. I realized that I was kind of a cocky little shit," he joked.

"Not really," Kurt defended, though Blaine was sure he hadn't forgotten the Blaine and the Pips fiasco.

"And I loved you for a long time." Kurt looked down at the past tense. "And I don't regret it. But I do regret hurting you. But I can't sit around and pray for forgiveness anymore."

"Blaine I do forgive you." Blaine believed him but that didn't change anything.

"I'm glad that you do, but I'm not the same person you left. I'm not going to pretend anymore. I'm sorry." He stood and looked down at the person who used to be his whole universe, and all he saw was just that, a person. _What a treacherous thing, to believe that a__person_ _is__more than a person_. Kurt stood facing Blaine. Blaine felt a sense of ending but it didn't feel like a bad end.

"Goodbye Blaine," the other said sadly, holding out his arms to hug him. Blaine hugged him as well, an equal sadness welling inside him.

"Goodbye Kurt." He pulled away and gave him a sad smile. Kurt nodded and left. Blaine wiped the single tear he didn't remember crying from his eye as he finished the rest of his coffee.

His phone buzzed again with a text from the same number reading **you're welcome. **He was intrigued now. The video was about three minutes long and very fuzzy, but he could easily make it out. Sebastian stood alone on a stage singing what Blaine remembered as a Garth Brooks song. The raw emotion in the boy's voice moved Blaine as he watched the tiny screen. The loud volume was probably disturbing the other patrons, but he didn't care.

"_I know you haven't made your mind up yet but I would never do you wrong." _Blaine swore Sebastian looked him in the eye as he sang the line. He smiled as he listened, knowing his mind was all but made up. He got closure with Kurt, now he just needed closure with himself.

_XIII_

"The cast lists are up, the cast lists are up!" Jeff yelled as he ran through the Heissenberger wing. He was staying with Nick until school returned. Being a winter play with experienced cast members, they only had three days for rehearsals. _Three long days. _The show would run on December 30, 31, and January 1 with two shows a day. Most of the Warblers had never been in musical theater.

"Shut up!" Hunter yelled back. He arrived the night before and was suffering major jet lag.

"I'll go check," Sebastian said, leaving the dorm in his pajamas. He was glad Christmas was over, even if the decorations and music were still abundant. He spent Christmas day with dad, Nick, and stepmom, and he, Blaine, Jeff, Nick, and Sam Evans went to a hockey game that night. It was oddly pleasant.

"You shall not pass," Jeff said in his best Gandalf impersonation as he stood in front of the list, blocking it from view.

"Get outta my way." Trent pushed him aside and read the list.

**Eric Harrison- Jean Valjean**

**Adam Austin- Inspector Javert**

**Ariel Burgess- Fantine**

**Kassie Jones- Cosette**

**Sebastian Smythe- Marius**

**Hunter Clarington- Enjolras**

**Ivory Rosetti- ****Éponine**

**Charity Lynn- Madame ****Thénardier**

**Jeff Sterling- Monsieur ****Thénardier**

**Jared Zilinski- Grantaire**

**David Ward- Gavroche**

**Sabrina Lillian- Young Cosette**

**Nick Duval- Combeferre**

**Trent Nixon- Courfeyrac**

**Jason Butler- Monsieur Gillenormand**

…

Sebastian continued down the list, frustrated. _He'd gotten Marius. _Most of the boys were given the same barricade part as Hunter gave them in the "Red and Black" performance.

"Dude, I'm the crazt guy!" Jeff said excitedly. Apparently he wasn't too bummed about not being Courfeyrac. "And you've gotta kiss a girl!" He pointed to Kassie Jones's name, and Sebastian shrugged. It was just a few days. He would survive.

"Dude you're Enjolras," he yelled upon entering the room. Hunter made a garbled noise of content before stuffing his face back into the pillow.

The first rehearsal was that afternoon and would last between six and seven hours. Sebastian was used to long practices from years of playing multiple sports, but he still did not look forward to the rest of the day. He supposed he should tell Blaine where he would be the next few days. On Christmas, two days before, Blaine seemed happier than he had the weeks before. (Little did Sebastian know it was due to a video of him singing…) They didn't have a chance to talk about their relationship due to the presence of their friends, but Sebastian didn't mind. They would sort it out eventually.

"Everyone given a role stand to the right, and ensemble cast to the left!" The director said. The Warblers and the others took their spots. "We're starting with basic singing," she continued, handing a packet to each person, "you all got the parts for a reason, but I still want you to run over your main parts."

Sebastian searched through the script and sheet music, highlighting whenever Marius showed up. The director- who he was sure had a name, but he didn't bother to learn it- asked him to sing the first sixteen bars of "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables". Hunter did the same with "Red and Black", Jeff with "Master of the House", and the Cosette with "In My Life". When the girl playing Éponine began "On My Own", Hunter immediately turned to look at her, as if enthralled with her voice. Sebastian had to admit she was talented, but didn't earn the stares she was getting.

"We have a small budget, and our production won't be anything like the movie I'm sure you've all seen," the director said as she paced in front of them. The set crew, mainly Crawford girls and their boyfriends, created _Le Café Musain _and other important pieces.

"I've already seen it twice," said Ariel Burgess, Fantine, senior.

"It came out two days ago," Sebastian said, annoyed with the tone of her voice. _Thank God she dies in the beginning. _

Much of rehearsal went in this fashion: Sebastian became quickly annoyed by the simplest things, Hunter was enamored by Ivory (Éponine), and Nick and Jeff did their best to act like idiots. Overall, nothing knew from a typical Warbler practice. Soon the first practice came to an end with all actors memorizing their lines. The director seemed relieved when her associates told her everyone seemed in top shape.

"I'm pretty sure I'm the only ginger Éponine," Ivory joked as she walked out with Hunter. She was a junior and about a full foot shorter than him. Her red hair hung in curls down her back, and her voice wasn't too high pitched as to annoy Sebastian.

"And I'm pretty sure Sebastian is the first gay Marius," Hunter said lightheartedly.

"Thanks for outing me man." Sebastian was tired and his head hurt. It would be good to get back.

"Did he seriously just out you?" Ivory asked, concerned. She slapped Hunter in the arm.

"No, no I don't think I've ever been in the closet," Sebastian replied, heading to his car. Hunter's puppy eyes were making him sick.

"So you're like, the captain?" Ivory asked. She and Hunter were the only ones left in the auditorium. He nodded, hands in his pockets. She made him nervous. "You even beat out an ego like that?" she gestured to Sebastian getting in his car.

"Somehow. He was captain last year but some…stuff went down so I am now." Ivory calmed him down, even if they only knew each other for six hours. She was flirty without overdoing it and seemed to be into him. They stayed an extra hour before security told them to leave. She was so unlike the other Crawford girls, Hunter decided. For the most part Crawford girls were just like Dalton boys- too rich and beautiful to know what to do with themselves. But Ivory was different; there was a substance to her that was, while self-aware, compassionate.

"We probably should go," she said, picking her script up from the stage, "but you're gonna call me."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"That's not what I meant." She sighed and took his phone from his pocket and entered her phone number. "Men," she said under her breath and left the building. Hunter fell asleep that night listening to Sebastian's gentle breathing in the next bed, but had another person on his mind.

_XIV_

"Welcome to Crawford Country Day School's fifth annual winter production!" announced the principal. "This winter we are putting on the seminal _Les Miserables _with help of Dalton Academy of Westerville." The audience clapped as Blaine took his seat. Surprisingly- or maybe not- Sebastian hadn't told him of his participation in the musical. He found out through a text from the same mysterious number that sent him the video of Sebastian singing. He purchased tickets for Rachel, who was still in town, and himself for the January 1 show. None of the Warblers knew he was there and he hoped to surprise him.

The Jean Valjean was considerably older than the rest of the cast, as was the Javert. The program said they were older siblings of students. The director thought it would be odd to have Valjean be the same age as Marius. Blaine had to agree and gave props to the theater department. The actors were great, especially for a high school production, and Blaine wished he could have been on stage with them.

The second "Look Down" and "Red and Black" were fun for him to watch. It was great to see all his friends on stage dressed in 1832 attire.

"Is that?" Rachel whispered to him when "In My Life/Heart Full of Love" began. Blaine nodded. Sebastian was dressed differently and his hair was slicked back, but it was obviously him.

"_In my life she has burst like the music of angels, the light of the sun. And my life seems to stop as if something is over, as if something has scarcely begun."_ Acting always calmed Sebastian. He could become someone else for two hours at a time. He could forget everything he was supposed to be. It was the final show, bringing about some sentimentality with each song. He only wished Blaine could have been there. The next few songs passed as rapidly to him as they usually did. Soon they were at the final battle and he was watching his friends die.

The director decided to take artistic liberty and make Enjolras's death mirror the movie's version rather than the musical's way. The lights dropped after his death for the crew to move the set. Sebastian walked past Hunter hanging upside down from the café window, red flag in hand and fake blood on his shirt.

"Come on." He helped him out the window and backstage. Hunter brushed himself off and ran to talk to Ivory, who had died earlier.

Soon they were in their final song, "Epilogue" and Jean Valjean was dying. Kassie, the Cosette, gripped Sebastian's arms as she cried. The first time they rehearsed the song Sebastian wanted to pull away from her and her display of emotion. But he was used to it now. He would only be cried on for a few more minutes.

The final song carried on and Sebastian's knees hurt from kneeling on the hard floor. He peaked his head over Kassie's shoulder and looked into the crowd. He didn't recognize anyone until he looked to his far left. Seated in the last seat and wearing a suit and tie was Blaine. (Apparently he got really into high school theater.) Sebastian smiled behind Kassie. He looked beautiful, as always, though Sebastian had never used that term before.

"_And remember the truth that once was spoken: to love another person to see the face of God," _Valjean, Fantine, and the Bishop sang for the final line. Sebastian was supposed to be comforting Kassie's Cosette, but Blaine was all he could see.

The curtain call was short, to Sebastian's relief. He wanted to change and leave. He stood in line between Kassie and Hunter, his hands in theirs as they bowed for the curtain call. Blaine and the girl with him who Sebastian thought was Rachel Berry stood and clapped furiously. Nick and Jeff called for everyone to go out to eat to celebrate their success, but everyone had other plans. Hunter was going out with Ivory that night and Sebastian had someone he had to talk to.

"Hey, Blaine, wait," he called as everyone began filing out. Blaine turned from Rachel who was in deep conversation with herself.

"You were great!" Blaine beamed. He noticed the hesitation in Sebastian's response. "I think we should talk. I'll be back, Rach." Rachel nodded.

"What do you want to talk about?" Sebastian was still wearing the wedding tuxedo from the final scene. It was itchy and too tight.

"About what I said at Dalton, you know, about commitment." Blaine spoke slowly, articulating each word. "And I've made my decision." The temperature dropped in the room and the tight tuxedo felt cold on Sebastian's arms.

"And?" He was careful to keep any annoyance out of his voice.

"Sebastian Smythe," Blaine smiled and took a deep breath, "will you be my boyfriend?" The two erupted into laughs at the formality. No doubt they both thought Sebastian would be the one to ask that.

"Of course," Sebastian answered with a smile. He took Blaine's face in his hands and kissed him with more loving passion than he had ever known to exist.

_XV_

The second semester of the 2012-2013 school year began in a period of elation. Blaine and Sebastian's relationship may have started off as rocky and progressed quickly, but it stayed strong. Blaine didn't remember the last time he felt so happy, so free. He was cautious to tell his friends about his new relationship, but after much thought he didn't see why it would be a problem. It wasn't like they were rivals anymore.

"I think the Warblers cheated at Sectionals." Sam came up behind him in the hallway, talking a mile a minute.

"What? What are you even talking about?"

"I went to the McKinley-Dalton basketball playoff the other day and I heard Hunter Clarington say something."

"And that validates your reason?" Blaine spent most his time at Dalton now but did his best to avoid Hunter. He rubbed him the wrong way.

"No, listen to me Blaine." Sam put a hand on his shoulder and turned him around. Two months ago Blaine would have flushed at the contact, but now he felt nothing. "He said something to me, something I've only said in the choir room. I think he's spying on us!" Blaine rolled his eyes.

"You're paranoid."

"No, I'm serious and I will prove it to you!"

January turned to February and Regionals would be soon approaching. Sam was doing his best to prove the Warblers cheated and Blaine did his best to ignore him. He hadn't heard from Kurt since Christmas, but his ex-boyfriend did leave the comment _really? _on Blaine's current relationship status. **Blaine Anderson is in a relationship with Sebastian Smythe **gained more likes than he thought it would, including Wes, Rachel, Tina, and Cooper. Blaine didn't want to tell anyone about the two of them originally, but soon saw no harm in it. He spent his whole life wanting to be open, and that's what he would do.

"So Sam has convinced the glee club that you guys cheated," Blaine told Sebastian one Thursday as they sat sprawled across Sebastian's dorm couch. Though he lived nearby he hardly went home. Hunter was at baseball practice, leaving them ample time alone.

"You guys are still meeting?"

"Yeah, though the seniors don't have to go. I still come, you know, for old times' sake." Blaine lay on the couch, his head on Sebastian's lap as he threw a rubber baseball in the air.

"See you should have come back. To the winning team." Sebastian looked down at him and smiled. The physical contact was so foreign to him, but it wasn't a bad feeling. He enjoyed it. "And no, we didn't cheat."

"Yeah, I didn't think so." He continued to throw the ball until it hit the ceiling and rolled under the TV stand. Blaine sighed and sat up. "So are you still seeing that psychiatrist?" For most people the subject would be sore, but not with Sebastian. He held no reservations about things most people did.

"Yeah, once a week. She said I probably won't have to after the end of the month." Sebastian stretched his back. "She said they'll have all the paperwork about me in soon."

"Are you getting a diagnosis or something?" Blaine remembered his days with Dr. Minerva.

"I don't know. I'm pretty sure I'm fine."

Sebastian hated his visits to the psychiatrist. He knew what she was testing him for. It was obvious. Years of his callow, callous behavior was not a rebellious teenage phase. He enjoyed Blaine's company, loved it even, but could not love him. Sebastian liked to pretend his therapist's words were false, but he felt it each day. Only with Blaine did he feel like a real person. Hunter was easy to be around as well. He had the same careless manipulative quality that Sebastian had. But Hunter was fundamentally different. He cared too much; that's what ruined him. He cared about pleasing his father and the Warblers, he cared about what Ivory and Sebastian and the baseball team thought about him. Years of caring and not being cared for resulted in who he was as an eighteen year-old. But no amount of affection shown toward Sebastian would change his emptiness. No matter how many times Blaine told him he loved him or Hunter called him his best friend, there would never be any substance to him. Sebastian knew it, just as he had in France two years before, but chose to ignore it. A few months of ignorant bliss never hurt anyone.

_XVI_

Sam Evans wouldn't sleep until he proved that the Warblers had cheated. Something about their performance was too perfect for it to be honest. They were always good but never that good. Their singing and choreography was too skilled. Sam wouldn't stop until his team was back in the competition.

The end of his senior year was dragging him down. News of his terrible SAT scores and the idea that he would not go to college stressed him. He was desperate, just as he had been back when he had to strip to help his family. He owed it to the New Directions and to himself to find a way. Albeit, his way was probably illegal but no one would ask.

Artie helped him tamper into the security cameras around the school. He looked at the tapes from the weeks leading up to Sectionals. Something had to be off; somehow Clarington got something or someone in the school to watch them. Sam found gold on a tape from two weeks before Sectionals. There was a boy standing outside the choir room who looked eerily familiar to Sam. He didn't go to McKinley, but he knew he'd seen the boy somewhere.

The Dalton website proved most helpful. Sam clicked on the Warblers link and ran his eyes over the names. _Hunter Clarington, Nick Duval, Trent Nixon, Sebastian Smythe, Jeff Sterling…_ The boy wasn't any of the seniors or juniors. He had to be an unknown underclassman. Sam scrolled down to the last line of pictures and called out in excitement. He found him. _Peyton Johnson. _

"Blaine I found it, they cheated, and I know they did!" Sam yelled into the phone as he emailed Blaine screenshots of what he found on the security camera. Blaine opened it and saw what Sam was referring to. In several shots was no other than Peyton Johnson, a freshman Warbler and Hunter Clarington's personal servant.

"I'll go over there and talk to them," Blaine said, emotions mixed. If this was proof the Warblers really did cheat, then he didn't know what to do. It seemed wrong to rat out his friends, especially since his own group wouldn't advance. They were disqualified. But he had to do something. The Warblers and Dalton itself was no the safe haven Blaine once thought it was, the underhanded works of the 2009-2010 Warblers proved that to him. He had to teach them a lesson, show them that they couldn't get away with anything. But that also meant ruining his friends' chances at scholarships. Nick. Jeff. Jared. Trent. _Sebastian. _He couldn't believe Sebastian had lied to him.

"I was wondering when you'd come," Hunter said. He stood alone in the Commons, polishing old trophies. Blaine walked through the doors, such alien things, as he approached the captain.

"Did you cheat at Sectionals?" No point in beating around the bush. Blaine wanted answers and he wanted them now. He would talk to Sebastian later.

"How preposterous. I thought you'd be here for something else." Hunter eyed an envelope sitting on the council table. Blaine had no idea what it was.

"Just tell me. Did you cheat?" He was growing impatient.

"And let you and blondie go tell on me? I don't think so."

"So you did cheat."

"No. We did everything fairly. I just happened to know what was going on in your choir room at the time." Hunter shifted his feet to let a fluffy white cat walk between them.

"You sent a freshman to spy on us?" The Warblers were getting more ridiculous every year. Blaine almost pitied them.

"Yes. You should have checked the blazer I gave you. It held a surprise." The captain smirked as he continued to polish the Nationals trophy from ten years ago.

"You bugged us," Blaine said in realization. He was astonished. He thought this nonsense had stopped the previous year. "What happened to turning over a new leaf?"

"That was Sebastian," Hunter said, looking Blaine in the eye for the first time, "not me."

"Sebastian knew nothing of your plan," Blaine said, hoping his words were true.

"No one did, except Peyton, but he won't squeal. So are you gonna go tell on us now?" The Warbler grinned as if he knew what Blaine would do.

"No, I'm not. I'm not going to punish my friends because you're an asshole." He gritted his teeth. "You use people Hunter. You lie and you cheat and you're going nowhere in life." A certain vindication washed over Blaine. Any anger he held toward anything was leaving him. "Sebastian may think you're cool, but you're using him, too." Hunter stared at him blankly. "I know it was you that sent me the video and the Les Mis invite. You want me and him together."

"It would be advantageous to us all," Hunter sufficed with a shrug. Blaine was gonna be sick.

"I thought you liked him." Blaine smirked as he saw Hunter's resolve weaken a little. He hit a sore spot.

"I'm straight."

"You didn't answer the question."

"No, I don't 'like' Sebastian." Hunter put the trophy down. "I'm just doing what would help me the best."

"I used to think Sebastian was a dick," Blaine said slowly, walking into the room. It didn't feel like his old home. "But you're worse. I don't think he realizes half the time that he says things that hurt people. But you, you know exactly what you're doing." Blaine felt two feet taller. The power in his voice was new to him. He knew how words could affect people but hardly used them for the negative.

"I do what I have to."

"Sounds like an excuse to me." The fire in Blaine's thoughts that usually accompanied boxing gloves came out in his words. "You know I think I've figured you out."

"Try me."

"Something happened to you, you had a bad childhood, I don't know. But whatever happened to you made you think you're entitled to be a douchebag for the rest of your life." Blaine recalled one of his visits to Dr. Minerva. She told him there were two ways he could handle his trauma. He could let it weaken him, let it consume him so that it defined him, or he could move on and let it strengthen him. Hunter took the path he avoided.

"You know nothing about me, Anderson. You've had everything handed to you. Your whole life on a silver platter." He sounded insulted, hurt even.

"Then you obviously don't know me, Clarington." Blaine spat his last name. "Something happened to me, too. But I moved past it and so can you."

"Don't lecture me." Blaine shrugged.

"I won't tell, but you have to do something for me." He came with the full expectation that the Warblers had not cheated. Blaine was angry but felt triumphant. Maybe this was the "higher road" Kurt always talked about. "You stop with the using and the lying. And if you can't, then you can leave me and Sebastian alone." Blaine walked out, leaving Hunter alone.

Upon arriving to Dalton, Hunter always thought Sebastian would be his challenge, but perhaps it was Blaine. So full of fire yet so soft. He saw why his friend was attracted to him. Hunter looked across the room at the envelope, suddenly glad that Blaine didn't take it.

_XVII_

_This could very well be my last performance,_ Sebastian thought as he dressed the morning of Regionals. It was being held early this year, the day before Valentine's Day. Sebastian supposed he should come up with some holiday surprise for Blaine, but that would have to wait until after the competition. Hunter had been riding them hard lately and he had no room to think.

The competition had no theme, the first of its kind. It was also the only competition in which the Warblers would sing a song with almost no backup. Sebastian's solo song would be sung with very little accompaniment. He was nervous but ready. He straightened his blazer and got on the bus.

The bus was silent on the way, as it usually was. No one liked to talk before the competition. Hunter had been eerily silent in the days leading up to Regionals. Normally harsh and controlling, he was subdued and even gentle toward the younger members. Sebastian figured his seeing Ivory calmed him down a bit. He liked this new Hunter.

"Welcome to the 2013 Midwest Regional Championship!" called the announcer. They were lucky and pulled to sing last, much better than first. The other teams were the Hoosier Daddies and a group of nerdy Warbler-wannabes (that's what Jeff called them.) Hunter had warned them about their competition. The Hoosier Daddies were good but not disciplined, and the other group stood no chance. They would win.

Blaine came to watch but didn't ride on the bus. He took the SAT that morning, causing him to rush to see them perform. Sebastian waved at him as they took their seats. The younger members fidgeted in their seats but somehow Sebastian's nerves left him. Whenever they did come, they hardly stayed long. It was his superpower, he used to say. Being without anxiety was his strong point.

They headed backstage after the Hoosier Daddies performed. They were good and would be tough to beat. The Warblers hoped they would be as good as they were in practice.

"What's the objective?" Hunter asked forcefully, sounding like a sixth-grade teacher.

"Win!"

"And?"

"Nationals!" Sebastian stood next to Hunter as they watched their team prepare. He really was going to miss these guys. Maybe.

"From Westerville, Ohio, the Dalton Academy Warblers!" The announcer stepped off the stage as the curtain rose. Their song choices were a bit unconventional, but Hunter and Sebastian knew the crowd would take to them. They had two fast songs and a slow one.

Sebastian stepped forward to begin his solo song. It was the first time the Warblers would use a microphone as well. They were breaking all sorts of boundaries.

"_Just before our love got lost you said 'I am as constant as a northern star' and I said 'constantly in the darkness. Where's that at? If you want me, I'll be in the bar.'" _Sebastian began slowly, reminding him of his "Make You Feel My Love" performance. It was his idea to sing the song, so he had to do it well. Nothing to blame on Hunter this time. _"On the back of a cartoon coaster in the blue TV screen light I drew a map of Canada, oh Canada."_ Jared and Cory added a few _do do do's. "With your face drawn on it twice."_

Sebastian took a breath that went unnoticed by the audience. The song was high and emotional. He saw Blaine sitting alone in the audience. _"Oh you're in my blood like holy wine; you taste so bitter and so sweet. And I could drink a case of you, darling. And I would still be on my feet. Oh, I would still be on my feet." _Blaine intoxicated him, enthralled him, but he felt no inevitable change. He was scared.

"_I'm a lonely painter; I live in a box of paints. I am frightened by the devil and I'm drawn to those that ain't afraid." _Jared and Cory, with the deepest voices, started a quiet rhythm. It wasn't necessary but still sounded good. _"I remember that time you told me, you said 'love is touching souls'", _he continued, bringing both hands to the microphone stand. He relaxed his shoulders. _"Well surely you touched mine. 'Cause part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time." _Sebastian could just make out Blaine's smile in the dim lights of the auditorium.

"_Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine; you taste so bitter and so sweet. And I could drink a case of you, darling. And I would still be on my feet. Oh, I would still be on my feet." _Jared and Cory got a bit louder as the song progressed, but still quiet enough for Sebastian to be the only voice in the theater. Hunter stood beside Trent and Jeff, holding in a smile at their idea's success. The crowd loved it.

"_I met a woman, she had a mouth like yours," _Sebastian began, all backup gone. _"She knew your life, she knew your devils and your demons and she said 'go to him, stay with him if you can. But be prepared to bleed'." _No one seemed to notice he didn't change the gender. Sebastian kept his eyes on Blaine. _"Oh you're in my blood like holy wine; you taste so bitter and so sweet. And I could drink a case of you, darling. And I would still be on my feet, still be on my feet." _

The crowd erupted in applause and Sebastian took a small bow.

"Thank you," he said quietly. "We're the Dalton Academy Warblers. Hope you enjoy." His speech was unplanned, but seemed fitting. He hoped it didn't sound too self-absorbed. Sebastian returned to formation for the second, and much more upbeat, song. "Dammit" by Blink-182 would sure be a crowd pleaser.

"_It's alright to tell me what you think about me I won't try to argue or hold it against you," _Sebastian began. He was sharing the song with Hunter who would come in later. _"I know that you're leaving, you must have your reasons. The season is calling and your pictures are falling down." _The group moved fluidly, better than they had in "Whistle". The microphone was pulled off stage. _"The steps that I retrace, the sad look on your face, the timing and structure did you hear he…" _They were required to "clean up" the songs, given the pause. _"her. A day late, a buck short, I'm writing the report on losing and failing when I move I'm flailing now." _The euphoria that came with performing struck Sebastian and he suddenly didn't want to stop.

"_And it's happened once again, I'll turn to a friend. Someone who understands and sees through the master plan. But everybody's gone and I've been here far too long to face this on my own," _Hunter sang, coming to the front of the stage. _"Well I guess this is growing up."_

"_Well I guess this is growing up," _the group sang in unison.

"_And maybe I'll see you at a movie, sneak preview." _Hunter took the second verse as the choreography shifted. _"You'll show up and walk by on the arm of that guy. And I'll smile and you'll wave, we'll pretend it's okay. This charade, it won't last. When he's gone I won't' come back."_

"_And it'll happen once again, you'll turn to a friend," _Sebastian continued, joining Hunter front of the circle just as they had when Blaine first came to Dalton. _"Someone that understands and sees through the master plan. But everybody's gone and you've been here far too long to face this on your own. Well I guess this is growing up."_

Normally the song took a break for a guitar solo, but none of the Warblers were _that _talented with their mouths. (Sebastian would later point this out as innuendo.) Instead they repeated the bass line from the beginning of the song and showed off their dancing.

"_Well I guess this is growing up." _They finished in original formation in preparation for the next song. "Holiday" by Green Day was Hunter's song, with brief intervention from the group.

"_Do do do do do do dum dum dum dum dum dum dum,"_ began the Warblers- minus Hunter. Anyone over the age of eight knew the song, bringing them to their feet. They had a better reaction than the Hoosier Daddies did.

"_Say hey!"_ Hunter began, the rough notes of the baseline leading the song. The choreography for this number could only be described as wild. It took Jeff two weeks to get it perfected.

"_Hear the sound of the falling ran coming down like an Armageddon flame. The shame, the ones who died without a name," _Hunter sang, allowing his voice to reach its deeper register. _"Hear the dogs howling out a key to a hymn called 'faith and misery'." _The Warblers added various "hey!"s in their due spots. _"And bleed, the company lost the war today."_

The crowd was singing along, and never before had the boys felt so alive.

"_I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives on holiday!" _Hunter sang the chorus in the front of the stage, the rest backing him up.

"_Hear the drum pounding out of time; another protestor has crossed the line." _Behind Hunter, half the Warblers made a line, pushing those who tried to cross them back. Those pushed all leapt into backflips. _"To find the money's on the other side. Can I get another Amen?"_

"_Amen!" _The group yelled back

"_There's a flag wrapped around a score of men. A gag, a plastic bag on a monument!"_ Hunter recircled to emerge again. _"I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives on holiday!"_

"_The representative from California has the floor," _Sebastian said, rejoining the group to stand behind Hunter.

"_Sieg Heil to the president gasman, bombs away is your punishment!" _Hunter sang-spoke with passion. _"Pulverize the Eiffel Tower who criticized your government! Bang bang goes the broken glass. Kill all the –" _They once again cleaned the song. _"that don't agree! Trials by fire setting fire. It's not a way that's meant for me!"_

"_Just 'cause, just 'cause, just 'cause because we're outlaws, yeah!" _The group sang together, reaching the end of the song.

"_I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies, this is the dawning of the rest of our lives. I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies; this is the dawning of the rest of our lives," _Hunter sang. _"This is our lives on holiday!" _

The Warblers finished in their formation and the crowd went wild. They were all covered with sweat and panting, but it was worth it. There was no doubt who won.

"And in first place from Westerville- The Dalton Academy Warblers!" The announcer called, confetti falling. Hunter accepted the trophy and held it high above his head. Sebastian sighed in relief. It was over. They were one step closer.

_XIX_

The after party was surprisingly calm by Warbler standards. Only limited amounts of alcohol were smuggled in and no one had to hear Sebastian whine about how lame American parties were. He was too busy with Blaine out on the balcony.

Hunter was glad it was over. Regionals had tired him out and all he needed was a nice rest. He kept thinking about what Blaine said to him, and the more he did the angrier he became. Blaine had no right to speak to him like that when he was dating Sebastian. Sebastian, _a monster. _Hunter knew he shouldn't have opened the envelope. It was addressed to Sebastian and he could go to jail for opening it. But he did anyway.

The first papers were a bunch of medical nonsense he didn't understand, but then he got to the last part. The part he understood too well.

**Patient shows major aspects of Antisocial Personality Disorder (colloquially known as psychopathy), but lacks a violent streak. Patient shows little to no interest in the happenings around him, or in romantic relationships. Subject exhibits aspects of Machiavellian Personality Disorder. Due to the non-violent nature, therapy or containment is not necessary. Social environments are difficult for the patient.**

Hunter swallowed as he read the rest. If this followed Sebastian it could ruin him. It could keep him from jobs or other opportunities. He couldn't know. Hunter looked around, making sure he was alone. The rest of the Warblers were still down at the party getting wasted and enjoying each other's company. But that couldn't be him. Hunter had always known, some part of him resigned to the fact that he would never be like those around him. He wasn't without a soul like Sebastian, but lacked the ability to connect to other souls. But he could do something… he could do one thing. He could keep the damning diagnosis from Sebastian. He could save what was left of his friend's dignity.

"Now I come to ask myself," he said under his breath, placing the paperwork back inside the envelope and shoving it under his desk, "am I my brother's keeper?"


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Well summer is officially here, which means my days will be spent on either softball or pure boredom. I'm taking a bit of a hiatus from my seblaine supernatural AU because I have to rewatch a lot of supernatural episodes. **

**I'll try to keep it to updating once a week but no promises, as the fic is slowly coming to an end. I'm expecting there to be three chapters after this one. There may be an epilogue but I'm not sure. There will be much more seblaine in the following chapters (they're not the kind to jump into relationships…) **

**The rating won't change to M (I have no desire or skills to write smut), though elements of ASPD, depression, and non-violent sociopathy will continue.**

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 3: Hunter**

_Book 4: The Pinstripes Are All That They See_

_I_

Blaine awoke with the terrible realization that he was going to be graduating in just two months. March was coming to end; the flowers were blooming, bringing about the ever present yellow pollen. He paid no attention to the pink flowers outside his window or to the allergies that kept him from breathing properly. Because he was _graduating. _And that would be it. Blaine fantasized about the date his whole life, each scenario more ridiculous than the last. His favorite was his fourth grade dream, one in which Iron Man, Captain America, Batman, and Robin showed up at his graduation to tell him he was actually a superhero and they needed him to come right away. Cooper ruined that dream the next morning by telling him there was no way Tony Stark and Steve Rogers would ever talk to Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson because they were published by different companies. Ruined though he was, Blaine continued his dream by starting the superhero club. If only his future would actually be that bright.

From his first day of Dalton on, Blaine knew he would get into a marvelous college. He just knew; it was something ingrained in his skull from the first time he put the blazer on. There were no questions asked, no hesitations. He was going to college and would do so at the top of his class. However, time had a way of changing things and perverting them into an image he didn't wish to see. It was nearing April of his senior year and he'd done _nothing _to prepare for the next year. Sure, he'd sent in applications but didn't put his heart into any of them. He filled out the criteria accordingly but felt more like a robot than himself in doing so. The future used to be a sacred, untouched, idea, but suddenly it was nearing and he had no idea what to do.

"Sebastian?" Blaine said into the phone pushed against his face. Sebastian would know what to say.

"Hey babe, you alright?" Sebastian could hear the hesitation in his boyfriend's voice. He knew something was wrong.

"No I'm not." Blaine felt spent. "I started thinking about college and everything and I just can't handle it." He felt stupid telling Sebastian this; Sebastian who always had a clear plan of what he wanted. Born with the silver spoon in his mouth, he never had to worry about what he was going to do. He was probably laughing at him.

"Alright, take a deep breath," Sebastian said, clearly concerned. Blaine had been bringing up the future for weeks now. If he hadn't already been worried himself, Sebastian would have had a heart attack. "It's gonna be fine. Any college would be lucky to have you."

"You keep saying that, but what if it's not true?" Blaine knew he sounded like a child, but everything was being thrown at him at once. His anxiety attacks had slowly returned, and sometimes not even Sebastian knew how to help him. "What if there are a million other guys just like me. What if I'm not better than anybody else?" He was rambling now, talking more to himself than to Sebastian. When he got like this his heart would race and words would get trapped in his mind. No matter how much medication he took, the attacks never fully went away. Blaine thought of it as residual fear remaining from the Sadie Hawkins dance all those years ago.

"Despite risk of sounding cheesy, I'll say it anyway," Sebastian replied, "you are utterly unparalleled." He could almost see Blaine smile on the other line. Advice was not Sebastian's strong point; up until Blaine, he had no desire to stroke anyone's self-esteem. He usually found stress and panic pointless, but when it came to his boyfriend, any past notions left him.

"You always have a way with words," Blaine said, not meaning it as a compliment.

"I'll be there as quick as I can. Stay calm." With that the line went dead. Blaine threw his phone across the room. In a way he was insulted that Sebastian took it upon himself to make the drive to his house. But mostly, per usual, he was just glad to have company.

Sebastian learned the art of coming to Blaine's house over the last four months. If there were two cars in the driveway it was best to sneak in through the window. If there was one- the SUV- then he could knock on the door. If the little sports car was there by itself a trip to the window was once again necessary. He was already exhausted from track and Warbler practices, and was happy to see the SUV was the only car in the Anderson driveway. No climbing for him.

Mrs. Anderson liked him. No, she loved him- which he found a bit strange, considering he was the one who almost blinded her son. But then again, mothers were all a little insane. Isn't that the saying? He rang the doorbell and put on his best Perfect Boyfriend face. It was a face he'd grown used to.

"Sebastian, hi we weren't expecting you," Mrs. Anderson said excitedly when she opened the door.

"I was…around," he said. He knew it best to keep his true reason for coming veiled.

"Well he's upstairs, go ahead." He nodded and raced up the stairs, two at a time. Sebastian was fascinated by Blaine's house. It was so much smaller than his but just as majestic. Only two floors to his house's six, but wider. The Andersons had money, that much was obvious, but not to the extravagance of Sebastian's family. At first being in such a normal houses frightened him. It made him nervous to see everyday things going on. His family-if it could be called that- was hardly ever together. He and Nick avoided each other, his father was always at work, and his stepmother was usually on the phone cursing at someone. Days like that made him miss his own mother who he hadn't seen since leaving France.

"Surprise, surprise," Blaine said flatly when Sebastian pushed the door open without knocking. Blaine's bedroom was another oddity that perplexed Sebastian. It was so orderly, so neat, yet still had a distinct personality to it. Blaine was sitting on the window sill looking out into the yard. The window was slightly cracked, bringing in the spring air.

"I'm full of 'em." Sebastian sat on the bed tentatively. He had slowly learned over the years to be cautious when Blaine was angry or upset. Those instances were few but when they did happen they were intense. It was best to stay silent and wait for him to talk first.

"I'm glad you're here," Blaine said after a long silence, still looking out the window. If he were twenty years older he would have been called a pedophile. His window gave him a perfect view of the little girl next door playing in her sandbox. Sebastian could see her over Blaine's head. She couldn't be more than eight but was small enough to pass for six. The first time Sebastian met her he almost ran over her. (In his defense, was there really a need for a speed limit in a neighborhood? It's parents' job to keep their kids off the road…) She didn't cry or even seemed fazed by it. She simply waved and asked him if he was Blaine's friend.

"You sounded pretty upset on the phone. I figured I should come over." Sebastian was new to the boyfriend dance- that was no secret between the two of them. He often confused physical intimacy with emotional. If Blaine was upset he would drive to wherever he was to comfort him. He would never truly learn how to do that while separated.

"Thanks for that. I think I'm losing my mind." He left the windowsill to sit beside Sebastian on the bed.

"No you're not."

"I don't know what to do," Blaine said, ignoring him. "I know it all sounds stupid but I'm really scared of leaving here." Sebastian listened as Blaine continued on about what was plaguing him. Sebastian wished there was something he could say, something that could make him feel better. But there wasn't. No amount of reassurance would ease the frustration.

"I've got an idea to get your mind off it." Sebastian handed him an XBOX controller and turned the TV on. It was battle time.

Within ten minutes Blaine was back to his normal self. The game engrossed him; all anxiety was gone. The two played until the wee hours of the morning when they fell asleep on the floor. Mrs. Anderson didn't make him go home. Most parents would never let their child and their significant other, no matter the gender, sleep in the same room under their roof, but she didn't care. It was just nice to see Blaine smile again.

_II_

Hunter was pissed. There was no way of sugarcoating it. His blood boiled and his hands shook as we watched his sorry excuse of a team defy him. They had always been rowdy and hesitant to follow him, but never this bad. Never had they looked him in the eye and said no.

"From the top!" he yelled, hoping to get their attention. Hunter now understood the pain public school teachers went through each day. This was ridiculous. "Formation, now!" Peyton came to his side in subservience but everyone else continued amongst themselves.

"I'll help," Sebastian said from his seat. He was about the only one not causing trouble, surprisingly enough. "Everybody shut the fuck up!" He yelled, immediately silencing the crowd. Hunter mouthed a silent thank you, though angry they wouldn't listen to him.

"As Sebastian so eloquently put it, I need you all to be quiet. Nationals is coming up and all you want to do is horse around." His voice was stern in his imitation of a drill sergeant. He paced the room in front of his team, but rather than evoke fear into them, they looked rather amused. "Something funny?" He hissed, finally getting them to stop grinning.

"We just don't get why you're treating us like children," Jeff finally said after a long silence. He looked to his fellow teammates, who nodded, though Hunter knew they would rather say something else. But they couldn't risk upsetting the captain; not so close to Nationals. It was something each boy in the room wanted, and no amount of dislike for each other would stop that.

"I wouldn't have to if you would all listen." Peyton stood quietly by his side, his face blank of any emotion. Hunter had grown to like the kid over the last few months, but sometimes his unwavering loyalty could be annoying. "I came here to lead the best choir in the country, not a bunch of doo-woppers who would rather fool around than work."

"We were just fine without you," said Ryan. Despite Hunter's dislike of him, the junior was the clear winner for next year's captaincy.

"Says the boy who's never won a national championship."

"Maybe that's true," Ryan continued, stepping in front of the group, "but winning isn't everything. I've been here for three years and each year has been worse than the year before."

"At least my year wasn't the worst," Sebastian said under his breath, eyes still on that damned cell phone.

"We went from a group of guys who all liked each other and happened to be good singers to a team ruled by an army brat." He spat the last words at Hunter who was obviously offended by the statement. His whole life people had called him that. He never had a home; he moved too much, and still everyone had to hold it against him.

"See that's the problem with you people," Hunter said, attempting to steady his jaw. Army brat had been the last straw. There was no telling where he would go from here. "You would rather feel _good _about yourselves than _be _good." He felt like his father-who he had probably taken the verbatim from. "No one wants to step up and prove themselves."

"I'll prove myself," Sebastian said, holding up a hand. Hunter smiled. How like Sebastian to want to get out of any blame.

"Everyone I've ever met has told me I'm too…overbearing."

"'Cause it's true," Bart said, fiddling with something in his blazer pocket.

"Maybe I have to be that way," Hunter barked. "It's how you win wars." He was suddenly six years old again, give or take a few months. Melanie, his sister, was two and already the star of the family. Always passed around family reunions and had pictures taken of her. Hunter was all but ignored in her presence. As a six year-old it wasn't a problem. Melanie was the baby; of course she would get more attention. But nothing changed when she was no longer a baby.

"This isn't a war. It's show choir," Nick said, speaking for the first time.

"Yes it is. Every other team going to LA is fighting for this, too. Fighting for what we want." He was now twelve and his team was in the last inning of the Little League World Series. He was in South Williamsport, Pennsylvania, just a half hour from where his dad was stationed. His team, the Razors, were down by two but had one out and two men on base. Hunter was on deck and ready to go. But his parents were nowhere to be seen. Rec games and qualifiers were acceptable to miss, but not the final game of the World Series. _Hey Hunter, are you parents here? _Dusty, the pitcher's mother, asked. She was always nice to him and often drove him home after the games. He shook his head as he looked out into the stands. The boy at the plate struck out, making it two outs. Hunter left the on-deck circle and headed for the plate.

"Maybe in your mentality," said one of the boys, but Hunter wasn't listening. He was at bat, the count 2-1. He had to get on base. _He had to get on base. _The first base coach was giving him the bunt sign but he wouldn't do it. He wasn't fast enough to beat out the catcher's throw. The pitcher threw a curve, a real nasty pitch down in the zone. Hunter gripped his bat and swung with all his might, sending the ball sailing over the second baseman's head and out into right field.

"Just lay off him, guys," Sebastian intervened, putting his phone in his pocket. "I'll take it from here. Jeff, show them the new choreography we went over yesterday." Hunter rounded second base, watching as the boys in front of him scored. The game was now tied. If he could reach home the game would be over and he would be a World Series champion. The third base coach was waving him in and he could hear Dusty and the other boys cheering him on. His cleat dug into the side of the third base bag as he made his turn. Breath was coming in short gasps and dirt flew in his eyes, but he could see his destination clearly. The catcher was in his way but the ball wasn't there yet. Hunter raised his forearms to his chest and rammed into the catcher (without dropping his shoulder. If he had he would have been called out). The other boy's mask went flying as Hunter stepped on home plate. They had won.

"Thanks Sebastian," Hunter said as they wrote down ideas for setlists. "I don't know what happened back there."

"It's okay; they were being pretty harsh back there. I got your back." He smiled at him before returning to his iTunes library to look for songs. Hunter smiled back. His team was victorious and they were on TV. It was every twelve year-old's dream. But his parents weren't there. They never were. He got a ride to the restaurant with Dusty, and when his parents showed up an hour later they were in hysterics of anger. His father grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the restaurant as he lectured him. Hunter tried to tune most of it out, but the mind has a habit of remembering what its owner wishes not to. The words were the same but the situation was different. His game lasted too long, was too far away, and it ruined their plans. They had to leave Melanie's dance practice early to get him from the restaurant and how he should have called them with the cell phone he didn't have. Hunter nodded and returned to his meal. Though he didn't move the next year he never saw the Razors again. They were a one-time victory, and if it weren't for Sebastian, it seemed as if the Warblers would be the same.

_III_

"Blaine, the first thing you need to do is decide what exactly you want out of college." He rolled his eyes. Miss Pillsbury (or was it Schuester now? Their relationship confused him.) was a wonderful person but not much of a guidance counselor. He got more guidance from the little girl next door than he did from her.

"That's the problem," he sighed, "I don't know what I want." After his friends proved useless, Blaine decided to get an appointment with the counselor. It wasn't working out too well.

"Well let's start with something you're passionate about," she said in her high pitched voice. "You love performing, right?"

"Of course I do but I'm not going to school for that. I won't make it in the real world." He slumped in the chair. His usual posture left him in the days of early April. Even Sue noted a change in him.

"That's the attitude you shouldn't have. I thought you of all people would understand that." She shuffled around college papers for him.

"Why would you think that?" He asked, an odd anger entering his voice. "Because I seem oh-so-confident on stage? 'Cause that's not really me."

"Blaine are you okay?" Emma asked, putting the papers down to look at him. He was tired of people asking him that.

"No, no I'm not." He sat up in the chair and ran a hand through his hair. "I have no idea what I want, let alone who I really am. I'm just a kid but you all want me to make a man's decision." On most circumstances he would have laughed at himself for saying something so teenager-y. It was unlike him to whine and complain, but he couldn't help it. "I want to change people's lives. I want to make art and brighten the world, but I can't do that."

"Why can't you?" She sounded like his old shrink.

"Because I'm not good enough!" His hands were on the table now as he tried to steady himself. "I can go in the choir room and think I'm the best one in there, which I am," he added, "but that doesn't mean I'm the best of the real world."

"Maybe you are, maybe you aren't, but you can't think like that."

"But it's true," Blaine said. "No matter how many people tell me I'm amazing, it doesn't mean a thing. I won't be on Broadway or TV or have an album. I'm not Rachel."

"What does Rachel have to do with this?"

"Rachel," he sighed, "Rachel's someone that's one in a million. You can say whatever you want about her, but it's true. But me? No." Blaine put his hands in his pockets. "I'm a dime a dozen. You'll see me on the side of the street with a cheap guitar and a hat for donations. I'm the guy working at Starbucks who keeps telling himself his time will come. But I'm not special."

"Blaine," Emma sighed, at a loss for words, "please don't say that. Out of all the kids in Will's choir room, you're the one with the most promise, the most optimism. I can honestly say you light up a world."

"Thanks," Blaine blushed at the compliment but held his ground. "But I don't feel comfortable making a decision that will be the basis for the rest of my life. I keep asking for advice but no one has anything to say. They tell me to deal with it and pick a major. I can't do that." He paused to take a breath. Emma nodded for him to continue. "I'm an eighteen-year-old kid who's supposed to make this huge decision that will always follow me. It's like getting a tattoo or something."

"Blaine, the first thing you need to do is calm down." He nodded and sat back against the red cushion of the chair. He hadn't realized he was leaning so far forward. "If anxiety is a problem for you, as it seems to be, then you need to get help. Believe me, I would know." Blaine nodded. He had talked to his regular physician about it. The attacks he had were usually very short and occurred sporadically. They occurred more when he was under stress or depressed. No surprise they'd been a problem lately. "There's nothing wrong with asking for help when there's something wrong."

"I know," he said slowly, "I've seen a doctor about it."

"Do you know when it started or what caused it?" Emma was clearly intrigued; it was something she could help him with.

"It started when I was in eighth grade." He took a breath to calm himself, though his hands were still shaking. "I went to a Sadie Hawkins dance with a friend of mine who was also gay." Blaine spoke slowly, articulating each word. "We weren't together, but that didn't matter to the guys who jumped us."

"Blaine if you don't want to continue I understand." Emma could see the physical strain retelling the events had on him. She never would have guessed this boy, who was always so calm and collected, suffered from one of the worst disorders one could have.

"No I need to. It's been a while." The only people that knew the exact details of that night were Dr. Minerva, Sebastian, and his mother. He hadn't even told Kurt everything that happened. The only time it came up during their relationship was just before prom his sophomore year, but Kurt had no ears for his concerns. "Well we were leaving the dance, which had been great, when they saw us. They yelled my name and that was it." His composure was slowly coming back. "They beat us and it was the worst experience of my life. I truly thought I was going to die." He continued, giving Emma the same details he gave the other three who knew his story. It was hard to relive but he was glad he got it off his chest. He was glad someone at McKinley knew what he had been through.

_IV_

"So you're saying he's some kind of psychopath?" Ivory brushed her hair out of her face as she sat down. Hunter had taken to her over the last few months. He couldn't say they were dating, but it was enough to tell his father so he would stay off his back. His promise to have a girlfriend by Christmas was broken, but as far as his father knew, he had one.

"Something like that," Hunter pulled the pickles off his cheeseburger. He'd specifically asked for no pickle. How he hated fast food. "I mean it's not like he kills people or anything."

"Does it set you on edge to know you live with someone like that?" Instantly Hunter regretted telling her about the paperwork he found after Regionals.

"You make it sound like he's an animal." He squirted ketchup onto the McDonald's wrapper, some of it covering his hand. "Dammit," he hissed, brushing it off. Ivory giggled.

"I didn't mean for it to sound like that," she said sincerely.

"It's okay. And no it doesn't. He's still my friend no matter what that paper said." Hunter had successfully kept the diagnosis from his friend for almost two months. Sebastian was due for another appointment to discuss what the results meant, but Hunter kept that from him as well. He hoped the doctor's office wouldn't call.

"Don't you think you should give it to him though?"

"You do realize that could ruin his life, right?" He was agitated now, both at the quality of his cheeseburger and Ivory. "Stuff like that follows you wherever you go. I have to keep it from him."

"I think that's for him to decide, not you." Ivory always had a way of telling him off. Most of the time he found her helpful, even calming. But she didn't understand his need to protect Sebastian. "It seems to me like you're being a better friend to him than he is to you."

"I didn't ask for your opinion." He rose from his chair, threw his half-eaten food away, and left the restaurant. He was tired. He was doing the right thing; he knew that. So why did it seem so wrong when he heard Ivory explain it?

Keeping the secret from Sebastian proved to be harder than he had anticipated. Luckily Sebastian didn't ask many questions, but it was still hard for him to keep from giving it to him. His friend was so much nicer lately, much gentler and more humane. Who would he be to ruin that? Hunter knew Sebastian's newfound kindness was likely to be a product of dating Blaine, but he liked to think he had something to do with it. After all, if he hadn't sent Blaine that video who knows what their relationship may be. Blaine owed him, yet the ex-Warbler was still mad at him.

Ever since their argument before Regionals, Blaine had done his best to avoid Hunter. If he came to Dalton to be with Sebastian, the two would either go to Jeff's dorm or somewhere else in the school. Blaine did whatever he could to stay away from Hunter, and Sebastian never seemed to notice. Hunter knew in any other circumstance he would have been angry. But it didn't matter anymore. At least Sebastian was happy. Right?

_V_

As class president, the horrible task of organizing prom fell to Blaine. Of all things he needed to worry about, prom was the last on the list. (Besides maybe a Nazi resurgence, but even that was possible.) He wanted to pass the job onto someone who would know what to do (or at least care) but no one was up for it. He offered it to Tina but she yelled at him, calling him sexist for thinking she would be interested. Most schools picked their prom theme out months in advance, but like everything at McKinley, planning was scarce.

Prom season at Dalton was much easier, considering they didn't have a prom. They usually did a joint prom with Crawford, but no one took it too seriously. Now that dances between the two schools were a regular thing, prom was nothing special. Blaine wished he were back at Dalton and without the stress of prom on his shoulders.

His mother was no help. She kept suggesting themes that Blaine had never even heard of. But he could count on her to help with decorations once he figured out a theme. The next person on his list to call was Rachel. She would know what to do.

"Hey Rach, I need help." He figured there was no use in small talk for the time being. His deadline was coming up and the last thing he needed was to be stuck on the phone with Rachel for two hours.

"I always thought your hair looked better without gel, so I would listen to your boyfriend and stop using it," she answered.

"What?"

"I've been Facebook stalking you and Sebastian's comments are actually pretty funny."

"Oh, okay." He now knew what she was referring to. His mother had tagged him in a ton of pictures on Facebook, all pre-gel, and Sebastian left about a million comments saying he liked his hair better that way. "But I don't need hair advice."

"Yes you do, but go ahead. What do you need?" He could hear commotion in the background. Someone was singing while another was yelling.

"Prom ideas. I have no idea how to-"

"Just ask him, I don't think he's one to care for formalities."

"I wasn't talking about how to ask Sebastian to prom," Blaine said. He hadn't even thought of going to prom. He assumed Sebastian wouldn't want to go. Besides there were other, more entertaining, things they could spend a Saturday night doing. "I'm in charge of picking out a theme and organizing it and I have no idea what to do."

"Hmm… Let me see. You need to do something big, something memorable." Rachel was going off on one of her rants again. "It's your senior prom, so you don't want it to be lame."

"I'm pretty sure kids are more interested in the after prom activities than the dance itself," he interrupted her.

"That may be true, but you can't half-ass anything." The noise in the background was getting louder. "Have you thought of a circus theme?"

"Circus?" He asked, hoping she was joking.

"I said you needed something big. It would be a great idea."

"It would be horrible. I don't think elephants are too abundant in Ohio."

"Yeah that is a horrible idea," Rachel said, laughing. "What about a Broadway theme?"

"That would have to be greatly narrowed down," he said, his mind working quickly. _It wouldn't be that bad of an idea._ "But I think that could actually work."

"You could decorate with posters and memorabilia from shows." She was talking faster now, getting more excited. "Of course none of the memorabilia would be real, but no one would have to know that."

"It would be hard but I think I could get that done."

"And the music would be all Broadway stuff!"

"I don't think that would go over well," Blaine said, realizing the idea wasn't as good as he originally thought. "I think I need something else."

"One second," she said into the phone before yelling at whoever was making noise in the background. "Sorry about that," she said a few minutes later.

"What's going on over there?"

"Kurt and Adam want to watch Phantom but Santana wants to watch something less…musical." Blaine knew Santana had moved in with them, though he didn't understand why. The three of them had hardly been friends in high school, let alone in college. "Adam's Kurt's boyfriend, by the way," Rachel added with hesitation.

"Don't sound so awkward. It's fine." He meant it, too. When he first received word that Kurt was seeing someone else, a strange jealousy washed over him. It wasn't that he wished to be with Kurt again, but it was weird for him to think of his ex-boyfriend being intimate with someone else. He was sure that's what Kurt thought when he heard about him and Sebastian. But as time healed past wounds, Blaine became indifferent to whomever Kurt decided to be with.

"Okay, I was just making sure. You never know how people can be. Finn wasn't too happy when he heard about my new relationship." When she said Finn's name there was a slight slip in her voice. Blaine couldn't tell what it meant.

"He found out about you and Brody?" Blaine met Brody briefly when he last went to New York. He didn't get much from him, but he seemed nice enough.

"He did, but Brody and I aren't together anymore. It turned out that he was actually a prostitute…"

"You dated a gigolo?" Blaine couldn't help but laugh; the whole thing was bizarre. Of all people he knew to end up with a prostitute, it had to be Rachel.

"Yeah, it was really weird, honestly. Stepping back from the whole situation I see now that he was just doing what he had to do, but I still can't get over his lying to me." When Rachel spoke to Blaine about her relationships in the past, there was always some element of tears or hysterics, but she seemed completely calm. Maybe she was maturing after all.

"What new relationship were you talking about, then?" He was intrigued now.

"You're gonna laugh at me, but," she said slowly. Blaine could hear the smile in her voice. "I'm back together with Jesse."

"St. James?" He asked. He hadn't seen that guy since Nationals the year before; he had no idea he was in New York.

"Yeah. He found me waiting in line for my _Funny Girl _audition and everything started from there." Blaine smiled. It was always nice to hear about people who belonged together getting together. _ Kind of like me and Sebastian_.

"That's great Rach, I'm so happy for you," he said with a smile. "But I have to let you go. Planning to do…"

"Sorry I couldn't be of any help! Talk to you later, Tony," she giggled.

"See ya, Maria." He hung up, the music of Phantom still in his ears. Despite Rachel's yelling, her roommates didn't turn down the volume. It wasn't until he hung up that an idea struck him. The last song he heard was "Masquerade, paper faces on parade."

"Of course," he said to himself, an idea forming in his mind. "A masquerade ball."

_VI_

Sebastian felt like a fifteen-year-old boy asking a girl out on a date for the first time. (Not that he had done that, but for analogy's sake he assumed what it would feel like.) The Warblers and the rest of the school were enchanted with prom talk, and Sebastian didn't know what to do. Prom seemed a thing for other people, not himself. A year ago he would have laughed at himself for even thinking about going. But as the excitement carried on, Sebastian became full of ideas.

No doubt Blaine would want to go, and surprisingly Sebastian found himself wanting to go as well. The Crawford-Dalton prom wasn't exclusive as to who the students could take, or what gender they were. The prom was a week before the McKinley one. Sebastian had no desire to go to prom at Blaine's school, but knew he would have to, for Blaine was in charge of it. He found it odd to put one person in charge of prom, especially one who had no clue what he was doing.

"Nick," Sebastian whined at his stepbrother. It was spring break and he was stuck at home.

"What?" Nick asked. He was glad to stay at home for break; it gave him time to prepare for AP exams and enjoy Westerville before he left it.

"How do I ask Blaine to prom?" Sebastian was getting desperate. Prom was the next Saturday and he hadn't even brought it up yet. As usual, he wanted to do things on his own, but he feared Nick's advice was much needed.

"Just ask him. It's not that hard," he answered without turning around. Nick had hoped to find some privacy in the day room in the back of the house. He should have known living with Sebastian would never grant him privacy. "Though it seems like it, he's really not into the whole flower and charade stuff. Just ask him."

"You think that will work?" Sebastian sat across from Nick, pretending to be studying for the French test he had when he got back. Being the only kid at Dalton fluent in French helped him succeed in his plan to do nothing the entire year.

"Yeah, just casually ask. Don't make a big deal of it 'cause you'll probably just make him nervous."

"Thanks Nicky," Sebastian said excitedly, reaching across the table, "the best brother award goes to you." He ruffled his stepbrother's hair and left the room with more spring in his step.

"All I did was state the obvious," Nick sighed, looking out the door at Sebastian running down the hallway. "But I really am gonna miss him."

Nick's advice proved helpful (was there ever any doubt?) and Sebastian had a prom date. However, it didn't work out the way he expected it to. He planned meticulously for the rest of spring break on how to do it right. There would be nothing fancy- no signs or candy or pizza boxes- but he wanted to make sure to ask at the correct time. Knowing Blaine had been frustrated lately, Sebastian made sure to ask at the right time.

"Why are you stressing so much?" Hunter asked him the last day of spring break. Blaine went to Florida with his parents for the break, leaving Sebastian alone with his thoughts for an entire week. "It's just prom, dude. I asked Ivory like weeks ago."

"Really?" Sebastian knew Hunter had been hanging around the girl who played Éponine, but didn't know they were that close. "I didn't know y'all were dating."

"We're not," Hunter said roughly, as if proving a point. "She's just a friend."

"Yeah, like how me and Blaine were "friends" freshman year," Sebastian joked, elbowing his friend. "Just leave a sock if you get back first." Hunter rolled his eyes.

"How close were you two then?" Upon the first mention of Blaine of the year (he came up at least six times per Warbler practice), Nick and Jeff gave him a complete, unabridged, history of his life. That included his…closeness with Sebastian his first year. Hunter never bothered to ask Sebastian about it until then.

"Oh ya know," Sebastian said with a smirk, "pretty damn close I would say. I mean I was his first kiss and all."

"I didn't need to know that," Hunter said quickly, hoping to avoid any of Sebastian's recollections. He knew all too well what sitting through a description of one of his roommate's sexual encounters was like.

"I'll keep it PG," he laughed as he read an email from his mother. He hadn't talked to her much after leaving France, though she had tried to contact him. She was inquiring about his college choices, wondering if he would study abroad. Inspired by Blaine's worrying, Sebastian spent his days searching for the college for him. "Hey Hunt," he said later, "any idea where you're going to school?"

"I'm going into the military," he said, "though I might go to WestPoint before." Sebastian nodded; he knew the answer before he asked. Hunter's future had been planned for him before he was even born. There was no doubt he would follow in his father's footsteps. Sebastian, however, was on a longer leash. His dad stayed quiet in such matters, as he had been for the last few years. Sebastian sensed tension between his father and stepmother but never intervened. It wasn't any of his business, thus he stayed out of it. His mother just wanted him to be happy-or so she said. In all honesty, Sebastian had no idea what he wanted to do. He had a few ideas but nothing set in stone. Nothing was ever set in stone with him.

"Oh yeah. Maybe I'll join you," he joked as he changed to go to sleep. Most days he fell asleep in his uniform and panicked the next morning when it wasn't ironed. But he had to look his best to see Blaine tomorrow.

_VII_

"It's a great idea, Sam. You're just too thick to agree," Marley said as she walked beside Sam, Blaine, and Tina. Blaine had told them about his plan for prom, and was surprised when people found it silly.

"Well you're not that thick," Blaine said, hoping to make Sam feel better. As the year slowly came to an end it seemed like everyone had to point out that there was a huge chance Sam wasn't going to college. "But it is a great idea. Who doesn't love a masquerade ball?"

"I'm just sad I won't be able to see it," Marley said, "considering I'm only a sophomore."

"You can go if an upperclassman asks you," Tina added.

"But Jake's a sophomore, too. Just take lots of pictures," she smiled and headed off to her next class.

"I don't think Brittany even knows what a masquerade is," Sam sighed, "and I'm not too keen on explaining it. Again."

"Just tell her to wear a mask. Stop worrying about it," Blaine said. Prom was in less than two weeks and everyone was fretting over it. Blaine wished they would just breathe; it was driving him crazy. "Who are you going with, Tina?"

"I was figuring we could go as friends," she said hopefully. Her crush on him hadn't quite dissipated yet.

"I'm sorry but you know I'm going with Sebastian," he said without thought. _Shit. I haven't even asked him yet. _"That reminds me of something I gotta do." He turned to exit the school. Being a senior, he had no last period and was free to leave. He wanted to change out of his Cheerio uniform.

"I can think of something you can do, but I don't think your friends wanna see it. Unless they're into that." Sebastian stood behind Blaine, smiling. He was wearing his school uniform, making Blaine know he skipped the last two classes to come to McKinley.

"Hey," he said, still surprised he was there. Sebastian had made a firm promise to never step in a public school again. He also swore he would never have a boyfriend, and everyone saw how that turned out. "What are you doing here?" He left Sam and Tina standing confused in the hall.

"I had to ask you something."

"I have to ask you something, too."

"You go first."

"No you."

"Together?" Blaine nodded. "1,2,3!"

"Will you go to prom with me?" They asked simultaneously, each trying to speak over the other. Sam looked on, confused, while Tina headed to her car. Watching Blaine and his boyfriend was not a pastime high on her list. "Yes!" They said again in unison.

"Which one?" Blaine asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"I was asking about the Dalton-Crawford one."

"And I asked about the McKinley one." They stared at each other before Blaine added, "Let's do both. It'll be fun!"

"Sounds great," Sebastian said, smile covering his face. He silently thanked Nick for the advice. Nothing fancy needed to happen to see a smile on Blaine's face. He threw an arm around his shoulders as they walked out of the school. "Nice uniform, by the way. It really shows off your…assets," Sebastian said with a grin. Blaine rolled his eyes.

"Where's your car?" He asked, looking around the parking lot.

"I took the bus. I figured it would be weird for us to go somewhere with two cars."

"You took the bus?" Blaine asked incredulously. "I didn't pine you for one to use commoner's travel."

"I'm not _that_ petty," Sebastian defended, getting into the passenger seat of Blaine's car. "It smelled horrible and there are too many homeless people for the good of society, but I lived through it."

"I feel flattered," Blaine said as he pulled out of the school, "I'm worth public transit."

"There's not much you're not worth," Sebastian said, looking out the window. Blaine smiled; Sebastian was never one for "cheesy" comments (as he called them), and when he did say one, Blaine didn't know how to respond.

_VIII_

Hunter's popularity with the Warblers plummeted when he called for a mandatory practice the day of prom. He didn't get why they were so angry; it wouldn't take long for them to get ready. It's not like they had hair and makeup appointments. He was glad his time in high school was coming to an end because he didn't think he could handle it anymore. He was ready to move on to more mature environments. He was ready to be an adult; so eager to grow up. His mother used to tell him he was a man in a boy's body, but he never believed it. Hunter never felt like a man-a man would never feel like he did. A man would never have the thoughts he had when he lay in bed at night. He was still a child.

"I don't see how this practice is going to help anyone," whined DeAndre upon arrival.

"You can't even go to prom this year. Quit your whining," Hunter said sternly. The boy held promise at auditions, but that promise faded over the year. He was more of a burden than an asset. "Today's practice will be shorter but that doesn't mean it will be easier."

They spent most of practice going over choreography Jeff had come up with over the last few weeks. Hunter already had a setlist in mind but wanted to run it over with Sebastian before telling the team. Nationals were the last week of May, giving them over a month to prepare. It was ample time but Hunter was still stressing.

He was a perfectionist at heart, even if he wouldn't admit it. When he was called to the guidance counselor's office to discuss class rank, he all but had a heart attack when he discovered he wasn't in the top five of the class. Granted, he was number six, but number six was the fifth loser. There was no way he could break into the top five unless he got 100s on all his final exams. He supposed he would just have to deal with failure.

"Failure is not an option," he said to the Warblers as they went over the choreography again. Sebastian already taught it to him, giving him time to yell at the team. They may not have liked him, but they definitely listened. "We will win at Nationals and there is no excuse if we do not." Hunter liked this, this position of power. He was always at a loss in his personal life, so a few hours a day of being a king strengthened him. "They won't know what hit them."

As soon as he called practice over, the boys rushed from the Commons and to their dorms to shower. Hunter rolled his eyes as roommates raced each other to see who would get the bathroom first. He and Sebastian walked to their dorm silently and in peace. When he first came to Dalton he was pissed about rooming with the old captain, but after time passed he realized how lucky he really was. Sebastian was eerily laid back. The only discrepancy that came between them was the few times Sebastian forgot to tell him that Blaine was over. Hunter wasn't sure where his relationship with Blaine stood- if they even had a relationship. He wasn't worried about it. As long as Sebastian was happy all was well.

He took the first shower, giving him time to put Ivory's address in his GPS. Crawford was a boarding school like Dalton, and she boarded. But because it was Saturday she was home. He had no idea how he would explain to her father that he was, indeed, not her boyfriend.

Prom was fifty dollars a couple, and Hunter was glad when Ivory offered to pay half. His part-time job at Starbucks didn't give him that much extra money after paying for gas and doctor appointments. Being one of the few students he knew that didn't live anywhere near Ohio intimidated him at times. He was forced to act more like an adult than most the other boys. It was his job to get to doctors and dentists and get his car checked when the engine died. In some ways he liked it; it prepared him for the real world. But in others he disliked it. Though he was eighteen, technically an adult, he still wanted to feel like a kid for a little while longer. Perhaps that's why Ivory intrigued him so.

He left twenty minutes earlier than he had to, leaving Sebastian alone in the dorm contemplating which suit he would wear. Hunter wasn't sure how their closet was large enough to accommodate Sebastian's vast wardrobe. Ivory lived in a medium-sized suburban home just outside of Westerville. It was about the size of his own back in Colorado. A monogrammed "R" flag flew in the yard, giving the house a domestic feel. He liked it already.

He rang the doorbell twice before anyone realized he was there. He peaked through the window to see four small children chasing each other, each dressed as a different character. The Flash was chasing Captain Jack Sparrow who had Minnie Mouse on a leash around the wrist, while Rapunzel hid in a corner. Hunter couldn't help but smile. They were all so cute, so full of life.

"I'm sorry, they get so loud sometimes," Mrs. Rosetti said as she let him in the door. "You must be Hunter." She was smiling the traditional Happy Mother smile, but it didn't annoy him like he thought it would. Her smile was genuine, unlike most he'd seen lately.

"That's me," he said, feeling awkward. The house was large inside with three floors. Ivory's father sat at the kitchen table and rose to shake Hunter's hand.

"She's still upstairs getting ready. You can have something to eat if you'd like." Hunter thanked him and ate the meatloaf set out on the table. He couldn't remember the last time his mother cooked for the family. While he waited for Ivory to finish, jealousy rose within him. Everything about the Rosetti's was so sincere it set him on edge. They asked him questions and truly seemed interested.

"So you're on the show choir at Dalton?" Mrs. Rosetti (who asked to be called Sherri, though Hunter thought that was crossing a line) asked.

"The Warblers," he said. "Yeah, I am. The captain, actually." He figured there was no harm in praising himself.

"I hear you guys are heading to Nationals," Ivory's father said. "You haven't been there in a while, have you?"

"This is my first year at Dalton, but no they haven't been since 2010."

"Well they're going this year," came a voice from the stairs. Hunter turned to see Ivory descend the white staircase. He always found her attractive, but any comparison he ever made between her and someone else was forgotten when he saw her in her teal blue dress. The color perfectly contrasted with her light red hair, and Hunter was immediately distracted. "I see they gave you meatloaf," she said when she reached the table. "Really Mom?"

"No, it's good," he said, unaware he was gawking at her. "Great actually."

"Come on big guy, let's go." Ivory rolled her eyes before pulling Hunter out of the house. "I don't want to pose for pictures," she told him as he opened the car door for her.

"That's fine," he said, sure the sight of her would be forever ingrained in his memory.

_IX_

Sebastian and Blaine were much less formal in meeting each other before prom. Maybe it was Blaine's nervousness about going to a dance, but Sebastian was sure it was both their wanting to avoid pictures. He wore a red tie while Blaine wore a blue tie- Dalton colors. It wasn't on purpose, but worked brilliantly.

"How long do you think it's going to be before Jeff spikes the punch?" Sebastian asked as they drove. The prom was to be held at a dining hall close to Dalton. The headmasters of both Dalton and Crawford decided holding the dance at one of the schools would not be a good idea. Sebastian had to agree with them. Too many people would be fighting over who got to fuck in the dorms. Luckily for them, he booked a hotel room under his father's name for the night. No one would notice a few hundred dollars missing from the account.

"I'm sure he's already spiked it," Blaine answered as he looked down at this phone. Several of the Warblers were texting him asking if he and Sebastian were meeting them for pictures. "And now they want us to meet for pictures," he sighed.

"Let's do it." Sebastian turned the car sharply, causing the tires to screech against the asphalt.

"Really?"

"It's the only prom I've been to and I want pictures." Blaine shrugged. He was sure Sebastian would be adamantly against pictures in a flower garden, but then again life was full of surprises.

They were only a half-hour late to the scheduled picture time, and both were glad for that. Dalton as an institution had no problem with gay relationships, but they weren't sure how parents taking pictures would act. Normally Blaine and Sebastian would have no qualms about being open with their relationship in public, but they didn't want to cause any problems the night of prom.

"There they are," Nick said when they pulled in. He grabbed both their jacket arms and pulled them into a picture with him and his date. Trent took most of the pictures with his mom's professional camera. Blaine liked the scenery better than the dinosaur photo booth at last year's prom. They took one last picture with Blaine standing on his toes and kissing Sebastian's cheek. Everyone "awww'd" when Trent took the shot, causing Sebastian to give them the finger.

The Dalton-Crawford prom resembled an ancient European ball more than a high school prom. Blaine didn't attend in his years at Dalton, and was just as surprised as the juniors were just now able to attend. It was majestic- no other adjective could do it justice. Even Sebastian seemed awed at it, and that was a tall order.

The events of the night felt _right _to Blaine. He knew where he belonged- in the company of his friends and in Sebastian's arms. He was surprised to see they even provided food. Usually proms had only hors d'œuvres and a cake- not that he was complaining. There wasn't a stated theme, but with the amount of white and red it appeared to be a fire and ice theme.

When the music turned to a rap song he didn't know, Blaine pulled Sebastian to one of the red tables. They were placed in a circular formation around the dance floor, with the photo booth in the back. The night was still young but Blaine felt himself getting tired. Usually he could last all night, but the stress of everything was taking its toll on him.

"Why don't we sit over there?" Sebastian asked, pointing to one of the white tables where cake was being handed out.

"I'm gonna stay here. You can go over there if you want." Sebastian nodded and left to get them cake. Blaine knew he really wanted to sit over there because Hunter was there, but he didn't want any stress for the night. Jeff and his date ate with Blaine until Sebastian came back.

The final dance was soon called and everyone came to the dance floor. The song was some old, rather morbid, song probably dating from the year Dalton opened. Blaine was ready for the after-prom activities, like most of the teenagers. He knew Sebastian booked them a room at a hotel in downtown Westerville. Given the price, Blaine assumed they would be the only ones from the prom at that hotel. Even though most of Dalton's students were from wealthy families, only a few could reach the wealth Sebastian's family had. Sebastian's wealth never affected Blaine like it would have another person. One of Nick's ex-girlfriends told Blaine she always felt awkward going out with Nick because of his money, but Blaine never felt that way in his relationship with Sebastian. Money never came up, and when it did, neither made a big deal of it.

From the look in Sebastian's eyes when they reached the hotel, Blaine knew he was in for a good night. The hotel was huge; a good fifteen stories, and looked like something out of a travel guide. They checked in and the receptionist gave them a knowing wink.

"Enjoy the night," she said as Sebastian swiped his credit card, "we won't put anyone in the room next to you." Blaine blushed and hurried into the elevator.

"I can't believe she said that," he said, embarrassed.

"It's kind of obvious, I mean you won't stop staring at me," Sebastian replied, looking him up and down. Blaine knew that look all too well- the hungry look in Sebastian's eye always set him off. If anyone was put in the room next to them they would be in for a loud night.

Not two seconds after he put the key in the door was Sebastian pulling Blaine into the room. It was huge with a king-sized bed, balcony view, and a Jacuzzi bathtub.

"I want you," Sebastian breathed in his ear, the temperature in the room rising. Blaine pulled at his suit jacket, anything to get it off. Sebastian knocked his hand away and pulled it off in one motion. "I swear to God you drive me crazy," he panted as he began pulling at Blaine's shirt. Blaine could feel the familiar pain of arousal in his groin and knew if they didn't reach the bed soon he would go crazy as well.

"Shut up," Blaine hissed, kissing him on the mouth. He couldn't concentrate with Sebastian talking. Mouths still connected, he pushed Sebastian's jacket off his shoulders and unbuttoned his shirt, leaving him in only his tie and too tight pants. Blaine grabbed him by the tie and pulled him onto the bed. The sheets were warm and the pillows soft. He didn't want to leave.

"These have got to come off." Sebastian fumbled with Blaine's belt, his voice gravelly and composure gone. Blaine said nothing; he directed his attention to his boyfriend's face and how it changed with arousal. A thin line of sweat covered his brow and his eyes were becoming less green with each passing moment. When he attached Sebastian attached his mouth to his neck, Blaine couldn't help but think about the prom's theme. He knew then that the Robert Frost poem was wrong. There was no two ways in which the world would end. It would not end in ice or fire; it would end by one who had the ability to be hot as ice and cold as fire.

_X_

Hunter wasn't as lucky in his after prom affairs, though that was mostly his own fault. Ivory suggested they go back to his dorm or get a room, but he blew her off. He knew he should have felt bad in doing so, but as the night progressed he became annoyed with her. She kept wanting to talk to him, to ask him about college and the Warblers and the military when all he wanted to do was forget how to think.

He went to church early the next morning, hoping to evade Sebastian's post-sex arrogance. St. Mary's in downtown Westerville was the second largest church in the diocese and the biggest he had ever been to. It supported a kindergarten through eighth grade school, and the lectors and altar servers were all students. Hunter could sense some tension between those of different generations, but he knew they were all a family- or at least they gave off the air of being one. The priest talking about being true to oneself in one's image for his homily, but Hunter's thoughts were elsewhere. He couldn't help but think how badly he treated Ivory the night before. He wanted to come across as warm and affectionate, as he often felt, but always appeared cold to those around him. He knew that was why Sebastian was his only friend, but even in knowing he still hurt.

There was a baseball game the next day, the last of the regular season. Most of the boys couldn't wait for playoffs, but Hunter wanted them to come slowly. He wasn't ready for his last year to end. The game was right after school at Dalton, and the whole school would be there. Or so that's what the coach said. The football team didn't win the state championship, and he'd be damned if the baseball team didn't as well.

Though he wasn't the captain the team looked up to him for guidance. Most of them were freshmen and sophomores, which was good. They'd only lost two games the whole season, and with the team being a young one, the future years held promise. Hunter was one of two seniors (the other was more or less of a benchwarmer). He liked to think the baseball team worked together better than the Warblers did, but he knew they lacked the familial relationship the Warblers had. Though he would never be a part of that relationship, it pleased Hunter to see his team work together so well.

Anyone looking on at the team would think they were all one unit-that was the glory of the uniforms- but that was all they saw. An onlooker would never learn the complexities of each boy, and what set them apart from the person next to him. Hunter wasn't let into their group, into their essence, but he could read them from afar. He held no regrets about the way he'd led the Warblers over the year, but he did regret being distant. No matter how hard he tried to project what he was feeling, he still came across as cold. That's why Sebastian intrigued him so- Sebastian wore everything on his sleeve. Any aspect of him was open for the world to see. And that's why giving him the diagnosis would be detrimental. Hunter could see how his friend was warming to him (and to Blaine) as the months passed, but he also knew how emotions were fickle. One simple paragraph could change everything about his best friend, a person he adored, and he couldn't let that happen.

The game was an easy win, almost too easy for anyone's comfort. The majority of the school did attend, which added to the elation of a win. Ivory and Sebastian both came, and oddly enough they were sitting next to each other. Ivory made her dislike of Sebastian clear to Hunter, making him confused as to why they were engaged in conversation. It was strange to see two parts of his life meeting each other- his darkness and selfishness embodied in Sebastian and his hope in Ivory.

He headed into the locker room to change and shower. While showering, a thought struck him. His mother always told him to associate with people that would bring him up, change him into a better person. He believed this as a child, but as he grew it became clear no one person would ever have a profound effect on him. He didn't know how to be around people, let alone have them change him. But Hunter knew the two people who came to see him play changed him in ways he hadn't anticipated. His feelings toward them were mixed, but one thing was clear. If he hadn't met them, he would still be the depressed and self-righteous fool he'd been on his first day of Dalton.

In leading the Warblers, he noticed how they changed as well. When Peyton was with his boys his own age he was loud and outgoing, but as soon as he was around Hunter or any of the other seniors, he was quiet and subservient. Nick and Jeff were always the best in each other's company. The most noticeable change, however, was in Sebastian. Hunter never understood what drew him to Blaine in the first place, but once he did he became warmer and with more substance. Yet Hunter could still tell there was something off about them. They found each other when they were both at a loss- Sebastian for feeling and Blaine for company. They held onto the closest thing they could find, but they weren't in love. At least that's what Hunter kept telling himself.

_XI_

"_Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!" _rang throughout the McKinley gym when prom opened. Blaine was proud of himself; everything looked great.

"This is actually a lot cooler than I thought it would be," Sebastian said, a red-orange mask over his eyes. "To be honest I thought it would be totally lame."

"Your confidence in me is reassuring," Blaine said as he looked around. The last-minute prom committee had outdone themselves.

"_Masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you!" _His mask was poorly put together. Tina bedazzled his Nightbird mask (a horrible atrocity.) He was glad the gym looked great, but he was still nervous. He was nervous about everything running smoothly, but more so about bringing Sebastian. Sam and Tina promised to be nice, but there was no promise anyone else would. The New Directions could forgive each other every other week, but they still couldn't let go of what Sebastian did over a year ago.

"You told me to be honest." Sebastian shrugged and looked around. "It really does look great. Much more festive than last week's"

"_Masquerade! Every face a different shade!" _Blaine felt eyes on them as they walked hand-in-hand to find Sam and the rest of Blaine's friends. Instead of feeling small or ridiculed, the attention made him stand a little taller.

"Welcome to the 2013 McKinley High prom," Principal Figgins said as he stood in front of everyone, "As you can see it's a masquerade ball. Since most of you have masks I have no idea who you are." Blaine always liked Figgins, and hearing his announcements in his heavy accent amused him. "But if you are over twenty-one, please leave." Sue pushed a few people out of the door. "I'd like to thank Mr. Blaine Anderson for organizing this year's prom. It's much better than the dinosaur theme." Everyone applauded and laughed. Brittany's theme really was horrible.

"Dinosaur?" Sebastian asked.

"I will be standing by the punch to make sure you idiots don't spike it!" called Sue from the back of the room.

"Well on that note," Figgins said, "here's the first dance!" He stepped off the stage and the DJ began the first song.

"May I have this dance?" Blaine asked, smiling and holding his hand out to Sebastian.

"Did you have to ask?"

Blaine felt exhilarated throughout the entire night. Maybe it was the masks, but everything seemed so mysterious, so wild. Any stress about the planning of the night was gone. The New Directions were supposed to perform a few songs, and in thanks for organizing it, they covered for Blaine. He was thankful; he'd much rather be with Sebastian the whole night than on stage. He was surprised with Sebastian's attitude through the night. He only made a few "public school" remarks and threw an insult only when one was directed toward him.

"Do they do prom king and queen stuff here?" Sebastian asked. They didn't have that tradition at Dalton.

"Yeah. It's a bunch of jocks and cheerleaders nominated this year," Blaine answered. "I always thought it was weird that people voted for glee club members when the whole school hates us."

"I do see why they hate you guys," he said, gesturing to the few on stage, "they can be pretty whiny at times."

"I know," Blaine agreed, "I'm pretty sure half of them think they're entitled to something just because their lives suck." Sebastian chuckled and pulled him back onto the dance floor.

The king and queen were two people Blaine didn't even know, but that didn't matter because he had eyes only for Sebastian.

As always, the after-prom was better than the actual dance. Blaine's parents went out of town (how convenient), leaving the two to a house alone. Blaine thought it odd that his mother would accompany his father on the business trip, especially the weekend of prom. He didn't question when she told him they would be out of town. It meant more time alone with Sebastian.

On the refrigerator was a note from his mom saying "If you guys come back here after the dance just don't break anything. Or wake the neighbors. Please change the laundry!- Love, Mom." He laughed and threw it away. His mom always did understand him.

Though his bed was half the size of the one in the fancy hotel room, he was more comfortable in his own room, surrounded by familiarity. It scared him to think that everything would be changing in just a few months' time. Everything he was used to would vanish. When he fell asleep with Sebastian's arms around him, all worries ceased. He had something to hold onto for the time being.

_XII_

April turned to May with pollen and humidity abundant, as well as more stress. Sebastian did his best to stay calm in the weeks of hysteria, but when several letters marked with his name came in the mail, the fear of uncertainty filled him. It was a motto of his to never fret, to accept things as they came. But he was irrationally scared of being wrong; he was scared of not being the best.

Nick's letters of acceptance came the week before and the house was elated. Sebastian hoped not to fail them. He knew it was stupid to think he wouldn't get in, especially with his grades, but he had a premonition that something would fall short in his life. He would lose on something he thought he had won on. He carried the letters into the kitchen and sat down at the mahogany table. This was it, the crossroad moment in life. And he was handling it all by himself.

He opened the smallest envelope first, the one he was sure to get into. He only applied at his father's request. He scanned the letter with a blank expression and nodded when his desired results came true. He'd been accepted into Ohio University. He set it aside before heading to the other three.

The next one he opened was from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, one of the best public universities in the nation. He wasn't sure how he felt about the school yet, but decided to apply anyway. Reading the letter brought another smile of congratulations. Sebastian was accepted as a Tarheel. The third, University of California at Los Angeles, was also a victory. The last one, however, was what Sebastian was worried about. He prepared himself to be disappointed. He'd applied into the most competitive field in one of the world's most prestigious colleges. He took a deep breath and ripped the envelope open.

**15 May 2013**

**Dear Mr. Smythe,**

**I am pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the King's College. Congratulations.**

_Oh my god. _He read the rest of the letter with a shaking hand. He'd done it. He'd made the law branch of King's College, one of the best colleges he could attend. He originally applied at his mother's request (she wanted him to go to Université de Paris, but he had no desire to), but upon researching the school he became interested in it. The fact he would be moving to London didn't faze him.

He thought about calling his father but he was at work, and it was two in the morning in France, too late to call his mother. He picked up the phone and called the one person he would want to know before the rest.

"Hey Blaine," he said when the other boy picked up the phone. He heard commotion in the background. He was probably at the mall. "Do you have time to talk?"

"Yeah, one second." The noise sounded farther away as Blaine distanced himself. "What's up?"

"I got my college letters," he said, the importance of everything dawning on him.

"So? What's the news?" Blaine asked excitedly.

"I got in. To everywhere."

"That's great! Where all did you apply?"

"U of O, UNC, UCLA," Sebastian said, stacking the letters, "and King's College." There was a silence on the other line. He hadn't told Blaine about applying to King's College on purpose. He didn't want him to worry.

"So where are you gonna go?" Blaine asked. The excitement in his voice was gone.

"I don't know yet, but I thought you should be the first to know. Did you get any in the mail yet?"

"No but the applications said I should get them soon." Sebastian knew college was a sore subject for his boyfriend, and cursed himself for bringing it up. He'd been so enthralled in his own success that he forgot not everyone would have the same fortune he had.

"Don't worry about it. You'll be fine," he tried to reassure him. He was actually pretty frustrated at Blaine for waiting so late to apply, but kept it to himself. After years of experience he realized voicing his opinion would be pretty tactless.

"Yeah, I'll be good. I've gotta go I'll talk to you later." Blaine hung up without giving Sebastian a chance to say goodbye. _Dammit what'd I do? _He threw the phone down and went to his room, leaving the college letters on the table. If he couldn't go two seconds without pissing someone off, was all the success really worth it?

He fell asleep with a pulsing temple and without changing his clothes.

_XIII_

"Welcome to the 2013 National Show Choir championship!" rang repeatedly over the intercom as the Warblers exited the hotel's shuttle. Endless amounts of people piled into the building. The Shrine Auditorium was one of Los Angeles's oldest theaters, perfect for hosting a show choir competition. Hunter and Sebastian stood behind the rest of the team, looking up at the massive theater. They were both hit with the realization that _this is it. _They would never perform again.

"Are you ready?" Sebastian asked, eyes still on the building. The Warblers were far ahead of them now, but they would catch up.

"As I'll ever be," Hunter sighed. He was trying to calm his nerves.

"I do wanna say one thing before we go in," Sebastian said, turning to his friend, "there's no one I'd rather win this trophy with."

"Not even Blaine?"

"I love him, but you're like my brother," Sebastian said slowly, "and I don't know what I would do without you." He held out his hand for him to shake but Hunter rolled his eyes.

"Come here," he pulled Sebastian into a hug and thanked God for finally giving him someone. "Now let's go kick some ass."

They were the thirty-seventh team to perform, giving them ample time to let the nerves out. They would be performing three songs- one group number, one sung by Hunter, and one (mostly) sung by Sebastian. They were all surprised when Hunter mentioned a group number; he was usually one to say songs sounded better when sung by just one person.

Sebastian recognized some of the teams from his last trip to Nationals. Vocal Adrenaline performed two slots before them, and the South Carolina school that placed second the year the Warblers won performed just before them. It was as if the organizers purposefully placed the three schools in order.

"Who do you think is our biggest competition?" Ryan asked. He'd been asking the seniors many questions, clearly preparing for leading the team the next year.

"Carmel of course," Hunter said, "but St. James isn't coaching them anymore. I'm not sure if they'll be as good. I would look out for the school from Wyoming as well."

"And the South Carolina one," Sebastian added, "the Palmetto Leaves or something."

"That's the stupidest name," laughed Jared. He was calm as ever.

"I heard they get really passionate about state trees down there," Hunter said, reading over the program. He recognized a few names of the schools who had won in recent years. He'd watched their videos nonstop over the last few weeks. They would be okay. "Well we should probably get backstage," he said when Vocal Adrenaline took the stage. He wanted to watch them, but they were told to be backstage two performances before they were due.

"One sec," Sebastian said, pulling out his phone. He wanted Blaine to come, but his finals were that week and a plane ticket to Los Angeles was expensive. "Hey Blaine we're about to go on," he said quickly, following Hunter down the stairs. "I wish you were here," he said into the answering machine. "I love you and I'll call you when we win." He hung up and followed his team to their dressing room. Leaving a message shouldn't have angered him as much as it did.

"Are you the Warblers?" A man with a clipboard asked. Hunter nodded and the man showed them to a room to wait. The Palmetto Leaves were desperately trying to get the girls' hair sprayed in the correct position. Sebastian loved uniforms.

"I just realized when we pulled in," Hunter said to his team, "that this is the last time I'll have the pleasure to stand on stage with all of you."

"Don't start getting all sentimental now," Trent joked.

"I know this year has been a bit rough and I apologize if I was ever too hard on you guys."

"You're apologizing for every practice then," Jared said with a laugh.

"Basically." Hunter straightened his blazer for the fifth time. "I know I may have been too harsh, but hopefully it will pay off. You know, I've never been one to have many friends, and I like to think that you guys are my friends."

"We're family," Nick said with a smile, gesturing for them to circle up. Sebastian was still fiddling with his phone. "Who wants to call it?" The red light above the door was flashing for them to leave.

"1, 2, 3," Peyton yelled.

"VICTORY!" They all yelled, hands flying in the air. Hunter beamed and looked across the circle at Sebastian who was smiling as well. They would get this done.

"I would like to welcome to the stage the winner of the 2010 National Championship, from Westerville, Ohio, the Dalton Academy Warblers!" The announcer called as the red curtain rose. Hunter looked out into the vast audience and took a deep breath. It was his time to shine.

"_Lately I've been, I've been losing sleep dreaming about the things that we could be." _Sebastian began OneRepublic's "Counting Stars". Hunter chose the song hoping to excite the audience with a newer song. _"But baby I've been, I've been praying hard. Sitting, no more counting dollars, we'll be counting stars. Yeah we'll be counting stars."_ He stepped in front of the formation as the rest started the backup. He wove his way through the team.

"_I see this life like a swinging vine," _Nick began, coming to the front of the stage. _"Swing my heart across the line. And my face is flashing signs, seek it out and you shall find._

"_Old, but I'm not that old. Young, but I'm not that bold," _Jeff sang, coming to stand beside Nick.

"_And I don't think the world is sold. I'm just doing what we're told," _sang Hunter.

"_I feel something so right doing the wrong thing," _Nick and Jeff sang together, "_I feel something so wrong doing the right thing." _The choreography was solid and all the boys had smiles on their faces. _"I could lie, I could lie, I could lie."_

"_Everything that kills me makes me feel alive," _Sebastian sang from the back of the stage.

"_Lately I've been, I've been losing sleep dreaming about the things that we could be," _continued Ryan- the only non-senior to sing.

"_But baby I've been, I've been praying hard. Sitting, no more counting dollars, we'll be counting stars." _Hunter moved to the front, the boys behind him in a line.

"_Lately I've been, I've been losing sleep dreaming about the things that we could be," _Jeff sang while he danced. Hunter made sure he was in the front, being their strongest dancer.

"_But baby I've been, I've been praying hard. Sitting no more counting dollars, we'll be, we'll be counting stars," _finished Ryan.

"_I feel the love and I feel it burn down this river, every turn. Hope is a four-letter word. Make that money, watch it burn," _Hunter sang.

"_Oh, but I'm not that old," _Nick sang as he circled to the front and Hunter took his spot, _"young, but I'm not that bold. And I don't think the world is sold, I'm just doing what we're told."_

"_I feel something so wrong doing the right thing. I could lie, could lie, could lie," _Sebastian and Hunter sang together, their voices a perfect harmony.

"_Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly," _Sebastian finished, his voice deeper than usual.

"_Lately I've been, I've been losing sleep dreaming about the things that we could be. But baby I've been, I've been praying hard. Sitting, no more counting dollars we'll be counting stars."_ Ryan replaced Sebastian in front.

"_Lately I've been, I've been losing sleep dreaming about the things that we could be," _Nick and Jeff sang in unison, smiling at each other.

"_But baby I've been, I've been praying hard. Sitting, no more counting dollars we'll be, we'll be counting stars," _continued Sebastian and Hunter. The repeating bridge was sung by Hunter, Ryan, Nick, and Jeff respectfully.

"_Take that money, watch it burn. Sing in the river the lessons are learnt."_

"_Take that money, watch it burn. Sing in the river the lessons are learnt."_

"_Take that money, watch it burn. Sing in the river the lessons are learnt."_

"_Take that money, watch it burn. Sing in the river the lessons are learnt."_

"_Everything that kills me makes me feel alive," _sang Sebastian.

"_Lately I've been, I've been losing sleep dreaming about the things that we could be," _Sebastian and Hunter sang, returning to the formation. _"But baby I've been, I've been praying hard. Sitting, no more counting dollars, we'll be counting stars."_

"_Lately I've been, I've been losing sleep dreaming about the things that we could be. But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard. Siting, no more counting dollars, we'll be counting stars." _Nick and Jeff finished the last chorus as they returned.

"_Take that money, watch it burn. Sing in the river the lessons are learnt," _sang Jeff.

"_Take that money, watch it burn. Sing in the river the lessons are learnt,"_ Nick continued.

"_Take that money, watch it burn. Sing in the river the lessons are learnt." _Hunter returned to the middle of the group when he finished his last line.

"_Take that money, watch it burn. Sing in the river the lessons are learnt." _Sebastian finished with his head held high and smiling to the crowd.

The next song was "Therapy" by All Time Low- one of Hunter's favorite songs. He spent most of his teenage years identifying with it and found it a perfect song to end with. Sebastian, Jared, and Jason began the beat.

"_My ship went down in a sea of sound. When I woke up alone I had everything," _Hunter began, stepping in front of the group. There wasn't much choreography for this number. _"A handful of moments I wished I could change and a tongue like a nightmare that cut like blade." _He thought of the many times he failed those around him, how he made them feel less than nothing.

"_In a city of fools I was careful and cool but they tore me apart like a hurricane." _He thought about what Nick said about being a family. He liked to think they were, but he knew it would always be him against the world. _"A handful of moments I wished I could change but I was carried away."_

"_Give me therapy," _Hunter continued without backup, _"I'm a walking travesty but I'm smiling at everything. Therapy, you were never a friend to me. And you can keep all your misery." _

The Warblers came in behind him, creating different melodies with their voices. That was his favorite part of being a Warbler- they didn't rely on anything but themselves to get the job done. They broke formation to move about the stage. Hunter moved so his back was to the audience.

"_My lungs gave out as I faced the crowd," _he turned to face the audience with a lost expression, "_I think that keeping this up could be dangerous." _He held his arms out to gesture to everything he was doing. "_I'm flesh and bone, I'm a rolling stone and the experts say I'm delirious."_

"_Give me therapy I'm a walking travesty but I'm smiling at everything." _The background music got louder as the song progressed. At its beginning Hunter had to keep reminding himself to portray emotion, but not any longer. He felt the lyrics' meaning in his soul. _"Therapy you were never a friend to me. And you can take back your misery." _

"_Arrogant boy love yourself so no one has to." _Everyone was gone. His parents, old friends, even Sebastian chose someone else over him. He was all he had left. _"They're better off without you."_

"_They're better off without you," _the Warblers added.

"_Arrogant boy cause a scene like you're supposed to. They'll fall asleep without you. You're lucky if your memory remains." _Hunter all but spat the words. If he were remembered at all it would be for leading the Warblers to a National championship. That's all he was: a winning device.

"_Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty but I'm smiling at everything." _He smiled as if to prove a point. "_Therapy, you were never a friend to me, and you can take back your misery."_

"_Therapy, I'm a walking travesty but I'm smiling at everything. Therapy, you were never a friend to me," _he finished, going to stand in the middle of the formation.

"_You can choke on your misery," _he and Sebastian sang together. He took a deep breath, understanding he had sung his final solo.

"For our last number," Sebastian said to the crowd, "we picked something we felt appropriate. Here's "Goodbye" from the Broadway musical _Catch Me If You Can."_ Sebastian was the one who picked the song, saying it fit their situation perfectly.

Jared started his final song with a string of A flats. The lights were off, leaving the Warblers unseen to most of the crowd.

"_It's my happy ending," _Hunter began, the light shining only on him. _"Now it's time to say goodnight." _His head was down, leaving only his hair and blazer visible to the audience. _"We can stop pretending; tell the spotlight man turn off my light." _He shot his head up as the light went out.

"'_Cause the show is done now and it's time to leave the stage," _Sebastian began. The spotlight followed him as he broke from the formation. "_Yeah, the good guy won now and the band has no more songs to play," _he sang while pointing to the silent orchestra, making a joke on his team's a cappella.

"_It's a happy ending so I'll say goodbye," _Nick finished, also leaving the group.

"_Goodbye to all the make believe, goodbye," _Sebastian sang, a calm serenity in his features. _"There's no more magic up my sleeve," _he pushed his blazer sleeves up, "_there's nothing left to act up here."_

"_I'll take my bow and disappear," _Hunter added as he descended the stairs.

"_No questions left for answering. There's only one word left to sing- goodbye." _Sebastian stood alone in the front of the stage, almost conversing with the crowd. He could see the judges' eyes on him.

"_It's a happy ending to the greatest show on Earth," _he sang, throwing his arms up, gesturing to the theater. _"Now the curtain's descending and I hope you got your money's worth." _The Warblers continued their singing behind him.

"_Gonna stop the show now," _he sang, holding his hands out. The Warblers fell silent behind him. _"'Cause I wanna leave on top. So get up and go now." _The Warblers continued. "_'Cause there's nothing left inside my head, everything's that's left to say has been said but goodbye."_

"_Goodbye to all the song and dance, goodbye!" _Sebastian moved to his left, away from his team. _"Off stage I stand a better chance. The show is through, the part's been played." _He pulled at his blazer, unbuttoning it. No one had seen him get this into a performance before. The audience was on its feet. _"No standing in the wings afraid." _He returned to the middle of the stage. _"No violins or phony tears, the word that's music to my ears is goodbye. Well goodbye, goodbye," _he sang, pitch rising with each word. _"Goodbye!" _The Warblers were lined up behind him- eight in back and seven in front. Each had their heads down.

"_I'm not afraid of stopping," _Jeff sang, slowly raising his head.

"_This end could be my start," _Nick added, standing next to Jeff and raising his head as well.

"_I want to live a life and not just play a part," _Hunter sang from behind them.

"_I'll walk into the sunset; I'll sail across the sea. The final word, the last you'll hear of me, of me," _Sebastian sang passionately as he walked in front of the team.

"_Is goodbye," _they sang in unison, Sebastian's voice rising above the rest.

"_Goodbye to every night alone, goodbye!" _Sebastian felt a vibration in his pocket. He'd forgotten to put his phone away. _"Goodbye to lives that I don't own." _Blaine would have to wait. "_I'm tired of living on the stage- a life that's only on the page." _As much as he loved performing and the high it brought him, he knew he was done. He was reaching his final lines, and soon he would be just a memory in the history of the Warblers. _"The empty lies are in the past. I've tried before but here's the last goodbye." _

He paused, letting the Warblers harmonize, to look out into the crowd. This would be the final time he would be Sebastian Smythe, leader of the Warblers and Dalton's most famous.

"_Oh goodbye, goodbye," _he sang, head thrown back. "_Goodbye!" _He held out the B flat- the highest note he'd ever been able to reach.

The crowd erupted into applause and they took their bow. They were done.

The judges took their time deciding the top ten, and sure enough the Warblers were there. So were Vocal Adrenaline and the Palmetto Leaves. Sebastian called Blaine, who answered, immediately to tell the good news. He put him on speaker phone so the whole team could talk to him. Sebastian didn't remember feeling happier.

"Would the top ten please come to the stage," called the announcer. The theater fell silent as the teams took the stage. He called spots ten through three, none of which were the Warblers. Vocal Adrenaline came in fifth.

"The winner of the 2013 Show Choir National Championship is," he said, drawing out his words. The Palmetto Leaves stood across them once more. Sebastian looked at Hunter who was standing next to him. The captain was shaking, his jaw tight. Sebastian put a hand on his shoulder and smiled. No matter what they had done their best. "From Westerville, Ohio, the DALTON ACADEMY WARBLERS!"

Hunter hugged Sebastian as hard as he could, beaming the whole time. He let go of his friend to accept the trophy. He had done it. He had won. The rest of the team was jumping all over each other, finally a family. Hunter shook the Palmetto Leaves's captain's hand and congratulated them. It always paid to be a good sport.

"WE DID IT!" Sebastian yelled into the phone as he called Blaine. They could all hear Blaine's yell on the other end. Even if he didn't go to school with them, he was still one of them. "WE WON BABY!"

After pictures and cake they returned to the hotel for an after party. Sadly there was no alcohol, but they found better ways to entertain themselves. Halfway through the celebration Nick took the microphone.

"Hello everyone," he said. The party wasn't just the Warblers, but anyone who wanted to come. "I'm Nick Duval, a senior at Dalton, and this was my second Nationals win. We won back in my freshman year and I remember it being the happiest moment of my life. Today has surpassed that." Everyone clapped. "But I'm up here to talk about what an honor it has been to be a Warbler. When I first came to Dalton I had no idea who I was or what I wanted to do. But with a few good friends," he looked to Jeff and Jared, "I discovered that. Over the years friends have left, but they always have a way of coming back to us." He looked at Sebastian who was on the phone with Blaine. "They always have a way of picking us up. My junior year was hard for the Warblers. We lost our lead and our spirit. But this year we got a new captain and everything changed. Come on up here, Hunter." Hunter shrugged and stood on the stage.

"I'm Hunter Clarington," he said, holding a hand up.

"When Hunter first came here we thought he was a bit of a Nazi."

"He is," Sebastian interjected. The Warblers chuckled.

"But we came to like him. He pushed us hard but always had us do what we needed to win. Let's have a toast to Hunter!" The whole room clapped and raised their glasses. Hunter looked around at all the people, most of them strangers, who were celebrating him. He never felt more alive.

Later on in the night Peyton came up to him.

"It's been an honor serving with you captain," he said, saluting.

"It's been an honor being your captain," Hunter said with a smile. Peyton handed him a clear stick. "What is this?"

"Break it," the boy said, "it's a glow stick." Hunter cracked it and it sparkled a bright blue. He connected it around his neck and ruffled Peyton's hair. He really was going to miss that kid. Sebastian spent most of the night on the phone, but Hunter did get him to do a shot. (It wasn't really a shot, obviously, but rather highly concentrated grape juice.) They fell asleep on top of the world that night.

_XIV_

Blaine felt terrible keeping Sebastian on the phone the entirety of his party, but he insisted it was okay. Blaine's college letters had come that night and he was relieved to see all was well. It was a good day for the two of them. He applied to three colleges and was accepted into all of them- Ohio State University, Duke, and NYU. He had an idea of where he wanted to go, but he wanted to talk it over with Sebastian first.

He learned the hard way how difficult long distance relationships would be. He wanted to make sure Sebastian knew he wanted to give them a try while they were separated, but an ocean was a large distance. He doubted they would last a month.

Graduation came the following Tuesday and he graduated the salutatorian to Tina's valedictorian. He was glad he didn't have to give a speech. He and Sam sang "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" by Green Day at the reception, and suddenly everything felt real. He was really leaving and would never see most of these people again.

He was surprised to see that Hunter came with Sebastian to graduation. He was sure he wasn't on friendly terms with the captain, but nothing was said throughout the reception. He did notice something guilty in Hunter's eye but never asked.

The Dalton graduation was two days later and Sebastian was still planning his speech. Blaine hoped it wouldn't be something embarrassing, for he was sure speeches were documented. He fell asleep the night of graduation feeling like a different person. He wasn't stuck in a place he didn't call home. He was free.

_XV_

"I am pleased to announce the 2012-2013 National Champions, the Warblers!" Mr. Leander called at graduation. They'd already announced the sports teams. "Seniors Hunter Clarington, Nicholas Duval, Trent Nixon, Sebastian Smythe, Jeffrey Sterling, and Jared Zilinski!" Applause followed and Sebastian could see Blaine in the audience. "Juniors Jason Butler, Ryan Kyle, and Cory Young. Sophomores Jon Hall, Thom O'Brien, Charlie McKinney, and Bart West, and freshmen Quint Christiansen, Peyton Johnson, and DeAndre Lovell!"

They continued with pleasantries until it was time to receive the diploma. Sebastian hated having a last name that ended in "S"; it meant he was always near the end. But soon it was his time.

"Hunter Stephen Clarington!" called Professor Jameston as the actual graduation started. "He is in the top ten of his class, member of the National Honors Society and Beta Club, the football team, and the state winning baseball team as well as the Ultimate Frisbee squad. Hunter was the captain of the national-winning Warblers and will be attending the United States Military Academy at West Point in the fall." Hunter accepted his diploma and smiled for a picture. He was done.

"Nicholas Richard Duval- the salutatorian, member of the National Honors Society and Beta club, the debate team, and the national-winning Warblers. Nick will be attending Ohio State University in the fall where he will study medicine." Nick played with his golden tassel as he left the stage.

"Trent Dominic Nixon- member of the Beta Club, band, and the national-winning Warblers. He will be attending Otterbein University." Sebastian took a deep breath. He was coming up next.

"Sebastian Alexander Smythe, this year's valedictorian!" said Jameston. "Member of the National Honors Society, the Beta Club, track and swim teams, captain of the state-winning lacrosse team, and a soloist for the national-winning Warblers. Sebastian received a full scholarship to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill where he will study law." Sebastian saw the shocked expression on Blaine's face even from the stage. He'd gone over many times where he would attend, and it seemed best to stay in the country.

"Jeffrey Riley Sterling, top ten of the class, member of the National Honors Society, Beta Club, swim team, mock trial team, and the national-winning Warblers. He received a scholarship to the University of Iowa where he will study business." Jeff beamed as he held up his diploma.

"Jared Michael Zilinski, member of the band, basketball team, Ultimate Frisbee squad, and the national-winning Warblers. He will also attend Ohio State University in the fall." With Jared the ceremony came to a close. They were done.

Sebastian was due to give his speech after they threw their caps, but there was someone he had to talk to first.

"Congrats," Blaine said with a smile. Sebastian smiled back and hugged him. "You should probably go get ready for your speech."

"Yeah," Sebastian said, "I probably should." He ran a hand through his hair, the other grasping his cap.

"When did you decide to go to North Carolina?" Blaine asked. Sebastian knew it was coming. "You didn't choose that because I'm going to Duke, right?" The two colleges were very close to one another.

"Don't flatter yourself," Sebastian joked, "I decided on that because I can't keep running. I've spent my whole life floating around and trying to be someone different. I'm not running off to London so I can feel good about myself."

"If you don't want to go to UNC I'm sure it's not too late to change your mind," Blaine said, looking around at the rest of his friends.

"I made this decision on my own, and I would have made it even if you weren't right there in Durham," Sebastian asserted. "It's best for me to stay here. I can't go off across the globe to live up to the amount of money my family has. I'm not my family and I'm not my image. I'm staying here. With you."

"I love you," Blaine said, looking him straight in the eye. Sebastian didn't think he would ever forget the exact shade of his eyes.

"I love you, too," Sebastian said lovingly, kissing him softly. He threw his cap in the air. He had won.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: There are three chapters left and two epilogues. There will be two epilogues because I see two different but very possible endings for the story. The next chapters will be much shorter than the previous three. This is largely due to the character's entering a time in their lives where everything is moving fast and most details aren't noted. (Reviews would be appreciated) This chapter will be pretty short and fun (I think the guys deserve it.)**

**Because these chapters are shorter, I wanted to give you guys some information about how this fic came to be. I originally planned for Effects to be two different fics. One was the AU where Sebastian and Blaine knew each other before 3x05, and the other would explore the mental issues. I decided to combine them because if someone was like Sebastian, void of any conscience or feeling, it would take them some time to warm to someone (Blaine), and more than just their interactions in canon. **

**Also, Blaine was originally supposed to not have any mental issues (past PTSD and anxiety), but I added them as the fic went on. Hunter was never supposed to be a character. Sebastian's birthday is May 28****th**** because it is the day of "free-spirits". **

**I'm putting together a playlist of all the songs used in this fic that will be posted on my tumblr.**

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 4: War**

_Book 1: Pre-Collegiate_

_I_

"I remember my first day at Dalton," Sebastian said as he stood at the podium giving his valedictorian speech. He didn't recognize most the faces in the crowd. "It actually wasn't the first day of school. I came to tour in March of my eighth-grade year." Sebastian placed both hands on either side of the podium as he scanned the speech he wrote the night before. "I remember thinking it was the coolest thing in the world, even if I wouldn't admit it."

"Dalton has a way of humbling you," he continued after a brief exposition. "You come here thinking you're the coolest or the smartest or the most talented, and you leave knowing you are." The crowd chuckled. "But what's humbling about that transformation is realizing that being the best isn't everything. It's easy to get caught up in the competition of things that you miss the small stuff." Sebastian knew his speech was rather out-of-character but he couldn't exactly get at the pulpit and offend everyone.

"I've been here three years and I still haven't explored the whole place. It's intricate and fascinating, kind of like the people in it." Sebastian was practically cringing at his own words. It sounded like something Blaine or Nick would write, not himself. "A blazer and a few tons of hair gel can act as a good disguise, but no matter how much we try to mask ourselves, we never fully can. Each of us has some burden, some war we're fighting." Sebastian didn't stop to think about the war he was fighting; the war with himself. "As I come to a close, I want to remind you all to not lose sight of that. Don't forget that behind each face is a person just as real as yourself. Dalton is great but it's not the real world. I would love to, as the representative of the geniuses here, tell you how well you've been prepared to face the real world, but you're not. Dalton is a fantasy world honestly. You won't be able to hide as well out there. With that, I bid you all farewell and keep fighting the good fight." The crowd clapped as he left the podium.

"That was a really ominous speech," Hunter said when Sebastian joined them in the reception hall.

"I wrote it this morning." Sebastian shrugged and played with his diploma. He still couldn't believe that he had graduated. Somehow he survived.

"Wonderful planner as always," Nick said, grabbing his stepbrother's arm and pulling him into an empty corner. "We need to talk."

"About what?"

"How did you manage to keep it from us that you weren't going to London?" Nick was still gripping Sebastian's blazer, his words sharp.

"I made a last minute commitment. It didn't cost any money."

"I don't care about the money, dammit," he cursed, letting go of the other's jacket. "You don't think it would have been nice to let us know? Your family?"

"I didn't think it would matter to you," Sebastian said, looking over Nick's head for Blaine.

"That's your problem," Nick said, "You don't think other people care about you. Just because you don't give a damn about us doesn't mean we don't care."

"I do care about people," he contested.

"You think you do. But you haven't changed. You talk about Dalton like it's some safe haven, but the truth is-"

"I don't belong here and I never have," Sebastian interrupted, pushing past him and out into the crowd.

"That's not what I was going to say," Nick sighed. He pushed family problems from his mind and went to find his friends.

_II_

Sebastian always knew he had a way with words, but he was surprised by the reaction his speech generated. People he didn't even know were talking to him about it, asking him exactly what he meant. When he answered "I have no idea," he was being honest. The words flowed from his pen early that morning as he made last minute preparations. Tina Cohen-Chang was the valedictorian for McKinley, and her speech was full of fake pleasantries and wishes for. Sebastian didn't want his speech to mimic hers or any other typical speech. He didn't want to insult his audience by pretending they all thought the future would be a bright light.

Hunter knew the truth, and he knew Blaine knew the truth. No matter how they tried the future would change them, pervert and perfect them. Some people liked to say that graduation was just a beginning, but Sebastian knew it was the end. It was the end of everything held sacred, and for the first time nothing was planned. It was easy to sign your life away on a college application, but nothing was set in stone. Perhaps that's why Sebastian was so ready for the future, so ready to move on. He could never sit still; the chance to roam enticed him.

"Looks like we're gonna be rivals now," Sebastian joked as he started to pack up his dorm the day after graduation. Blaine was spending the day with his brother, but still had time to talk to Sebastian on the phone. "Me being a Tarheel and you a Blue Devil," he said after Blaine responded.

Hunter cleaned his side of the room slowly, wanting to remember every edge of the dorm. In many ways the room changed him. He met his best friend, prepared setlists for a winning team, got into the Military Academy, and grew up a little while sleeping in the confines of the dorm. Sebastian talked up a storm on the phone, giving Hunter time to grab the envelope of papers from underneath the desk. He turned his back to his roommate and flipped through the papers one last time, making sure they were all there.

It would be so easy to turn around and hand it to him, Hunter thought, but he still couldn't. This was the first time in months he'd seen Sebastian truly happy. Nothing was fake about the smile on his face and the jump in his step. Hunter knew it was very likely they may never meet again. Because of this, Sebastian's happiness should have been no concern of his. But that was the thing about caring for someone: no matter how far apart they were, it never stopped.

Hunter had spent months trying to figure out exactly what he felt for Sebastian. It was easy to say "He's just my friend. I'm totally straight" but Hunter knew there was something else there. He wasn't necessarily attracted to him, like he was with Ivory or other girls, but there was some deeper connection he felt for his friend. He periodically felt jealous of Blaine, but never to the extent of fantasies or fights. He knew it would be easy to break them up, just as it had been to get them together, but his days of manipulation were behind him. Sebastian, he concluded, was an enigma he would never solve. All Hunter knew was that he did love him, in whatever way, and would miss him more than he had ever missed anyone.

"Well that's it," Sebastian grunted as he pushed his bed back in the position it was supposed to be in. The dorm was squeaky-clean and held no trace of inhabitants.

"I'm gonna miss it," Hunter said, his bags thrown over his shoulder. He wasn't leaving for West Point yet and had no idea where he would stay in the meantime.

"I won't," the other said. "I'll be glad to leave." Sebastian took his stuff and left the dorm without looking back. Hunter took one last look around before locking the door to H4CQ behind him.

_III_

Leaving Dalton held more sentiment than Hunter expected it to. He'd only been there one year, and most of the time he spent hating people in it. He could feel a shift as he pulled out of the parking lot, following Sebastian's sports car. It was the shift he had waited his whole life to feel, but when it came, he didn't want it. He spent his whole life moving, never staying in one spot. He was a rolling stone. But Dalton felt permanent to him, but only when he was leaving it. Hunter had put his full energy into wanting to be an adult, but being a child seemed better to him.

He took one last look at the castle in the rearview mirror until it disappeared behind him and he entered downtown Westerville. Though he didn't have to be in New York for over two months, he would leave Ohio within two weeks. He'd already scheduled a flight to Colorado to visit his family before flying off to college. A place to stay was still unresolved, but he wasn't worried about it. He was worried about what leaving would do to him. Every place he'd ever lived was temporary; he was a wanderer. But Ohio seemed _right _for him, or maybe it was the people, but Hunter feared what the future would do to him.

It was easy to be excited about going into the military when he was a small child, but as the time rapidly approached, Hunter became scared. He had a habit of putting people and things on pedestals only to watch them fall. From the time he was a small child he venerated the armed forces and those who served in them. What if that fell, too?

As his remaining days in Westerville passed, he tried to rid himself of negative feelings. He was about to book a hotel room for two weeks until Sebastian offered for Hunter to stay with him. "Never accept charity," his father had always told him, but Hunter knew Sebastian wasn't treating him like charity. He was treating him as a friend.

Nick was rather talented at hiding his discontent at Hunter being there. Hunter slept in the room next to Sebastian's, and after five days he wished he hadn't. Mr. Duval (Hunter was still confused as to why he changed his last name) didn't seem to mind Sebastian having Blaine over _all the time. _Surprisingly enough, Hunter grew to learn that, despite popular belief, Sebastian and Blaine didn't spend all their time in bed. They actually did a lot of things together that didn't involve taking their clothes off (though they all knew which Sebastian's favorite activity was).

Most days Sebastian's house was teeming with people- Sebastian, Blaine, Hunter, Nick, Jeff, and people none of them knew. Hunter didn't want to leave as the days progressed.

"Good thing we got out of school before my birthday," Sebastian said excitedly Hunter's fourth day there. Hunter cursed himself; he totally forgot Sebastian's birthday was the twenty-eighth.

"Lucky you," Hunter said. What did one do for an eighteen-year-old boy's birthday? Hunter's birthday was at the beginning of the school year and passed unnoticed. Though he didn't want to, he called the only person who would know anything.

_IV_

"Hello?" Blaine said into the phone.

"Hey it's Hunter. Can I ask you something?"

"Dude I'm at work, what the hell?" Blaine shoved his phone between his shoulder and neck before exiting out the back door.

"I'll call later, sorry."

"I got a break right now, it's okay." He pulled off the black and red baseball hat and sat on a nearby bench. One of his coworkers was smoking a few feet over. Very hygienic. "What do you need?"

"Well Sebastian just reminded me his birthday is in three days and I have no idea what to do."

"I've already got it under control," Blaine sighed. He liked to think that he and Hunter were on better terms than they had been during the school year, but sometimes the other boy's borderline obsession with Sebastian got on his nerves. "His dad is planning a big party for him, but I've got a surprise one at my house planned, too."

"What day?" Hunter asked.

"His actual birthday. The family one is for the day after to give people time to fly in from France." Blaine spent the rest of his break talking to Hunter and was relieved when it was time to return to his shift.

Arby's didn't pay too well but it did give him money for gas and other things. When he first took the job it was hard to explain to Sebastian that normal people really did have to get jobs. He'd worked part-time during the school year at Taco Bell, but they wouldn't hire him full-time for the summer. It was hard to juggle everything but he liked it. It made him feel older, less of a kid. His boss wasn't horrible; in fact she became a sort of confidant to him as the summer went on. His parents were present but absent in spirit. Blaine knew his mother did the best she could to be there for him, but she often didn't know how to handle him.

She had told him many times that he acted too grown-up for her to know what to do. She said he handled things people twice his age wouldn't be able to get through. Blaine thought that was a bit of an exaggeration, but he wasn't hurt by it. He would rather be separated from his mother because of his maturity than the separation being due to lack of connection. From the time he was a child he assumed everyone had the same family experience he did: A hard-working father who could be strict, a loving mother, one crazy sibling, and himself who was much calmer. It wasn't until high school that he truly realized how different other people's lives were from his own. Some were like Jeff who had two loving parents, or Nick with a broken family, or Sam with a loving but struggling one. He also saw how people grew because of their environments. Jeff had an ability to act half his age, a quality allowed because of his upbringing. But he could also act responsibly, a trait he had learned from helping take care of his little brother.

Blaine wondered what it was like to be someone's caregiver. He was the youngest sibling and never had a friend that needed taking care of. He supposed it would be humbling yet stressful. As he left work that day, it dawned on him that in just a few months' time he would be his own caregiver. He was good at being independent, but being alone in a different state worried him. But he would be okay.

_V_

Planning a surprise birthday party for someone who probably already knew you were planning a party proved difficult for Blaine. Sometimes he wished Sebastian could just be like everyone else and not feel the need to assert his intelligence in every affair. He dropped hints for days insinuating he knew of Blaine's plan. Blaine thought maybe Hunter slipped up and told him, but he knew that wasn't the case.

The hardest part about planning the whole thing was figuring out who to invite. As much as it pained Blaine to admit it, Sebastian didn't have many friends. The only people he seemed to have any interest in were Blaine and Hunter, and on some days even that seemed questionable. Blaine knew his boyfriend would be content with just himself, Hunter, and Nick there (he had to invite his stepbrother), or even with nothing, but Blaine wasn't that kind of person. He liked hiding himself in a crowd, surrounding himself with many people. He decided to invite all the Warblers and some guys from the lacrosse team.

Finding a venue was easy. Blaine's father was out of town, and his mother promised to be out of the house if he needed it. Blaine, Nick, and Hunter spent days cleaning the house, making sure it was perfect. They hid many breakables or expensive items. It wasn't that Blaine didn't trust his friends, but having that many teenage boys in one place could be dangerous. He knew Sebastian suspected something was going on, especially with all the boys out at the same time. Nick didn't have a summer job, and Blaine and Hunter only worked in the daytime. But, per usual, Sebastian didn't seem to notice or care.

Sebastian's birthday finally came around. Blaine knew he could do the cliché Don't Talk To Him Until The Surprise Party shindig, but Sebastian would quickly realize what was going on. They met early in the morning for coffee and went to see _Star Trek: Into Darkness_, which they both thought was pretty epic. Halfway through the movie Hunter thought it a good idea to call Blaine and ask for the password to his security system. Apparently he forgot to turn off the motion sensors and it was calling the police every time someone entered the living room. Blaine texted underneath his leg, trying to hide the light from his fellow theater-goers.

**Blaine Anderson: The password is: 1122199413.**

**Hunter Clarington: Why is that the password?**

**Blaine Anderson: Why do you care?**

**Hunter Clarington: Just wondering. Do I type it in the yellow box or green box?**

Blaine spent a good fifteen minutes writing a novel-length text explaining how to disarm the motion sensors. He began to doubt the self-sufficiency of those he surrounded himself with. They left the movie, both impressed, and Blaine hurried to the bathroom to make calls.

"Everyone's there, right?" He asked whoever had picked up. "The movie just finished and thanks to you idiots I don't think I can keep it a secret much longer."

"Blaine Anderson?" asked the person on the other line. Blaine recognized the voice but couldn't place it.

"Yeah that's me. Who are you?"

"Harrison, remember?" Blaine had no idea who that was. "From Sebastian's lacrosse team? We met like three years ago."

"Oh yeah," Blaine said, remembering the lively teammate. "Can you put Nick on the phone?" He asked, hoping Harrison knew who Nick was.

"Everyone's here, the cars are hidden, and the pizza just arrived," Nick said quickly. Blaine was thankful for his friend's punctuality. He couldn't hide in the bathroom much longer. "Just text me when you get in the neighborhood, okay?"

"Sounds good," he said, hanging up. He rushed out of the bathroom before the creepy old man who stalked the movie theater could ask what his name was.

"You were in there a long time," Sebastian said knowingly.

"Guess the coffee upset my stomach," he said quickly, falling into step next to Sebastian. "Let's get out of here," he said, looking around at all the small children filing in. "Damn kids."

"Now you understand where I'm coming from," Sebastian said, looking at the whining children with a disgusted look. They exited the theater and stood in the parking lot looking for their cars. Blaine hated taking two cars, but with Sebastian living in Westerville and he just outside it, it was hard to get around without them both driving.

"I'm taking a shortcut to my house, so follow me," Blaine said when they reached the cars. If he took the back route into his neighborhood they wouldn't be able to see the balloons Jeff attached to the mailbox.

Sebastian was born at 11:42 on May 28, 1995, and he made sure everyone on the highway knew that when they were stuck in traffic.

"I'M A FUCKING ADULT NOW!" Blaine could hear him yelling through the windows. He turned to see Sebastian with his window rolled down, standing up with his head out the window and yelling. Blaine couldn't help but laugh; it reminded him of the Titanic.

He checked to make sure the car in front of him wasn't moving. He unhooked his seatbelt, leaned out his own window, and took a picture with his phone of Sebastian in his Jack Dawson moment. He sat back down before anyone would realize what he did. Blaine looked at the picture. It was slightly fuzzy from his hand shaking, but it was clear enough. The Porsche's door was slightly ajar, just enough for Sebastian to stick his head out. His head was thrown back, left arm gripping the door. Blaine couldn't help but think he looked serene. Years later, when he was grown and the pleasures of youth had left his mind, the picture would remind him of the free days of his teenage years. The days when he was in love and the most stressful thing he could think of was how to plan a birthday party.

_VI_

Sebastian knew for about a week what Blaine and the rest were planning. It could be no coincidence that his house was empty every day leading up to his birthday. That being said, the party was more fun than he had expected. It was easy for him to cling to Blaine and ignore everyone else, but his boyfriend had a tendency of including him in everything. Not that he minded, necessarily. It was just strange to see all the Warblers out of uniform. It was weird to see them as actual people and not just members of a team.

Despite their heartwarming speech after Nationals, the Warblers mostly ignored Hunter. Sebastian felt bad for his friend. He looked so pathetic sitting in the corner of Blaine's living room, staring at an empty plastic cup.

"We're having a Just Dance competition and you're joining us." Sebastian grabbed Hunter's upper arm and dragged him to the TV. When he was a child and thought about what being an adult would bring him, playing a Wii game competitively was not one of them. He decided it was okay to let loose every now and then.

"Jesus Christ I can't do this," Hunter hissed as he tried to keep up with Harrison and Jared on "Party Rock Anthem".

"Finally something the captain can't do," Sebastian joked, heading into the kitchen to find another beer. He was surprised to see so much alcohol. Usually there was none in the Anderson household.

"Cooper bought me some before he went back to L.A.," Blaine said as he entered the kitchen behind Sebastian. "I'm not sure how good it is, but it has to be better than the flat soda Hunter bought." He hoisted himself up on the counter and leaned his head back against the tan cabinet.

"You're really bad at keeping secrets," Sebastian joked, joining Blaine on the counter. "I knew about this party for the last two weeks."

"Of course you did."

"It's my superpower." They sat in silence for a while, legs touching and Blaine's head on Sebastian's shoulder. Blaine always like moments like these- calm and without the burden of speaking. He didn't have to think about growing up and leaving and everything changing. It was easy to create a fantasy world in his head in moments like these. In one scenario everything was as it truly was: an eighteenth birthday party with cheap beer and video games. Sometimes it was a camping trip or a domestic setting. It could be anything he wanted it to be. But Blaine knew what it truly was- the calm before the storm.

_VII_

Hunter gave his thanks to the Duvals as he packed. The days after Sebastian's birthday passed too quickly. He was surprised he was invited to the family party held for Sebastian, though he knew it was because he was living with them. It was a suit-and-tie affair with expensive wine only for the adults. It was clearly Sebastian's family's thing, but not his. Sebastian seemed bored the whole night. Hunter knew his friend got tired of constantly switching between speaking English and French when around his family.

Hunter figured it best to leave early in the morning. His flight wasn't until one in the afternoon, but the sooner he got out the better. Nothing would distract him. Packing was easy. He didn't have many clothes, due to spending most his time in his Dalton uniform. He shoved everything in the suitcase and headed down the stairs.

"Did you think you could leave without saying goodbye?" Hunter looked up to see Nick sitting alone in one of the many kitchens. "Come on, have breakfast with me."

"I'll just eat at the airport," Hunter said, pulling his suitcase to the door.

"No you won't. Have a Poptart!" Nick held out a package of the breakfast food and waved him over. Hunter shrugged. What harm could staying a little while do?

"Thanks," he said, ripping open the package.

"No problem. Are you ready to leave?"

"Not at all." The sun was just rising. Rays of yellow were visible over treetops.

"Hunter," Nick said after a silence, "I want you to know that I meant what I said at Nationals. No matter what went down over the year I am glad I met you." Hunter looked at him and nodded, unsure what to say. "I can tell something's wrong."

"Nothing." Hunter shook his head, trying to be convincing.

"There is," the other said knowingly. "There always has been, hasn't there?" He gave Hunter his best scrutinizing look. "You've never really been on sync with the rest of us."

"Thanks for pointing that out," Hunter said flatly, getting up from the table.

"I didn't mean it that way." Nick stood as well. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you didn't belong with us. With the Warblers." Hunter nodded and turned to leave. "Good luck."

"You, too," he answered. Nick returned to his room and Hunter sat on the large couch, looking at the ceiling. He wanted so badly to leave without saying anything, but he knew that wouldn't work. He had to say goodbye. He walked slowly up the stairs, dodging the cat that nipped at his feet. He cursed himself; he almost forgot to put Mr. Puss in his cage. That would not be good. Hunter grabbed the cat and carried it up the stairs with him.

There was a faint musical sound coming from Sebastian's room. Hunter couldn't tell if it was a recording or if his friend was actually singing. He knocked on the door three times before anyone inside took notice of him.

"Come in," Sebastian said groggily. Hunter pushed the door open and walked in with hesitation. "Can you leave the cat out there?" He put Mr. Puss down and entered the room.

"Hey." Though he had been there two weeks Hunter never entered Sebastian's room. It was larger than the one he had stayed in. One wall was taken up by a giant window looking out into the backyard. Sebastian's bed was against the adjacent wall.

"Are you leaving?" Sebastian asked, sitting up. He looked tired, as if he hadn't slept the night before.

"Yeah I'm about to." Hunter fiddled with his car keys. He had to drive it to the airport where it would be picked up to be shipped to New York. He would be carless in Colorado. "I thought I'd say goodbye before I headed out."

"Come here," the other said, his eyes still half-closed. He patted the bed, gesturing for Hunter to sit at the end of it. Hunter sat down, crossing his legs at the ankles. It was a simple gesture of friendship, but for some reason Hunter felt nervous sitting on Sebastian's bed. "I'm gonna miss you," Sebastian said, a strange sincerity in his voice.

They must have sat in Sebastian's cold room for about an hour. They talked about anything that came to their minds. It was relaxing for Hunter. Everything was calm; there was no rushing around. He could hear the gentle rustle of leaves outside getting louder as time passed, just as Sebastian's eyes opened wider, exhaustion leaving him.

"Well I really do need to go," Hunter said when he took a look at his watch. It was getting late. He stood and walked to the door.

"I'm gonna miss you," Sebastian said again, also standing up from the bed.

"Me, too." Hunter didn't know what else to say. He knew what he wanted to say but he feared Sebastian would take it the wrong way. He wanted to tell his friend how he felt about him, that he loved him, but it wasn't the kind of love Sebastian would expect. Hunter didn't love him like a lover would, like Blaine did, but rather on a friendly level.

"This sounds super gay, even coming from me," Sebastian joked, looking at his feet. "But God, am I gonna miss you." He closed the gap between them and hugged Hunter tightly, setting his head on his shoulder and squeezing his back. "Thanks for everything," he said.

"Thanks for being my best friend," Hunter half-whispered before pulling out of the hug. "Goodbye, Sebastian." He picked up Mr. Puss and left down the stairs.

"Goodbye, Hunter." Sebastian stared at the empty threshold to his room for minutes, wondering exactly what just left his life.

Hunter sat in his car and searched through his suitcase for one item. He found it quickly. The envelope of papers was secure. He drove off to Columbus with Sebastian's secret in hand, one he didn't even know about.

_VIII_

The rest of the summer passed in a blur, as it tends to do when those celebrating it are elated. Blaine and Sebastian entered a routine of spending most of their time together, rarely letting the outside world affect them. But slowly, one by one, their friends left for college and their parents were buying them furniture for dorms.

Sebastian never quite understood his parents' relationship. They had separated when he was small, and his father married Nick's mother when he was eleven. Other than the wedding he hadn't met Nick until he came to live with them. His father rarely spoke of his mother and got angry whenever she was brought up. Sebastian always thought his father didn't like him, and that he was the reason for change of name. It wasn't until the day he was set to leave for Chapel Hill did he learn the truth.

"Sebastian I want to apologize to you, for everything," his father said as they packed the car. Originally Sebastian was going to leave with Blaine and Cooper and they would help him set up his dorm. But his father volunteered to go with him.

"What do you need to apologize for?" He asked, shoving a toolbox in the back of the SUV. The amount of cars his family owned would never cease to amaze him.

"For being distant."

"It's okay Dad."

"No it's not," his father said, walking around to the back of the car. "I'm sorry for keeping you from your mother."

"I chose to come back from France and I'm not mad at you for sending me there in the first place," Sebastian said. Part of him was glad his father was talking to him, but for the most part he wanted the conversation to be over.

"What I mean is that I'm sorry your mother and I split. I'm not sorry I met Susanna and Nick, but I had a duty to my family and I broke it." Sebastian heard something in his father's voice he never heard before, some sort of sadness. He couldn't place it.

"People split, it happens all the time," Sebastian said, turning from the car to face his father.

"But it shouldn't have. I should have stayed with Aceline."

"I don't why you guys split but it's okay, Dad." Sebastian put a hand on his father's shoulder, sensing he was upset. A year ago he would have cut off the conversation. Maybe being with Blaine had changed him. "You did what you had to do and I turned out okay, didn't I?" Sebastian felt his father's eyes on him, as if he were studying him.

"I never stopped loving her," the man said, his eyes looking away. "We just fell apart and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret it."

"Things like that happen. I understand."

"No you don't," he said, "you're only eighteen. You don't know what it's like to love someone wholeheartedly and wake up one morning to realize you don't feel it anymore. I suppose that's what happened, though I'm not sure. I say I woke up not feeling anything, but that didn't mean I didn't love her."

"If you didn't feel anything then how could you love?" Sebastian asked.

"I don't know how to explain it, son." His father ran a hand through his dark hair, searching for words. "I see how careless you can be, how thoughtless, and I used to be like that. I used to think the world was my playground. Until I met Aceline. She took my world and perverted it. She made me see what was truly important." Sebastian nodded, though he didn't quite understand what his father meant. "I think Blaine is doing that to you."

"I haven't changed," Sebastian said, clearly missing his father's point.

"That's what I'm worried about," the man said, walking around to get in the driver's seat.

Finding the campus was harder than they both anticipated. Chapel Hill was a small city, a university town, but the trees still managed to hide most of the signs. Sebastian had to put on his glasses to read them, even if he didn't want to. His glasses were thick and black, covering most of his face. He couldn't help but snap a picture to send to Blaine. He knew how nervous his boyfriend was, and wanted to whatever he could to ease it.

"Here we are," Sebastian said, looking around at the buildings. His dorm was located on campus, but he had to go to the main building first to get all the information.

"Want me to go in with you?" His father asked, his voice dropping. Sebastian could sense he getting emotional. _Great. _

"No, I got it," he said, stepping out of the car and taking his glasses off. He walked slowly into the orientation building, taking in his surroundings. Everything was just as wonderful as he had dreamed of. It was no London but it would work.

Sebastian spent most of his Dalton days walking around the school like he owned it, and despite being a freshman, he planned to treat college no differently. He may be younger than just about everyone, but he was still the best. College kids passed him carrying laptops, suitcases, and stacks of books. Even the trashiest of them looked so refined. Sebastian took a deep breath and entered.

"Please sign here," a woman said at the front. He signed his name on the waiting list before sitting down in a leather chair. His dad parked across the street and was talking on the phone. Sebastian squinted and could clearly tell his father was crying. _Maybe he's talking to Mom. _

"Sebastian Smythe?" called another woman from a side desk. He turned away from the window and stood.

"That's me," he said with a small smirk. He felt the eyes of the other students on him. It was time to begin.

_IX_

Blaine couldn't help but laugh when Sebastian sent him a picture of him wearing the glasses. Sebastian loved the glasses and would accept no argument as to why they were ridiculous. Blaine always thought he looked like a thirteen-year-old girl who popped the lenses out of her 3D glasses.

"Enjoying yourself?" Cooper joked from the driver seat. Blaine shrugged and stretched in his seat. The drive to Durham was a good eight hours and both his legs were asleep. Sebastian reached Chapel Hill two hours before Blaine and Cooper would get to their destination. He knew they should have left earlier, but Cooper was insistent on seeing _This is The End, _aka a total waste of time, before leaving.

"At the traffic circle, take the first exit onto Chapel Drive,"said the robotic voice of the GPS. Cooper originally put it on an Australian girl, but Blaine changed it soon after. He couldn't deal with hearing his brother flirt with a machine.

Cooper took the exit and continued down the road for about a mile before turning right and entering the campus. Blaine felt the familiar tense of anxiety enter him, but he fought it off. His hands tensed and the thump of his heart was louder in his ear. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on something good. _You're here. Finally. Ready to take on the world. Cooper is staying for a few days, Sebastian is only 10 minutes away, you'll be fine. _Slowly his body calmed down, and just in time to see what lie ahead.

WELCOME TO DUKE UNIVERSITY read the brick sign. HOME OF THE BLUE DEVILS. Blaine smiled at the sign. He remembered reading something similar upon entering Dalton for the first time. It seemed like home.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: This chapter occurs a little over a year after the last one. Time skips are hard but necessary. It will include some flashbacks. There is minor (very minor) smut in this chapter.**

**I wrote "mentions of Huntbastian" in the summary because I originally planned for Hunter to have a huge crush/thing for Sebastian, but when the fic went on I didn't include it. I did include references to Hunter having strong adoration/hero worship for him, but I thought having the attraction be romantic would take away from the main themes of the fic. Hunter obviously cares for Sebastian, probably more than he warrants, but I wouldn't call it romantic. I would say they have a strong platonic love. (Or at least Hunter does.) **

**In other news, my favorite line from the whole fic comes in Book 2: Part 1. "**_**I think my mask of sanity is about to slip." **_**I got inspiration from **_**American Psycho, **_**a favorite of mine. Throughout the book Patrick (a murderous psychopath) talks of how he is essentially fake, and creates a new persona around different people. I think Sebastian is much like this, minus the killing part. I like that quote so much because it says a lot about Sebastian. He realizes he has a mask, one he hides behind, and if you read it closely enough, you'd realize that no matter how affectionate he can be, nothing is concrete. Keep reading for more explanation on that…**

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 4: War**

_Book 2: Chin Up, Soldier! _

_I_

After a year of being called a _plebe, _Hunter Clarington realized the fruitlessness of living and taught himself to survive. College was, just as he expected, a total letdown. He knew the workload would increase and when it did he was not affected. It was the challenge he wanted, the challenge he waited for. It was everything else that scared him into submission.

He had a tendency to be over dramatic, but the only word he could use to describe his first year of college was torture. He entered the year assuming everyone would be more mature than they had been in high school. What a lie that was. They were just as petty, just as judgmental and conniving. Hunter soon came to realize he was facing mirror images of himself each day.

After leaving Ohio the summer after graduation, he spent a few weeks in Colorado before reporting to Cadet Basic Training, a seven-week program designed to transform him from a civilian to a soldier. Hunter called it hell. Even after years of sports he wasn't prepared for the physical strain the training brought him. When the seven weeks were up he had dropped pounds and gained muscle, as well dread for the next four years. In just two months he had turned from Hunter Clarington, ex-Warbler captain, baseball and football player, and a bettering person to Cadet Hunter S. Clarington, West Point freshman and a Nuclear Engineering Major. His father was proud of him, and Hunter supposed there wasn't anything else he could want.

Before Dalton his life had been lived in solitude. His only friends were his mind and his cat, Mr. Puss, who was left with an aunt that lived in New Jersey. Everything was done on his own and he had no plans to change that. But fate has a way of changing things, and when he received a scholarship to Dalton Academy of Westerville he couldn't turn it down. Not only did he attend one of the best schools in America, but he found himself. Hunter found a purpose and a friend. But just as he understood the gravity of his situation, it was stripped from him.

Summer was coming to its end and he would soon be a sophomore. It was strange to think how fast everything had changed. Checking his bank account, he discovered he had enough money for two plane tickets. He booked a flight and fell asleep, glad to finally be heading home.

_II_

Blaine knew his parents were hesitant to endorse his living arrangements for most of the summer, but he also knew he didn't care. With the summer rapidly ending he couldn't use all his money on vacationing. Sebastian had an apartment outside Chapel Hill where the two were staying until term started.

"You two are moving too fast," his mother had said. "Moving in together? Already?" It took some time for Blaine to explain that they weren't moving in together. They were sharing an apartment for three weeks. Nothing permanent.

"Mom we've been together a year and a half," he explained over the phone. "Just as long as me and Kurt were and you didn't pull any of that." Though he was out of the house and eight hours away, Mrs. Anderson did the best to keep a part of her son's life, even if he didn't want it.

"I know, but it was different then," she said. "You were sixteen and…" she trailed off.

"Innocent," Blaine filled in, annoyed. His mother had no problem with his relationship with Sebastian when he was in high school. "Honestly Mom, what are you so worried about?"

"I just don't want you to get hurt," his mother said. Blaine nodded without listening. He couldn't help but wonder what sparked her sudden concern.

"I'll be fine, Mom. Love you." He hung up and wandered around the empty apartment. It was rather small for Sebastian's standards but he liked it. It was nice to be out of the tiny dorms that never seemed comfortable enough. He hadn't unpacked his things yet. A few brown boxes labeled BLAINE sat in the corner; they paled in comparison to Sebastian's.

Blaine's first of college was much more laid back than he thought it would be. He came in thinking there would parties every night, horrible roommates, staying up 'til 3 A.M. studying, and too many keg stands to count. However, his first year was rather calm. Passing his AP tests gave him enough credits to skip most of the general education courses and start working on his specialized studies.

Picking a major was hard for him, but after a year he was glad he chose what he did. Duke wasn't known for its music scene- not that it was bad- but its academics and basketball team usually overshadowed its music. Blaine settled on a major in music and a minor in education- his fallback in case things didn't work out for him. His father was furious at his choice. Many a night Blaine left the house in anger, sleeping at someone else's. _But that was last year, _he told himself, stretching out on the couch, one of the few pieces of furniture they had set up. He lay with his back against the arm in flightless thought until he heard a knock at the door. _Dammit Sebastian. _He probably forgot the key again. Blaine pulled himself out of relaxation and headed to the door. He opened it without hesitation.

"I swear to God, if you lost the key," Blaine began, stopping when he realized he wasn't talking to Sebastian.

"Hey Blaine," said a familiar face, someone he hadn't thought about in ages. Hunter Clarington stood at his door with a suitcase and two bags over his shoulder.

_III_

"Hunter?" Blaine asked. It was hard to make out who was standing in front of him, though after looking closely it was clear. "What are you doing here?"

"I was…in the area," he said.

"Sure you were," Blaine said. "Come on in." Hunter followed him and looked around at the empty rooms. "We have sodas in the fridge if you want." Hunter nodded and set his stuff in the corner by the cardboard boxes.

"Nice place you got here," he said. Blaine noticed a difference in the old captain from the minute he walked in the door. Hunter was slightly taller and his hair was in a buzz cut, but Blaine sensed something else odd about him.

"We just moved in. Sebastian should be home soon." Blaine urgently texted Sebastian, telling him to get his ass back to the apartment. Hunter was always more of Sebastian's friend than his own, which set him on edge. It been well over a year since they last met, and Blaine didn't know where they stood.

"So how's college life for you?" Hunter asked. He was drinking an orange Fanta, a favorite of Sebastian's, as he sat on the couch. Blaine prayed he wouldn't get anything on it. _I sound like my mother._

"Oh ya know, fine, I guess." For the first few months of college Sebastian kept in contact with Hunter, but as time carried on their conversations were scarce and short when they did happen. Blaine knew losing friends was an inevitability and he cursed himself for forgetting to call Sam. "You?"

"It sucks man," Hunter said with more honesty than usual. Usually Hunter would never reveal anything he was feeling, and especially not to Blaine. "I'm not too keen on going back."

"Is it school itself or the programs you're in?" Blaine's roommate Chris was a workaholic computer engineer major and often said the same thing Hunter did.

"Both. Nuclear engineering is boring as hell and I just…hate it." Hunter didn't look him in the eye. Instead he aimed his vision at the side of his soda can, as if it would give him the answer to the universe. Blaine was at a loss for words. Thankfully, he didn't have to speak.

"Heya, B," came a voice from across the room as the door opened. Sebastian sauntered into the room, one hand in his pocket and the other locking the door.

"Are you drunk?" Blaine asked, though sure the answer. Unlike himself, Sebastian had participated in many stereotypical college parties over the year.

"No," Sebastian answered too quickly. He came into the room where Blaine and Hunter were and looked around, confused. "Well maybe I am. I swear I just saw Hunter."

"That's 'cause you did," Hunter said, smiling for the first time. He stood and Sebastian pulled him into a sloppy hug._ Yeah he's definitely drunk, _Blaine thought. He wasn't surprised.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sebastian asked when he pulled off his friend.

"I thought I'd come in for a visit. Haven't seen you in a while."

"How'd you get the address?" Sebastian asked, looking at Blaine for help. Blaine shrugged; he didn't give it to him.

"You gave me it," Hunter said, starting to realize that his friend was, indeed, drunk.

"Maybe I did I don't even remember." Sebastian went on to invite Hunter to stay with them, despite having moved in earlier that day and were thus without beds. The three slept on the floor in the living room on blankets and stray clothes. Blaine didn't remember the last time he felt like a child; the last time he was free.

Sebastian always had a good tolerance for alcohol and he almost never had a hangover. However, whatever was bothering him the night before must have called for a ton of booze. When they woke up the next morning Blaine found him doing a handstand against the wall of their empty bedroom counting to seven million in French. Blaine stood in the doorway for a few minutes simply staring at him.

"What happened to you last night?" He finally asked.

"Cinq millions soixante douze," Sebastian said in a monotone voice, his hands shaking from holing himself upright. "Cinq millions soixante-treize."

"Five million seventy-four," Blaine said, laughing, as he pulled Sebastian from the handstand position. "How long have you been doing that?"

"Cinq millions soixante-quatorze." Sebastian collapsed in Blaine's arms as his equilibrium gave way. "That's probably not the best way to spend your time," he said, clutching his head.

"I would assume so." Blaine helped him to his feet and the two began unpacking. Hunter was still asleep. "Are you okay?"

"Tip-top shape. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well I found you trying to be a gymnast or something," Blaine said. "And you look like you're gonna pass out."

"Just stuff from home," he said, "I'll be fine." Blaine shrugged, ending the conversation, but he knew something else was going on.

_IV_

Having Hunter around proved useful to Sebastian. They now had six hands to unload the place. He was surprised by how much he and Blaine really did have. Their dorms were so tiny it was hard to believe everything could fit in them. Hunter stayed quiet on the subject of the last year, but Sebastian immediately sensed something off. In the past Hunter never had much to say but it was never out of fear or sadness. He just didn't want to talk. But this Hunter, this one-year-older-and-slightly-balder Hunter was different.

"Hey are you okay?" Sebastian asked him one day. The apartment was fully furnished after a few days and Sebastian was dreading loading it back into his dorm. He and Blaine wanted to live there during the school year, but his father was renting it out to a family.

"I was gonna ask you the same thing," Hunter replied. Blaine was at work, leaving the two alone to entertain themselves.

"I'm always fine. Why do you ask?"

"You're drunk more than you used to be," Hunter said without looking at him. "You're always yelling away on your phone in French at 2 a.m. I could go on."

"I'm just busier now," Sebastian dismissed. For some reason he decided it a good idea to buy a pool table to place in the already too crowded apartment. "That's all. But you, you changed."

"This year was hard."

"Being a cadet's not all you thought it would be, huh?" he asked, a slight amusement in his voice.

"Not at all. And it's not funny."

"Sorry, man," Sebastian said quickly. He knew lack of a filter was a problem for him, but he also didn't see why he had to correct it.

"It's fine."

The rest of Hunter's stay continued in that fashion. He wanted to enjoy his time with old friends, but there was barrier between them that hadn't been before. During his first week there he tried to dismiss it, saying he felt awkward because they were in a relationship. He convinced himself he was uncomfortable because Sebastian and Blaine shared a bed each night while he slept on the couch. But Hunter soon came to realize it was something else. It was clear to him the changes a year brought.

Blaine was different, more mature, than Hunter remembered him as. The other boy always seemed to have a tighter grip on reality than the rest of them, but now it was even more pronounced. He didn't smile as brightly as before, and Hunter noticed he often didn't answer calls from old friends. It was as if he wrapped himself up in Sebastian and forgot the rest of the world. Hunter didn't blame him; he knew how enticing Sebastian could be. His careless whim was alluring, but Hunter now realized it was toxic.

At the end of his senior year he believed he felt something deeper for Sebastian, something more than friendship. He didn't spend time to think if those feelings changed his sexual orientation, or if he simply felt strongly for a friend. Throughout the school year he held on to the idea that he had a best friend, one he put on a pedestal. But just three weeks in his constant presence ruined him for Hunter. For two years he tried to believe there was something deeper to Sebastian. He wanted to believe it; he needed to. But just like everything else in his life, his ideal of Sebastian fell. While himself and Blaine and changed, allowing time to better them, Sebastian still had the essence of a spoiled child. It would be easy for Hunter to accept it, to see no problem in it, but he was done taking the easy route. When he first arrived in North Carolina Hunter assumed he would dread leaving, but after three weeks he was ready to return. He said his goodbyes to Sebastian and Blaine without intention of speaking again. He would leave them to each other.

"Hey Hunt! How was the summer?" his roommate asked when he returned to the dorm.

"Good, I guess. Yours?" After required conversation with his roommate Hunter set to work. He couldn't ignore the heavy sorrow weighing him down. Everything in him wanted to deny what he had witnessed, but he couldn't any longer. It was clear to him what Sebastian truly was. He was nothing: empty, callow, and virulent. He used the people around him, including Blaine, and Hunter couldn't deal with it anymore.

As he unpacked he thought of an old song, something one of the Warblers had shown him. It was soft, bittersweet song, and if he took it out of context it could work for him. He opened his suitcase and found what he had been searching for. A nearly two-year-old envelope of papers, papers he thought it was his duty to keep. But it wasn't anymore. It wasn't his job.

"_Thinking outrageously I write in cursive. I hide in my bed with the lights on the floor." _The old song whose title he couldn't place ran in his head as he wrote the letter. Sebastian and his issues were no longer his problem. He was passing them onto the only person who might know what to do with them. Blaine. He sealed the envelope, addressing it to Blaine's dorm, and fell into bed. His sophomore year began the next day and he had no drive for it. All motivation left him.

"_My friend is gone. He ran away."_

_V_

"Blaine Anderson." The voice shocked him out of his thoughts. It was smooth, inviting, and reminded him of another time.

"That's me," he said, almost running into the stranger saying his name.

"I'm Kevin Kennedy," the boy said. He had to be about a year or two older than Blaine, making him more of a man than a boy. "And this is Deja Rosemary," he said, pointing to the girl standing beside him. She looked oddly familiar to Blaine.

"Well hello Kevin and Deja," he said, still confused as to what they wanted with him. "What do you need?"

"We'd like you to join us," Kevin said slowly. He was tall and bulky with short red hair.

"For what?"

"You're so dramatic," Deja sighed, elbowing Kevin. "What he meant to say is that he wants you to join the Pitchforks."

"Is that a cult?" Blaine asked, looking around for someone he knew. The school bookstore was usually empty at this time of day. What were the odds that he'd be approached?

"Sort of," she laughed.

"Not at all." Kevin said.

"Then what are you?"

"An all-male a cappella group. I know you have experience with those, being a Dalton boy and all."

"That's how you know who I am," Blaine sighed, cursing the Dalton website for keeping the Warbler rosters from the last ten years on display.

"I knew who you were the minute you entered Dalton five years ago," Kevin said, his glare harsh. Deja looked on, amused.

"That's not creepy at all," she said, irritating him.

"So you're one of those guys that take show choir too far," Blaine said, collecting an idea as to who this boy was. "Let me guess, you rigorously follow message boards looking for high school kids to recruit when they get here."

"He's good," Deja said, looking up at Kevin with a smile.

"But for some reason you didn't approach me last year," Blaine continued, his mind still reeling. He always thought college a cappella was just something out of _Pitch Perfect. _How wrong he was.

"It's a big school and I didn't find you until it was too late," Kevin said. "But yeah, you're right. We need you to join us." The bookstore was all but empty, except for a girl looking for biology flashcards. Blaine felt small in Kevin's presence. Maybe it was the age or height gap that made him feel like the fourteen-year-old kid who auditioned for the Warblers so long ago.

"I'm sorry but I'm not interested," he said politely, returning to the book he was looking at.

"Why not?"

"It's just not my thing."

"But it was," he said. "You were the best the Warblers had in years."

"I was only a Warbler for two years," Blaine said, "and I didn't even graduate from Dalton."

"But your boyfriend did."

"Kevin that is _really _creepy," Deja sighed. She gave Blaine an apologetic look.

"Yeah he did but he doesn't go here so he won't join you." Blaine was becoming frustrated with this guy.

"He's a Tarheel. It's a shame really. You shouldn't fraternize with the enemy," Kevin said, crossing his arms.

"You're ridiculous," Blaine laughed, feeling as if he were in a movie. "I'm gonna go now." He managed to push past them and out the door, book forgotten.

Kevin and Deja shared a look. They knew their mission: get Blaine Anderson. It would be easy.

"I don't see why you want my help," Deja said. "He won't do me any good."

"Not directly, no," Kevin agreed. "But if the Pitchforks win this year it brings light to all Duke a cappella, including Lady Blue." He watched as Blaine crossed the road, heading for his dorm. "You know your job."

"I'm your girl," Deja said with a smile.

_VI_

Sebastian was tired, and more importantly, bored. He hated being in his dorm but there was _nothing _to do when he finished class. He finished the work and studying he had quickly, something that used to be helpful back in high school. But with no extracurricular activities it soon became a burden. He found himself wishing he could be like normal people, people who spent all their time studying and stressing out over school. He wished he could care enough.

"You know, I really fucking miss lacrosse," he said one November evening. Per usual he was in Blaine's dorm, stretched out across his bed while Blaine sat at his desk, typing away on his laptop.

"Then join a league," Blaine said flatly, clearly wishing for no distractions. As much as he loved him, Sebastian had to admit his boyfriend could be a drag. At least in high school he knew how to have fun.

"But they're all eighteen-and-under. I'm nineteen. This sucks." He continually beat his head against the wall in a broken rhythm.

"Can you go be annoying somewhere else?" Blaine asked, exasperated. His paper was due the next day, and thanks to Sebastian and other distractions, he had just started.

"But it's my job to annoy you," Sebastian said with a lopsided smile. Blaine looked at him and rolled his eyes.

"You're doing a grand job of it."

"What's this?" Sebastian said to himself as he sifted through a box on the floor. "Where's your roommate anyway?"

"He's got a job downtown. I haven't seen him in a while." Chris was working as a computer programmer, a job which paid a lot. The only time Blaine ever saw him was early in the morning.

"How convenient," Sebastian said with a smirk, getting up from the bed. "We should enjoy our time while he's gone." He pulled on Blaine's arm, leading him to the bed.

"I was trying to make use of my time," Blaine grumbled but put up no fight. Soon he was underneath Sebastian on the bed, arms around his neck.

"But this is so much more entertaining," Sebastian said, kissing him softly on the lips. Blaine shuffled out of his pants, kicking them across the room. "Beats a lousy paper, doesn't it?" He panted minutes later as they moved against each other under the blankets.

"You have no idea," Blaine sighed, flipping them over so he was on top.

"I get all tingly when you take control," Sebastian joked as he pushed his hair out of his face. They stayed in this position, something foreign to Blaine. He was used to Sebastian always being in control, always taking charge. He liked it this way, the power he had.

"Did I tell you about the guy trying to get me to join the a cappella group?" Blaine asked, breathless, as he lifted Sebastian's legs over his shoulders. His legs seemed to go on forever, one of Blaine's favorite qualities.

"An odd thing to say as you top me."

"You talk too much," Blaine hissed, adjusting to the new position.

"Says the guy trying to tell a fucking story."

"Anyway, this guy," Blaine sighed as he entered Sebastian. "Apparently has been borderline stalking me for the last few years hoping I'll join the Pitchforks."

"Probably not the best word to use right now," Sebastian breathed, kissing Blaine's neck.

"He's been following me after classes for the last few weeks and so has this girl with him." Blaine's speech was broken and interrupted with moans of pleasure. Sebastian loved watching him fall apart on top of him. It was different than when Sebastian topped- it was all speed and hunger, only with the occasional tenderness. With Blaine it was slower, and in a way it drove Sebastian more insane.

"Are you gonna do it?" Sebastian asked long after the conversation began. The two were a mess of tangled limbs on the small bed. "Join the Pitchforks or whatever?"

"No," Blaine said, cracking his neck. The bed he brought to college was half the size of his one at home, and even after a year he couldn't quite get used to squeezing himself and Sebastian into the tiny area. "I think my days of show choir are far behind me."

"I said that when I moved to France. You saw how I kept that promise." Sebastian slipped an arm behind his head in an attempt to stretch his back. He had no idea how Blaine dealt with sleeping in such a crappy bed.

"I don't think I can deal with stalker-ish Nazi show choir personnel anymore."

"I think you just described Hunter." They could hear commotion outside in direction of the showers. "What's going on out there?"

"This guy in my hall has been bringing his girlfriend in the showers," Blaine sighed, shifting himself on Sebastian's chest. "Apparently he got caught again."

"That dude's got balls," Sebastian said excitedly. "We should do that one time."

"I doubt that would go over well." Blaine rolled his eyes.

Once again, Sebastian stayed the night. Blaine wasn't sure if he should be flattered or annoyed that his boyfriend hardly spent time in his own dorm at his own college. The schools were close enough so it wasn't a problem as far as getting to class, but it was slowly becoming a problem for Blaine. He slipped out of bed at midnight to finish his paper. Chris was asleep on the bed across the room. Blaine was glad he had a roommate that was okay with Sebastian staying over.

His laptop buzzed from overheating. He cursed and opened it, hoping he didn't lose any documents. He knew he must have been a sight- sitting at the computer desk in his boxers, hair unruly and bags forming under his eyes. A picture of the moment would be perfect to put on a college brochure. It would definitely discourage slackers from attending. The paper didn't take as long as he thought it would, and soon enough he was sending it to print on Chris's wireless printer. When everything was done the clock read 3:04. Sebastian took Blaine working as an opportunity to stretch fully across the bed. Blaine had to laugh at the sight. The bed truly was too small; Sebastian's feet hung off the end of the bed. Blaine knew there was no way he was fitting on it too.

Fully awake, he decided to take the early morning silence to search through his mail. The mailroom was always busy and he dreaded going down there. He hoped there wasn't anything important he missed. Due to being in a rush most of the time he'd taken to throwing his mail under the bed. Silently, as to not wake Sebastian, he snuck underneath the bed and pulled out a large stack of envelopes and ads. Most of it was trash. The only ones worth opening were his cellphone bill, a birthday card from his grandmother (with $75), and a large, thick envelope addressed to him in cursive. _What's this? _He ripped it open without reading the return address.

_Blaine-_

_I realize this is a total dick move of me to send this to you after I've kept it for almost two years. I know. Anyway, you probably want to know exactly what it is and why I kept it for so long._

_After he got arrested in November (or was it December) of senior year he had to go see a shrink. I assume you know that. After a series of appointments, a diagnosis was sent to Dalton for him. (He and I put Dalton as the address, trying to keep parents out of it.) I picked it up out of curiosity and read it. I know I shouldn't have done that._

_Back then I had some sort of God complex. I thought I could fix the world. So after reading it and realizing its ramifications, I kept it from Sebastian. I hoped that by hiding it I could protect him. I thought if he had no idea of his official status he would continue to open up to you and I. I'm not naïve enough to think that Sebastian doesn't already know what is written in these pages. For a while I thought I could hide it, pretend it didn't exist, but this summer (or parts of it) only revealed what I wished to forget: that what lies in those pages are true. And because of this (among other things) I must remove myself from your lives. I think we both knew that would happen soon enough._

_Thank you, Blaine. We were never really friends, but because of you I found a friend. I know he thinks as high of you as he can._

_Take care._

_Hunter Clarington_

Blaine read the letter twice in an attempt to rid any confusion. He pulled the pile of papers underneath the letter out and scanned them. One line stuck out to him, one he didn't agree with. **Patient shows little to no interest in the happenings around him, or in romantic relationships.**Yet for some reason he couldn't dispel it, couldn't refute it. He could not read the sentence and say it wasn't true. It had always been true. From the time he met Sebastian years ago it was clear he held no interest in material things, or much of anything. But part of him held an interest in Blaine, didn't it? Didn't Sebastian tell him each night 'I love you'? Was none of it real? Blaine shoved the papers and Hunter's letter back in the envelope, throwing it under the bed and out of his mind.

_VII_

Sebastian hated his French classes. Hated them. There was no other word. He realized what an idiot he was when he chose to double major. His goal was law school, but before he could be accepted into North Carolina Law School, he had to graduate with a four-year degree. It could be anything. He chose-idiotically- to double major in Business Administration and French. He went into the programs with the idea that if law school bored him, he could easily work in his family's companies scattered around the world. It was a great idea. Then.

Other kids hated foreign language classes because they didn't understand a word their professor was saying. On the other hand, Sebastian hated them because he understood too well what they were saying. He knew the diction, the syntax, the history, and the arts. There was no reason for him to be wasting his time in class when he could be doing other pleasurable activities. But yet he held a perfect attendance and a perfect score. Back in high school he used to joke that it was hard being perfect, but he had come to the reality that it was all too easy. Perhaps that is why, after so much time, he still didn't understand Blaine. They had known each other for years, but Sebastian still felt as confused about him as he did the day Blaine tried to get him to join the Warblers. The ability to read and figure out people had not left him, but he still couldn't figure out Blaine.

Blaine was so eager for change but hardly took the initiative. He still wore his hair in the ridiculous gel, despite many arguments from Sebastian. He wore more or less the same wardrobe and spent his nights doing exactly what he had in high school. In fact, the only different thing about him was his refusal to join the Pitchforks. Sebastian thought he was secretly apprehensive about the phallic nature of the title. Sebastian found himself slowly becoming bored of Blaine, which scared him. He liked Blaine, loved him (if he understood the term correctly), and didn't want to lose him. But he could feel the shift he'd been feeling his whole life. It was the shift that caused him to switch between parents, between continents. It was the shift that could change him from flirty-but-harmless to full out rock-salt-slushy-mode. He didn't understand it and wasn't sure if he wanted to.

He liked to pretend he had many friends, but truly the only person he consistently talked to was Blaine. He hated his roommate, Marlin, the kids in his classes, the guys on his lacrosse team, and just about everyone else he came into contact with. Hunter would have called it a special talent, but that would insinuate he was speaking to Hunter. The last time he had any contact with his old friend was the summer, and even then it seemed they were not connecting as they had before. Sebastian knew losing friends was a consequence of time, but that didn't mean he was any less confused by it.

But overall, Hunter's absence from his life made no impact on him. Sebastian knew it would be easy to miss him, easy to wish for the past, but he also understood the futility of it. Pushing thoughts of the past from his mind, he slumped in his chair as the class continued. Most of the class was scribbling away in notebooks as the teacher lectured, and Sebastian had the sudden impulse to rip out every paper from each notebook. He wanted to burn down the Empire State Building and graffiti the Mona Lisa. As he slouched farther into his seat, a paralyzing fear hit him. It was a force he had never dealt with before. It was the realization that he was wasting his life. Tick…Tick…Tick… The clock was counting down and he was wasting his time in a class he already knew everything about. Was there ever any reason for him to be there? Anywhere?

"Class dismissed," the professor said, returning to her desk. Sebastian grabbed his bag and jumped out of his seat, eager to leave. His head was swimming with thought.

"Sebastian, right?" He jumped when a strange voice said his name.

"Uh, yeah," he stammered, hand grasping his bag tightly. There was no way he was getting robbed in the middle of class.

"I'm Evangeline." The girl held out her hand for him to shake. She was short, a little smaller than Blaine, with wavy blonde hair.

"What the hell kind of name is that?" He said without thinking. Evangeline furrowed her brow but said nothing. She had a knowing smile on her face, as if she could read his mind. Sebastian gripped his bag tighter.

"So the rumors are true," she said, cocking her head slightly to the side.

"At least they're talking about me," Sebastian said with a grin.

"Believe me they are," she sighed. "Anyway, DKE is having a party to celebrate the end of the semester. They wanted me to invite you."

"Delta Kappa Epsilon," Sebastian said, unimpressed. "Basically the wealthiest fraternity on campus." Evangeline stared at him blankly, expecting him to go on. "And they somehow know my name."

"Everyone knows who you are;" she said, "you're Sebastian Smythe." Sebastian studied her as she spoke. Her voice was androgynous: too deep to be traditionally female, yet too high to be mistaken for a male. She spoke flatly and without grandeur. She reminded Sebastian of himself.

"That I am," he said, walking out of the classroom with Evangeline on his tail. "And I assume DKE wants me to join out of the goodness of their hearts, right?" he added sarcastically.

"No they want your wealth," she responded, either acute to his sarcasm or frustrated by it. "They've run into some legal trouble, and they figure having someone like you join would help."

"They think I can buy them out."

"Essentially," she said with a shrug. "What do you say?" Sebastian contemplated his decision slowly. People hurried past him, but he stayed put.

"I think this could work," he said after a silence. "Who do I talk to?"

"I'll do all the talking," Evangeline said with a blank face. "The right people will get hold of you when needed." She finished with a nod and disappeared into the growing crowd. Sebastian pulled out his phone to make an important text as he realized the gravity of his situation. Things were about to change.

_VIII_

For the first time in months Blaine was finally able to sleep. The hall was quiet, his work was done, and Sebastian was out with his friends. Blaine could finally sleep alone in his own bed without distraction. That is, he thought he could. He was tired from the day before. Kevin Kennedy was relentless in his attempt to recruit him to the Pitchforks. Blaine thought it ridiculous and spent half his time around campus trying to hide from him.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Blaine pushed his head farther into the pillow. _I have to be dreaming. _It couldn't be past midnight and he was already being woken. "I SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Blaine moved his head to see Sebastian standing in the doorway.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he groaned. The clock read 12:00 A.M. on November 22, 2014. He was twenty years old.

"I had to be the first one to tell you happy birthday," Sebastian said, closing the door behind him.

"So you broke into my dorm at midnight while I was asleep?"

"Well I didn't actually break in," he said with a shrug, "the door was unlocked." Blaine was glad Sebastian remembered his birthday, unlike the year before, but wished he would have waited about eight hours. "And I brought ice cream cake!" he said excitedly, thrusting a Baskin-Robbins cake box in his face.

"Did someone say cake?" Chris asked from across the room.

"Go back to sleep," Blaine said. There was no reason to wake the whole goddamn building. "And thanks for the cake, Sebastian."

"Are you gonna eat it?" Sebastian was all but screaming. _He seems…happier than usual, _Blaine thought. But then again, maybe zero-dark-thirty was changing his perception of things. "You gotta eat it or it's gonna melt." Sebastian sat on the bed, on Blaine's feet to be exact, and started ripping open the box.

"Just put it in the freezer. I'm not eating cake right now."

"Yes you are. If you don't, it messes up my whole plan for today." _Plan? _"And I'm pretty sure you don't want to miss out on retro laser tag." Sebastian kicked off his shoes and started cutting the small cake that read HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY BLAINE in red icing. Blaine sighed and sat up. He always had a thing for ice cream cake.

"I love you," Blaine said, stuffing cake in his mouth. It had been so long since he'd eaten something so good.

"And I love you," Sebastian said, a strange smile across his face, as if he were hiding something. Blaine didn't stop to think about what he was hiding. Hunter Clarington's envelope of papers under the bed was never thought of.

After Operation Make Blaine's Birthday Amazing, everything went downhill that week for Blaine. The first semester was coming to a close, meaning he had twice the amount of work he usually had, and everyone on campus was in a frenzy. For some it was their final semester of college, but for the rest of them it simply meant a long, deserved break. Blaine was going home for Christmas, as were most of his old friends he hadn't seen in a while. He had no idea what Sebastian's plans for break were and hadn't had the time to ask.

"So what are you doing over the break?" Deja sat down across from him without invitation. Blaine was confused as to how she found him. He relocated to a new spot each day to keep away from her and Kevin.

"Hello to you, too," he said without looking up from his laptop. He sat at a wicker table outside one of the campus's many coffee shops. It was the smallest and least popular, and he had hoped he wouldn't be found.

"That doesn't answer my question," she said. Though she could be annoying, Blaine liked Deja much more than Kevin. She was about his height with thin, long legs. Her skin was dark, a mocha color. "Are you going home?"

"Yeah, I am."

"I'm staying in town," she sighed, resting her chin in her hand. "It sucks."

"I'm sorry," he said, still typing away.

"The Pitchforks are doing a concert for the end of the semester and want you to perform," Deja said quickly.

"Ah, I didn't think you came to inquire about my well-being," he replied with a smirk, closing the laptop.

"It's Friday night at seven. Kevin wants you there at six."

"Who says I'm coming?" he asked as Deja stood to leave.

"I know you weren't doing homework," she said. "You were emailing old friends because you just realized how lonely you've gotten lately. You'll be there." She winked and disappeared into the coffee shop, leaving Blaine alone with his thoughts.

He would be lying if he said Deja was wrong. He was lonely, and painfully so. He generally kept to himself; the only people he was on a regular speaking basis with were Chris and Sebastian. As pointless as he thought it was, getting back into performing could be good for him. _One performance can't hurt. Right?_

_IX_

"I knew he would be here. I told you he would be here," Kevin said to the group of boys around him. "Hello Blaine," he said, turning around to greet their newest member.

"Hi Kevin," Blaine said weakly as he looked around at the rest of the team. They were dressed in white dress shirts with no tie and unbuttoned suit jackets. One of the boys handed him a shirt and jacket and he went to change.

"Do you think he'll stay?" asked one of the boys.

"I think there's a good chance he will," Kevin responded. Blaine emerged a few moments later in identical clothing to the rest of them. It felt weird to wear a uniform, no matter how simple it was. It reminded him of his Warbler days, but something still felt off.

"So am I doo-wopping behind you?" Blaine asked, clearly uninterested.

"No, actually," said a tall Indian boy. "You'll lead us on this one." He handed Blaine sheet music with the harmonies.

"Don't you think that's a bit presumptuous?" He asked, flipping through the papers. "You don't even know if I can sing."

"Believe me, we know," the boy said. "I'm Joel, by the way. I'm sort of the lead here." A crowd larger than Blaine expected was filing into their seats. He adjusted his jacket and stood a little taller.

"Well Joel, sort of the lead, let's do this." He set the music on a stool and stood behind the curtain of the stage. Kevin and Joel exchanged looks behind Blaine's back. They were ready.

The first two songs went well, but Blaine couldn't help but wince at some of the harmonies. They were too weak, too reserved. He knew if Hunter Clarington were here he'd be screaming at them to up their game. Blaine stood in the second row of the triangular formation along with a freshman and two other sophomores. Kevin and Joel stood in the front as they sang. Blaine's song was the final one. He took a deep breath and headed to the front of the formation.

"_I'm at a payphone trying to call home, all of my change I spent on you."_ The song was quite high, but no higher than he was used to singing. It felt odd to perform again, to feel eyes on him as he led a group. _"Where have the times gone? Baby it's all wrong. Where are the plans we made for two?" _Despite their older age, the boys behind him were not nearly as reliable as the Warblers had been. They were clearly untrained and Blaine hoped his frustration didn't show in his face.

"_Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember the people we used to be." _The rest came in, filling out the beat. He was given no choreography so he took it into his own hands. _"It's even harder to picture that you're not here next to me." _He twirled as he reached the front of the stage, engaging the audience. The whole performance felt impersonal, as if they were performing for themselves and not the crowd. Blaine turned to stand in front of the formation again. It felt odd not to catch Nick's eye like he was so used to. _"You say it's too late to make it, but is it too late to try?"_ Even when performing with the New Directions, which was unnatural to him, felt better than this group. _"And in our time that you wasted," _he sang, returning to the front of the group.

"_All of our bridges burned down, I've wasted my nights, you turned down the lights. Now I'm paralyzed, still stuck in that time when we called it love. But even the sun sets in paradise," _the Pitchforks sang in unison. Blaine felt himself slipping into his old skin, his Blaine Warbler skin he hadn't quite felt in four years. He performed with the grace of a much younger person, attracting the audience. He shined.

"_I'm_ _at a payphone trying to call home all of my change I spent on you," _he belted, hand squeezing the microphone. _"Where have the times gone? Baby it's all wrong. Where are the plans we made for two?"_ Kevin snuck him a look telling him to calm down, to act like the rest of them. But Blaine didn't care. He knew he was showing off, going against their rules, but did it really matter? _"If happy ever after did exist I would still be holding you like this." _Kevin said they wanted to start a new era of Duke a cappella. _"And all those fairytales are full of shit. One more fucking love song I'll be sick."_ The group shifted to the left and Blaine took to the right.

"_You turned your back on tomorrow 'cause you forgot yesterday." _He adjusted the shoulders of his jacket which didn't quite fit right. It was no Dalton blazer, or even one of the dorky sweaters he wore to McKinley. _"I gave you my love to borrow but you just gave it away." _Performing always allowed him to go into another skin, but this skin was all wrong. _"You can't expect me to be fine." _The lights on the stage were too bright; he couldn't see the audience. _"I don't expect you care." _

"_I know I said it before but all of our bridges burned down, I've wasted my nights, you turned down the lights. Now I'm paralyzed, still stuck in that time when we called it love. But even the sun sets in paradise,"_ the group sang. They continued through the next chorus and the rap, which Blaine, thankfully, didn't have to sing.

"_Yeah one more fucking love song I'll be sick. Now I'm at a payphone," _he finished standing in front of the group. The audience exploded into applause and Blaine beamed. It felt good but he felt so horrible.

"You were great," Kevin said, holding out his hand for Blaine to shake. Blaine shuffled out of the black jacket and handed it back.

"I can't do this." He unbuttoned the shirt and put his own on, handing it back as well. "I'm sorry."

"Why not? It's clear you belong on stage." Blaine thought about his words. His whole life people had told him that. Kane Adams. Wes. Kurt. Sebastian. Cooper. His parents. Rachel. But never once did he believe it. He always felt performing was something dishonest. He could put on a face or do a vocal run and everyone would believe what was behind his eyes. It was easy to get on stage and act, to be someone else. But Blaine was tired of it. Too long he believed music was a part of him, but in fact it was something to hide behind.

"Maybe, but this isn't for me. I'm sorry."

"We remind you of the Warblers, don't we?" Kevin asked, folding the jacket. "You wished you were back with them."

"I haven't sung with the Warblers in four years," he hissed. It wasn't true. He had sung "Dark Side" with them, a song that ended up changing everything. "And you're nothing like them."

"Fair enough," the older boy said with a shrug. "But for the record, we didn't just want you for your voice. Whenever I read a message board post about you they always explained your character." Blaine looked up at him confused. "Sure, they talked about what a great performer you are, but they always talked about what a great person you are. I remember one," Kevin said, looking up to remember. "It said 'Blaine is one of those people that lights up every room he enters.' It was from years ago. Do you still do that Blaine Anderson?"

"You know nothing about me," Blaine said, turning on his heel and leaving. He couldn't explain the feeling in his gut. Kevin Kennedy and his friends were nothing but kind to him, but he couldn't shake the feeling he was being used. The feeling was not foreign to him; it was recurring for the last months. College was always something he thought would mature him, but it mostly just depressed him. Deja was right. The only person he had in his life anymore was Sebastian, but sometimes that was even a stretch. He was isolated from his old environment, a world that used to be so bright and full.

He hurried back to his dorm without responding to anyone who tried to talk to him. He called Jeff seven times but his friend didn't answer. They hadn't spoken in almost a year. Blaine reached his dorm long before Chris would be home. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw a stranger. He saw a lost twenty year-old with nothing but a bunch of textbooks, horrible internet connection, and a boyfriend. Was that all he was? He thought about Kevin's words. Those posters, whoever they were, really thought something of him. All the people at McKinley surely did. Was he failing them?

Jeff finally returned the call but Blaine didn't answer the phone. He threw himself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. It had been almost a full year since his last anxiety issue, thus he was out of practice of stopping them. His breathing was heavy, as if he had been running a marathon. Sweat poured down his face in beads and suddenly everything was spinning. Blaine gripped the sheets, forcing himself still. Sebastian left him a message saying he would over soon and Blaine sincerely wished he would not. His boyfriend had no idea how to deal with him when he got like this. Blaine squeezed his eyes shut and unclenched his jaw. Slowly he came to himself, slowly and gently he could feel his body easing. When he looked in the mirror again, his eyes were bloodshot and his hair was uncouth. But somehow he looked more like himself. What a strange thing, that only in time of crisis did he appear more himself.

He took a nap and when he awoke Sebastian was sitting on the floor going through his mail. He was wearing a Tarheel sweatshirt and a pair of Blaine's pants that were far too short. Blaine didn't stop to wonder why the hell he had them.

"Blaine," Sebastian said as he scanned a fancy letter, "I think we just got invited to a wedding."

_X_

Hunter was sure he would stab himself before he got called a 'yuk' or was forced to do anyone's dirty work. In short, being an underclassman sucked. He knew it was part of the experience, or whatever other shit his mother used to comfort him. It wasn't the rank itself that pissed him off- he didn't mind paying his dues- but the way he was treated. Even those his own age treated him as inferior. It made no sense to him. (Nor did his Engineering Mathematics homework.)

Over the course of two years Hunter had all but forgotten the freedom he felt when he was a student at Dalton Academy. He supposed it was the only year he ever felt like a child. He spent his whole life preparing to be an adult, and the first two years of his adult life wishing he was a child. None of the Warblers tried to contact him after graduation, but he didn't expect anything different. The only friends he had at school were the members of the Model UN forum he joined (originally as a promise to his mother, but he soon found he enjoyed arguing with people.) The members were nice enough to him but he couldn't help but think they all hated him. He was sore from running the day before and wished he could sleep through the rest of college. Sadly, his short sleep was interrupted by a phone call.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hunter!" said a female voice on the other line.

"Ivory?" It been so long since he heard her voice.

"Of course," she said, "where the hell have you been?" He could hear noise in the background, the gentle thump of a bass.

"Military Academy."

"Obviously. I meant why haven't you, ya know, called me or anything."

"I've been busy," he answered quickly, wanting to get off the phone. He never understood his longing for companionship when half the time he didn't want to be around anyone.

"Sure you have," she snapped.

"Your boyfriend just broke up with you," Hunter sighed. Her voice was shaky, as if she'd been crying, and the noise in the background was clearly music. She was surely at a party.

"You always did have an eerie ability to read people," Ivory said in a manner that indicated she didn't find that trait admirable. "No wonder you seem so lonely."

"You're upset or drunk or both. Let's not say anything we'd regret." Though it had been well over a year since he talked to the only girl who ever interested him, Hunter still didn't want to lose her good graces. She had been a refreshing change of scenery for him.

"Maybe I am," she said, "but that doesn't mean what I say isn't true." The phone call was hostile and tense, and Hunter was relieved when he finally hung up. Ivory sounded different: not as optimistic yet realistic as she used to be. She sounded like the other petty girls he knew. College really had changed her, he decided, as it had changed everyone else. When he first arrived Hunter played a game with himself. He reverted to his old ways and tried to see how many people he could get to do his bidding. But quickly that got boring. Either people caught on or they were too dense to realize what he was doing. People just weren't fun anymore, he came to realize. They had lost their luster.

_XI_

Going to a wedding was about the worst way Sebastian wanted to spend his time. If it had been anyone but Rachel Berry, he was sure Blaine would have agreed. He found it stupid that a twenty-one-year-old and a twenty-three-year-old were getting married, but he also supposed it wasn't his place to complain. Marriage would never work for him, even if it became legal. Of all days to pick up Blaine's mail he had to pick the day with the wedding invite. He cursed his luck.

Technically he didn't have to go, but the invitation was for Blaine and a plus one, making him the plus one. He thought it unfair that Blaine was making him go. If it were he that was invited to a wedding he wouldn't make his boyfriend go along. It was a kind of torture, he decided. Thankfully Blaine wasn't asked to be in the wedding. Sebastian could not have dealt with all the wedding party drama that accompanied every wedding.

"Why are Rachel and St. James getting married anyway?" he asked. "They're awfully young."

"Rachel says they're ready for it." Blaine dragged him tuxedo shopping, much to his chagrin. (The only good part about shopping was the chance of sex in the dressing room, but it didn't seem like Blaine was up for it that day.) "I think they're too young, too, but I'm not gonna start anything."

"I thought she would have learned when she tried to marry Finn," Sebastian said sharply.

"There's nothing wrong with Finn," he responded. "He's a good guy."

"But damn hard to convincingly photoshop into heels," Sebastian said under his breath. He still regretted that stupid prank. He should have picked someone in the New Directions more convincing, such as Kurt. Though he knew that Blaine's forgiveness would have been difficult after a move such as that.

"Just behave at the wedding please," Blaine sighed. "Let's just get it over with."

The wedding was in the beginning of January just before term started. Blaine and Sebastian took a flight to New York two days before the wedding to spend time in the city. Sebastian was usually against typical 'couple' stuff, but he did find New York sightseeing with Blaine fun. He missed a few DKE frat parties and he knew the guys would be pissed when he came back.

He hadn't told Blaine he joined the fraternity because he didn't think it was any of his business. He knew the whole 'fraternities are evil' idea was pretty prevalent and didn't want to start anything. Blaine had been sensitive lately, often going off on unnecessary tangents. Sebastian saw no need to heighten whatever was upsetting him. If DKE wouldn't help him he wouldn't have joined, but rich people always helped out other rich people. It was something Blaine simply wouldn't understand.

"Who do you keep texting?" Blaine asked the morning of the wedding. They were waiting in the parking lot of the vicinity.

"Roommate," Sebastian lied. It was terrible lie; Blaine would see right through it. Sebastian made no secret of how much he hated his roommate.

"Sure you are," he responded, dropping the subject. Sebastian knew he had been sneaky lately, but it was all part of the plan. He was using DKE like Hunter had used him years before. Anything to help out the family business.

When they took their seats Sebastian wanted to sit in the very back as to avoid emotional parents and also to get out quicker. Blaine insisted they sit near the front with the rest of the McKinley kids. Sebastian shrugged and followed him. He felt the eyes of ex-New Directions members on him, as if they still hadn't forgiven him. He put an arm around Blaine's shoulders and began counting by thirty-sevens in French. The ceremony was nice enough, with lots of tears and dramatics. Rachel's dress was stunning, even Sebastian had to admit it, and Jesse was crying when she reached him at the (figurative) altar. If he had the bone to care he probably would have cried as well.

The reception was much more entertaining, but would have been better if people believed he was twenty-one rather than his actual nineteen. He really needed some alcohol. The guys from the fraternity kept calling him, as did his uncle, but he knew enough about manners to ignore them. Business could wait.

The maid (well, man) of honor and best man speeches were tedious and too tearful for Sebastian's liking. Blaine seemed to find them endearing, but Sebastian wanted to fall asleep in his pork. The only thing that kept his attention was the cutting of the cake. Rachel's dads outdid themselves: it was four thick layers with about six different flavors. Sebastian ate his weight in cake.

"Enjoying yourself?" Blaine joked as he came back from talking to Sam and his new girlfriend. Sebastian sat alone at the bar, slouching in his chair and wrinkling his newly tailored suit.

"As much as I possibly can," he sighed, eating his fourth piece of cake. "This stuff is heavenly, though."

"You're an idiot." Blaine rolled his eyes and pulled out into the dance floor. "Keep it PG," he whispered when Sebastian's hands found his waist. "There are children here."

"I wouldn't even think about it."

Blaine managed to lighten his mood a bit, but the looks they were getting still sickened him. Apparently they were the only couple from high school still together, which was evident in the way half the New Directions wouldn't speak to each other.

"Can I cut in?" Santana asked. Sebastian backed up, assuming she wanted to dance with Blaine. "No, you stay." Sebastian shrugged and slipped an arm around her back.

"It's always nice to see you Santana," he said without a hint of irony. She wore a bright red dress that did nothing but highlight her figure.

"Look, rat, I don't know what you plan with Blaine, but treat him right," she said, all pleasantries gone. Sebastian turned her under his arm, smirking.

"I think you're about two years too late."

"I see how bored you look, how you look at him. You're not in love with him." Her words were sharp but his were sharper.

"You know nothing about me and Blaine," he said, dipping her. Onlookers would mistake the thrill of hate for sexual tension.

"I know enough to know that you're going to hurt him." Santana was almost his height with heels on. He couldn't help but notice she didn't bring a date.

"How 'bout we all mind our own business, sweetheart," he said when he saw Blaine approaching. "Have fun," Sebastian said sarcastically before returning to Blaine.

"What was that about?" Blaine asked.

"Just talking to an old friend," he replied, grinning over Blaine's shoulder at Santana.

"Of course."

The rest of the night waned on, and soon Rachel's family with younger children began to leave and the dancing could reach a more PG-13 atmosphere. Sebastian ran with what he could. It was boring and he needed to get back to their hotel room in Times Square.

"Hey everybody." Rachel took the microphone in the front of the room. She changed from her wedding dress into a knee-length purple dress. Jesse couldn't keep his eyes and hands off her. Sebastian found it to be sickeningly sweet. "I've always expressed my feeling in song and I wanted to do that tonight. I remember the first time I met Jesse." She smiled, mascara slightly running. "We sang together, and that's when I realized he was the one. It took many years and much heartbreak, but we found each other again. I've always been told I have a habit of talking too much, but Jesse was always the one to shut me up." The crowd laughed and Jesse looked at her, transfixed. "I could get up here and tell you for hours how much I love you, but I think singing it would be better. You make me speechless, Jesse. I can't formulate how much I love you." She looked over at one of her dads who was uncovering a piano. "This may be a bit of a weird song choice, but I think it works nonetheless."

"_I can't believe what you said to me, last night we were alone," _she began. Sebastian recognized the song immediately. It was a bit odd for a declaration of love. _"You threw your arms up, baby you gave up, you gave up. I can't believe how you looked at me with your James Dean glossy eyes; with your tight jeans and your long hair and your cigarette stained lies." _Hiram Berry played the piano slowly, most likely at her request.

"_Could we fix you if you broke? And is your punch line just a joke?"_ If it were any earlier in the evening Sebastian would have fallen asleep already, but something about Rachel's voice enthralled him. She was clearly one of the best performers he'd ever met. _"I'll never talk again, oh boy you've left me speechless. You've left me speechless, so speechless." _

As she continued with the song, Sebastian came to realize why he loved listening to her. There was something so honest, so raw, about her performance. Other people, including himself, put on an obvious 'show face' when they sang, but she truly meant every word she uttered. Blaine sat beside him, engrossed.

"_I'll never write a song, wont' even sing along. I'll never love again." _Sebastian moved his attention from Rachel to Blaine. Somewhere in the middle of the song their hands met, holding each other. He came to the realization that he had never been more in love with Blaine than he was at the moment. He thought about Santana's words, how she said he wasn't in love with him. _Maybe she was right_, he thought. _I don't even know what love means. _But after two years he was sure he learned something about it.

"_Will you ever talk again? Oh boy, why you so speechless? You've left me speechless, so speechless." _In essence, Blaine had rendered him speechless. Because of Blaine, because of this boy that loved him, Sebastian opened up. He saw worlds he would have never cared to, and understood that things were deeper than they seemed. He wished this love would deepen himself, would change him, but it hadn't. He was still Sebastian Smythe, future inheritor of his family's company. Nothing about his core had changed, but his mind did.

"_Some men may follow me but you choose 'death and company'." _Sebastian knew what it was like to be fawned over. He knew how men and women alike looked at him; he knew how they wanted him. But their attention meant nothing when he had Blaine. It wasn't something tangible, something he could describe, but Blaine had a pull on him. He used to wander aimlessly, but now he was grounded. It made no sense.

"_Why you so speechless, oh oh." _Rachel finished with a smile and single tear running down her cheek, but Sebastian didn't see her. Somehow his and Blaine's lips and met, a mutual understanding between them heightened. It was no different than the first kiss they shared five years ago outside room H2BZ. Sebastian remembered it like it was yesterday. He remembered the rough December air on their faces as they huddled together on a Westerville city bus. He remembered the bright look in Blaine's eyes that still hadn't receded after all that time. He remembered the soft lips against his own and the realization that his life was forever changed.

He fell asleep that night with Blaine pressed tightly against him, and for the first time in months his mind wasn't occupied by anything else. The future, school, fraternities, and business corporations could wait.

_XII_

When the second semester started off Blaine broke a promise. He sang once again with the Pitchforks, just to make sure it felt as foreign as he thought it did. He was right; it felt horrible. He said his goodbyes to Kevin Kennedy and company and promised to never sing in an a cappella group again. Something about seeing Rachel and the rest of his friends the week before set him on a sentimental binge. Everything reminded him of the past.

Sebastian was warmer to him when they returned from New York, but as the days passed he distanced himself again. Blaine knew he was up to something, but whenever he asked he was refuted. He needed to find out what was going on, but the only person who knew Sebastian like he did was at the Military Academy and hadn't spoken to either of them in months. It was up to him now.

"What do you know about Sebastian?" Blaine asked Deja outside the crappy coffee shop one afternoon. She and Kevin seemed to know an awful lot about the both of them.

"He was on the Warblers for three years, captain for one, won Nationals for two. He lived in France for the tenth grade, has a stepbrother named Nick Duval, and has been your boyfriend for two years. Is this a test?" She asked. Blaine cut off his ties with Kevin but still talked to her. She was friendly to him.

"You know something else," he said, studying her disposition. "Whenever I mention him you act like you know something I don't." He took a sip of his iced coffee and sat back against his chair.

"I know his ties to certain people, yes."

"Elaborate."

"Well for one, his family's company interests many people on this campus and his." Deja was one of the few people Blaine couldn't read. She never revealed much about herself.

"Company?"

"Don't tell me you don't know about his family's influence," she sighed.

"Well his dad's a state's attorney, though I don't know how that makes him as rich as they are." Blaine never asked Sebastian about his money; it didn't seem appropriate.

"Well, to inform you, his family runs a huge intercontinental business. That's where the money comes from. Sebastian is set to take over the company upon graduation." Blaine nodded to himself. That would explain the calls.

"Then why would he want to go to law school?" Blaine asked, more to himself than to Deja.

"A hobby? I don't know. If you were him wouldn't you take advantage of the scholarships you were given?" Blaine nodded. "Anyway, his presence at UNC has caused some stir amongst the other ridiculously wealthy students. It might explain why he joined Delta Kappa Epsilon."

"He's a frat boy?" Blaine asked, laughing. None of this was making sense to him. Though the two of them rarely discussed the future, it seemed clear to him that Sebastian wanted to be a lawyer like his father. Where was all this company business coming from? He thanked Deja and returned to his dorm.

"Hey Hunter, it's Blaine. I got the envelope. I think we need to talk," he said into the answering machine when he reached his dorm. If Hunter had known about what future lay ahead for Sebastian, it might give Blaine insight as into why he kept the diagnosis for so long. Blaine flipped through the envelope once more. Though he knew what the words said he wouldn't comprehend their meaning for some time. He would have to see the effects of Sebastian's situation from another viewpoint. He would have to be hurt by them.

Blaine threw the papers under the bed when Sebastian came back from getting pizza. He took a deep breath and hoped Hunter wouldn't call him back anytime soon. It was time for him to observe, to see what was really true. They spent the night as they usually did: eating, watching movies, and avoiding any emotional conversation. Blaine used to dismiss the lack of deep connection as something he didn't mind, but slowly he was starting to learn it was due to Sebastian's inability to connect. He didn't quite know what that meant yet, but it scared him.

Sebastian fell asleep before he did, his gentle breathing the only noise in the room. Blaine laid next to him engrossed in thought. He was sure everything was figured out until Sebastian whispered something that would change them both.

"It sure would be a hell of a lot easier if we moved in together," he said in a sleepy voice, staring at Blaine with huge green eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Well here we go, the final chapter. It's been quite a journey. (But never fear. There are epilogues coming.) You'll notice that there are 4 parts (Sebastian, Blaine, Hunter, War), and the first two parallel the last two. Part 1 Sebastian has 4 books, as does Part 3 Hunter. Part 2 Blaine has 3 books while Part 4 War has 3 books. This was done on purpose. **

**This is the 14****th**** and final chapter. I chose this number of chapters because Blaine was 14 when he met Sebastian. Also, in numerology, seven represents completion and perfection. 14 is double 7, representing both Blaine and Sebastian having reached completion in their tale.**

**I hope you guys get the symbolism behind the monopoly piece…**

**There is another time skip here. I hope you enjoy!**

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Part 4: War**

_Book 3: The Faustian Bargain _

_I_

ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE was written in Italian above the door of the philosophy building. Sebastian found Dante's words both daunting and accurate. His third year of college started off with an interesting twist. The semester had barely started when the higher powers of North Carolina fraternities called him to a meeting inside the building. An odd choice, for none of them took any philosophy classes. He pushed past the string of underclassmen desperately searching for their next classes.

The philosophy building was one of the smallest on campus, but it was still a good size. Just walking by the different lecture halls hurt his head. Sebastian always found philosophy pointless. He never understood how people could sit in a room for hours discussing human thought and morality. The idea that thought was abstract made no sense to him. To Sebastian a person's every thought and action could be easily predicted. People could be calculated and studied, as could their thought. It was hardly worth studying. What Sebastian found even stranger was the belief among philosophical intellectuals that human morality and religions had an effect on the outcome of people. He found it laughable. To him it was clear that people were born with set characteristics, and no matter how hard they tried to change them, it was futile. At least that's what he told himself for comfort.

The boy he was looking for stood alone at the end of the building. He was about Sebastian's height and muscular, clearly a football player. Sebastian had hated him before he even knew his name.

"Smythe," he said, digging in his pocket for his phone. "I see you didn't keep your end of the bargain."

"Elaborate, Braglen," Sebastian said.

"You heard me. The funds were never allocated into our accounts. You lied to us." Sebastian sighed and tossed his head back, rolling his eyes. Bradley Braglen, victim of a horribly alliterate name, was one of the most annoying people Sebastian ever had the misfortune of meeting. He was rich, and the worst kind. He thought that, since his father had a big name, he had one, too.

"There must have been a mishap," Sebastian snapped. "But I assure you it wasn't done on purpose."

"Look, I know you don't want to work with us, but you know what I can do if the money doesn't show up in the next two hours." Braglen tapped his watch in emphasis.

"Two hours is a bit of narrow time frame."

"Not at all. You're Sebastian Smythe, you'll find a way."

"Fuck you Braglen," Sebastian spat, turning on his heel and leaving.

It wasn't, in fact, his fault that Braglen and his buddies didn't receive their money. Sebastian did all in his power to get the money into their accounts, but his lovely stepbrother back in Ohio stopped the transactions. Sebastian hated that he and Nick had the same abilities in the company. (That is, until they graduate.) The transaction was simple- if he put the funds into Braglen and his friends' accounts, then their influential families would put good word in for Sebastian to his family. There was a bit more to how exactly it would benefit Sebastian, but it was nothing for Nick to get his nose into.

Sebastian fixed the issue with a single phone call. Soon everything would be working his way, and he was only just beginning his third year of college. Things were truly looking up.

_II_

Blaine walked around the lonely apartment in a haze. It was much larger than the one he and Sebastian shared the summer before last. He enjoyed it, but it became lonesome quickly. Sebastian had stormed out angrily an hour before, and Blaine still wasn't sure if he would return. It had not been a rare occurrence- Sebastian's leaving. Blaine couldn't remember going a whole week without one of them leaving the apartment in rage.

He cleaned the kitchen for the fourth time thoughtlessly. In the past when he felt like this he would usually call someone- Cooper, Jeff, Nick, his mother. But now he had no one to call. It had been months since he'd spoken to any of his old friends. Only when scrubbing the underside of the counter again did Blaine realize how cut off from the world he had become. His mother wasn't worried about his living status like she had before, but that was because she didn't know. As far as Blaine's family knew, he was still living in his dorm on the Duke campus.

Their fights were typically over stupid stuff, and when one of them finally returned, they were met with apologies and laughter over being so petty. But this time Blaine knew it was different. Their biggest fight had been a week before when Sebastian forgot to pay the power bill and they were in the dark for three days. Blaine wasn't mad at first; he offered to go pay it himself but Sebastian was having none of it. Ever since moving in together permanently, money became a huge issue. Sebastian wasn't working, but Blaine supposed he didn't have to. With the amount of money he had, he probably would never have to work in his life. Blaine's paycheck was small, but enough to support himself while going to school. Naturally, their fight earlier in the day had been about money as well.

"Don't pull that shit on me," Sebastian snapped. "You never cared about what my family did until you realized exactly how much money I have." It started in the stupidest of ways. Blaine remembered the first time things began to change. It was not long after he spoke to Deja about Sebastian's influence in the fraternity he joined.

"Sebastian I've cared about the money and I still don't. All I asked was why you joined that group of elitist Neanderthals."

"Sure," Sebastian said, "that's definitely what you're worried about."

"I'm not _worried._" It was not long after they moved in together, about the middle of the summer. Everything had been running smoothly until Blaine slipped and mentioned what Deja had told him. "I was just wondering."

"Bullshit." They sat in tense silence for some time. "In case you wanted to know," Sebastian said later, "the stuff about the money is true."

"What stuff?"

"About me paying them off to help my reputation."

"Ah," Blaine said. He had heard such rumors. "So you think if they put in word with their hot-shot families, you'd get your family's company." Deja, amongst others, informed him of the Smythe's influence. Sebastian's father was a state's attorney, but still held great influence in the international company. Sebastian's uncle was the current head, and upon graduation, that title would become Sebastian's.

"Essentially. I don't see why it bothers you so much," Sebastian said with a shrug. "They can't trace missing money back to me. And as long as Nick keeps his mouth shut, no one will ever know." The rest of their conversation went downhill after that. Blaine tried to explain that using people was not a good thing, but Sebastian was resilient. The yelling then turned into petty insults and resulted in Blaine redecorating the kitchen.

Blaine knew it would happen eventually. The fights would come, and soon enough they would fall apart. It was inevitable. He often thought back to better times when he was still naïve enough to think they could work. One of the fonder memories was the day he sang "Against All Odds"- incidentally, the same the day he told the New Directions he was dating Sebastian. He stayed after school and played the song over and over again. He couldn't forget the looks on their faces, as if he had betrayed them.

"_You're the only one who really knew me at all,"_ he sang softly as his fingers graced the piano keys.

"That's not true." Sebastian stood in the chairs facing the stage, still in uniform. Blaine looked up from the piano. "I'm not the only one who knows you."

"It feels like it," Blaine said. He scooted over on the piano bench for Sebastian to sit next to him.

"You have a lot of people that know you and care about you, Blaine." His uniform was wrinkled, as if he had been slouched in a too-small chair for some time. "Don't forget that just because I'm here."

Blaine shook the memory out of his head, trying not to dwell on the fact that he had done the exact opposite. As soon as his world filled with Sebastian he emptied it of everyone and everything else.

"_So take a look at me now, 'cause there's just an empty space."_

_III_

Sebastian came home a few hours later, around midnight, and the air was tense. Blaine was watching a stupid sitcom when the other came home. Sebastian's hair was matted from the rain and he had dark circles under his eyes. Blaine had no idea what to say. Often times they immediately apologized, but this time seemed different. The fight was more personal, more about the lies kept.

"I'm sorry Blaine," Sebastian immediately said as he shoved a soaked umbrella in the corner. "I was an idiot. I shouldn't have kept that stuff from you. You deserve to know what my life is like." Blaine said nothing, but muted the TV.

"I'm sorry, too. I meddled in your business behind your back." Sebastian kicked off his shoes and bent to kiss Blaine. He ran to change from his wet clothes, and Blaine could sense things were different this time. The apology had been as sincere as all the rest, but Blaine could feel a storm coming. (A metaphorical storm, that is. The rain had been going on for hours.) Sebastian was in the back for twenty-minutes, much too long to be changing. Blaine put the TV back on and tried not to think about it.

"What the fuck?" Sebastian yelled, emerging from the bedroom half-dressed. His dress shirt was attached only on one arm and his pants dragged water into the room.

"What?" Blaine asked, fear rising.

"What the fuck," he repeated as a statement. Blaine turned around and faced his worst fear. Sebastian had found the envelope of the diagnosis. "Why do you have this?" Blaine didn't answer. It was better to stay quiet; Sebastian had no doubt read everything in there. "Why didn't you give me this?"

"I was trying to-"

"I swear to God," Sebastian hissed, "if you say you're trying to protect me…" He took his shirt all the way off and ripped open the envelope, papers going everywhere. Hunter's letter fell on the floor and Blaine could see it was littered with water droplets. "What the hell is this?" He asked rhetorically.

"It's a bunch of papers," Blaine replied sarcastically.

"No shit," Sebastian spat back. "Seriously though, why wasn't this given to me?"

"You read Hunter's letter."

"I want your reason, not his." Sebastian began organizing the papers, avoiding the writing on them.

"It's the same. We, um," he said, "wanted to protect you." He knew this day would come, the day he could potentially lose everything.

"No you didn't."

"Excuse me?"

"You wanted to protect yourself." Thunder boomed outside and the electricity flickered. "You thought if you kept this hidden away for," he looked at the letter, "a year, you would forget everything you don't like about me."

"That's not true." Blaine's legs shook and he could sense an oncoming attack. _Breathe. Breathe. Breathe._

"Yeah it is. You really think I didn't know what these papers said before I read them?" Sebastian's voice was raised and shaky. "You took it upon yourself to hide something important from me."

"No matter what the papers say, you're still you," Blaine argued.

"If you think that, why did you hide them from me?" Blaine had no answer. "You're not the only one. Hunter obviously did. My parents still won't tell me what the doctors in France said. I know the answer, though."

"If you already knew then why are you so pissed?" He could feel his hands shaking as well.

"Because it proves my point," he hissed. "That you and everybody else likes the idea of me but not really me."

"Well, Sebastian," Blaine said, using his name for the first time. He wanted to stand but his nerves were shaking too much. "If you believe everything written in there is true, would you really care?" At those words, Blaine saw the other break.

"Don't you see?" Sebastian said in a lower voice. "My entire life I've been trying to _feel." _His breathing was labored, and Blaine swore he saw tears fall. "I've wanted to be something. Do you realize how hard that is? My...condition, allows me to be _anything_, but that's not what I want."

"I don't follow."

"The way," Sebastian forced out, "I am means I don't feel anything, right?" Blaine stared. "I can put on a mask and be someone else whenever I want to. I'm different around everyone."

"I think everyone is like that."

"To an extent, but not like this." Sebastian gripped the counter. "Around my parents and their socialites I'm the charming, charismatic son of Robert Smythe who's perfect in every way. In class I'm the asshole who already knows everything. Around you I'm the perfect loving boyfriend with the occasional sarcastic comment." He took a deep breath. "And to Bradley Braglen and his frat boys, I'm some conniving businessman only out for himself." Blaine clenched his hands. Sebastian mistook a panic attack for anger. "That's what makes you so fascinating to me," he said. "You have different aspects to you, but it's all you. It's not like that with me."

"Sebastian, don't say that," Blaine offered, only to be ignored.

"It reminds me of the song Hunter sang when we auditioned for _Les Mis,_" he continued. "It goes '_I just don't feel at home in mine, so I'll slip down into someone else's skin.'_ That's how it is with me," Sebastian tried to explain. "The only similarities between me your boyfriend and me the guy in class in my appearance. And it's always been that way. So when I found out that you kept those papers from me, of course I was pissed."

"I'm sorry."

"Save it. I was drawn to you because you're complex yet _one. _I suppose I've always known I was nothing, but it doesn't help. When I was kid I thought it was natural. I thought everyone didn't cry when their grandparents died. Only when I came to Dalton did I realize something was wrong." Nervous sweat trickled down his face and chest. "I want to feel so bad, Blaine," he said honestly. Blaine could usually tell when he was lying to get his way, but this was sincere. "I would trade all of this," he gestured to himself, "to be like you."

"I'm pretty sure I've thought the same thing," Blaine said. He wondered how many times he had wished he had Sebastian's carelessness.

"I would trade all the smarts, the looks, the musical and sports talent, the money, all of it, to smile like you do." Blaine was sure he'd just been inadvertently insulted. "It's kind of sick isn't it?"

They sat in silence, just listening to the harsh rain outside. Blaine was in the process of calming himself down and Sebastian was deep in thought.

"And that's why I can't forgive you," Sebastian finally said.

"What?"

"Normally I would be pissed at you keeping that from me, but an hour later I wouldn't care." Sebastian spoke slowly, hand still gripping the counter. "But not this time. If I want to learn to be a normal person with normal feelings, then I can't let this slide."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said, getting up from the couch. "If that means anything to you."

"It does. I'm gonna go to bed." He headed into the bedroom, leaving Blaine to sleep on the couch. Blaine thought it best they don't share a bed.

He covered himself up on the couch and thought about what had just happened. He supposed part of him knew, had always known, that there was something dark to Sebastian. But throughout the years he pretended it wasn't a problem, that it was just a part of him. To hear Sebastian admit everything, to put it all on the line, affected Blaine. To have all his fears spoken aloud shook him. Blaine could sense everything was about to change, and nothing would be the same.

"_But to wait for you is all I can do. And that's what I've got to face."_

_IV_

"Cadet Clarington," called the reporting officer. Hunter grabbed his bag and left the waiting room. He felt eyes on him as he rose. Though he was just a junior, he was given the chance to select where he would be stationed after graduation. "Sit down," the man said and Hunter obeyed.

They small talked for a while, mostly because neither of them wanted to return to what they should have been doing. Hunter was then handed a paper of all the potential places he could be stationed and the jobs he would be performing there.

"Is there anywhere out of the country?" He asked when he finished with the paper.

"Yeah," the officer said, "but people usually don't pick them right out of college."

"Well I'm different," Hunter said with a shrug.

"Good for you, Clarington." He spun his computer monitor around for Hunter to view. He scanned over the possible locations before settling on one.

"How 'bout Munich?" He asked, straightening his tie. Technically they didn't have to dress up to receive orders, but Hunter thought it appropriate.

"That's a bit far, kid."

"I think that would be good for me." The officer nodded and checked his name off.

"There's a chance it may change in a year, but as of right now you're going to Munich." Hunter nodded and left.

With his college career reaching its end, Hunter found himself growing. He still spent most of his time alone, but it wasn't out of depression or lack of friends. He realized he needed to focus on growing up rather than sulking. Getting out of a familiar area was the first step.

_V_

Two weeks after Sebastian discovered the diagnosis Blaine received a call from the Durham County Police Department. He sighed and answered. Sebastian was arrested. Again. Blaine bailed him out and the two left the police station in hysterics. It was the first time they had laughed together in months.

"I guess I can't run for president since I'm a convicted felon," Sebastian joked as he got in the car. "It was pretty fun though." It was a stupid charge, Blaine discovered. Apparently Sebastian and some of the guys from DKE were being too loud in a residential area, prompting the neighbors to call the cops. There wasn't even alcohol involved.

"That wouldn't be a good idea even if you had a clear record." It was dark and traffic was light. Blaine didn't want to go back to the apartment. All their problems came out when they entered it. "We should go do something," he said, ignoring the fact it was nearly ten o'clock at night.

"I know this cool mini-golf place," Sebastian said with a grin. Blaine took the next exit, and soon they were two of the few people playing mini-golf late at night. They both knew it was stupid that two college guys would be so engrossed in a typical child's game, but they didn't care. For the first time since the school year began they were able to loosen up. Blaine tried to forget their last fight, but Sebastian's words still haunted him. _I would trade all the smarts, the looks, the musical and sports talent, the money, all of it, to smile like you do. _He felt Sebastian's eyes on him the whole night, but not like they usually were. They were calculating, studying.

"Babe, we gotta do bumper boats!" Sebastian said after the eighteenth hole. Blaine agreed and soon they were in their separate boats prepared to ram each other into the waterfall. The pond was huge, larger than most at mini-golf courses. Blaine steered his boat behind a giant giraffe and waited. There were a few other boats in the water, and he had to make sure to not hit them.

"Goddammit, where are you Sebastian," he said to himself as he turned the corner. His hand gripped one of the water guns when he saw another yellow boat approaching. He cursed when it wasn't Sebastian and chose another place to hide. Not long after taking solace his phone rang.

"Hello?" He whispered.

"Blaine, it's Hunter," the voice on the other end said. Blaine called him months ago about the diagnosis but never received a call back.

"A few months late, don't you think?"

"Sorry about that," Hunter said quickly. "Anyway, I don't have a lot of time so let me tell you why I kept it."

"Go on." Hunter went on to explain the contents of his letter, only adding a few extra details. Blaine squeezed his phone between his neck and shoulder as he drove the boat.

"I meant what I said about him caring about you," Hunter said near the end of the conversation. "But please be careful."

"A lot of people have said that to me."

"I know," the other said. "I also know that you're an adult who can make his own decisions, but I know firsthand what caring about Sebastian can do to someone." Blaine nodded. He hadn't thought about it that way. "You can't save him, Blaine."

"I know," Blaine said, "I'm not trying to." With that he hung up and spun around from his hiding place, ramming his boat into Sebastian's and causing them both to be drenched from the waterfall. They erupted into laughter and Blaine understood what Hunter was saying. He couldn't save Sebastian, but maybe he didn't want to.

After drying off they returned to the car. Blaine still didn't want to go home, and Sebastian suggested they drive as far as they could and get a hotel room. Blaine checked the gas in his car and agreed. It would be nice to do something different.

"It's one o'clock and I'm about to die," Blaine said an hour into their trip. "We need to get some music on."

"Whatever," Sebastian sighed. Blaine connected his phone to the radio.

"Sing with me," he said, "or I'll fall asleep."

"No, we're not singing in the car. That's totally cheesy." Sebastian looked like he was about to fall asleep.

"Yes we are." Blaine stopped at a red light and hit shuffle on his phone.

"I hate you."

"_You need coolin', baby I'm not foolin'. I'm gonna send ya back to schoolin'," _Blaine sang along with the song. _"Way down inside, honey you need it. I'm gonna give you my love. I'm gonna you my love, oh!" _

"Please don't embarrass yourself," Sebastian said with a blank face. Blaine rolled his eyes and picked another song.

"_I've seen the seven wonders if you give or take a few, but all them seven wonders, well, they can't compare to you," _Blaine sang, sneaking a look at the passenger's seat where Sebastian was laughing.

"I think that's worse."

"Then you pick a song."

"No," he said, "this is ridiculous." Blaine picked another song.

"_There was a time when I was so broken hearted. Love wasn't much of a friend of mine." _When Sebastian didn't immediately protest, he continued. _"The tables have turned, yeah 'cause me and them ways have parted. That kind of love was the killing kind."_

"_All I want is someone I can't resist," _Sebastian sang, looking at his feet. Blaine smiled. "_I know all I need to know by the way I got kissed."_

"_I was cryin' when I met you, now I'm tryin' to forget you," _they two sang together. Blaine couldn't remember the last time he heard their voices mesh so perfectly. The windows were down and the only sounds on the road were their singing and the occasional cricket. "_Your love is sweet misery. I was cryin' just to get you, now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you do what you do down on me."_

"_Now there's not even breathing room between pleasure and pain," _Blaine belted.

"_Yeah you cry when we're making love, must be one and the same," _Sebastian continued, smiling. Blaine wished he could photograph the moment.

"_It's down on me, yeah I got to tell you one thing."_

"_It's been on my mind and I gotta say."_

"_We're partners in crime," _Blaine sang slowly, afraid he was getting the words wrong.

"_You got that certain something. What you give to me takes my breath away." _Sebastian's voice was smooth and heavenly, like chocolate. Blaine looked away from the road to look at the boy next to him. For months he'd constantly been on edge, but now he felt serene. Maybe things were changing for the better.

"_Now word out on the street is the devil's in your kiss," _Blaine sang in a flirty voice. _"If our love goes up in flames it's a fire I can't resist!"_

He took the next exit for the hell of it, and it appeared they were heading into Virginia. Neither of them seemed to care; however. They were engrossed in their song. _"I was cryin' when I met you, now I'm tryin' to forget you. Your love is sweet misery. I was cryin' just to get you, now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you do what you do down on me."_

They reached a rundown motel on the Carolina/Virginia border and decided to stop for the night. They had a few days break before classes resumed, and getting out of town was best for both of them. Sebastian turned off his phone; money-hungry frat boys could wait. He was still laughing when they reached the motel room. The woman at the front desk, no doubt a cradle homophobe, refused to give them a room with a single bed, forcing them to share a twin. Somehow they fit, a mess of tangled limbs. Sebastian wasn't sure what was happening to him, but it felt good.

As Blaine synced his breathing to the gentle rise and fall of the chest below him, he came to the realization that he loved Sebastian more than he was loved back. He loved Sebastian more than the other loved anything, even himself, which was a tall order. His love for Sebastian consumed him. It took the old beat of his heart and arranged it to one that could not beat alone. A long arm was gently laid over him, and even in the act of affection, Blaine knew it wasn't real. He didn't know what ran in his lover's head, he doubted anyone did, save for maybe Hunter Clarington.

Sebastian Smythe was the pure human specimen. Smart, beautiful, aware, and with nothing as trivial as compassion to hold him back. Blaine envied the sleeping boy. It must have been an oddly freeing sensation: to not care. He wasn't malicious in his apathy, but it still hurt the ones closest to him. Blaine adored him with only a vague notion of the void that lay behind the boy's eyes. Blaine often found himself refusing to look at Sebastian out of fear he would find a flaw in the otherwise perfect face. He feared one day he would awake to find a monster living in the boy's body, one he was still unaware fully existed.

"_Our love, sweet love, ain't love 'til you give your heart away."_

_VI_

The two stayed in Virginia for three days, long enough to rekindle whatever had been lost since they moved in together. They stayed at more crappy motel rooms and bought new wardrobes, considering they left theirs at home. They were more adventurous than either of them remembered being in ages. Sebastian had bite marks all over his neck from Blaine trying to silence himself when they had sex in changing rooms. Somehow they were never caught. (Sebastian thought the store's owner was a secret voyeur.)

Sebastian tried to watch Blaine from afar. He tried to mimic his actions around people, which was easier to do when they were away from home. He wondered if Blaine had caught on yet. It was sick, he knew, to treat his boyfriend like a science experiment, but he had to know how to react. For years neither of them spoke of Sebastian's obvious lack of connectivity, but now it was all the two could think about. During high school it was different. They were both surrounded by enough people and distractions, but now, in college, they were all the other had. It frightened Sebastian. He lived his every moment planning to take over the family business and please his predecessors. No one ever spoke of his condition, which both his parents knew of. In the area of business, being like Sebastian was an advantage. The cold-heartedness that accompanied his every action was desired. But in the real world it was not.

Sebastian couldn't remember the exact moment he realized he wanted to change. He thought it was when he returned from France. He saw horrible things happen, and was scared by his total indifference toward it. Lesser men would have been traumatized by what he saw. Upon his return to Dalton he noticed how no one wanted him around. They hated him, and rightfully so. But he still didn't care. Only in seeing Blaine again did he realize he wanted to change.

If he were in another life, he knew he would have fallen head-over-heels in love with him. The kind of love Sebastian felt wasn't the same as everyone else. His love was all-consuming and selfish. His personality was flexible, fixable, and over time he had slowly morphed himself to be someone Blaine wanted. But he realized it wasn't the right thing to do. He wasn't a puppet or a clay doll to be designed for someone's liking. In no way did he blame Blaine- he did it himself. Only upon returning from their weekend trip did he realize how unhealthy their situation was. Sebastian knew he would have to break it, but had no idea how to. How could he live without Blaine?

As the months passed, Sebastian understood he could not be the one to break it. He couldn't up and leave- for several reasons. The first being he didn't think he could. For years he didn't care what his situation did to people. He used it, abused it, and lost so many that could have helped him. But now, in the third year of his relationship, Sebastian realized it was time to lose the one thing that ever meant anything to him.

"_How can I just let you walk away? Just let you leave without a trace...You're the only one who really knew me at all."_

_VII_

Hunter did his best to run four miles a day. Depending on the weather it could be easy, but most days it was difficult. The icy January air was cold on his limbs and he found himself hoping Munich would be much warmer. He had aced his midterms and felt on top of the world. His roommate invited him to a party that night, the first he would attend, and Hunter had no idea how to behave. The last party he attended was the Nationals after-party nearly three years before.

It was hard for him to swallow the fact that it had been that long. Sometimes Dalton felt a minute away, and others a lifetime. College life got better, but Hunter still felt downplayed. Everything he ever put hope in fell before his eyes. Family, friends, love, country, military, college. He saw his statues become shackles and he had no idea how to deal with it. It would be easy to go to the party and pretend he belonged there.

"Do you believe in true love?" asked a high-pitched voice. Hunter looked around, confused. There was no way he was starting to hear things now.

"Where are you?"

"Sorry," said the voice. "I have a bad habit of doing that." In front of him, out of a bush, emerged a small boy, probably around ten or so. Hunter stopped running and put his hands on his knees to catch his breath.

"What did you ask?" The boy was small and wore huge black glasses and a Flash t-shirt.

"I asked if you believed in love." The boy adjusted his glasses. "It's for a survey." He held up a clipboard of names and ages.

"Oh, okay." Hunter stood up straight and wrapped his arms around himself. It was freezing outside. "What kind of love?"

"True love."

"No," Hunter said slowly, his mind reeling. "But I believe in love."

"That doesn't make any sense," the boy said, scribbling away on his clipboard.

"Sure it does. I don't think love is some unbeatable force, but I do believe it can really change a person."

"Are you a philosophy student?" the boy joked. Hunter shook his head. "What's your name?"

"Hunter Clarington."

"Age?"

"Twenty-one." The boy nodded and wrote the information on his sheet. "What do you think about love?"

"I think," the boy said slowly, "that it's available to everyone, as long as they keep looking for it." Hunter smiled at the kid. He reminded him of himself.

"That's a big idea you got there."

"It's true. If you're lonely, just know your time is coming," the boy said with a smile before disappearing back into the bushes.

Hunter spent the rest of his run thinking about what the boy said. It made sense, it a perverse way, that everyone could be loved. For so long he was sure he was unlovable. Strangely enough, the words of an elementary school student opened Hunter's eyes to the possibility of believing again.

_VIII_

March was the strangest month of the year to Sebastian. It was the first month of spring, but ended up feeling more wintery than it granted. But on days like this, it felt like summer. He took the elevator to the fourth floor and walked down the hall to the apartment. The afternoon was young, and Blaine was still in class. Sebastian's lacrosse practice tired him out and he wanted nothing more than to have a cold beer and a nice nap.

He checked their mail on the way up, but there was nothing interesting. He threw the pile on the counter upon entering and headed into the bathroom to shower. His face and arms were covered in grass and his left knee was bleeding slightly. He dabbed at it with a wet washcloth, but stopped when it started stinging. _Dammit. _Sebastian threw the washcloth across the room and shut the door. Something felt off.

Leaning back against the door, he took a deep breath. He felt like he was going to throw up. The air outside was muggy and humid, but not enough to illicit sickness inside him. Something else was going on, something he couldn't explain. He told Blaine months ago that he would try to be like a normal person, which he had, but to no avail. It was tiring to listen to people's problems and try to care. And try he did. For months he tried to put other people, mainly Blaine, in front of himself, but he simply couldn't. He tried to console them when they lost family members or had to put their dog down, but there was nothing there.

He pulled off his shirt and socks and started the shower. The water heater in their building was terrible, forcing him to run the water for a few minutes before it would be warm. Beads of sweat poured down his neck that hadn't been there before. He sighed and ran a hand through his stiff hair. The realization he was afraid of, the realization that he could not continue on this path of curing, hit him. It was time for it to break.

The water ran for five minutes, long enough to warm it, but Sebastian had no desire to shower. He felt dirty. His upper lip was salty from sweat, and only in looking in the mirror did he realize it was from tears as well. Crying was something foreign to Sebastian; he didn't remember the last time he had done it. His face was pale, eyes red and swollen. The only discernible color was the faded green of his irises. Tears didn't make sense to him. As he understood it, they fell when one was sad or extremely happy, but he was neither. If anything, he was frustrated. Frustrated that he couldn't change, and as paradoxical as it sounded, frustrated that he couldn't care to change. A hot impulse struck him, as it often had. It was the impulse to finish his tale. Ever since he was a child he knew there was only one way he would cease. It was inevitable, and he could feel it coming. He just wished he had more time.

After a few minutes of staring at his tearstained face, he undressed and stepped into the shower. The water was hot, scalding almost, but he didn't mind. No matter how long he stood under it, it would never wash away what he was born with. He thought about what he overheard at the philosophy building, and suddenly it made sense. Sebastian had made the deal. He traded any chance to have a sense of self for perfection. Sometime before his maturity his subconscious made Faust's bargain; it worked with the devil. He traded the chance to have a soul, to love as fully as Blaine did, to be the envy of everyone. Sebastian almost wished he could have Faust's exit, that he could be carried off to Hell without touching anyone's life. But, because he lived in a cruel world, he touched the life of someone who would have been better without ever meeting him.

Stepping out of the shower and wiping the tears from his eyes, Sebastian dressed and exited into the living room where Blaine stood. His hair was swept back from the strong wind.

"Blaine we need to talk," Sebastian said gravely as he entered the room. But he didn't want to talk. He wanted to hold Blaine, to kiss him, and watch him fall apart under his glare. He wanted to pretend that everything was okay and what lay on display was true.

"About what?" Blaine paced the room quietly. Sebastian could tell there was something wrong with him, too.

"Remember what I said a few months ago about wanting to change?" Blaine nodded. "Well that's not gonna happen." He knew his voice as too sharp, but it was out of necessity. He had to get the point across. "I can't do it."

"Of course you can."

"You read the paper from the shrink," Sebastian said harshly, shaking the water out of his hair. "Science says I don't have a soul, and I believe in science."

"Sebastian, you and I both know you're more than that paper says." Sebastian wanted to laugh. Of course Blaine was being calm, trying to downplay the problem in his own head. Everything about the situation was so damn predictable.

"No I'm not," he asserted. Sebastian couldn't remember the last time he used that tone. He hadn't even been that harsh on the Warblers; that had been Hunter's job. But he was different person then. "You saw it. It called me a sociopath, and that's exactly what I am."

"No you're not." Sebastian was on a roll now. He knew if he said the right thing he would have Blaine crying in minutes. But that wasn't his objective. He didn't want to ruin the boy; he just wanted him to leave. "Don't say that."

"But it's true!" he yelled. "And we both know it. You knew it when we got together. You knew I was using you, and you didn't care." Blaine stared at him wordlessly, sending him a message: this is war. Usually arguments such as these would either piss off or excite Sebastian, but he felt nothing but dread. "I wanted to feel and you wanted to feel better about yourself. That's why we got together and that's why we haven't split yet."

"I didn't use you, Sebastian." Blaine's eyes squinted in anger and Sebastian could see his hands clenching. _Great. I didn't want to give the guy a panic attack. _

"Yeah you did." Sebastian was circling the room. "You cheated on Kurt and felt like shit so you got with me. I made you feel something and there was no risk of hurting me. Right?" Blaine showed no indication of answering. "And I wanted to feel something so I picked you. It worked for three years, but it's not gonna work anymore." Blaine opened his mouth to respond but quickly shut it. Sebastian knew he was agreeing with him. _Good. _"I see that you're depressed and lonely. I'm about the only person you talk to anymore."

"That's not true," Blaine argued.

"Yeah it is. Sam Evans invited you on a road trip for spring break but you declined. If you weren't so isolated you have gone." Sebastian felt himself slipping into another personality. He was no longer the warm but sexual person he was around Blaine. He was vicious, a snake, and what Kurt Hummel had called a "smirky meerkat". "You have a panic attack about every other day and you know I have no clue on how to help you with that."

"You know about those?"

"Really?" Sebastian scoffed. "You really think I thought they stopped? I know they've gotten worse but I don't know what to do about it, so I kept quiet."

"Thanks," Blaine said sarcastically.

"I don't know how to help you and I don't know how to love you." Sebastian felt the sting of tears return but he blinked them away. Blaine couldn't see him as weak; that would defeat the whole purpose.

"What the hell are you going on about?" Sebastian knew Blaine was hardly one to argue. He usually listened and kept quiet. He was pensive and thoughtful, but Sebastian could read him perfectly.

"I read online somewhere," he said, "that Christian Bale described Tom Cruise as having a 'very intense friendliness with nothing behind the eyes.' It sounds like me, doesn't it?"

"Are you drunk?"

"No, I'm not. I'm thinking clearly for the first time. Blaine we aren't good for each other." Blaine said nothing once again. The two stared at each other, green eyes meeting honey, but there was nothing peaceful or loving about their connection. It was broken and tarnished, much like both of the boys.

"I'm gonna go," Blaine finally said, grabbing his wallet and leaving the apartment.

"Goodbye, Blaine," Sebastian whispered, an alien feeling of guilt and loss building inside him.

"_That kind of love was the killing kind."_

_IX_

Surprisingly, Blaine didn't cry or do anything in anger. He simply got into his car and drove to the bar where Lady Blue was having their open mic night to launch off spring. It didn't feel like spring to Blaine. He didn't turn on any music or call anyone. He tried to bleach his mind of thought, but he couldn't help but dwell on what happened inside the apartment. Some part of him had known for years that Sebastian was correct. He wasn't palpable or contingent. Blaine thought about Nick told him years before. "It's because he doesn't have feelings." He used to think it was typical sibling rivalry and jealousy, but as the years passed, Blaine knew Nick was right.

He pulled into the parking lot of the bar and hurried in. The rain had subsided but the ground was still wet. When he arrived he quickly found Deja and sat beside her. She looked to him, concerned, but he shook his head. Now was not the time for music. A girl took the stage for spoken word, but Blaine wasn't listening to her. He was thinking about what Sebastian had said, namely about his panic attacks. Sebastian knew he was suffering but said nothing. That, above all else, wounded Blaine. That was the chief reason he knew he had to make a quick decision.

His anxiety had been in his life just about as long as Sebastian had: seven years. His illness came in January of his eighth grade year and he met Sebastian that March. They were the only two constant things in his life, making him realize how truly messed up he was. When the girl finished and no one took the stage, he hurried to it and whispered to the pianist. Deja shot him a confused look but he ignored her. It was time to wash himself in music.

"Hi," he said sheepishly, "I'm Blaine Anderson and I'm a junior at Duke. I'll be singing "So Anyway" from _Next to Normal. _I, uh, hope you enjoy." He looked to the pianist who nodded and began to play. The last time he sang in front of people was his second and final performance with the Pitchforks. The microphone felt odd in his hand.

"_So anyway, I'm leaving. I thought you'd like to know," _he began. He wasn't incredibly familiar with the song, but it showed up on Rachel's Facebook the day before and he had to listen to it. _"Your faithful come-what-may, but clearly I can't stay. We'd both go mad that way_."With just a few lines he was enveloped in the song, memories rushing back to him. "Sebastian Smythe," the boy said coolly, taking his hand off Blaine and extending it for him to shake. "B-Blaine Anderson," he stammered. The room suddenly felt very hot. Sebastian shook his hand longer than necessary before winking and saying, "See ya 'round freshie."

"_So here I go, and anyway I'm leaving. I guess that you can see." _Blaine knew the context of the song vaguely, but with each word he gave it a new meaning. _"I'll try this on my own." _Suddenly he was back in Dr. Minerva's office years before. "You need to have a support group, Blaine," she had said. "_A life I've never known. I'll face the dread alone." _He thought about what Sebastian said, about how he didn't have any friends anymore, and knew he had been correct. _"But I'll be free."_

"_With you always beside me to catch me when I fall," _Blaine continued. He heard Sebastian's voice, forever young, in his head. "Don't give a damn about what they say. Just do what you want. Live life; breathe air, all that shit." _"I'd never get to know the feel of solid ground at all."_ As the words flowed he began to hold back tears. "I made this decision on my own, and I would have made it even if you weren't right there in Durham," Sebastian asserted. "It's best for me to stay here. I can't go off across the globe to live up to the amount of money my family has. I'm not my family and I'm not my image. I'm staying here. With you."

"_With you always believing we can still come through, it makes me feel the fool to know that it's not true." _The audience was all his now, but he couldn't bring himself to enjoy the spotlight. "_What doctors call dysfunction, we tried to call romance." _"I'm sorry about your eye," Sebastian had said, "just give me a chance." But Blaine was tired of giving chances. _"And true, it's quite a trick to tell the dancers from the dance. But rather than let chance take me, I'll take a chance."_

"_I'll take a chance on leaving," _Blaine sang with a death-grip on the microphone stand. _"It's that or stay and die. I loved you once and though,"_ he sang, remembering the first time he locked eyes with Sebastian. _"You love me still I know, it's time for me to fly." _The song was coming to an end and Blaine took a deep breath. "_I loved you once and though, I love you still I know," _he managed to sing as the tears fell. The finality of his upcoming choice rained on him. _"It's time for me to go." _The crowd clapped lightly as Blaine hit the high note.

"_And so, goodbye." _He bowed at the applause and returned to his seat beside Deja. She kept sneaking him looks, and each time she did, he looked away. He wasn't ready to say goodbye.

_X_

When Blaine came home Sebastian was sitting in bed reading a French novel. Blaine changed into pajamas and sat beside him. Neither of them talked or acknowledged the presence of the other. Blaine stared at the yellow wall across him, trying to memorize each curve of the paint. As a child his mother always told him to list pros and cons of a situation. He took her advice and began counting them off, starting with the cons. The slushy. Manipulating Rachel and Jesse. Getting Tyung expelled. The constant insulting of Kurt. The whole situation. Blaine bit the inside of his cheek and steadied his breathing.

Sebastian announced he was going to bed at around eleven, and Blaine spent the remaining moments memorizing his face. He hoped he wasn't too obvious, but soon didn't care. He put the exact shade of green of Sebastian's eyes to memory. He watched the contours of his face and his expressions when doing something haphazard. Blaine breathed slowly and only got up when Sebastian had settled into his side of the bed.

He rose silently, praying Sebastian wouldn't notice a rise in the bed. He paced the apartment for an hour before pulling out his suitcase and duffle bag. He started with the trophies and pictures, possibly the hardest part. He packed the mini-Nationals trophies first, and then the pictures. Blaine stuffed the picture of the Warblers of his freshman year facedown; he couldn't get attached now. As he zipped up the duffle bag he found a small piece of cardboard, something he had forgotten about. The day was still fresh in his mind, however. It was the day he and Sebastian played a monopoly tournament with Sebastian's lacrosse team. It was one of the few days Blaine remembered the other truly calming down.

"_So anyway, I'm leaving. I thought you'd like to know." _He stuffed the piece of cardboard in his pocket and continued to pack the things he needed. The furniture could stay. He wasn't worried about it. He thought more about what Sebastian said about them using each other. As much as he wanted to deny it, he had to admit Sebastian was right. They didn't work together because they found each other when they were trying to fix themselves. Life didn't work that way: one couldn't love selfishly. Blaine didn't know what lie ahead for him, but he was prepared.

"_With you always beside me to catch me when I fall…" _Sebastian had been in Blaine's life since the time he was just a broken, traumatized boy. Save for the year he spent in France, Blaine was exposed to him nonstop since the time he was just fourteen years old. Other than his family, Blaine hadn't known anyone that long. As he started throwing clothes into his suitcase, he was aware that things were going to change for good now.

It wasn't just a bump in the road or a botched turn. No, this was the end. Blaine remembered valedictorian speech of his freshman year. The boy had talked about war. Blaine never saw his life as a war, but he realized that it truly was. He had been fighting forever, and somehow, he'd been granted the opportunity to have Sebastian in his life. He thought of a song Rachel would always sing_. "Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good."_

Parallel lines, in math, had been described to Blaine as lines that remained a set distance apart forever. No matter how long they got, they would never cross. He often wondered how many lives he was parallel to; how many people he would never affect. But he knew, then, that he and Sebastian were intersecting lines. They met at point, but then would separate to never meet again. Sebastian had affected him, as he Sebastian, but they were destined to part.

"_What doctor's call dysfunction we tried to call romance." _And try they had. For years they tried to dance around whatever separated them. The Warblers. New Directions. Kurt. A slushy. And now mental illness. They simply could not love each other as deeply as they both wanted. Blaine held no animosity toward the other. He knew it would be wrong for them to stay together. Hunter Clarington once described Sebastian as toxic, and only now did Blaine understand. He had declined Sam's offer for a road trip out of apathy. He simply didn't care to go. How long had it been since he spoke to Cooper? Jeff? He had isolated himself. Sebastian's personality may have been pliable, but Blaine was becoming like that, too. That's why he had to leave. Before he didn't even realize there was a problem. "_And true, it's quite a trick to tell the dancers from dance."_

Blaine surveyed the apartment one last time to make sure all his things were packed. The apartment still looked so full, despite his belongings being gone. Much like Sebastian's life, the apartment wouldn't be affected once Blaine left. He was scared; it was a big jump he was uncertain about. _"But rather than let chance take me." _

He entered the bedroom one last time and looked at Sebastian's sleeping face. Blaine didn't think he would ever get over his beauty. Years ago he told Kurt Hummel he was the love of his life, and even then Blaine knew it wasn't true. Sebastian was, and he always had been. He was the one that opened him up to the world, and Blaine owed him everything. But he didn't owe him his sanity and wellbeing. "_I'll take a chance." _He walked slowly around the bed, thinking of a way to tell Sebastian he was gone for good. That he wasn't just out for the night. He wondered what Sebastian was dreaming about, if he even did dream. At least he would have a full bed from now on.

Blaine ran the back of his hand slowly over Sebastian's face, caressing the smooth skin as he studied the exact configuration of the freckles lining his neck. Every bit of him wanted to unpack and jump back into bed, but he couldn't. Not this time. "_I'll take a chance on leaving. It's that or stay and die." _He thought about the great love stories, and how none of them seemed to end on mutual ground. No one ever broke up because each of them was destroying the other. Blaine wondered if the story of him and Sebastian would be remembered. Would he ever have children to tell the story of his first love to? Would Sebastian remember him in five years? Pushing the thoughts from his mind, he kissed Sebastian softly on the lips, as to not wake him. Tears fell down his face, but Blaine knew he was doing the right thing. He was doing what was best for himself. Just before leaving the room he emptied his pocket, placing the small Monopoly piece on the empty side of the bed.

"Goodbye, Sebastian," he whispered through tears. He saw their entire time together before his eyes. Meeting in the bathroom. Warbler tryouts. The night at Scandals. Their first kiss. Memories continued and Blaine had to force himself from the room.

"_And so, goodbye."_

Sebastian awoke hours later to a half-empty bed. The only thing giving him a clue as to where Blaine had gone was the Boardwalk Monopoly piece.

The stop before _Go._


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: This is the first epilogue, which I think the events Parts 2 Blaine and 4 War would lead to. There is another epilogue (which will be published as another chapter shortly.) Please read the two as completely separate and unconnected. The events of the fic could lead to either of these outcomes. I like to think of this epilogue as the negative consequences of the first 14 chapters.**

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Epilogue **

"_If he can only perform good or only perform evil, then he is a clockwork orange- meaning that he has the appearance of an organism lovely with colour and justice but it is fact only a clockwork toy to be wound up by God or the Devil…"- Anthony Burgess_

_A Clockwork Orange_

_I_

Blaine never talked to Sebastian Smythe again. However, that is not to say that he never saw him again. Blaine saw him often. He remembered the few months two years before where Sebastian was on the news nonstop for defending a man charged with serial rape and murder. It was highly controversial, and only someone like Sebastian would be brave enough to take the case on. He fought his hardest to prove the man innocent- which he did after much investigation. Blaine would be lying if he said he hadn't been furiously following the trial.

Life moved slowly for Blaine after he left Sebastian. Not only did he leave him, he left North Carolina as well. He put in an application to transfer from Duke University to New York University where he finished the remaining two and a half years of his five-year degree. Upon graduating, he immediately tried to enter the entertainment business. It was tough, but so far he had a recurring role on a TV show he wasn't too fond of, and understudied as Raoul for the touring cast of _The Phantom of the Opera. _He only got on stage a few times, but it was great experience.

He was three years out of college, and two projects he had been working on (new musicals hoping to break out) flopped. He was losing hope, but there was still a chance for another. As the street sign turned to WALK, Blaine checked both ways and crossed the street. Balancing coffee and a stack of papers in one hand, he tried to answer his ringing phone.

"Hello?" he asked cheerily. There was a good chance it could be a call from the casting director, and he needed to be in his best spirits. He was supposed to get word about callbacks that week.

"Blaine?" asked a deep voice. Blaine sighed.

"Hunter?" he asked. The voice was familiar, but he hadn't heard it in so long. He hadn't spoken to Hunter Clarington since the summer before his sophomore year of college, about seven years previously. The New Jersey area code was unfamiliar to him.

"Yeah," the other answered. "Listen, we need to talk."

"Go ahead, I'm kind of busy," Blaine said as he sat on a bench outside of Central Park. It was early winter and the tourists were just starting to really pack in. The Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center would soon be up, and no matter how long he'd been there, Blaine couldn't wait for its opening. Rachel already bought them tickets for the holiday concert.

"It's really important, please listen." His voice was more commanding than pleading.

"Okay."

"Blaine, he's gone," Hunter said quickly, his voice slightly breaking. Though the antecedent for "he" was abstract, Blaine knew exactly who Hunter was referring to.

"Text me your address, I'll be there soon," Blaine said, getting up from the bench and heading to the subway. From Hunter's area code he was not far outside the city in Jersey. He could make it in a half hour. Hunter said he would and hung up.

Blaine's apartment was a good size (and price) for living in inner Manhattan. Cooper helped him find it after graduation, and surprisingly the rent hadn't gone up much in the three years he lived there. His roommate, who had been a fellow music student at NYU, was currently touring with _Kinky Boots_, giving Blaine the apartment to himself. He threw out his nearly full coffee and punched Hunter's address into his GPS. He knew he should be feeling something, but a sense of urgency washed over any of grief that could have been there. Walking down to the parking garage, he climbed into his car that hadn't been used in months. Living in New York City removed the requirement of a car, but it felt wrong to get rid of it.

Hunter's apartment was a good forty-five minutes away, but that was mostly because of traffic. Blaine turned up the radio as loud as it would go to drown out any thought. It was too painful to think about what he would face when he reached the other boy's apartment. He pulled into the parking lot, told the doorman his destination, and headed up a few flight of stairs to Hunter's room.

It was small but worked for him. Anyone entering could tell its inhabitant was in a state of frenzy. Papers and dishes were thrown across the kitchen, and the TV was stuck on a static channel. Blaine found Hunter sitting alone in his bedroom, rummaging through papers and making sporadic phone calls.

"The door was unlocked so I just-" Blaine began, but stopped when the other looked up at him. Hunter looked, in short, terrible. His eyes were bloodshot and his limbs shook as if he were starving.

"I was the one that found him you know," Hunter said to the wall. "We were supposed to go to a party with some guys we both knew, but he wouldn't answer his phone. I found his extra key and entered the apartment, expecting him to be asleep. And asleep he was." Blaine didn't know what to think. Before it had been easy to pretend everything was okay. "Permanently."

"Hunter I'm so sorry," Blaine said as numbness washed over him. He wanted to cry, to yell, but nothing came out.

"It's not your fault," Hunter said, as if it should comfort him. "He didn't blame you for anything." Blaine nodded without understanding.

"When did you guys start hanging around again?" The last time Blaine heard anything about the other boy was in a strange email from Ivory Rosetti telling him Hunter was stationed in Munich. That was four years ago.

"I came back from Germany after my two years and now I'm stationed here. I called him when I came back, and we were sorta friends again." Blaine didn't bother to ask what "sorta friends" meant. He knew how to be "sorta friends" with Sebastian. "I guess Europe just wasn't my thing."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Blaine commented, sensing some sort of shame in Hunter's voice. They spent the remaining hours in various states of silence. It was hard for either of them to talk with the elephant in the room.

_II_

That night, and every night leading up to the funeral, Blaine cried himself to sleep. In daylight it was easier to calm himself. Acting classes bettered his masking of emotions. After he woke up the morning of the second day, he rushed home to grab clothes for a few days. Though Hunter was in no way a friend, it was easier to be around someone in times of grief.

The first time he ever spoke of the tragedy that befell him, the first time he ever admitted to the world that Sebastian was, indeed gone, was the day Sebastian's mother came to Hunter's apartment. Hunter was out and Blaine opened the door curiously when she knocked. Without an introduction, he still knew who she had to be. There was no denying it- her son had been almost identical to her, though in male form. She was shorter than Blaine with long, wavy brown hair that caressed her face and shoulders. Blaine let her in without word. He wondered if she even knew who he was.

"Blaine," she said softly, a kind of adoration in her tone. He nodded and shut the door behind her. "I've heard a lot about you," she said as she took a seat on Hunter's cream couch.

"Really?" he asked, voice cracking. It had been days since he had spoken.

"He was very fond of you," she said with a smile. She wrung her fingers around each other. Blaine could tell she was suffering.

"As was he of you," Blaine managed as he sat next to her. It was hard to look Ms. Smythe in the eye. She was too much like her son. Blaine wondered if they were alike in spirit. Or had been.

"Blaine, it's okay." She put a hand on his shoulder, causing him to jump at the contact. "It's okay to break." He nodded, understanding what she meant. He couldn't imagine how hard it must be for her, to bury her child. Not long after the thought came to his mind, the tears began to fall. "I know, I know," the woman said shakily. Blaine realized she had been silently crying as well.

"I feel so guilty. How do I have a right to be so hurt when I'm the one that left him?" He blinked away the salty tears falling down his face. It had only been a few days since he heard the terrible, terrible news from Hunter, and the guilt still remained. Could it have been his fault? Could Sebastian's death be on his shoulders?

"Blaine, I know a thing or two about guilt," Sebastian's mother said. There was a slight French accent to her voice, which was just as velvet as her son's had been. "And I know it hurts, but I also know you're a smart boy. You left for whatever reason, but that doesn't change the fact that you loved him."

"I don't think I ever stopped," Blaine sighed. Ms. Smythe nodded, remembering the time her ex-husband said the same thing about her.

_III_

Blaine was dressed in his best tuxedo and show face the morning of the funeral. The only funerals he had ever attended were for Cooper's third grade art teacher and a great-great-aunt he never met. Needless to say, neither had been tear-filled. But he knew this one would be different. He stood in front of the mirror for an hour talking to himself. Thankfully he grabbed hair gel from home and started applying it. He spent a good twenty minutes sculpting his hair, but no matter which way he parted it, it didn't seem right. Frustrated, he brushed it out, allowing his hair to curl naturally. It seemed right to go in that state.

"Hey," Hunter said as Blaine exited the bathroom. It was one of the few times the two conversed after Blaine first arrived. Any other conversation was forced and awkward.

"Hey," he said in return. Hunter was also dressed in his best tailored tuxedo as he sat on the couch with a laptop in front of him.

"I want to show you something," he said, "come here." Blaine sat down next to him. "When I found him, this video was open." Hunter's usual cold voice was broken.

"How di-"

"No," Hunter said sternly. That was one question he would never answer. Only the police and the people at the morgue knew. "I don't know how he got it, but I thought I should show it to you. I think the song describes how we both feel." He turned the laptop to face Blaine. Blaine recognized the shot immediately. It was from his second, and final, performance with the Duke Pitchforks. _Funny, _he thought, _I didn't know it was filmed. _

"Play it." Hunter hit the space bar and leaned back against the couch.

The scene was familiar to Blaine, though he hardly remembered the day. The Pitchforks were in their auditorium performing to a small group of people. Kevin Kennedy sat on a stool, as did the Blaine on the screen. The song began slowly with the a cappella of the background singers.

"_Thinking outrageously I write in cursive; I hide in my bed with the lights on the floor," _began the other Blaine. Blaine remembered the song as a strange indie number one of the upperclassmen suggested. It could be interpreted in many ways, causing them to be excited about it. _"Wearing three layers of coats and leg warmers I see my own breath on the face of the door." _The song began in what was expected to be a flashback; the narrator was telling his story of love and loss. Blaine looked to Hunter, who had a blank expression.

"_Oh, I am not quite sleeping; oh I am fast in bed. There in the wall in the bedroom creeping, I see a wasp with her wings outstretched." _Blaine couldn't help but think of the days he spent locked in his room, whether as a child or an adult, thinking about the past. It was a habit of his, to lock himself away to ponder. Lately the wasp had plagued him.

"_Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo." _The instrumental break in the song was covered by the harmonies of the group. As the lyrics came to memory, Blaine began to think about how everything going on would affect him. Surely he couldn't return to his old life.

"_North of Savanna, we swim in the Palisades. I come out wearing my brother's red hat." _Blaine remembered the first time he ever saw something in Sebastian. It was the night of the Christmas dance his freshman year at Dalton. He remembered waiting for Nick, Jeff, and Jared to leave his room before he and Sebastian could go out. They snuck out of the school, Blaine wearing an old sweater of Cooper's. _"There on his shoulder my best friend is bit seven times. He runs washing his face in his hands." _The night was a first for both of them. For Blaine, it was the first time he realized he was desirable, that people wanted him. And for Sebastian- it began his chase.

"_Oh, how I meant to tease him, oh how I meant no harm." _Blaine also knew it was the night that began everything wrongly. If he had declined, told Sebastian he couldn't go, or even if he denied being gay, than nothing would have happened. He would have spared his own sanity, and perhaps Sebastian's life. It was his fault. _"Touching his back with my hand I kiss him." _He and Sebastian had shared so many kisses over the years, but Blaine only recalled two to memory. Their first and last. _"I see the wasp on the length of my arm." _

"_Oh great sights upon this state, hallelu-" _The background sang, and Blaine found himself once again in tears. _"Wonders bright and rivers, lake, hallelu- Trail of Tears and Horseshoe Lake, hallelu- Trusting things beyond mistake, hallelu-" _Blaine realized that, in the end, he had trusted things too much.

"_We were in love, we were in love," _the Blaine on the screen, Kevin, and Joel sang while the chorus sang "_Palisades, Palisades. I can wait. I can wait." _This repeated several times and the present-day Blaine lost bad thoughts, only thinking of the good. Sebastian's mother had been correct- he had been in love with Sebastian, and time and pain would never alter that. It was sweet nostalgia.

"_I can't explain the state that I'm in. The state of my heart. He was my best friend." _With that line Blaine felt Hunter shake next to him as he cried. Blaine could think of no other way to describe it- he simply could not explain how he felt. Of course he was upset, but a feeling a pure separation washed over him as he reveled in the past. _"Into the car from the backseat. Oh admiration in falling asleep." _He thought about the road trip they took to Virginia where they forced themselves into tiny motel beds. The size and comfort didn't matter, only that they were together. _"All of my powers, day after day. I can tell you we swaggered and swayed." _The Warblers then entered his mind. While Sebastian had been a Warbler longer than he had, the group still felt like something they shared together. _"Deep in the tower, the prairies below. I can tell you, the telling gets old." _

"_Terrible sting and terrible storm." _Physics taught that with each action came an equal and opposite reaction. For each fond memory came a terrible one, and Blaine tried desperately to keep them out. _"I can tell you the day we were born." _Hunter shifted in his seat next to him. Blaine wondered what was going on in his mind.

"_My friend is gone, he ran away. I can tell you I love him each day." _Blaine knew that was something both he and Hunter felt. Sebastian left him, even if it wasn't recently for both of them. Though Blaine was the one that walked out, Sebastian had run away from him as well. _"Though he have sparred, wrestled and raged, I can tell you I love him each day."_

"_Terrible sting and terrible storm. I can tell you…" _finished the Blaine on screen, earning applause from the crowd. Hunter slammed the laptop shut, pushed it off his lap, and headed for the door. Blaine followed wordlessly.

_IV_

Blaine only recognized a few people in the congregation- Hunter, Nick, and Sebastian's parents. It used to be tradition in the Church that someone who committed suicide couldn't have a funeral in a church, but it was outdated. There was no open casket, and Sebastian's coffin sat in front of the raised altar.

He did the best to keep himself together. He sat between Hunter and Nick during the service- which was being held at the request of Sebastian's mother. Mr. Duval had wanted a simple affair, but his ex-wife insisted on having Mass as well as the funeral. Blaine and Nick had never been to a Catholic church, thus having no idea how to respond or when to sit, stand, or kneel. They tried to follow Hunter's lead, which ended up entertaining them in a time when no one should have been entertained.

The priest did his generic "he's in a better place" speech which Blaine knew Sebastian would have laughed at. He mentioned something about how God allowed everything to happen for a reason, and Blaine wanted to laugh. The whole reason Sebastian did what he did was to show that _he _was the one in control. That he wasn't simply a pawn to be played with. But as the service continued and Blaine delved into his own thoughts, he realized that perhaps that theory wasn't correct. He didn't believe in a certain God, one with a church and set rules, but he wasn't going to be naïve enough to think that there wasn't some higher being. Grief turned to anger during the priest's homily. If there was a God, any kind of god, how could he or she allow this to happen? Blaine knew it was the archetypal question, but he had to ask it. If not that, then why did the higher power create Sebastian the way it did? Why did it allow him to live like less than a human? For the final months of their relationship, Sebastian's condition was all Blaine could think of. But ever since Hunter called him, he had only thought of it once, there in the church.

Sebastian's father read the eulogy that was written by himself, Sebastian's mother, Nick, and Hunter and put into one. Blaine knew the words were pleasant and brought tears to many eyes, but they were all fake. The writers may have thought their words honest, as they most likely did, but none of them quite captured Sebastian. None of them described the boy Blaine fell in love with. As Mr. Duval talked on, Blaine began to think. When Hunter told him that Sebastian had killed himself, he was filled with mixed emotion. The first was, of course, intense sadness, but it was mixed in with another he couldn't describe. Only during the eulogy did he realize it- the emotion was expectation. As terrible as it sounded, Blaine wasn't that surprised to hear that Sebastian had finally pulled the plug. The other boy was-had been- anything but depressed. Blaine doubted he even knew how to be sad. Maybe that was a side effect of what the doctors called Antisocial Personality Disorder, but Blaine thought it was just Sebastian.

While he was never truly sad, he was also never truly happy. Nothing could make his eyes shine, and most of the time he seemed bored. Blaine had known it was just a matter of time before Sebastian did something reckless. By definition of the damning diagnosis, he had no regard for the lives of others, or for his own life. He had been simply _dancing through life, mindless and careless. _Blaine used to think he had a profound effect on Sebastian's life, and later believed it false. But as he sat in the church pew, he realized that he had. He had been the only person to make Sebastian slow down and listen. Feel. Mr. Duval continued with his speech about his son and how he affected everyone around him, and how they him, and Blaine shook his head harshly, earning Nick's attention. Everything the man was saying was a lie.

"And he would be glad to know you all came today," Mr. Duval finished as he wiped tears from his eyes. He exited the pulpit, and just before the priest recovered it, Blaine jumped from his seat and onto the raised area surrounding the lectern.

"Actually, no that's not true," he said, pulling the microphone away from the priest and toward himself. "He would not be glad to know you were all here. In fact, he would probably be annoyed." Sebastian's family looked to each other, shocked at Blaine's words. "He would think it ridiculous you all came to mourn his death when you never celebrated his life."

"Excuse me, son," the priest said, reaching for the microphone.

"Sorry, Father," Blaine said, "but I have to say this." The priest looked to Sebastian's mother who nodded for Blaine to continue. "Sebastian wasn't someone you got to know. He simply wasn't. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't get close to him. And he knew that."

"And who are you?" asked an old lady from the congregation.

"I'm Blaine Anderson," he said, "and I was the only person who ever really loved Sebastian." He knew that his words probably offended everyone in the room, but he knew them to be true. Only Hunter was a close exception. "I met Sebastian when I was fourteen, and though it's been years, he still affects me to this day. That was thirteen years ago." Blaine always hated public speaking. It used to give him anxiety, but after years of auditioning, it calmed him. Something about talking to a crowd may have calmed him, but it still felt wrong. "Think about it, I've known Sebastian for almost half my life. I haven't known anyone, save my parents, brother, and grandparents, that long. And though it's been four years since I saw him, I can still feel him."

The congregation calmed down and were now intently listening to him. Blaine took a pause to look around the sanctuary. Hunter had look of intense concentration, and Nick was sending him questioning looks.

"He wasn't somebody who was easy to love and he definitely didn't love people easily. To me, and to others, he was special, but somehow Sebastian knew the truth. He knew that he was, inherently, un-special, as is everyone else." Blaine didn't know where the words were coming from. They were certainly nothing he had ever thought. "My freshman year he told me he believed everyone fit into certain patterns, and only now do I realize he was right."

It was easily the strangest eulogy anyone there had ever heard, but no one tried to stop him.

"In this room alone we have examples," he said, gesturing to the crowd. "There's me, the ex-boyfriend who never really got over his first love, there's the stepbrother with an unsteady sibling relationship, the best friend who sees himself as some sort of god, the absent mother who wished she never left, the distant father who blames himself though it wasn't his fault, and I think I see over there," he squinted at a group of people in ridiculously fancy suits, "the group of business tycoons cursing their partner for offing himself before dealing with them." The said businessmen shared looks. "I could stand up here and tell you why I loved Sebastian, but I don't think I could do that. I can't put that in words, and my only regret is never telling him exactly why. He was beautiful and a genius, he spoke more languages than anyone I know, and he sang like an angel. I know nothing about lacrosse, but apparently he was one of the best at it, and he knew how to deal with people." He took a breath to blink away tears he didn't remember crying. "By those merits, he was perfect. But he wasn't. No one is, and I think the worst thing about these ceremonies is acting like the deceased had no faults, that no in this room ever looked at him and said 'you little shit'!" Nick and Hunter laughed while everyone else looked offended.

"Sebastian didn't feel anything, and was aware of that. He's easily the most self-aware person I've ever met. He knew the fickleness of emotion and played off it. Sebastian hurt me badly, but that's why I loved him. He wasn't the best person, and didn't try to pretend he was. Though in most ways he was fake, I think he was very real in that respect. Never did he lead me on about how he felt toward me."

"I don't think this is really appropriate," the priest whispered but Blaine waved him off.

"Sebastian had the appearance of being full of life and color, but really he was a blank slate. There was nothing behind the eyes, and as twisted as it sounds, I think that's why he affected me so much. I was used to people bright with ambition, but he was dull. He had the world at his feet, but realized what we never will. That it doesn't matter." Blaine knew his eulogy sounded more insulting than adoring, but he meant every word he said. Only years later did his old thoughts make sense. "There was nothing grey to him. No moral ambiguity. He did what he wanted and didn't care who it hurt. Yet, somehow, he cared when it was me. So, to finish, I want you all to remember that Sebastian was never someone to let others get his way. A guy who was a senior when I was a freshman told me Sebastian had an authority complex, that he wouldn't do anything if someone in power wanted him to. I believe that, and I saw it in his death. Sebastian was," he said with a small chuckle, "always too good to be killed by chance. No disease or accident would take him, and he definitely never had the patience to live to old age. He didn't kill himself out of depression, but out of boredom. He was done, and I'm just glad I got to love him before he burned out." With that, he bowed and returned to his seat, feeling all eyes on him.

_V_

As soon as the service was over Blaine returned to Hunter's apartment, grabbed his things, and left for New York, forever leaving the lives of those affected by Sebastian Smythe. Weeks passed, and all he could do was think about his speech at the funeral. Was it too harsh? Did it make it seem like Sebastian wasn't worth loving?

Life moved slowly after the funeral, and soon Blaine began wondering if he could do what Sebastian had done. He knew the thoughts to be traitorous and out-of-character, but he couldn't shake them off. Even though he had gotten through callbacks for the new musical, his life held nothing exciting. It would be easy to blame it on losing Sebastian, but could he? Sebastian had been lost to him years ago. Maybe it was knowing that the person Blaine loved, the person he secretly hoped would come back to him, was gone that brought about those feelings. He went to clubs and periodically hooked up with a boy two years younger than him named Edwin or Aaron, or something, he could never remember. What was happening to him?

Blaine also spent time thinking about morality and how it tied in with he and Sebastian's old relationship. It was true, they got together out of mutual selfishness, but he saw how it grew to selflessness, at least on his part. Could any relationship based on personal gain be true? Was everything he ever felt with Sebastian fake, just as Sebastian himself was? Blaine thought about what he had said about black and white and shades of grey. In the past he liked to think of Sebastian has a person with layers. Though he may have been a sociopath- that term was too harsh- he was not evil. He couldn't be.

But then came the age-old question. Is evil something you are or is it something you do? The only thing Sebastian had done- to Blaine's knowledge- that could be considered truly evil was the slushy. But Blaine had never fully known Sebastian. Had he been evil? Did he only smile and love in name, for his own gain? Blaine knew his old lover's exterior was fabricated, as well as his personality, but some part of him liked to pretend Sebastian's love for him wasn't. He wanted to think he made Sebastian slow down.

Sebastian himself had told him that many times, but was it just one of his lies? Did the other's care for him ever turn from selfishness? Blaine hated the thoughts, hated the doubt, and hated even more that he couldn't ask Sebastian himself. He couldn't call him or text him, and often times it made Blaine cry himself to sleep, even months and months after his death. Blaine knew he should have been happy. He got the role, his face was plastered everywhere. He was famous. People stopped him on the street and the Tony nominations would be released soon. He should have been celebrating, but he was dead inside.

Despite the one-night-stands and the brief boyfriends, Blaine never fell in love again. The musical had its run, one of the longest with an original cast, and soon he was unknown again. He tried and tried again, but could never find the passion to perform. He tried TV and original songwriting, but nothing came to him. He was perfectly uninspired, and all because of Sebastian. He almost wished Hunter hadn't called him, that he hadn't told him about Sebastian's suicide, because it ultimately led to his own suicide. Was Blaine evil, too?

As the years passed and Blaine once again mistook comfort for romance, he fell into thinking that he had never meant anything to Sebastian. All he had been was a body for Sebastian to use, a mind to corrupt, and a heart to break. Because there were no grey areas to him. He was all black and white. He was what the British called a clockwork orange. He could only be evil, and was wound by the devil of his mind.

In his youth Blaine had fallen in love with the worst kind of creature. Similar to a fallen angel, the boy had pristine appearance and mind, a smooth voice that enticed him, and presence that never quite let him go. Blaine eventually moved in with his Edwin or Aaron, but he was no Sebastian. His new lover was quiet and complacent, comforting and warm. But Blaine could never love anything of this world. He longed but for the coldness of indifference and a personality he could form to his every whim. He longed for Sebastian, for his fallen angel.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: This is the second epilogue, the positive consequences of the first 14 chapters, and what Parts 1 Sebastian and 3 Hunter would lead to. Please read this as totally unrelated to **_**A Clockwork Orange. **_**This epilogue will be much shorter than the last, as happy times tend to go quicker.**

**Thank you all for the support and reviews on the four month journey "Effects" took us on. I hope it captivated you as much as it captivated me.**

**Love and Its Effects on the Art of War**

**Epilogue**

_"Don't ever tell anybody anything_. _If you do, you start missing everybody."- J.D. Salinger, "The Catcher in the Rye"_

_The Kids Are All Right_

_I_

"Have a good day Mr. Anderson!" The fourth period American Literature class of Wraitsville High School piled out of the classroom, most of them heading for lunch. Blaine sighed and rummaged through his mostly empty bag, hoping he had snuck a protein bar in it. When his search ended in no avail, he returned to his desk and hoped fifth period would go by quickly. Four minutes after fourth period left, the fifth period began and his classroom of twenty-six students was seated and ready.

"How was your weekend Mr. Anderson?" asked Lilly.

"It was good," he said. "It was nice to see old friends."

"I saw the event on TV, Mr. Jackson," said one of the boys. Blaine wanted to roll his eyes. Of course it had been on TV.

"His proper name is Mr. Anderson-Jackson," corrected another of the girls, Erica. She was what one would call a teacher's pet. Blaine liked her anyway.

"That is true, but you guys know you can call me by either name." Blaine still mostly went by his stage and birth name, Blaine Anderson, though he had been married ten years previously. Anderson-Jackson was a mouthful, and he told his students to call him by either name.

"Can I call you Mr. AJ?" asked Carter, one of the bigger pains in the class.

"If that pleases you," Blaine said as he grabbed his copy of the book they were reading. "Well enough of that, get your books out."

"We're not done with that yet?" Carter complained. Despite his difficult behavior, Blaine still liked the boy. He reminded him of Jeff and Sam.

"No," said Erica, "we're not."

Blaine instructed the class to open to the end of the book, where they had left off. When he was in high school the teachers hardly engaged with the class. Novels were given as work to be read at home and hardly discussed. As a teacher, he took a more liberal stance. Seated on his desk with his legs crossed like a child's, he read aloud.

It was fifth period and he was hungry. It was always the hardest class of the day, even if the smartest. There were many personalities in the class, often causing conflict. He was at least glad they tended to argue over schoolwork rather than who was dating who. It was much easier than his high school days. Blaine was rather new to the teaching world, only five years in. At a ripe age of thirty-eight he retired from the entertainment business and decided to take on his second passion, a teacher. Many colleagues and friends were against his retirement, being that thirty-eight was not that old, but at the time Blaine had two five-year-olds and a husband to devote his time to.

His husband, Aaron Jackson, had been working as a lighting director when Blaine met him fifteen years previously. At the time Blaine was three years out of college and starved for a fresh, new role. A new musical, _Anonymous, _was in production phases when Blaine first auditioned for the lead role. It was based on a play of the same name written by an anonymous author. It followed the life of a fifteen-year-old boy who had been left at an orphanage at age eight. By age ten he was taken in by a billionaire playboy as a ward of the state. The reason of his semi-adoption was never given, and it was one of the bigger plots of the story. The play told Mark Knight's story of relationships, love, self, and duty. He discovered the reason behind his abandonment and mysterious dealings within the billionaire's business. It was a fun, yet meaningful musical.

Upon landing the role of Mark, Blaine's face was plastered everywhere. _Anonymous _was heralded as the new _Wicked _with a mix of _Spring Awakening _and _Next to Normal_. Blaine was star overnight, both in theater circles and popular media. Cooper had been right all those years ago- TV, movies, Broadway. He would do it all. After _Anonymous_'s run ended- a spectacular one at that- he moved on. _Anonymous _ran for years after he left it, and it had the longest run with an original cast of any musical in recent years. He soon moved on to television and other theater opportunities. Though he was launched into fame a good fifteen years previously, no one ever forgot him.

They stopped before the last chapter to discuss.

"I'm so glad this book is almost over," whined Carter. "This guy is so annoying!"

"No he's not, he's depressed," said Lilly. "You just wouldn't understand."

"Hold on guys," Blaine said, "you both have a point. Holden is quite annoying." Most of the class nodded in agreement. "He's immature and says 'goddamn' too much. Believe me, I thought the same when I read it in high school."

"You read it in high school, too? Isn't it a bit old?" asked one of the girls.

"It is old, but it's universal," argued Erica. "Everyone who has ever been a teenager can relate to him! That's why _The Catcher in the Rye _is so amazing." Erica could be annoying, but she usually got the point of all of Blaine's lessons.

"Erica is right, it is a universal tale. It's the story of an isolated boy and how he deals with it. I'm sure you all have lashed out at the adult world as well." Blaine knew he had. He calmed the class and they began the final chapter.

_II_

Blaine's lunch plans for the weekday were the same each day. As soon as the bell to end fifth period rang, he grabbed his wallet and left the school as fast as possible to meet Aaron at the local Arby's. His lunch break was the same time. They always got the same meal- Blaine a ham melt and Aaron a French dip, with a shared milkshake. It was routine, but somehow not boring. As a teenager, Blaine believed routine was synonymous with uninteresting. He thought relationships had to be constantly adventurous to be satisfying. Upon meeting Aaron, his final and greatest love, he realized he had been wrong. Satisfaction could be found in simple things.

As he read the last chapter of Salinger's work to the class he counted down the minutes before he could leave. He remembered when he read Catcher at Dalton freshman year. The class was split, as were most classes. There was the half that hated Holden and found the story dull, and then there were the fanatics. Surprisingly, Sebastian had been one of the fanatics. As Blaine continued reading, Sebastian entered his mind for the first time in long time. At least for the first time since he received the letter.

Two months previously, Sebastian sent him a large manila envelope with a return address in France. Blaine refused to open it for weeks. Though it had been nearly twenty years, Sebastian was still a fresh wound. For years he tried his best to keep Sebastian out even when he wanted in. Sebastian did the right thing and didn't contact him for a year after the breakup, but once the year passed, he called Blaine often. He called nonstop for a span of two years until Blaine finally met with him and told him he needed to stop. They had their adult conversation and stayed out of each other's lives. The only time they met again was at Nick's wedding, just two months after Blaine's. Blaine felt Sebastian's eyes on himself and Aaron the whole night, but never approached him.

Refusing to open the package was a bit extreme, Blaine decided as he got hungrier. Aaron encouraged him to open it, saying Sebastian could do no harm, but Blaine still didn't want to. He never told hi husband everything about Sebastian, and a part of him wanted to keep it a secret. His secret. The envelope was shoved inside his desk at school and he was filled with desire to open it.

"Mr. Anderson," asked Lilly when they finished the book, "what does the final line mean?"

"Final line?" Blaine asked. He had been distracted even from his own reading.

"'_Don't ever tell anybody anything__. _If you do, you start missing everybody.'"

"Oh," Blaine said. "I always liked that line. I always encourage you all to make your own interpretations, so I will give you mine." He stood up from the desk and stretched his back. Despite not looking it, his age was creeping up on him. He was forty-two now. "I took this to mean a final warning Holden is giving the reader."

"He should tell us not to be little shits like he is," Carter whispered. Blaine heard him but made no comment. There was no need to write up anyone.

"He warns us not to tell people things, to not remember."

"Why wouldn't you want to remember?" Lilly asked. The bell rang and Blaine reached for his wallet. They could finish discussion the next day.

"Because it hurts too much," Erica said as the class exited. Blaine heard her but paid no attention. He couldn't be late to Arby's.

_III_

Aaron Jackson-Anderson was of medium height with dirty blonde hair and pale purple eyes Blaine never could describe. His days of lighting over, he now worked as an engineer. It paid well, and along with Blaine's teacher's salary, they had a nice house in southern Rhode Island. The two adopted twins who were abandoned by their parents at birth. They originally wanted to try a surrogate, but upon hearing news of the children, they took them in. Timothy and Michaela were the light of Blaine and Aaron's lives. Their mother abandoned them at the hospital, nameless, allowing the two men to name their children. Cooper encouraged his little brother to name the boy after him, which Blaine refused. Michaela was named after Aaron's grandfather, Michael. Blaine gave Timothy the middle name Alexander- Sebastian's middle name. It was in a spur of the moment, and for years he regretted it.

"I know you named Tim after Sebastian," Aaron said at lunch that day.

"What?" Blaine asked nervously.

"It takes one look at your high school yearbook to know his middle name. I don't care though, don't think I'm upset."

"You have every right to be," he responded. "I named our child after an old boyfriend. I wouldn't blame you if you yelled."

"Blaine," his husband said, "don't you understand? You didn't name Tim after Sebastian Smythe. You named him after someone you loved, someone a part of you. And even if he was jerk or whatever, he is still a part of you, even if you don't him to be."

Blaine sometimes hated how supporting Aaron could be. In times like these, usually when Sebastian came up, he wanted his husband to yell at him. He wanted him to make some emotional scene, but he never did. Blaine felt treacherous whenever he thought about Sebastain, even if it was sporadic.

Sebastian didn't leave Blaine's head all day and he didn't know why. . Blaine would sometimes think as he lay in bed next to Aaron, that he had met the love of his life when he was 14. In a bathroom. Sebastian may not have known how to love, but Blaine knew how to love him. It had to be slow and secretive, not all at once. Maybe that's where he went wrong, he thought. Maybe he was too forward. But wherever Sebastian was, whoever he was that day, Blaine hoped he was happy.

_IV_

The night before, Aaron encouraged Blaine to open the envelope the next day at school. He told him to get some amount of closure, to clear his mind. Blaine agreed, and as fourth period filed out the next day, he opened his drawer and read something that would change his life. The fifth period came in, and surprisingly they had no conversation for him. As much as he loved the kids, it was nice to see them conversing with each other instead of him.

Many high school teachers hated their job, saying that teenagers were too hard to work with. Blaine had to disagree. He spent his first year teaching as a kindergarten teacher, and while the kids were lovely, he would never return. To him, high school was the years in which one grew, and he wanted to help the kids grow. His degree started as a minor in education he took at Duke, and continued at NYU in the final days of his acting career. He was qualified to teach English and over qualified to teach music, which the school asked him to do. Blaine; however, refused, saying music had been his life for so long and he wanted to teach something else. He was then stuck with- as the rest of the faculty put it- the daunting task of American Literature. Blaine rather enjoyed it; the only part he hated was when _Anonymous _was added to the curriculum. He was still in love with story, but teaching it seemed redundant.

"Why don't you guys look over these essay guides," Blaine said as he passed out papers. "Now that we're done with the book, these will steer your thoughts to topics for discussion in the upcoming essay. If you have any questions, let me know." The kids groaned at the work and began scribbling away. He had encouraged them to buy their own copy of the book, and for good measure, since most of them had written in the page margins. Some people hated seeing marked pages, but Blaine loved it. It meant a book was truly enjoyed.

The silence gave him an opportunity to open the envelope. He should have been grading papers, but he could do that at home. Often times he would make a key and split the stacks of tests between himself and Aaron. Things got done quicker, they spent time together, and it was quite fun to laugh at the terrible answers the kids gave. He actually had the twins grade the last vocabulary test (he rechecked it, of course). Though Tim and Michaela were not their biological children, both of them had an odd resemblance to their parents. Both had a mixed shade of brown hair, as if a mix of their parents' hair colors. At only age ten, the two started looking different. Given their different genders, they were not identical, but for years they looked it. Now Tim was a bit taller, but Michaela's face made her look older. Michaela's eyes were a light blue, close to Aaron's purple, which Blaine found eerie. What he found even eerier was Tim's eye color- one of the few major differences from his sister. They were a bright green, and if Blaine looked into them at a certain angle, he swore he was looking back at Sebastian.

He pulled the large envelope out of his desk drawer and slowly opened it. Nervousness washed over him, and for a time it seemed like he was opening a college acceptance letter. Inside was a letter written on cardstock, a few pictures, and another, smaller envelope. Blaine pulled out the large letter first and read.

_Hey Blaine-_

_I know it's been a while, and I'm sorry if contacting you causes you any grief (or anger). I also know you've probably tried to forget me, which I don't blame you. I'm pretty forgettable. But you're not. I still remember everything about you, if that doesn't creep you out._

_It's been, what, twenty years since we split? Twenty years.. We're both practically old men now. (Studies show that 40 is actually not that old but I digress.) This letter is twenty years overdue, and I hope you still read it. I want you to know that I'm not mad at you for leaving, rather I am glad. I wanted you to leave, not because I didn't want you around, but because I knew I was hurting you. But I couldn't stop. I suppose the mental, calculating part of my mind knew what I was doing was wrong, but I lacked the soul to care. I still do._

_Science says I have no heart, no conscience, and no remorse. By my nature I shouldn't be writing this. But I am. I've been trying my hardest over the years to be like the rest of you (more specifically, you.) I had everything at my feet then- every opportunity, an international empire, and epic romance. But I didn't want any of it. Nothing mattered to me. Pleasures were temporary, but somehow you stayed permanent for quite a while. I still don't quite understand it. Science says I used you, but I don't think I did, not all the way at least. Science also says my personality is unlimited, that I make myself into whoever I want to, and the person I was when I was with you was my favorite. It was the best me I could be. But that's not what love is about, is it? It's not selfish, and I suppose I will forever be selfish._

_I can't promise you that I've gotten "better". In fact, no therapy exists for psychopaths like me. Apparently we're too conniving and self-aware to be cured. It makes sense, but I'm not a kid anymore. Frankly, I would do anything to feel like the rest of you. I want to see the homeless man on the street and feel bad for him, not just sidestep him and ask the world why he never got a job. I want to feel bad when I hit the neighbor's dog but I can't. I want to tell you that I'm sorry for what I did to you all those years ago, but I'm not. I'm not sorry because it was my best. _

_Science says I see value in material objects as compensation for my wrong actions. And, to prove it correctly, I give you this now. It's four tickets. I heard you got married (well I actually saw your husband at Nick's wedding. He's a hottie) and have two kids. I hope this covers your travel. Remember Tyung Nyguen? The kid who was your best friend at Dalton before I got him expelled- almost thirty years ago? Well I found him. I used my position in the company to track him down. He's living in Shanghai, and it's taken me several years to find him. I understand if you don't want to go. You haven't seen the kid in years. And I further understand if you don't want to take a gift from me, of all people. If you do, call the number on the business card. My secretary will find you hotels, restaurants, and transportation. It's all-expense paid for. Take this as my last attempt to connect with you._

_I'm in Marseille as I write this. I've been here for a few years after leaving Berlin. As you can see, I still can't keep still. I know this is totally presumptuous, but I sent you a picture anyway. Next to me is Augustin, the closest person in my life since you, and that's saying a lot. (We don't look our age in the picture. I swear…I'm not forty-one…I'm still in my thirties…Goddammit.) He makes me happy, or rather I make him happy. (He even says my name the French way. Se-bahs-te-ahn. I like it.) I'm good at that. I've known him for a few years and who knows if it means anything, but it is nice to not be so alone. _

_In closing, I wish you the best. If you even read this, thank you for doing so. Tell Hunter I said hi and to email me. I kind of miss him, too._

_Thank you for loving me Mr. Blaine Anderson- Jackson._

_-Sebastian Smythe_

Blaine read the letter twice to make sure he comprehended it correctly. What were the odds that Sebastian was feeling particularly philanthropic that day to track down Tyung Nyguen for him? It didn't make any sense. Underneath the letter laid the envelope of plane tickets and a small stack of pictures. Blaine shifted through them. Most of them were from their college days- candid shots Sebastian took on an old Nokia he stole from his mother. The newest was dated three months previously. It was of Sebastian, a much older version than Blaine remembered (though the letter had been correct. He surely didn't look forty-one), and a man Blaine knew to be Augustin. The latter was smiling brightly while Sebastian had the same cool half-smirk he had as a teenager. He may have looked bored, but Blaine knew that was his happy face. He was glad for him.

"Whatcha smilin' about Mr. Anderson?" Erica asked with a smile of her own. It was the first time she didn't call him by his hyphenated last name.

"Just something from an old friend," he replied, running a hand through the old pictures, "that I haven't heard from in a very long time."

"Holden would call you a phony," Carter commented.

"And why's that?" Blaine asked.

"Because you're remembering."

"Elaborate on that theory, please," he said, getting up from his desk.

"The last line, the one we talked about yesterday. The whole 'don't tell anybody anything' line. He would probably say it was phony for an adult to look back in life and remember."

"That's a good thought, Carter," Blaine said. Though class was nearing its end, he hadn't given Holden Caulfield a thought all day. "Erica got it right yesterday. Holden doesn't want to tell someone, probably his psychiatrist, anything because he starts to miss the past. He says not to think of people and things that have hurt and betrayed you."

"What do you think about it?" Carter asked, being attentive for the first time in a while.

"Yesterday I would have agreed with him," Blaine said, reaching for his phone to write a text. **We're going to China! I'll explain at lunch. –B. **he sent to Aaron before returning to the class. "But today I see that he is wrong."

"How can things change in day?"

"A day," he said, "can change everything. Think about it, on July 19, 1969, no one had ever touched the Moon. But the next day, July 20, just a simple day, we made a great feat. Don't you all see the importance of one day?" Blaine loved discussions like these. It was a way he could really connect with the students. "And just yesterday I was bitter about the past, but now I see how important it is."

"What changed?" Erica asked.

"I heard from someone who was very important to me, and it reminded me that there is no harm in remembering. For years I've wanted to forget what happened between us, but now I see the importance." It was unlike him to discuss his personal life at school, but he thought he could at least get a lesson out of it. "The Holden telling the story is no more mature than the Holden living the story. A year didn't change anything for him. He still believes in nothing and is hurting. But I see now that the past can only strengthen us."

"You should tell us your story," Erica said, earning nods from her classmates. "We love you as a teacher, but you never really let us know what your life was like before you came here."

"I told you all I want to keep my past career separate from this one," Blaine sighed.

"I don't mean Broadway. I mean _you. _If you don't mind remembering now, you should tell us about the friend you heard from and what made you, you!" Several kids agreed with her. Blaine smiled. He knew he lost the battle before it ever really started.

"Fine," he sighed, sitting on his desk. "We've got fifteen minutes so I'll start. Where should I start?"

"You should start at the day that changed everything for you," Carter encouraged.

"Okay, that's a good place." Blaine already had the story in his mind. He knew exactly where to start. What he told the kids about the pleasures of remembering were true. Up until reading Sebastian's letter he wanted to pretend nothing happened between them. He wanted to look only forward and never back. Like Holden, remembering hurt. He closed his world to just Aaron, the twins, and the children he taught. But that world was slowly opening up again. It was doubtful he would ever speak to Sebastian again, but by beginning to remember him again, he regained the happiness of his youth.

"It was a cool March afternoon," he began. "Now I lived in Ohio, so the cool March winds were not quite as harsh as they are here in Rhode Island. But it was enough to chill the scabs off my knees through my pants." The kids exchanged looks, excited their teacher was finally telling them something about himself. "I had a sling then and I wasn't too keen on being in public. But I went anyway, following my parents into the school I was visiting. It was just before eighth grade got out and I was ready to leave. And when I saw the castle…"

"You went to school in a castle!" Lilly said. There was nothing quite like Dalton in Rhode Island.

"Basically," he said with a smile. "I remember the sign like yesterday. WELCOME TO DALTON ACADEMY ENJOY YOUR STAY. Oh, and how I enjoyed my stay."

_V_

A good four thousand miles and an ocean away, Sebastian Smythe adjusted his suit as he sat in the yellow chair. It was uncomfortable and he could hardly fit into it. He hated that the job of inspecting schools funded by the Smythe Corporation fell to him. It should have been an easy job, but somehow he landed a first grade class that wouldn't shut up. Oh, how he hated kids.

The kids were seated in a circle having "story time" with the teacher. She would read the first word of the sentence and the kids would finish it. Sebastian was glad he decided to never have children. He had to admit they were kind of cute, the kind of cute that Blaine would like. _Blaine. _He sent the envelope two months previously and never received word. According to his secretary Blaine and Aaron Anderson-Jackson never used the tickets. Whatever. At least he tried.

"That's my life story!" the kids said in excitement.

"Good job," the teacher commended. It seemed that the class was finally over. Sebastian made a note on his clipboard and stood to leave.

"Wait, Mr. Smythe!" called one of the girls. He turned around, trying to mask his annoyance. "You should tell us your life story like the man in the book did!" He shook his head and told her he had to go, but all the kids protested.

"Let him get to his work," the teacher said, giving him an apologetic look. He turned to leave when a text came in from his secretary. **Misters Anderson-Jackson will be on the Thanksgiving flight to Shanghai. I thought you would want to know. **His eyes scanned the text and he couldn't help but smile. _So Blaine did get it._

"No, I'll stay. So you guys want to hear my life story?" In truth, he had no desire to speak to them, but it was part of his self-therapy to engage more. He sat in the middle of the kids' circle, wrinkling his new suit without a care.

"Yes!" they called back.

"Well, I'll start the day everything changed," he began, memories he tried to forget coming back. "I was just thirteen, and it was a cool March day in Ohio. I had just gotten in a fight with my father, and he slapped me." Some of the kids gasped in horror. "He left the room, leaving me in the dark bathroom. Then a door opened," he said dramatically, "and I saw a light. It was the brightest light I'd ever seen."

"Was it a flashlight?" asked one of the boys.

"No, it was the person who changed my life." Sebastian could still see the awkward, tiny Blaine in his sling. All the heartbreak between them was forgotten as a wave of nostalgia washed in. He continued his story, and near the end he received a text that made him smile brighter than ever.

**Sebastian, thank you…Thank you for everything. Aaron, the kids, and I are coming to Marseille on the way back from China. Tell me, do you still love a shot of Courvoisier in your coffee?**

_Fin._


End file.
